Help me man up. I need it so much

[omega05]

To be honest, I did something very similar to you. I did it over text just like you and I seemed to make every mistake in the book according to the 'DJs' here. And also just like you all the 'DJs' on this board told me it was over and that they 'cringed' at my texts and told me how awful I did. You can read it here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=174163

You know what? It really didn't mean sh*t. That girl liked me even more so after my 'mistake' and still does to this day. She dropped her lame ass boyfriend and I'm pursuing her right now. I lost a lot of respect for people on this board after that. Actually the only thing I thought you may have made a mistake is when you told her straight up you liked her. After that I felt like you were very strong.

It just comes to show that not everything is written in stone and it's ok to make a mistake every now and then. As long as you have enough social value everything is going to be fine. Most likely, one mistake is going to ruin everything, except maybe if the girl you're dealing with is a psycho b*tch.

This girl seems to really like you and you seem young, I think everything will be fine.

ah so the girl in your thread dropped her boyfriend and now you're back to pursuing her....way to go champ

 

[Voice]

ah so the girl in your thread dropped her boyfriend and now you're back to pursuing her....way to go champ

Cool, way to contribute to the thread dude. I also rounded second base with her the first time we met up again last Saturday and I'm still seeing the other girl I've been dating. Did I prove myself yet to you, champ. Or am I not cool enough to post in this thread with advice from actual experience?

 

[CarlitosWay]

What's funny is that it worked.

What do you mean it by it "worked" exactly? You have yet to post anything about you getting intimate with her, actually kissing her and laying in a bed with her. All you have given her was some ultimatum ... Maybe she agreed cause she was feeling sorry for you and she'll drop you soon for another guy.

The guy who said he lost a lot of "respect" for DJ's on here ...what the ****? I listen to the older DJ's they have a lot more experience and most of the time they're damn right. Nothing is iron clad though, it's ultimately up to the individual to see if some advice applies to their circumstances. If the outcome isn't what they wanted, crying to some guys after, on an internet forum none the less is on some ***** ****.

 

[Voice]

Nothing is iron clad though, it's ultimately up to the individual to see if some advice applies to their circumstances.

Yes, this is exactly what I'm saying...

I agree some advice here is good and there are plenty of those who I DO respect. I think some guidance from more experienced posters is absolutely good and is what I usually sought out. However I also think the most respected posters here would agree with me that the best teacher is experience. I remember Pook even saying "let yourself fail". Advice is good but ultimately experience through failures and successes is what causes growth.

Jokerlsk, you're doing exactly what you're suppose to be doing, getting experience. My advice is don't come here too often. Maybe read some Pook or Fingers or some of the bible, but don't take everything you read in stone. Keep getting more experience and you'll be absolutely fine.

 

[Pathgen]

You know what? It really didn't mean sh*t. That girl liked me even more so after my 'mistake' and still does to this day. She dropped her lame ass boyfriend and I'm pursuing her right now. I lost a lot of respect for people on this board after that. Actually the only thing I thought you may have made a mistake is when you told her straight up you liked her. After that I felt like you were very strong.

You, proved us wrong once (possibly didn't read your thread). Are you proud of yourself? Do you think the posters here believe that their advice is 100% fail proof. Come on, humans are humans, we can only predict how they are going to behave not try to master them and control them. Contemplate this next time before you write off people who are just trying to offer their experiences.

As for the original post, you shouldn't have said anything. You should have gone on the movie date with the girl the next time. Run your game and kiss her.

Believe it or not i think you can save this. Don't get your hopes up though. You have created a slight trace of doubt in her, which is an emotion. If you dont talk to her, when she talks to you again you shrug her off, and then next time you see her you go back to step one and run your game and kiss her. Then you have a chance, for now i advise you just next

 

[thecurtainfalls]

You are still alive in this situation, but only because she has (had?) decently high IL in you.

Regardless, you can talk all you want about doing the right thing or the wrong thing according to the book, but I can tell you right now that was one of the most "beta" text message conversations I've ever seen. I'm guessing you're still pretty young. Although no one situation with any given girl is governed by any exact rules, if in the future with other girls you replicate what a socially clueless, needy wanker you came off as in that text convo, you will get burned repeatedly, needlessly, and mercilessly in the future.

Like someone else said, the most important thing is gaining experience, but don't come on a DJ message board, make a post called "help me man up", and then get mad at people for pointing out the obvious, cringe-worthy mistakes you made.

You won't take my advice, but I'll give it anyway in case there are lurkers on this thread that can benefit from it.

- Don't vomit your "feelings" all over a girl, ever. ESPECIALLY via text, christ almighty. This has been known to kill or significantly cut interest in girls that had even high IL before. It shows you're inexperienced and socially unaware, not to mention creepily professing your "feelings" for someone you've never even been intimate with. She now has ALL the power - she knows exactly how you feel and can jerk you around on a leash to her pleasing. All the mystery and work is gone, she knows she's won and she can sit back and chat up her girlfriends and decide how to play you.

