Help me overanalyze something...

[The Duke]

Giving this a little bump so I might have something to read in the morning.

Sounds like you did great. Just let the chips fall where they fall. Only thing I would change is you seem like you are a little outcome dependent. Some things are out of your control. Women are emotional creatures, using rational logic won't always lead you to the answer. Don't worry about it. They either comply or it's next.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I'd take that with some consideration. In OP's case, this was just a ONS and nothing more.
Your best bet, @BPH, is to go on with your life and if she comes around, she will. No need to plan your next move.

Well put.

OP, I’m wondering what you said to the girl who was traveling to the bar to meet you that night? Lol.

 

[BPH]

Well put.

OP, I’m wondering what you said to the girl who was traveling to the bar to meet you that night? Lol.

Man...I mean she wasn't anything incredible but she was the first girl I'd been with since my ex so I was trying to keep her around since she also lived close...

Essentially what happened was I hit her up around 11, asked her what she was up to, and invited her to come out to the bar. She politely declined and told me she was probably just going to go to sleep.

Hits me up an hour later saying she can come out and that we can go back to hers afterward. So I tell her where to meet me. It takes her maybe 20 minutes for her to tell me she's 10 minutes away. After that, I'm kinda hanging around waiting for her to show up when the girl I took home that night walks by and I decide "f*** it" and stop her to talk and absolutely hit it off.

I assume she arrives but I never actually see her so I don't know if she doesn't know where to go in or if she ever actually saw me with the girl, but in that short time I met this chick, made out with her, she wanted to leave, ordered an Uber, took a shot, and left.

She called me a few times and sent me a couple of texts in disbelief that night before she gave up. The next morning she texted me saying I was "hilarious for that one". I ended up responding later giving her a brief apology but telling her what honestly happened. Didn't hear back, but no big deal either way.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Man...I mean she wasn't anything incredible but she was the first girl I'd been with since my ex so I was trying to keep her around since she also lived close...

Essentially what happened was I hit her up around 11, asked her what she was up to, and invited her to come out to the bar. She politely declined and told me she was probably just going to go to sleep.

Hits me up an hour later saying she can come out and that we can go back to hers afterward. So I tell her where to meet me. It takes her maybe 20 minutes for her to tell me she's 10 minutes away. After that, I'm kinda hanging around waiting for her to show up when the girl I took home that night walks by and I decide "f*** it" and stop her to talk and absolutely hit it off.

I assume she arrives but I never actually see her so I don't know if she doesn't know where to go in or if she ever actually saw me with the girl, but in that short time I met this chick, made out with her, she wanted to leave, ordered an Uber, took a shot, and left.

She called me a few times and sent me a couple of texts in disbelief that night before she gave up. The next morning she texted me saying I was "hilarious for that one". I ended up responding later giving her a brief apology but telling her what honestly happened. Didn't hear back, but no big deal either way.

Well at least that makes for quite a story! Haha

 

[BPH]

Well at least that makes for quite a story! Haha

Well in a week or two hopefully it'll become an even better one.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

If you told her you met and smashed another gal while waiting on her she is NOT coming back, regardless of what she said about not wanting a relationship.

 

[BPH]

If you told her you met and smashed another gal while waiting on her she is NOT coming back, regardless of what she said about not wanting a relationship.

Different girl. I was telling him the story of the girl who was supposed to meet me there when I left with the chick I mentioned in the OP.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

It's a good thing that you shot your shot with her roommate. They'll talk about you which will result in more attraction from her. The text you sent was fine, but it wouldn't hurt to double text her something that doesn't make you look needy or salty. You're confused because this hit came too easy to you. She wanted **** that night and you were in the right place at the right time. Chances are you are an attractive dude. This is an example of how women choose who they want to ****. It sounds like you'll see these girls again at some point. I would count this as a win. She led this interaction from the second you guys met. Girls like this aren't looking for anything serious or long term. She was flirting with the idea of you training her at the gym so she didn't look like too much of a slut.

 

[BPH]

It's a good thing that you shot your shot with her roommate. They'll talk about you which will result in more attraction from her. The text you sent was fine, but it wouldn't hurt to double text her something that doesn't make you look needy or salty. You're confused because this hit came too easy to you. She wanted **** that night and you were in the right place at the right time. Chances are you are an attractive dude. This is an example of how women choose who they want to ****. It sounds like you'll see these girls again at some point. I would count this as a win. She led this interaction from the second you guys met. Girls like this aren't looking for anything serious or long term. She was flirting with the idea of you training her at the gym so she didn't look like too much of a slut.

