Help .. Feeling depressed

[Aesthetix29]

Hi, okay so I'm 31 and the last 3 years have been rough for me. I split from long time gf so ended up back at my parents house (still am) and 12 months ago got made redundant from my 13 year job ... So gave it a go of going self employed. Well that really hasn't worked out, so I'm now looking for a new job ... So all in all in 31 back at home and no job, this is making me so depressed or at least feels like it.

On a positive note I have £9000 in savings but that's it .... I'm thinking about going away on my own for a week or two ... Is this sad? To clear my head. Honestly don't think things could get any worse!

These problems are really wearing me down physically and mentally ... I probably look the worst that I ever have .. Lost loads of weight through not training and dieting! Confidence hit rock bottom, the only way I can explain how I feel is stuck in a rut and feel like I'm drowning.

Can anyone relate to this and is their light at the end of tunnel? ( I will mention I have been a heavy cannabis user since my mid teens, to which I have now almost done 2 weeks without and just about getting my sleeping routine back ).

All these problems have resulted in me neglecting friends and family, just don't know where to turn next. Wow never thought I'd be writing something like this a few years ago. Sorry for the rant.
Aesthetix

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Umm...you must be a long lost twin. Hello!

Yes, there are others going through the same thing. I basically just went through the exact same thing, except I'm 27. Almost exactly the same story. My father died. My 4 year LTR left. I resigned from my job after getting uprooted to a new location against my will. I was into and out of different relatives' houses for 2 months at a time. I gained 10-15 pounds. Even went through the "self employed" phase and failed.

I am JUST NOW beginning to climb out of this massive hole. The last 3 weeks have been major progress for me. I now have a nice apartment to call home and start a promising new job on September 19. Started walking everyday to try to shed the weight.

You have to put your head down and tackle these problems one at a time. Zone in on one and solve it. I had to apply to over 40 jobs to find a suitable one. It was 2-3 hours a night, every night, for almost a month. It was HELL, but it's about to pay off. To help you focus on clearing your head I HIGHLY encourage you to take that week and go somewhere new. Go alone. Stay in a hostel. Meet fellow solo travelers. Sound uncomfortable? Good. Challenge your comfort zone. I went to Europe alone for 30 days last summer. And this past January I went to Denver for a 4 day weekend, got really baked, and remember laying in bed thinking about the 5 big things I wanted for myself again. I wanted my own place, a good paying job, my own car, to pick up an old hobby, and a girlfriend. I have knocked the first 3 out, and start playing at a new Sunday hockey league in 3 weeks. I have no plates atm, but I'm confident the progress I've made will give me the confidence to meet new girls soon.

I was in this hole you are in for 20 MONTHS, but where I see myself a month from now feels very promising. You will get there. But you have to get tired of this depression, because if you don't it only gets worse.

 

[backseatjuan]

9000 is 774,000 rubles you mother fvcker! You need to change your surroundings. Good news its easy. Bad news it cost money. For 150,000 of that money we could open up a bakery over here, employ a cook, and a maid, and enjoy the cash flow. Bakery like that could easily produce 5,000 to 10,000 per day year round. Take one product, baked sausage in bread, cost 50 rubles, 100 sausages per day that is 5000. Along with sausages there will be 10 more products, plus coffee and tea, plus soda sales. A single soda lemonade cost 65 rubles. Coffee 80 rubles, fancy ass cappuccino 150. Rent is around 12000 per month for an apartment. Buy ticket come here I need money to start this thing off.

 

[Aesthetix29]

I hear what your both saying ... But I live in the UK ... And getting a well paid job is hard without qualifications! I'm looking tho, as for the money that's just what I've saved up as a nest egg ... It's isn't much but it's my lifeline. Feel like the worlds against me but I really am hoping to turn this situation around. Can't believe I've ended up like this.

DEPRESSED ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

 

[Aesthetix29]

No matter how worn down you feel physically and mentally, you still have your mind and body. Both are incredibly resilient.

I personally think hitting the gym and eating clean will take you a long way.

THANKS Espi .... I'm starting my diet tomorrow and back in the gym from next week, your tight it really does help and I suppose starting to look like rubbish is not helping in the slightest. Once diets dialed in should come back pretty quick (muscle memory). But again that's only part of it, it's a job and getting a house that's the hard part. I know I can do this.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I suffer with mild depression. I say mild but my doctor eventually upped me to the max on Prozac. I took it for about 18 months and it was no bueno for me. Felt like I was wearing a feelings condom. Not for me.
I'm lucky in that I have my music and instruments to play. I'm not particularly religious but when I grab my guitar and play or play and sing, church is in session.

 

[samspade]

9,000 pounds, nice work!

My question for you is are you pursuing the kind of work you want to do? Work will not always be fulfilling, but doing something that excites you will make you happy/productive/successful.

