Help

[Die Hard]

Thanx for the support and advice, typical and zekko!

EDIT: Hanging on the phone with her right now. If you're interested, I'll give you guys an update later tonight or tomorrow.

 

[Sue Madre]

Thanx for the support and advice, typical and zekko!

EDIT: Hanging on the phone with her right now. If you're interested, I'll give you guys an update later tonight or tomorrow.

Yes we are interested and anxiously awaiting you to tap that ass and update the thread with a lay report.

 

[Zunder]

I've always thought the whole idea of retaining mystery is complete and utter BS. Yeah, if you're looking for a quick one night stand, then it's better to let her fill in the lines with her own imagination. That way she can pretend you're whatever fantasy she wants you to be. But if you see the girl as a potential LTR, then you're going to get to know each other anyway. You can't keep what you do for a living or whether or not you have pets from her forever.
.

Hey Zekko - surely you wouldn't agree that the opposite of 'msytery', i,e blabbering your whole life story to a chick, is the way to go?

 

[Die Hard]

Just a short update on this situation: We had our first date yesterday, things are going great.

Thanks for the support so far, guys. I recovered swiftly from that temporal lapse earlier this week. I'm really beginning to like her after yesterday's date, though...so I'll have to keep on my toes!

 

[zekko]

Hey Zekko - surely you wouldn't agree that the opposite of 'msytery', i,e blabbering your whole life story to a chick, is the way to go?

I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that.
But I think the pickup idea of never answering a girl's questions - always give an evasive C&F remark instead - is just asinine.

 

[bugsquish]

I'm not sure why anyone would want to do that.
But I think the pickup idea of never answering a girl's questions - always give an evasive C&F remark instead - is just asinine.

Agreed. But if you have enough control over the conversation you can steer it away from those questions even being asked in the first place.

Grayclif mentioned being a master storyteller and that's a great point and something for everyone to aspire to. If you have an endless supply of interesting and entertaining stories that present you in a good light and raise attraction, then the amount of time spent talking shouldn't really matter. The whole remaining a mystery idea is really like admitting you're boring. It only helps because most people don't have the storytelling skills to make them interesting for long periods of time.

Die Hard how did your date go?

 

[betheman]

we dont know alot about this girl. how old is she? what about past relationships? if she is soo good, how come she is single?
you sound like you have elevated her already DH unless you knew her well prior to the date?

 

[Die Hard]

This might sound unthankful but I prefer not to talk about the date, analyse her etc. It only stimulates overthinking and oneitis. I'll post when I encounter difficulties...as long as things go smooth, I prefer to just go with the flow and not post.

 

[Die Hard]

Okay, I've run into some "difficulties". Didn't take very long, huh?

Our first date was close to her hometown. Now she's hinted that she wants to come to my city/place next time we meet.

There are two things involved here:

1. She wants to come over to my place to get fvcked. Not gonna explain how I am so certain about this, it's just obvious from many things she's said and done.
2. She wants to become part of my life.

The first point is fine with me The second point is not...

She is constantly trying to get close to me and my life, I feel like she wants to invade my life. She wants to know all there is to know about me, my parents, my friends, my work, everything. She wants to know who I am in the broadest sense, like she wants to completely figure out my personality and my life and get real close to me.

In a way, it's a good sign. She's obviously very much into me, and is signalling that she wants to push for exclusivity already. But I'm not even sure I want that in the long run, let alone this soon! So I need to keep her at bay... Which I'm able to do in most regards (diverting all her prodding questions during conversations, fending off her attempts to get me hanging on the phone or texting with her all the time etc.)

But in this regard, I'm unsure how to handle things. I don't want her to know where I live... If I just met her at the club and wanted a ONS, sure...no problem! But that's not the case. Given her enthusiasm for me, I can already foresee her showing up at my place without notice to "surprise" me etc. I don't need that kinda sh!t, my life is complicated and I need her to stay out of it. For now, anyway... Actually, I'd rather not have her come to my city at all.

So what do I tell her when she wants to come over to my place?! I could jokingly evade the matter, but I can't keep that up indefinitely. Eventually, she'll insist on a clear explanation, right? So do I just tell her "This is the way it is, now stop pushing the envelope or I'm gone." ???

I've seen other members post about this matter before but can't find the appropriate threads. So how do you keep chicks away from your home and handle their questions about why you do that?!

 

[Tazman]

You raved about her, she's clearly into you and wants to f-ck.....am I missing something?

Have sex, then see how things develop. No need to play detective/psychic right now, just let it flow. Don't ruin the momentum by assuming too much before anything has happened.

If she pushes for more than you're comfortable with simply tell her you're not ready, but do it after you sex her up.

 

[Sue Madre]

You are raving about how much you like this girl so why are you looking for excuses NOT to bring her to your place?

When I liked a girl, my only priority was to bring her to my place. Who cares if I have other plates. Who cares if she stalks you and drops in unexpectedly... what is the reason you don't want her to see your place? Seems strange.

Die Hard must live with his parents or something.

 

[zekko]

You are raving about how much you like this girl so why are you looking for excuses NOT to bring her to your place?

And doesn't even want her to know where he lives. I'm confused.
I guess he doesn't like the girl as much as it sounded.
Maybe he's a really bad housekeeper and is embarassed about it.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Diehard,

Nothing wrong with getting excited about a cool chick. Consider yourself lucky for finding someone you click with. Those emotions you are feeling are great as long as you are aware and keep yourself in check. That is the beauty of being a DJ. You operate from a higher level. Enjoy the ride, that is what it is all about. Just remember to be a challenge and in control.

If you can't have chicks close to you right now then hanging out with the "bring her home to Mom" type of girl is not for you. These girls will only let you play them for so long.