I'm not as confused by how easy it was but rather why, if things went as well as they did, why I'm sitting here wondering why I haven't heard back. That's all. I tend to overthink things and when something doesn't make sense to me I try to analyze the little details and see if I f***ed up somewhere so I don't make mistakes again.

For example, one thing I just remembered was that my caller ID on my phone has my mom's name unless somebody has my contact in their phone already. She got a good kick out of that at the bar when I had to explain who that was, so me overthinking is wondering like "maybe she doesn't remember who that really is and since I sent my text without my name maybe she doesn't know it's me, but who else would it be texting her from some random number knowing she's off to work the night after a ONS" etc kinda crap.

But yeah, good chance I'll see her at the bar if I frequent that part of town, or her roommate who I've already seen a couple times. So either she'll hit me up in the next few weeks or I'll see her out and go from there.

EDIT: I called my provider and changed that caller ID issue today.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

I'm not as confused by how easy it was but rather why, if things went as well as they did, why I'm sitting here wondering why I haven't heard back. That's all. I tend to overthink things and when something doesn't make sense to me I try to analyze the little details and see if I f***ed up somewhere so I don't make mistakes again.

For example, one thing I just remembered was that my caller ID on my phone has my mom's name unless somebody has my contact in their phone already. She got a good kick out of that at the bar when I had to explain who that was, so me overthinking is wondering like "maybe she doesn't remember who that really is and since I sent my text without my name maybe she doesn't know it's me, but who else would it be texting her from some random number knowing she's off to work the night after a ONS" etc kinda crap.

But yeah, good chance I'll see her at the bar if I frequent that part of town, or her roommate who I've already seen a couple times. So either she'll hit me up in the next few weeks or I'll see her out and go from there.

EDIT: I called my provider and changed that caller ID issue today.

No doubt bro! It's natural for us men to over analyze what we could have done differently or better. Use your thinking as a productive tool towards learning and getting better without beating yourself up or wondering. Many of the guys on here along with myself see very little wrong with WHAT YOU did. Your perception should be that it's her not you.

 

[BPH]

I know I let this thread die a little while ago but I just wanted to provide some updates for you guys.

So the weekend after I go to the same bar on Thursday. End up seeing this girl there drunk and she greets me and talks to me just fine but tells me she can't have me over tonight because she's wasted, has to be up early for work, and is on her period. I don't think anything of it and let her go off with her sorority sisters. No big deal, end up going home with some other chick that night.

Text her the next morning joking if she was still alive. She hits me back from work, so I text her to set up hanging out next Friday (tonight at the time of writing this) but don't receive any text back.

Last night I went to the same bar and she showed up later there again. This time she comes up to me and tells me she hasn't been hitting me up to hang out because she started talking to another guy. She apologized and kept saying she just wanted me to know because she doesn't want to seem rude like she was suddenly not talking to me. I gave what I thought was an unemotional response - I smiled, told her that's fine and that if things don't work out, hit me up. Then I went back to my friends and hung out with the girl I went home with the week before.

Now I have a friend who was giving me advice on this whole situation because he claims he has women down to a science and was advising me to not reach out to her at all for another 2 weeks so I don't seem thirsty after she didn't respond to the text. He thinks my "if things don't work out, hit me up" was weak on my part. I just saw it as an "I don't really care" response.

My guess is this had to be going on either before me, or right after. Because I lit this chick up and had a pretty good morning with her, but then she just didn't follow through with the things she SAID herself. Which is fine, that's to be expected.

Just wanted to provide this update in case anybody has any thoughts about what happened here based on the ending.

 

[MtmVaott]

y

I know I let this thread die a little while ago but I just wanted to provide some updates for you guys.

So the weekend after I go to the same bar on Thursday. End up seeing this girl there drunk and she greets me and talks to me just fine but tells me she can't have me over tonight because she's wasted, has to be up early for work, and is on her period. I don't think anything of it and let her go off with her sorority sisters. No big deal, end up going home with some other chick that night.

Text her the next morning joking if she was still alive. She hits me back from work, so I text her to set up hanging out next Friday (tonight at the time of writing this) but don't receive any text back.

Last night I went to the same bar and she showed up later there again. This time she comes up to me and tells me she hasn't been hitting me up to hang out because she started talking to another guy. She apologized and kept saying she just wanted me to know because she doesn't want to seem rude like she was suddenly not talking to me. I gave what I thought was an unemotional response - I smiled, told her that's fine and that if things don't work out, hit me up. Then I went back to my friends and hung out with the girl I went home with the week before.

