Help needed with avoidant attachment girl

[fruitloops_93]

I need help with avoidant attachment girlfriend.
She has daddy issues and can't trust easily and she needs a lot of attention but if I get close she shuns me down and break up with me.
Many times we broke up and got back together.
I was always the one who begged her to come back and she was always the mean tough one to break up if I asked for more commitment or attention.
Except for one time she broke up and I ditched her and never contacted her for 2 weeks, till she came back crying.
Now same thing happened again we fought
She was rude
So I eneded the relationship, but the next day I tried to come back She blocked me on Snapchat, but kept me on WhatsApp since we are coworkers.
Since the block I never reached out to her or contracted her.
We were on a holiday but at the first day of coming back to work she texted me on WhatsApp regarding not being able to come to work that day since I'm her manager.
The text was so formal and cold but she mentioned that she has important visit to the hospital but she is willing to work online and asked me to invite her to any meeting online.
BTW I was still on vacation and wont work with them unless they need me online.
I replied formally saying if we will have a meeting you will receive an invitation with the rest of the team and didn't open any subject or ask about her health condition.
The next couple of days she showed up to work for 2 hours only and one day she didn't show up at all without informing me.
The only interaction with the team is when she got upset that they met the client without informing her since she only showed up to work for 2 hours.
Suddenly next week knowing I will come back
She worked full time and asked the team to include her in all the meetings.
Before we broke up she wanted to train and learn and join all the meeting and I was her mentor.
Right now I think she is trying to be independent and not needing me.
How shall I approach her when I come back to work?
Shall I talk to her or ignore her existence?
I want her back but with a new frame
Where she is not rude and she shows attention always.
It is Worth mentioning that she hates her father since he divorced her mother and she is avoidant attachment and always at war with her feelings towards me since she is saudi and I'm not and according to their culture it is impossible and taboo to be together

 

[Askaladd]

I need help with avoidant attachment girlfriend.
She has daddy issues and can't trust easily and she needs a lot of attention but if I get close she shuns me down and break up with me.
Many times we broke up and got back together.
I was always the one who begged her to come back and she was always the mean tough one to break up if I asked for more commitment or attention.
Except for one time she broke up and I ditched her and never contacted her for 2 weeks, till she came back crying.
Now same thing happened again we fought
She was rude

Brother. This is the definition of insanity. You need to end this relationship immediatly. What good comes of this relationship? What do you gain from this cycle?

This kind of relationship destroys your mind and wastes your time. She is rude to you and you keep running back to her, you are spineless. Break up with her forever, block her on everything except the work messages. If you do message her there message her as if she is just another cog in the machine. Do all this now or you will continue to suffer.

 

[Lauel]

I was always the one who begged her to come back and she was always the mean tough one to break up if I asked for more commitment or attention.

Doesn't that answers what is the problem here, and what is the required answer?
You said it yourself. You are begging, and you also said it yourself she is the one breaking up. What part of your own writing do you not understand how miserable, and one sided this is?

 

[Lauel]

Brother. This is the definition of insanity. You need to end this relationship immediatly. What good comes of this relationship? What do you gain from this cycle?

This kind of relationship destroys your mind and wastes your time. She is rude to you and you keep running back to her, you are spineless. Break up with her forever, block her on everything except the work messages. If you do message her there message her as if she is just another cog in the machine. Do all this now or you will continue to suffer.

+1
Also to add never date or get involved with girl from your work. Too messy, too bloody, and might just harm you in ways you might not expect.

 

[Hal9000]

Or you could just find a chick that isnt crazy

 

[Clockwerk50]

Every time someone writes paragraphs with terrible grammatical errors about a girl like this, I always question whether it’s a trolling post or not.

Either way, you have to meet up with her outside of work hours and negotiate/discuss boundaries at work since you are broken up. Look for closure and don’t ever go back to her because the pattern of breaking up and reconcile has already been established and it will keep happening as long as you stay in it. Also, the work situation makes it even worse since you’re her manager, and mixing that with a relationship only creates more problems and complicates things further.

I’m quite surprised that, as her boss, you relinquished all your power so easily, but I don’t really care why or how, to be honest. I also imagine everyone here is happy they are not in the mess you’re in.

 

[fruitloops_93]

The problem guys, I feel that I didn't get much of pleasure from her (sexually or attention and care).
It annoys me that I had real feelings and I was showering her with attention and love and she was giving back wayyyyy less than what I give.
I kinda want to redeem myself and get anything out of her and bid her farewell on my terms.
I tried ignoring her for 2 weeks and she came back crying and she started showing more attention and love.
But now this won't happen again since she regretted that she showed her weakness to me as she said.
So I feel like a dork who was used and got nothing but headaches and some slight attention and love.

