Help! How to respond to this girl?

[Tedhe]

Hi Guys,

Would love to get your thoughts on this one - I have been working a tough one over the past few weeks (I also have others on the go) I must admit this girl is pretty hot and has a personality to match - a 9.5/10 on both - also has a potential of being a low grade crazy....which I am ok with...only looking to have something real, casual and fun with this one.

Anyhow - Iv hung out with this girl informally a few times, fooled around a bit - but whenever I ask her out to meet on a formal date she agrees, but bails the day of. I got fed up with this and ghosted her for about 1.5 weeks - I saw her again after that and ended up having a really long personal conversation with her - we decided on hanging out for sushi at my place after I came back from the cottage.

Fast forward to after this weekend

I messaged her ("Hey you, what's up? ) on Monday night and just got a response back the next day in the afternoon ("Hey sorry I forgot to get back to you, what's up?)

Which was surprisingly cold in my opinion.

This girl does get a lot of attention and is the queen of hot and cold, I know for a fact the things she likes about me is I don't really show her how attractive she is, and tend to keep things chill and charming (she loves my charming side)

How do I respond to this one? With humor, charm, etc? The reason for the hesitation is I have been put in this spot before and want to try something different instead of just asking

Thoughts?

 

[marmel75]

Your mistake is thinking there is some magic thing to say that will suddenly make her be dying to see you. There isn't. She either is interested or she isn't.

Once again, an example of a man spending 95% of their energy trying to figure out how to make an uninterested woman interested instead of spending their energy finding new women who are interested.

Say whatever you want, the outcome is already assured. And not in your favor.

 

[Tedhe]

Your mistake is thinking there is some magic thing to say that will suddenly make her be dying to see you. There isn't. She either is interested or she isn't.

Once again, an example of a man spending 95% of their energy trying to figure out how to make an uninterested woman interested instead of spending their energy finding new women who are interested.

Say whatever you want, the outcome is already assured. And not in your favor.

How pessimistic.

I was getting the sense she is testing me - too see how I respond to her hot/cold game

...if she was truly disinterested I doubt I would not get a response. I am very selective in the attention I give her. Lastly, it was her idea to hang out, not mine.

 

[marmel75]

How pessimistic.

I was getting the sense she is testing me - too see how I respond to her hot/cold game

...if she was truly disinterested I doubt I would not get a response. I am very selective in the attention I give her. Lastly, it was her idea to hang out, not mine.

Lol, keep fooling yourself. So some random chick you've never been on a date with cares enough to do all this? Doubt it. She simply doesn't view you as someone she wants to know better.

I'm giving you the truth, if you choose to ignore it, that's your choice.

 

[Tedhe]

Lol, keep fooling yourself. So some random chick you've never been on a date with cares enough to do all this? Doubt it. She simply doesn't view you as someone she wants to know better.

I'm giving you the truth, if you choose to ignore it, that's your choice.

It is a valid point. Gotta take it under consideration

 

[Tedhe]

Strongly disagree.

Your challenge is NOT about your response choice; it is about accepting defeat and moving on to other women.

Time to move to another fishing spot.

I accept.

 

[Tedhe]

I personally think she's enjoying an ego boost. She might even be showing her GF's your responses and having a good chuckle.

In fairness, my texts and convos were never corny or laughable. I am very careful about what I write to a woman

 

[Skyline]

Building attraction for a girl can only be built if there is attraction to begin with. There is some attraction going on since you two have hung out and 'fooled' around but it isn't enough to keep her going forward with you.

I have been in situations like yours numerous times. You're all flirty, she's receptive, she lingers around you, but won't go any further.

Why does this happen..? In my experience, 9/10 times, there is another guy involved. Maybe that guy is just what she's naturally attracted to more so over you. The only reason this can happen is if she's been thinking about him for a while.

I would put her aside, not necessarily delete her contact info, but just a "next time" type of thing. I strongly advise going ghost and when she initiates don't change how you were talking to her before or she will notice that change of frame.

 

[guru1000]

I messaged her ("Hey you, what's up? ) on Monday night and just got a response back the next day in the afternoon ("Hey sorry I forgot to get back to you, what's up?)

How do I respond to this one? With humor, charm, etc? The reason for the hesitation is I have been put in this spot before and want to try something different instead of just asking

Thoughts?

If you were egoless, how would you respond?

My current gf rejected my kiss attempt 3-4 times on the first date, didn't respond to my confirmation text on the second date until the 10th hour, and rejected my house invite five times on the third date.

She owes you nothing until you bang her. Once you bang her, the roles reverse. Ask for the date.

 

[Tedhe]

Building attraction for a girl can only be built if there is attraction to begin with. There is some attraction going on since you two have hung out and 'fooled' around but it isn't enough to keep her going forward with you.

I have been in situations like yours numerous times. You're all flirty, she's receptive, she lingers around you, but won't go any further.

Why does this happen..? In my experience, 9/10 times, there is another guy involved. Maybe that guy is just what she's naturally attracted to more so over you. The only reason this can happen is if she's been thinking about him for a while.

I would put her aside, not necessarily delete her contact info, but just a "next time" type of thing. I strongly advise going ghost and when she initiates don't change how you were talking to her before or she will notice that change of frame.

Could care less if another guy is involved. Not looking for wifey here - just someone to have fun with

But beyond that, these are some great points as well

 

[Tedhe]

If you were egoless, how would you respond?