Now I have a friend who was giving me advice on this whole situation because he claims he has women down to a science and was advising me to not reach out to her at all for another 2 weeks so I don't seem thirsty after she didn't respond to the text. He thinks my "if things don't work out, hit me up" was weak on my part. I just saw it as an "I don't really care" response.

My guess is this had to be going on either before me, or right after. Because I lit this chick up and had a pretty good morning with her, but then she just didn't follow through with the things she SAID herself. Which is fine, that's to be expected.

Just wanted to provide this update in case anybody has any thoughts about what happened here based on the ending.

I detected some things from what you wrote.
You may ask yourself why this girl is so important to you, since you only met her like 3 times.
She clearly stated multiple times she is not interested.
This girl is probably physically attractive and is mainly interested in sleeping around in her big (extended) social network with no strings attached, has lowered (personality-wise, relationship-fitting) standards and hence tons of options.
Hence why she is willing to reject you for slight signs of insecurity and lack of self-respect (your follow up text the next morning and that response to her in the bar).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As men, we always strive to obtain a logical explanation. I get it. But sometimes you can't get a logical explanation because you don't have complete data. The sooner you accept that fact, the happier you will be.

There is no point in trying to understand what happened. There are no obvious mistakes that you've made. Adding her on instagram and sending a message is nothing. You have to be insane to believe that something like that would kill an otherwise high level of attraction. There could be a thousand different possibilities that you didn't even consider. Like maybe she's BPD and enjoys leading guys on and faking a high level of interest. Or maybe she lost her phone...or got kidnapped. Or maybe she met Leonardo Di Caprio the following day. Any conclusion based on incomplete data will likely be incorrect.

Sometimes the explanation is while it felt good and right in the moment and while you were there, something starts feeling wrong afterwards once she thinks about it after you are gone.

Nothing you can do about it other than chalk it up to the game.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

y
I detected some things from what you wrote.
You may ask yourself why this girl is so important to you, since you only met her like 3 times.
She clearly stated multiple times she is not interested.
This girl is probably physically attractive and is mainly interested in sleeping around in her big (extended) social network with no strings attached, has lowered (personality-wise, relationship-fitting) standards and hence tons of options.
Hence why she is willing to reject you for slight signs of insecurity and lack of self-respect (your follow up text the next morning and that response to her in the bar).

It's as I thought...he was in the right place at the right time that night. Maybe she got in a fight with that guy and needed to blow off some steam or "get back at him" for whatever he did. Maybe he was supposed to come over and had to cancel or blew her off. Or maybe she just likes going out and fvcking guys until she finds one she wants to see again after. Or maybe there is no other guy and she simply isn't interested in OP.

Whatever, it doesn't matter. She determined that she only wanted it to be a one night thing and there is nothing you can do about that. OP should be happy some hot chick made it easy for him that night to fvck her brains out, because as he put it, that usually doesn't happen and just leave it at that.

Typically whenever something is that easy and a woman does the work, she is looking for a ONS in my experience.

 

[member160761]

Did not read but from what I gather from the replies is that you had a ONS and she ghosted you. Happens if the girl feels you are clingy. Happened to me once, the girl did not want to see me again. You can say it is her loss but if you lose your cool and start overanalyzing it is then you who lost as well. Nothing you can do. If a girl feels any strong negative emotions from you she does not want to see you and regrets having slept with you. You gotta (re)gain thick skin in the game and forget about her.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I know it’s carrier dependent, but it’s easy to cha ge your outbound caller id or simply turn it off…

In the us you can put in a. *69 before the number when you dial - you can put it in the contact card for specific contacts you want to come up as an unlisted number as well.

I'm not as confused by how easy it was but rather why, if things went as well as they did, why I'm sitting here wondering why I haven't heard back. That's all. I tend to overthink things and when something doesn't make sense to me I try to analyze the little details and see if I f***ed up somewhere so I don't make mistakes again.

For example, one thing I just remembered was that my caller ID on my phone has my mom's name unless somebody has my contact in their phone already. She got a good kick out of that at the bar when I had to explain who that was, so me overthinking is wondering like "maybe she doesn't remember who that really is and since I sent my text without my name maybe she doesn't know it's me, but who else would it be texting her from some random number knowing she's off to work the night after a ONS" etc kinda crap.

But yeah, good chance I'll see her at the bar if I frequent that part of town, or her roommate who I've already seen a couple times. So either she'll hit me up in the next few weeks or I'll see her out and go from there.

