"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Help me avoid a case of one-itis

Alphathree

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To all of you saying "call if you want":

NO. What makes me closer to a PUA than an AFC is that I am able to generate attraction partially based on scarcity.

It would be dumb of me to remove that element (which is critical) this early in the game with a girl that I AM interested in.

I COULD next her, but it's not something I want to do.

We were out on Monday night. I think I'm going to call her Thursday to see if she wants to go out on Friday, unless she contacts me before then.

I think that's a fair compromise between the "wait until SUNDAY!" folks and the "call now!" folks. =)

It's also about the maximum amount of time I can bear, even doing other things.

(Hey man, if you met this girl, you'd understand <-- yes I understand this operates from a principle of scarcity)
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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DJHoolahoop

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sounds to me that all you need then is just the strength to live out what style you're trying to promote. If you know what to do, do it. Simple as that.

If you're trying to create an element of scarcity to show you have a life, then be sure you keep her interest in another way. I'm not saying that one keeps their interest by being around, but I'm saying that deciding the amount of time to wait is really playing it as a game.

That's your choice to live it and chances are it works fine. I guess I'm wondering if it really makes a difference which way you go at it. I've been both scarce and real about my availability. If I have time, I phone or write an e-mail. If I don't, then she has to wait until I do have time. That's how I play it and when I think about phoning in X amount of days, it usually messes it up for me.

That's my way, doesn't mean it's right for you. In any event man, if you're view is set on doing things a certain way then why post this if you know what to do?
 

Alphathree

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Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
In any event man, if you're view is set on doing things a certain way then why post this if you know what to do?
Always room to grow. I appreciate your input, and you're probably right.

I'm still going to wait until tomorrow. It's only at this early stage in the game that I'd be so cautious.

If/when we grow closer, it's easier to be straightforward about spending time together.
 

Charlie_aus

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I have read this thread and am kinda in the same boat.

The chick I am seeing and I are a little further down the line and have fvcked a few times, and I think we should be getting past the games....but I guess I have been a bit AFCish and called a bit too much.

Its been 3 days now since I called and the urge to resist the temptation to call is DAMN hard.

Dwelling on her is the WORST thing I know I can do because it simply feeds the feelings making them that much stronger, and I know what you mean by wanting to chop your right arm off.

All I can say is whatever you choose to do - good luck man.

-C
 

Bible_Belt

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When you see how many fish are in the sea, you're only going to want the ones that are interested in you.

This is excellent general advice.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Alphathree

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Bwahahaha I emailed her this morning and she still hasn't responded.

Granted, the last time I emailed her it took her three freakin' days, but that's because she was out of town.

At any rate, if she doesn't respond, I've gotta NEXT her. (small SNIFF SNIFF for this one)

Hopefully she's just busy.

If not, this will be one of those annoying mysteries.
 
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