My current gf rejected my kiss attempt 3-4 times on the first date, didn't respond to my confirmation text on the second date until the 10th hour, and rejected my house invite five times on the third date.

She owes you nothing until you bang her. Once you bang her, the roles reverse. Ask for the date.

Persistence has its merits! I am selectively persistent as to not come across as needy

Also, this girl has told me that she hates it when guys obsess over her (big clue)

 

[guru1000]

There is a distinction between being egoless, fvckless with an agenda to fvck--and--being a pathetic, desperate beta. This tiny distinction also differentiates the seasoned DJ from the spineless beta.

 

[Skyline]

Could care less if another guy is involved. Not looking for wifey here - just someone to have fun with

But beyond that, these are some great points as well

I doubt she will do anything with you besides maybe some light kino and mediocre flirting. And by mediocre flirting I mean her not outright denying your flirty advances unless they go "too far."

The way you flirt and talk to a girl will basically dictate where she puts you in her head. Obviously you are not friend zoned but you're also not in the fvck buddy zone.

That means you are approaching her with the mindset "I want to be with her so I'm going to treat/talk to her 'x' way and if I just wanted to bang her I will treat her 'y' way."

It's clear you are not aware that you are doing this but women can pick up on this easy. I know this because I actually seek out good girls, or that I think are good, for relationships and it effects the way I flirt and interact with them. I use more lingo that implies us being together or will be in the near future, vague but heavily implied. This does not mean that I am not sexual with her, I am but in a different way.

I like to stay honest with my intentions through my actions and diction. So that means if I just wanted a lay then I would be using more sexual actions and diction over the implementation of us actually being together. I find myself putting a lot less effort to get laid than a relationship to be honest, in some instances I have to sort of push myself.

Maybe it's because I believe sex is overrated, and this is coming from a dude who is a step below 50 shades of gray, that I noticed this trend with myself when interacting with what I want in a woman. I actually find it more difficult to get into a relationship than actually get laid.

If I were you, this girl would definitely be set aside.

Just my personal experience.

 

[RangerMIke]

You should only be trying to set dates. If she won't go out with you she really isn't interested. It's okay to text back and forth with friends or women you are not interested in. You are hurting your chance with women when you do anything other than try to date as many different women as you can, and do anything other than try to make dates.

Get her out, read her body language, escalate... when you get the green light you're in, otherwise repeat... date ... escalate etc. etc. Do all your work on dates, otherwise give her nothing... no attention.. no ego boosting... no texting no long convos....

 

[dude99]

Th

Hi Guys,

Would love to get your thoughts on this one - I have been working a tough one over the past few weeks (I also have others on the go) I must admit this girl is pretty hot and has a personality to match - a 9.5/10 on both - also has a potential of being a low grade crazy....which I am ok with...only looking to have something real, casual and fun with this one.

Anyhow - Iv hung out with this girl informally a few times, fooled around a bit - but whenever I ask her out to meet on a formal date she agrees, but bails the day of. I got fed up with this and ghosted her for about 1.5 weeks - I saw her again after that and ended up having a really long personal conversation with her - we decided on hanging out for sushi at my place after I came back from the cottage.

Fast forward to after this weekend

I messaged her ("Hey you, what's up? ) on Monday night and just got a response back the next day in the afternoon ("Hey sorry I forgot to get back to you, what's up?)

Which was surprisingly cold in my opinion.

This girl does get a lot of attention and is the queen of hot and cold, I know for a fact the things she likes about me is I don't really show her how attractive she is, and tend to keep things chill and charming (she loves my charming side)

How do I respond to this one? With humor, charm, etc? The reason for the hesitation is I have been put in this spot before and want to try something different instead of just asking

Thoughts?

This girl is not interested.

Next her.

 

[dude99]

How pessimistic.

I was getting the sense she is testing me - too see how I respond to her hot/cold game

...if she was truly disinterested I doubt I would not get a response. I am very selective in the attention I give her. Lastly, it was her idea to hang out, not mine.

Stop playing games with her. You are teaching her it is ok too toy with you. If she is testing you, put your foot down. If not she will use you for entertainment and nothing else and they only unhappy and confused one will be you

Women do not play games with guys they want to be with. They make themselves available

 

[kronreiff]

You're fooling yourself. This girl has a very low interest level in you, if any at all. You're chasing her and masquerading it as a challenge and some sort of a conquer game. She didn't text you back and you're still chasing despite the disrespect. Best if you move on and save yourself some embarrassment and a blow to your already fragile ego.

 

[Tedhe]

[/QUOTE]

If you were egoless, how would you respond?

My current gf rejected my kiss attempt 3-4 times on the first date, didn't respond to my confirmation text on the second date until the 10th hour, and rejected my house invite five times on the third date.

She owes you nothing until you bang her. Once you bang her, the roles reverse. Ask for the date.

How did you do it? Get the girl after getting shot down so much - also, respect for getting the girl!

 

[guru1000]

How did you do it? Get the girl after getting shot down so much - also, respect for getting the girl!

I don't care/worry about IOIs, signals, frame, reciprocation (before the bang), or her IL. What matters to me is whether I am interested or not. If I am, then I pursue. The distinction is understanding when it's lost. For me, that line would be an unanswered text/phone call, flake, or indecision/no to my date request. But if the girl is not running away--as aggressive as I am, and I am extremely aggressive--and she makes herself available, this means game on.