- Don't get butthurt if you get rejected. Makes you look pretty lame brah. Everyone gets rejected, these types of situations happen, and you came off super harsh and made it look like it REALLY got to you. You better just hope she doesn't tell all her girlfriends and ruin future prospects for you.

Good luck.

 

[omega05]

Cool, way to contribute to the thread dude. I also rounded second base with her the first time we met up again last Saturday and I'm still seeing the other girl I've been dating. Did I prove myself yet to you, champ. Or am I not cool enough to post in this thread with advice from actual experience?

where did i say you couldnt post in this thread? getting defensive over nothing

 

[Jokerlsk]

What matters is that me and her are okay now.

 

[Igetit!]

What matters is that me and her are okay now.

Uhhh.....you care to elaborate my friend?


You say that you guys are "ok" now? So what does that mean?

You said that what you did "worked". Ok,so when is the date? What do you have planned for the two of you to do?


I have to admit:when I first saw all of that convo you wrote that happened between you and her,it sounded like some cheesy Hollywood movie lines,but you know what?

I don't argue with results. If you're dating her now,then you're dating her,but for some reason,something still feels "weird" about this to me,something seems "off".


But congrats anyway.


Now......so are you going to give us the low-down or what? Because after that convo you had with her,I'd bet a million dollars that you were headed towards the friendzone......yet again. And to be honest,I'm not so sure you've completely out of the range of being LJBF'ed just yet.


I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that I'm wrong.

 

[Jokerlsk]

She's going to the beach, but when she's back, we're going to a movie, on a date. I didn't say hang out. I asked when she would be back and she said tuesday, and asked me what my plans were and i told her hanging out with friends, work, and then I said, "Hey, let me take you to that movie on wednesday." and she said, "Okay I won't make any plans. You better be off."

Also I was direct with her, and it worked. I'm tired of beating around the bush to be honest. Someone close to me recently passed away, and it made me realize that i have to take chances with things, because i might not have tomorrow. We're "Talking" or whatever the hell that means. You gotta also realize i'm in highschool.

 

[Igetit!]

She's going to the beach, but when she's back, we're going to a movie, on a date. I didn't say hang out.

You didn't say "hang out". Wow...and just when I was about to give up on you,you show that you actually have learned a thing or two from all our replies.

Well that's good. Now if we can just get Maxtro to do the same thing,lol.

I asked when she would be back and she said tuesday, and asked me what my plans were and i told her hanging out with friends, work, and then I said, "Hey, let me take you to that movie on wednesday." and she said, "Okay I won't make any plans. You better be off."

I know you get tired of me asking this,but I'm going to ask anyway....

How you said or done anything romantic or sexual towards her yet?


I'm hoping everything works out for you,but for some reason my "spider sense" keeps going off when I read how you two interact with each other.


I'll give you this though....you did demonstrate 2 things taught here on the forum....

1:Boldness and fearlessness.
2:Having a willingness to walk away.


You just straight up said,"Look,I'm interested in you,but I need to know if you're interested too or not". That's good,but all that other stuff about you caring for her and her talking about giving you "what you deserve"....that's a bit much for high school kids,ESPECIALLY when you two haven't even had a single date yet.


But you were bold,so I'll give you that,and when she asked you if you two could still be "close",you told her NO,and said that you weren't looking for a "best friend".



You basically told her that given the choice between having her as a friend or nothing at all,that you'd choose nothing,and that was GOOD....real GOOD .

Also I was direct with her, and it worked.

Yeah. And to think:we only had to tell you a THOUSAND TIMES to show your interest directly instead of trying to hide behind being "nice" for you to finally try it,lol.


But like you said,it worked. I just wish I could shake that nagging feeling that something is "off".

 

[Jokerlsk]

Care to ellaborate on what's off? cause idk lol

 

[Jokerlsk]

Oh and also, I'm really inexperienced with this kind of stuff. What should i expect when we do go out? and what do you suggest i do, Igetit?

 

[Igetit!]

Care to ellaborate on what's off? cause idk lol

Well what I mean is for a girl to want to date you,she has to feel some type of chemistry,some type of attraction. If she doesn't,it's off to the friendzone.


Going by what conversations you've posted so far,I haven't seen anything sexual or romantic coming from you to her.


I mean you haven't complimented her,flirted (romantically),used any sexual innuendo,or anything like that. So nothing romantic has come from you to her yet,plus the girl herself went off and called you "nice",which we all know is bad.



So far,the only things I've seen from you that's taught here on the forum the boldness you showed by being direct,and the willingness to walk away.



All the other stuff,you talking about caring for her,her talking about giving you what you deserve,etc,all of that (imo) would be a turnoff for girls,because you showed that you're overly invested in her.



So basically,you did both some good things and some bad,and from the looks of things,it looks like that the 2 good things outweighed all the mistakes you made.



That's why I asked if you've ever did or said anything sexual towards her,because if you haven't,sooner or later,EMOTIONALLY she'll notice a LACK of anything romantic/sexual coming from you,then it's off to the friendzone once again.



As far as what you expect when you go out,it really depends on what you said and how you said it when you asked her out.


First things first.....does she know it's a date? And I mean a romantic date.


