Hell and Insanity... (Nightmares & Dreamscapes)

[The Antichrist_Star]

Atypically, I would make my return to this site during the higher points in my life... a time where the as per usual... would be going as per excellent. On a number of levels for a number of reasons on a number of levels... this is not one of those situations. No, rather this time I mark my return to my solace with a crushed ego, a man decimated by the very thing(s) that he knew would destroy him... the very thing(s) that those beautiful creations called "logic" and "reason" told him to stay away from... a woman and love. Perhaps more tragically... a woman that I loved. Even better, a woman I have fallen in love with. What was once untouchable, now lies in a pool of his own discontent and what remains of him are mere shards of the man that he used to be. Currently, I have disengaged myself from everyone close to me... being in the current state that I am in is not very condusive to things like friendship. Not because my friends are not more than willing to support me during my journey... it is that I simply will not allow them to, for fear of what I may do to them. The journey that I tread currently, is one that I believe is best accomplished alone. I needed time to think, reflect, breathe but most importantly... reinvent.

It is for that aformentioned reason that I decided that now was as good as a time as any to return to my thicket of solitude. Often, after a long break away from the site (I have not posted in about three months I believe... I mean an actual post) I return with the intentions of taking it yet to another level, and this time will be no exception. However, the main difference between this time and times previous is something very pivotal... I will be helped. For a while now, this site was a place where I taught... not where I learned. Due to my journey however, I once again become a student, placing my thoughts on this place with the hopes of determining what lies beneath. For a long time I dispensed advice... for the first time... I dispense emotion. For this place, my solace... is now the only place where these emotions can go... it is with this space and these thoughts... where my journey will be created and documented.

With that, I welcome you to Hell & Insanity... the land between the towns of Lost and Found.

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[Smooth as Anything]

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

I do not know if that means to you, what it does to me... but if it does, then I need not say more.

The path we chose is tedious, Julian. Dammit, we ask ourselves "Why?" more than we do "How?". Our lives are the sum of our efforts, our determinations and our goals. We both know what they add up to in the end, and it begins with a d and ends with an eath.

So... "Why?" Why push on? Why swallow **** and drink piss? What is it we're searching for? Why do we allow ourselves to fall into old habits, when we ****ing know, dammit, we know we're better than them.

Once again it is not a matter of why, but how. Time will tell Julian, and if you are as aware of death as I am, which I know you are, then you know time is what we have the least of.

With that said: new beginnings only lead to new ends. A paradox? Yes.

But every man dies. It is us few who live.

 

[LikRetsam]

Remember who you are.

 

[InsidiousNstinct]

Noones perfect....besides what would this place be without mistakes. The way I see it the worst thing that could happen is for you to give up and I surely don't see you doing that so you've basically already won. Dust that dirt off your body and start over.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

Yeah, every person needs to be alone at times when sh*t isn't going your way.

Only time will heal.

 

[Brazilian_Blues_Boy]

I think that indeed we're brothers from different mothers man...

I thought I was in the middle of a dry spell, but suddenly I realized that the rabbit hole is deeper than that...

To sum things up, I'm alone.
Not that it makes me sad, no, but it makes me bitter.
I'm far from the social guy I used to be... nowadays I'm just a lone wolf, awaiting a grand transition... which one I don't know yet, but I'm waiting for it endlessly...

I wish I could give you words of hope, but how am I going to give them to you if I don't have them for myself?

I need something to believe in. I lost all faith in everything, well almost everything... there's a pale fire that burns inside my Antartic heart... it lives 40 miles from home and unexplanably it simply just doesn't extinguish.

But never give up man ! That's the beauty of it, isn't it?
It's Action and Reaction, we climb up to heavens and then fall down to hells...
The scars of these rides makes us proud, and mostly, makes us who we are...

I've been falling for months... but I know that when I get up, I'll get up for good, and nothing is going to get me down, you can bet on that man !

Maybe you're beginning to fall too, and who knows when you'll get back up?
That's why, I believe, we're all here for...

To apreciate together the nauseous feeling of the fall, holding each other's hand to give courage...

Courage man... that and patience, is all we need...

BBB

 

[Eternal]

A wise man once told me something when I was feeling down..."The answer is never far. It is always inside you. People don't realize that. All you have to do is look inside yourself and you will find the answer." I took his advice and looked inside. Now, I am happy. Life is good for me. I'm glad I took his advice.

Who is this "he?"

Julian Richard Gibbs...The artist known as The Matrix: Reloaded.

The person I turn to for advice always has answers for me. I might as well start repaying the favor man.

 

[Jester]

chill

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by crazykid
A wise man once told me something when I was feeling down..."The answer is never far. It is always inside you. People don't realize that. All you have to do is look inside yourself and you will find the answer." I took his advice and looked inside. Now, I am happy. Life is good for me. I'm glad I took his advice.

Who is this "he?"

Julian Richard Gibbs...The artist known as The Matrix: Reloaded.

The person I turn to for advice always has answers for me. I might as well start repaying the favor man.