If she's being too nosy then you just have to maintain your mystery. Use it to your advantage and play a game with her. Say things like "Wouldn't you like to know?" , "You're on a need-to-know basis", "I'm like an onion - I have layers", "I don't tell that kind of thing to just anyone".

String her along with little snippets and details but don't reveal too much.

I've been in the same position before where you don't want any one girl too close but if you really want to be a DJ then it's inevitable. You need to juggle, scramble, and work things out. It doesn't matter where you live, just make sure it's clean! Being elusive in the city I live in is next to impossible. It does lend itself well to adventure dates though. "Hey let's go check out this cool place in the next town over".

 

[Die Hard]

My place is just fine, guys!! Nonetheless, I don't want her here....yet. Of course I wanna fvck her, but I'll find someplace else.

Look, there are certain complications in my life that force me to be reserved about giving my address to any random person (no, I'm not involved with the mob ). But forget about that, coz here's what:

Nothing wrong with getting excited about a cool chick. Consider yourself lucky for finding someone you click with. Those emotions you are feeling are great as long as you are aware and keep yourself in check.

I'm having trouble at that. She's rapidly invading my life and my heart, which is actually connected... Allowing her to come over to my place = allowing her deeper into my life = allowing her deeper into my heart. Perhaps I'm weird, perhaps I have issues, I don't care! This is the way it works for me, period.

She's coming way too close, way too fast and I have a hard time resisting. She's drawing me in and I feel I'm gonna lose control if I don't slow things down. I can hardly resist her constant urge to 'be close to me', like she calls me up everyday to say goodnight over the phone before going to bed. She then starts talking in a soft, lovey dovey voice (like when you almost fall asleep), driving me to do the same, acting as if we're infants getting tucked in... She's constantly trying to evoke such stuff between us and I have to constantly kick myself in the nuts not to give into this BULLSH!T. Overall, I manage to do so, but it sure doesn't come easy...

Long story short: I need to keep myself in check and her coming over to my place is not gonna help. It's not about having sex, she can come fvck me in a hotel or something, I don't care. It's about her coming to my place, coming closer to my personal life... I don't want her over here, I don't want her to get any closer to my life in any way. She needs to stay the FVCK out of my life and out of my heart! Not at this pace, anyway... I'm the leader and I pick the pace, not her! And I say her pace is way too high for me to handle right now, so she needs to slow the fvck down until I've somehow regained my composure.

That's it. Now if you guys have any advice on how to communicate this to her, please share!

 

[caporal]

I would advise you to first of all Fclosing her at a hotel/motel/car whatever you can afford, but giv her a great time be a good lover a beast in bed make her want more of you... Then if you dont want her over at your place tell her that she is moving too fast that you are not looking for anything specific and have her follow your rythm.

 

[Tazman]

If she likes you that much it doesn't matter where you hook up, go to her place. I'm not some high status DJ that's getting all kinds of ass and yet I've never had a problem like this. I'm not seeing the dilemma here.

It seems like you create these problems for yourself, unless there's something else going on that you haven't mentioned.

You have a chick that you're crazy about (supposedly) and she's crazy about you, yet somehow because she wants to come over your house and you don't want her to (for some undisclosed reason) it becomes a huge deal to simply change the venue?

If you don't want to tell her the real reason just make some sh-t up, why does it have to be such a big issue? It's YOUR house, you don't owe her anything.

 

[Die Hard]

Never mind, Taz... I'm just confused coz this girl is getting under my skin and it freaks me out. But I'm just gonna take a deeeep sigh, totally relax and stop overthinking.

Gonna get my sh!t together and stop this nonsense right now, I'm better than this!

 

[iqqi]

Good grief, there is nothing wrong with FEELING emotion for a girl. Maybe I should clarify: GOOD emotion.

Like Slick said, just keep yourself in check, and no that does not mean a mandatory freak out and hang up because you find yourself in a hot and heavy hours long phone conversation. What it does mean is that you don't come across as desperate, clingy, or corny.

The only real red flag here is coming from you: what the F is up with your living situation? I've never met a mature, grown man above the age of 24 who had an issue with bringing home a chick.

 

[DJDamage]

The only real red flag here is coming from you: what the F is up with your living situation? I've never met a mature, grown man above the age of 24 who had an issue with bringing home a chick.

I was going to say that.

You are thinking way too much over this, get a grip man.

 

[Die Hard]

looool, I should've never mentioned the complications regarding my living situation, forget about it!


iqqi, I know it's not neccesarily a bad thing to feel "good" emotion for a girl. It just freaks me out coz I haven't really felt this way since I found SS and started changing myself.

You see, the last time I felt this way (and all the times before) was in my AFC days. And back then, I definitely wasn't able to keep myself in check! In other words, everytime I felt like this in my life, things ended ugly. So now that I feel like this again, my memory tells me "This is gonna end ugly..." and it freaks me out.

Of course, the difference is I am not AFC anymore, I'm a changed man now... But I still haven't been in this situation since becoming a different man, it's a first. So for all I know, I haven't changed enough and won't be able to keep myself in check, just like in my AFC days. Now you understand why I'm responding the way I do?

Same thing happened last week, when I opened this thread. Hanging on the phone for hours and the way it made me feel... It was just like in the old days, when I was a giant AFC and this sort of situation would always end badly for me. It freaked me out instantly... I was happy to find that I truly am a changed man and could keep myself in check quite easily afterwards.

I guess the same thing applies at this moment. Our date was just perfect and it evoked more emotions in me. I felt like "Uh oh! Emotions! You're gonna mess this up just like you always did!" But I'm starting to experience that it's not gonna be like that this time... I'm not that AFC anymore, I am able to keep myself in check now, I'll be alright.

Thanks guys! (and girl)