If so,then SHE WILL EXPECT you to make some type of move on her at some point during the date. Nothing too over the top,holding her hand,a kiss,something that romantic.


That's IF she knows it's a date. And guess what? If you don't do something,again,the lack of anything romantic or sexual from you will get you sent to the friendzone.


So if she does go through with the date.....

1:Compliment her when you see her. AND DON'T SAY,"you're hot","you're beautiful",or "you" anything. Say,"I like",whatever about her appearance.


"I like that shirt/hairstyle/mini-skirt/etc". Don't ask me why.


I think that you being bold somewhat peaked her interest,so LISTEN.


THE SAME BOLDNESS that got you the date is the SAME BOLDNESS you'll need while ON the date.



You know how you just came straight out and said,"Look,I'm interest in you and I just want to know if you're interest back so I don't waste my time"?


You need to be like that on the date as well. Be in control. You lead,you guide,you make the decisions. If this is a date,then you need to act like it's a date. Don't go out on the date,then act like you're "hanging out".



You've got a few days before the date is supposed to happen,so take some time to get a good gameplan together.

 

[Jokerlsk]

She knows it's a date. It's just a lot of pressure, because i've always choked it up. I"ve never made a move on a girl, i've never kissed a girl. So now that i'm older, it's sorta hard to deal with

 

[FortunateSon]

She knows it's a date. It's just a lot of pressure, because i've always choked it up. I"ve never made a move on a girl, i've never kissed a girl. So now that i'm older, it's sorta hard to deal with

You have no need to be nervous.

Remember, if you are nervous you won't be able to show off your personality, because you'll be too busy trying not to screw things up which means, you'll screw things up.

Remember the whole point of dates is to have fun, think of dating as a car show room, you are there to show off your best qualities and to do that you must remain calm and composed. I guarantee that if you lead this date, do the things that you want to do, you'll peak her interest levels in you further, she'll be drawn to you further and you'll have engaged her mind and emotions which means everything's going/gone well.

She's interested enough in you to go on a date with you, so she'll be expecting you to make a move and show some form of sexual interest. What I like to do is put my arm around her waist and pull her close before going in for a kiss. It is simple and it is effective and what's the worse that can happen? She pulls away and says no? She'll only do that if she isn't really interested in you and you do not want a girl who is not interested in you do you? And from what you have posted it doesn't sound like this girl has a low IL in you.

Remember there is no perfect time to do any of this, you have to trust your gut and go with your animal instinct, do not plan, do not adhere to any stupid manual you have read, do what comes naturally to an animal trying to court another animal. Strike while the iron is hot and remember, have fun!

 

[Igetit!]

She knows it's a date.

Well that's good that she knows. Over in Maxtro's thread,he said that he's 75% sure that the girl he's going to have a bike ride with knows it's a date.


He's not sure if the girl knows that when he and her meet up that it's supposed to be a date.

And that's his fault for not being straight forward and clear with her.


That's a bad thing. It kinda reminds me of those talk shows when someone gets invited thinking it's one thing,but once they're there on stage,they find out that it's totally something else,and get blind-sided.

It's just a lot of pressure, because i've always choked it up.

Well this is something you need to get past.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself about attempting to kiss her.


It's just a girl. It's not like it's a bomb you're trying to defuse and you have to get it right,or else it'll explode and kill you.


It's just a girl.

I"ve never made a move on a girl, i've never kissed a girl.

So what,you feel uncomfortable? You feel out of your element when you think about trying to kiss her?


Well Jokerisk,what did you think was going to happen? If you and this girl end up dating,at some point,she's going to want to be kissed by you.


You know the deal with trying to kiss a girl---ESCALATE.


First try to hold her hand. If she let's you do that,then you can give her a hug,if she seem ok with the hug,then nibble a litle on her neck,and if she's ok with that.....then well..... you're basically there.


Just make sure you do it either somewhere around the middle,or towards the end of the date....AFTER you've spent time flirting,teasing,complimenting her,and dropping a neg or two on her.

All of that will get her emotions flowing and primed for a possible kiss.



Look man,it's IMPORTANT that you at least try to kiss her.

If doesn't matter if she accepts it or not,this is about you being 100% upfront about showing your interest in her. If she reciprocates,then cool,but if not,then that'll let you know where she's at,and the sooner you know that better. That way you don't have to worry about wasting each other's time.



The only way I'd consider the date to be a failure with her would be for you to go on it and instead of you showing you're true interest,you revert back to laughing,joking,and being a "nice ugy" instead of being the bold one who originally asked her out.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Thanks Igetit, but i think she likes my personality as is... I really was bold this time though, and it worked. It's a movie date, so conversation would only really be in my car lol.

 

[FortunateSon]

Thanks Igetit, but i think she likes my personality as is... I really was bold this time though, and it worked. It's a movie date, so conversation would only really be in my car lol.

Why a movie date? Do you not find them restrictive and boring?

 

[Ice882]

Why a movie date? Do you not find them restrictive and boring?

I don't think he's been on many dates. He's starting small. It can be tough to carry conversation non-stop for 2+ hours.