 

[Clockwerk50]

The problem guys, I feel that I didn't get much of pleasure from her (sexually or attention and care).
It annoys me that I had real feelings and I was showering her with attention and love and she was giving back wayyyyy less than what I give.
I kinda want to redeem myself and get anything out of her and bid her farewell on my terms.
I tried ignoring her for 2 weeks and she came back crying and she started showing more attention and love.
But now this won't happen again since she regretted that she showed her weakness to me as she said.
So I feel like a dork who was used and got nothing but headaches and some slight attention and love.

In literature, words like confidence, ego, and pride are often conflated. This is why, when reading religious texts, they often use “pride” when they should be using “ego.” Pride is healthy since it represents dignity and self-respect. Ego, defined as self-importance, can become destructive when it crosses into arrogance. Writers may use the terms interchangeably, so context is key. Men should have more pride than ego, while women tend to have more ego by default. This article explains the difference well: http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-the-difference-between-ego-and-pride.htm#didyouknowout

When modern people talk about killing the ego, they are usually referring to our self-esteem, our tendency to defend it against attack, and our habit of seeing the world through the lens of our perceived identities. For example, if people define themselves by their political views, social status, or skills, they will defend these abstractions as fiercely as they defend themselves, and they will interact with the world as members of these groups.

Stoicism is a philosophy that helps address the ego by teaching you to observe yourself from a third-person perspective. When someone says something that angers you, ask yourself why. Often, your reaction is your ego being impulsive, and you have the power to override it. By stepping back, you gain control over your responses, reduce impulsivity, and build greater self-awareness. In conclusion, your reaction to her actions matters far less than what you do with your own life: go lift, read, and improve yourself instead of dwelling on things you cannot control and that are in the past.

 

[Lauel]

I tried ignoring her for 2 weeks and she came back crying and she started showing more attention and love.

Usually in this case I deny accepting the woman, until she understands what I want and obeys on it. Or she can weep for rest of her life and I wouldn't care.

 

[BPH]

Brother. This is the definition of insanity. You need to end this relationship immediatly. What good comes of this relationship? What do you gain from this cycle?

This kind of relationship destroys your mind and wastes your time. She is rude to you and you keep running back to her, you are spineless. Break up with her forever, block her on everything except the work messages. If you do message her there message her as if she is just another cog in the machine. Do all this now or you will continue to suffer.

@fruitloops_93 read this reply. @Askaladd quite literally broke up with a girlfriend who was just like this, so he's uniquely qualified to give you advice based on a lived experience.

 

[Gamisch]

(Op, I have to be harsh on you!)

This contains EVERYTHING that is wrong woth modern dating. Imo this should be a HOF post.

So 63/ 65% of men do NOT date? Sprinkled within the 35 % that do date are many situations like this...and the many dead bedrooms. And man, I can't stand the excuses OP makes for her sh1tty behaviour. Troubling youth yadiya; perhaps she IS just a vile person? What about that?

No matter how you spin it;
- OP has an unhealthy amount of scarcity.
- OP managed to use his leverage as being her boss to gain access.
- OP broke the golden rule saying do NOT ****e where you eat.
-She does whatever the feck she wants ,OP will always come back crawling and begging for more humiliation.
- to repeat the first point: Sounds like OP is scared to death to lose her because she is " irreplaceable " ,especially short term. Imagine being scared to lose something that destroys you..literally junkie behaviour.

There's only one way to go: dump her TODAY! Find whatever is left of your testikels and use them for once in your life!

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

Your most powerful tool in your toolbox is the willingness to walk away

 

[Lauel]

(Op, I have to be harsh on you!)

This contains EVERYTHING that is wrong woth modern dating. Imo this should be a HOF post.

So 63/ 65% of men do NOT date? Sprinkled within the 35 % that do date are many situations like this...and the many dead bedrooms. And man, I can't stand the excuses OP makes for her sh1tty behaviour. Troubling youth yadiya; perhaps she IS just a vile person? What about that?

No matter how you spin it;
- OP has an unhealthy amount of scarcity.
- OP managed to use his leverage as being her boss to gain access.
- OP broke the golden rule saying do NOT ****e where you eat.
-She does whatever the feck she wants ,OP will always come back crawling and begging for more humiliation.
- to repeat the first point: Sounds like OP is scared to death to lose her because she is " irreplaceable " ,especially short term. Imagine being scared to lose something that destroys you..literally junkie behaviour.

There's only one way to go: dump her TODAY! Find whatever is left of your testikels and use them for once in your life!

Truth Nuke. Lovely.

So I feel like a dork who was used and got nothing but headaches and some slight attention and love.