I've spent the last two years recalibrating my goals. I keep deciding and un-deciding. I've lived with a roommate in a cheap but dumpy apartment...but I feel great because I've paid off $14k of debt and saved about $7k besides. So whatever's next, I will be ready for it. I have a day job and a girlfriend but my life is fairly unglamorous for now. My family is all wondering when I'm going to do something more with my life. Ha! I'm doing it, it just takes time and effort, b!tches.

One thing I know is there's always someone with less than you, and someone with more. You've just got to worry about you. So don't be jealous of the wealthier guy, but don't be ashamed for wanting to improve, either.

Like someone said above, start with what you can control. Diet/exercise are in your hands. Finding a job you have less control of, but still a great deal. Women will come eventually but you gotta work on your body/mind/soul/bank account first. Take the first step.

 

[Aesthetix29]

I would just like to thank all that have responded ... Here's the thing ... I have my diet dialed in now .. My gym is monthly so will sign up on the 1st next month .. In the meantime going on runs to strip some unessasary fat .. I have also quit smoking bud now in which has made a big impact on the way my kind works believe it or not. Not really fussed about having a bird to honest as that will come in time and I have bigger priorities.

The thing that is killing me off is not having a job ... I applied for loads this week .. Even the supermarket (Aldi) that turned me away lol. Today I have a applied for security at the airport but can't see anything coming off that. I still have bills like car insurance etc... So my money is dwindling fast and I'm not signing on either. I was looking into doing a plastering course (6 weeks - £3000) but not sure I'll be able to gain work afterwords. Honestly feel like complete crap because of this .. And being at home well that's just depressing on its own.

Suppose all I can do is keep applying for rubbish jobs.

 

[Aesthetix29]

Bro doesn't work like that over here... I just need someone to give me a chance ... I can go back to college but at a huge cost ... I was in the same job for 13 years and I got comfy and last year got made redundant! Screwed me over big time. And this is the predicament I'm in now! And that's why I'm looking into doing a plasterring course (last resort) but again this would mean that I would have to go self employed (and it's just too much messing)

 

[playa99]

There is a lot of work within construction in the UK at the moment, but it is a notoriously up and down industry. If you work in retail fit out you can look to be earning £1500 a week at the moment due to a shortage of skilled workers.

What is it that you did for 13 years?

Finding what you want to do is paramount, not to pay the bills, but to be happy. I'm from the UK also so shoot me a PM if you need any help.

 

[ubercat]

What about Social Security. Depressing bastards to deal with but do you qualify for any payments? In any survival situation first thing is to stabilize the patient. So try and get any small income that will stop you going backwards. You paid 13 years of taxes to the government. It's time for them to give a little back. Good investment on their part as you will pay plenty more tax in the years to come.

I've only ever been out of work for a few weeks however the older you get the harder it bites as you always have that thought you'll never work again. You have to have the attitude that you are not unemployed you are between jobs. Well done on having some money saved and getting off the ganja both are great achievements.

It's not just about payments the British government will have some job seeking network in place. Now if it's anything like Australia job search providers are businesses and don't care much about you. I had a mate who worked for one for a while. The clients were really looking he tried to help. If you look hard enough in the system you should find a few good people like him.

IMO it's not just about finding a job it's also about keeping your chin and pecker up while you're between jobs. So I think you need to address the mental side as well. Couple of recommended books gorilla mindset and another one called surviving unemployment. I'd also see if there are any free Buddhist / meditation classes available near you. Unemployment is a storm in life you'll need to quiet the waters of your mind without getting back on the bud.

Social support is also important. It's terrible for your mental state to become socially isolated. Many of The Meetup groups have free events.

And remember you're not the first guy to be between gigs. They got through it and you will too. You're a smart tough mother f***** and the bastards won't get you down.

And don't become too cynical. We're giving our time on this thread to give you advice. Yes there are plenty of c**** in life but there are good people too who will help you if you reach out.

 

[Aesthetix29]

What about Social Security. Depressing bastards to deal with but do you qualify for any payments? In any survival situation first thing is to stabilize the patient. So try and get any small income that will stop you going backwards. You paid 13 years of taxes to the government. It's time for them to give a little back. Good investment on their part as you will pay plenty more tax in the years to come.

I've only ever been out of work for a few weeks however the older you get the harder it bites as you always have that thought you'll never work again. You have to have the attitude that you are not unemployed you are between jobs. Well done on having some money saved and getting off the ganja both are great achievements.

It's not just about payments the British government will have some job seeking network in place. Now if it's anything like Australia job search providers are businesses and don't care much about you. I had a mate who worked for one for a while. The clients were really looking he tried to help. If you look hard enough in the system you should find a few good people like him.

IMO it's not just about finding a job it's also about keeping your chin and pecker up while you're between jobs. So I think you need to address the mental side as well. Couple of recommended books gorilla mindset and another one called surviving unemployment. I'd also see if there are any free Buddhist / meditation classes available near you. Unemployment is a storm in life you'll need to quiet the waters of your mind without getting back on the bud.