EDIT: I called my provider and changed that caller ID issue today.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I think you went all in too quick with the text and the follow etc.

That's my read.

She told you she had commitment issues, her way of saying she's only looking for a low key string of hookups.

And then you started following her, literally, like a puppy.

In OP's case, this was just a ONS and nothing more.

Pretty much. Maybe in the future treat every hookup as a ONS, or at best a few in a row, until she actively starts to pursue you to change your mind.

 

[BPH]

I detected some things from what you wrote.
You may ask yourself why this girl is so important to you, since you only met her like 3 times.
She clearly stated multiple times she is not interested.
This girl is probably physically attractive and is mainly interested in sleeping around in her big (extended) social network with no strings attached, has lowered (personality-wise, relationship-fitting) standards and hence tons of options.
Hence why she is willing to reject you for slight signs of insecurity and lack of self-respect (your follow up text the next morning and that response to her in the bar).

Did not read but from what I gather from the replies is that you had a ONS and she ghosted you. Happens if the girl feels you are clingy. Happened to me once, the girl did not want to see me again. You can say it is her loss but if you lose your cool and start overanalyzing it is then you who lost as well. Nothing you can do. If a girl feels any strong negative emotions from you she does not want to see you and regrets having slept with you. You gotta (re)gain thick skin in the game and forget about her.

That's my read.

She told you she had commitment issues, her way of saying she's only looking for a low key string of hookups.

And then you started following her, literally, like a puppy.



Pretty much. Maybe in the future treat every hookup as a ONS, or at best a few in a row, until she actively starts to pursue you to change your mind.

Quoting these all in a row because I think my response applies to all of them pretty equally.

First thing's first, why am I thinking about her/overthinking this?

Simply put, she's attractive, lives closeby, was good in bed, and I was hoping to maintain her as a f*** buddy. What I didn't understand was why, after everything had gone so well (at least in my opinion) was I being ghosted? She kept talking about how hot I was, we f***ed like 5 times, she introduced me to her roommates, nothing was awkward, and she made sure I had her number before I left.

I thought sending a follow-up text a few hours later along with the Instagram follow wasn't a big deal. I saw it as opening the door to let her reach back out without her feeling like she would be seen as needy for doing so. Maybe that was the mistake, maybe it was beyond my control and this other guy was already in the picture (if he exists), who knows.

I want to clarify the "puppy" thing because I think you're getting the wrong idea from this...

I've seen her out twice and texted her a total of 3 times since I had seen her. I saw her at the bar because I wanted to go to that bar, not because she would be there. I said hi but I didn't track her down, ask to come, ask if she was seeing anybody, etc those pieces of information were all given to me on her own will. And I didn't really care, as I said that she could just hit me up if things don't work out.

Is that a weak response? I mean maybe, I think it depends on how I give it. The week after my ONS with her I had an ONS with another girl from the same bar later that same night. I've got a girl I went on a date with that wants to see me next weekend to f*** at her place. I saw it as an unemotional "I don't care" response. But yeah, just wanted to calrify that I'm not following this girl around like a puppy...

I reached out a few times, I ran into her a few times. But I did my own thing. I'm only giving this the thought I am because I don't get what went wrong. Which brings me to...

Nothing you can do about it other than chalk it up to the game.

Yeah. Now that I know why she's been weird it kinda makes sense. I wonder if it happened before me, after me, or if what I did had anything to do with it. That's all I was trying to figure out from this thread. To see if there's something I'm missing.

It kinda sounds like when I have an ONS with a hot chick I wanna keep around I should just ghost her till she hits me up again or something. I don't really think playing hard to get works in a college environment though.

I know it’s carrier dependent, but it’s easy to cha ge your outbound caller id or simply turn it off…

In the us you can put in a. *69 before the number when you dial - you can put it in the contact card for specific contacts you want to come up as an unlisted number as well.

I got it taken care of. I didn't even know it was a thing. But yeah that was one of the first things I fixed that week.

 

[member160761]

I reached out a few times, I ran into her a few times. But I did my own thing.

And I didn't really care, as I said that she could just hit me up if things don't work out.

And yet, you post novel after novel here. Your words and actions don't match. You're going schizo here. Either move on or buy her a bouquet of flowers, admit you can't live without her.

 

[BPH]

And yet, you post novel after novel here. Your words and actions don't match. You're going schizo here. Either move on or buy her a bouquet of flowers, admit you can't live without her.

Dude...just go away lol