Accept the defeat. Holding your ego that you didn't get to F the girl senselessly for hours, days or months won't give you any peace. You said you are her boss, and to some degree I assume you hold a professionally respectable position with good pay. So why sit here with a vulnerable ego in hand just for self-destruction and masochism ?

 

[fruitloops_93]

(Op, I have to be harsh on you!)

This contains EVERYTHING that is wrong woth modern dating. Imo this should be a HOF post.

So 63/ 65% of men do NOT date? Sprinkled within the 35 % that do date are many situations like this...and the many dead bedrooms. And man, I can't stand the excuses OP makes for her sh1tty behaviour. Troubling youth yadiya; perhaps she IS just a vile person? What about that?

No matter how you spin it;
- OP has an unhealthy amount of scarcity.
- OP managed to use his leverage as being her boss to gain access.
- OP broke the golden rule saying do NOT ****e where you eat.
-She does whatever the feck she wants ,OP will always come back crawling and begging for more humiliation.
- to repeat the first point: Sounds like OP is scared to death to lose her because she is " irreplaceable " ,especially short term. Imagine being scared to lose something that destroys you..literally junkie behaviour.

There's only one way to go: dump her TODAY! Find whatever is left of your testikels and use them for once in your life!

You are right about scarcity.
As I mentioned I have no experience in dating whatsoever.
The idea that I cannot replace her is what scares me.
I met her in work so that should tell you that I don't even have experience hooking up with girls outside.
What I'm trying to learn is how to have abundance mindset and translate it into reality.
This girl was stubborn from the beginning but she submits time to time then gets stubborn back again.
So I had mixed signals and because I don't know how to replace her (what to do and where to go to hook up with another and find better partners) that's why I tried to make it work even though she isn't fit for me and I know it.
But tbh I don't know what to do right now and how to change.
Im keep thinking about her and analysing still.

 

[fruitloops_93]

Truth Nuke. Lovely.




Accept the defeat. Holding your ego that you didn't get to F the girl senselessly for hours, days or months won't give you any peace. You said you are her boss, and to some degree I assume you hold a professionally respectable position with good pay. So why sit here with a vulnerable ego in hand just for self-destruction and masochism ?

I get frustrated from the idea that probably other guys took way more out of her. While I was the one giving love and attention.

 

[Lauel]

I get frustrated from the idea that probably other guys took way more out of her.

Oh, they definitely did, or definitely would.
But you know what? Think harder and that frustrating route will only take you on a path to be a pure cuck.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@fruitloops_93 "She has daddy issues and can't trust easily and she needs a lot of attention..."

No, she requires

1. The capacity for self-reflection

2. Professional aid, from a shrink who's been rigorously trained in the empirically validated approaches, and who doesn't hesitate to be brutally honest with his(or her) client


3. The motivation and courage necessary to address one's troubles

1 and 3 are a rarity in most PEOPLE of either gender these days, and one really has to hunt far and wide for 2

The urge to play hero is hard-wired into all of us males, and the stupidity and arrogance necessary for a fella to believe he's a comic book metahuman come to life has driven many who's thinking never became more grounded into the grave prematurely. If you really wish to do well by this gal, determine whether or not she's reasonably willing to work on her sh-t, then connect her with appropriate psychiatric services. Stop mistaking yourself for her(or anyone else's)personal savior

 

[Gamisch]

You are right about scarcity.
As I mentioned I have no experience in dating whatsoever.
The idea that I cannot replace her is what scares me.
I met her in work so that should tell you that I don't even have experience hooking up with girls outside.
What I'm trying to learn is how to have abundance mindset and translate it into reality.
This girl was stubborn from the beginning but she submits time to time then gets stubborn back again.
So I had mixed signals and because I don't know how to replace her (what to do and where to go to hook up with another and find better partners) that's why I tried to make it work even though she isn't fit for me and I know it.
But tbh I don't know what to do right now and how to change.
Im keep thinking about her and analysing still.

We all been down that route at least once.

And that's why it's evident that the only way to heal properly is by getting out of this situation. Never forget these two facts of life;
1. Time heals all wounds
2. But secondly: you will need at least 3 to 6 months and perhaps even a year or more to fully recover from her/ the relationship. It's literally like an untreated disease, it seems "liveable " untill it literally kills you.

You need a Lotta work my friend. Because the "art" of getting women is a completely different set of skills, but one you can only learn when your mind isn't occupied by being a cuck to a woman who WILL hurt you even more.

You're walking a tightrope over river full of alligators.

 

[fruitloops_93]

You need a Lotta work my friend. Because the "art" of getting women is a completely different set of skills, but one you can only learn when your mind isn't occupied by being a cuck to a woman who WILL hurt you even more.

You're walking a tightrope over river full of alligators.

Where and how to start?

 

[Lauel]

Where and how to start?

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