Social support is also important. It's terrible for your mental state to become socially isolated. Many of The Meetup groups have free events.

And remember you're not the first guy to be between gigs. They got through it and you will too. You're a smart tough mother f***** and the bastards won't get you down.

And don't become too cynical. We're giving our time on this thread to give you advice. Yes there are plenty of c**** in life but there are good people too who will help you if you reach out.

Thanks buddy means a lot ... I really am trying my best, it's like the last 25 years are a haze due to being blazed all the time. It's weird how stopping smoking it makes an effect ... It's like when I was on it I didn't give a f**** and now I'm off my minds gone into overdrive and emotions are in play. The other things that's really getting to me is I'm back home .. Not my mums but at my nans (she's 81) so scared of her popping her clogs while I'm here. I'm sure I will pull though this sooner rather than later.

I'll take a look at those books you mentioned, just can't believe I'm in this situation at 31 .. No career, no house and no girlfriend .. Kill me now haha!

 

[Aesthetix29]

I've never had 9k of savings and I'm 28. You don't have it that bad. chin up, my son.

It's not a lot believe me! I'm trying to keep positive thoughts pal. Cheers

WOULD JUST LIKE TO THSNK EVERYONE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO HELP A BRO OUT.

 

[ubercat]

No career, no house and no girlfriend .. Kill me now haha!

Believe me with no house or career a g/f would b a punishment not a reward. Lack of Poon is never fatal.

Understandable attitude but wrong attitude.

Your mind is going to be a mess for a while from the drugs. Which means u MUST write goals down. So TODAY you could:

1. Fill out forms to register for unemployment payment

2. Apply for 5 jobs

3. Talk to your Nan and find out more about her life. Where did she grow up? What s her favourite colour? What jobs did she have?

4. Download a free meditation application and meditate for 10 minutes

So WILL you?

 

[ubercat]

And one last thought. Don't spend too much time thinking about the advice u get here. There s plenty of life experience on this thread already - don't make the mistake of thinking u know better or that your situation is DIFFERENT Just take a couple of things that resonate with u and DO IT.

Making a very simple plan focused on priorities, writing it down and actioning it is what u need to build into your DNA. This is a real skill u learn by repetition. Without this skill no advice can help u.

 

[Aesthetix29]

Believe me with no house or career a g/f would b a punishment not a reward. Lack of Poon is never fatal.

Understandable attitude but wrong attitude.

Your mind is going to be a mess for a while from the drugs. Which means u MUST write goals down. So TODAY you could:

1. Fill out forms to register for unemployment payment

2. Apply for 5 jobs

3. Talk to your Nan and find out more about her life. Where did she grow up? What s her favourite colour? What jobs did she have?

4. Download a free meditation application and meditate for 10 minutes

So WILL you?

When you say it like that .. It makes sense, and yes it's like my mind is in complete overdrive at the minute and I'm also having the most vivid and realistic dreams ... Never used to dream on bud!

As for unemployment pay (jobseekers) I looked at this when I was first made redundant and believe me it's more trouble than it's worth ... They want you to search for work 40 hrs per week and prove it (write everything down) if you don't you get sanctioned ... And will take 7 weeks before I get the first payment. So not sure about this.

I will definitely apply for 5 jobs today tho (I use indeed.com)

My nans great .. I have lived with here since I was a child, so there's not much I don't know about her

And I will have a look at the meditation app.

I think what I need is a short break away (fresh scenery) to clear my head.

Going to go on a HIIT run later

 

[oOh Nasty]

On a side note:

If you aren't doing so already, refrain from any jerking off until you feel completely energetic again. Even a small detail like that sometimes makes a big difference.

 

[resilient]

If you aren't doing so already, refrain from any jerking off until you feel completely energetic again. Even a small detail like that sometimes makes a big difference.

So much this. Jerking it makes you passive, lazy, and apathetic.

A few observations since I quit porn over a month ago and subsequently recently, nofap:

- I hold stronger eye contact with women.
- I'm less anxious in general while experiencing less social anxiety.
- I walk with my head held higher (not looking at the ground or to the side) slower, comfortable stride.
- I'm focused on my life's direction.
- I quit video games/TV/Netflix watching/movies etc.
- I exercise to HIIT workout videos daily.
- I make more casual conversations with strangers / Uber drivers.
- I'm chasing my goals to live independently and apply to grad school.
- Lastly, thinking of quitting my 1-mo low-IL plate, even though I have no plates to keep me afloat.

I hope my perspective helped.

 

[Aesthetix29]

Not fapped for 4 days so far ... Going to see how long I can keep it up.

Should I take a small break to clear the head ?

 

[ubercat]

If you do I suggest finding a Meetup group that has say a weekend hike or holiday planned. Going somewhere on your own could be a bit tricky you are likely to just take your problems with you and obsess over them. Another possibility could be a Buddhist weekend retreat that will certainly help in clearing your mind.