Did I really tell you that, oftentimes I think I am just dispening bull while I am on this machine, so the words come appreciated. I have taken this previous weekend to do a lot of reflecting. Being stripped of everything else, honestly... there was only one thing that has kept me going, and that will propel me into something greater than where I was previous. The future is bright gentlemen... stay tuned.

Between the towns of Lost and Found...

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[LikRetsam]

You may have a problem called ego. Ego is a tool used to keep us in check. It has the ability to make us great. However, ego may go to far and make us lose grip on reality.

Stay tuned

Those are the words that fuel these comments. Your life is not epic. Your life is not greater than all those around you. You are not some God of men. Just because you happen to hit a few bumps, doesn't mean the world is going to die. But somewhere, you perceive it as such. You see it as you are a being closer to perfection than the rest (which may or may not be true) but you are still... only human.

You are kicking your ass after something happened that you didn't want to have happen but it happened anyways. Not because this is the natural thing to do, but because you believe that for the sake of you, that can not happen.

Roll it off. Examine it. The good, the bad, the lessons learned. Everything. Accept everything. To not believe everything, simply acknowledge it's existence. Then when you have everything gathered, you may perhaps understand what happened. However, what boggles my mind is that from a failure you find absolute failure and destruction. You missed a shot, that does not mean you can't control the ball, pass the ball, receive the ball.... It doesn't mean you can't shoot. It just means you missed.

And all you have to do... is work on taking that shot.

Nothing was lost. It was suicidal to believe so. To deny the past. One failure is not the end of you. You are not a hitman.

You are not farther away from perfection because of that... you are infact closer.

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
You may have a problem called ego. Ego is a tool used to keep us in check. It has the ability to make us great. However, ego may go to far and make us lose grip on reality.



Those are the words that fuel these comments. Your life is not epic. Your life is not greater than all those around you. You are not some God of men. Just because you happen to hit a few bumps, doesn't mean the world is going to die. But somewhere, you perceive it as such. You see it as you are a being closer to perfection than the rest (which may or may not be true) but you are still... only human.

You are kicking your ass after something happened that you didn't want to have happen but it happened anyways. Not because this is the natural thing to do, but because you believe that for the sake of you, that can not happen.

Roll it off. Examine it. The good, the bad, the lessons learned. Everything. Accept everything. To not believe everything, simply acknowledge it's existence. Then when you have everything gathered, you may perhaps understand what happened. However, what boggles my mind is that from a failure you find absolute failure and destruction. You missed a shot, that does not mean you can't control the ball, pass the ball, receive the ball.... It doesn't mean you can't shoot. It just means you missed.

And all you have to do... is work on taking that shot.

Nothing was lost. It was suicidal to believe so. To deny the past. One failure is not the end of you. You are not a hitman.

You are not farther away from perfection because of that... you are infact closer.

Hmm... ego, that disease is certainly spreading now isn't it? We all have that problem called "ego" LikRetsam, both you and I not being exceptions to the rule. If we did not... none of us would be here to begin with. None of us would pursue hopes and dreams, and when a good amount is lost... it is that very disease that keeps us going. Your "ego" does no wrong... it is the person in which that ego is installed that may lose a grip on reality.

Your life is not epic. Your life is not greater than all those around you. You are not some God of men. Just because you happen to hit a few bumps, doesn't mean the world is going to die. But somewhere, you perceive it as such. You see it as you are a being closer to perfection than the rest (which may or may not be true) but you are still... only human.

These are the words that fuel these comments. Where in heaven's name did you draw up all of these inferences from a mere two words? "Stay tuned" as in this site is going to return to its regular scheduled program... not "Stay tuned to the next episode into the Matrix: Reloaded's life story..." Rarely, if ever... have I ever shared anything of my personal life on this site, and in hindsight... perhaps I should keep it that way because a few people have spawned a life out of something rather insignificant to everyone else except for me and that person.

I did not post this incident as a cry for help or to make my life overly important, I posted to show that I am human, that bad things (as far as women are concerned) happen to me... just like everyone else. That like everyone else, I do hurt and possess emotion. Amazing, how a few months ago I was castrated because people believed I was some sort of robot with no feeling... now I display my feelings and I am making my life overly important to everyone else... make up your fucking minds.

Listen... I have not all of a sudden forgot everything I have learned over the last four years because of one thing that happened, so I appreciate the advice... but I already know what I have to do, and am already in the process of doing it. I have come too far now, to just give up... failure is a part of the process. Those words at the beginning of this thread were written in a state of mind that did not last forever... if not more than a day and a half.

Between the towns of Lost and Found

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[LikRetsam]

Hehe, it's been awhile I haven't been able to argue with you... I sort of missed it

I believe my comments only make that belief in yourself stronger and make you more sure of what must happen and what remains to be taught.

In the end it will help me hopefully as much or more than it helped you.

 

[blienk]

This is the most pretentious sh*t I've ever read in my life. I hope some of you are joking around.

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by blienk
This is the most pretentious sh*t I've ever read in my life. I hope some of you are joking around.

An idol mind is the devil's workshop. Sorry you have not be able to read more pretentious things... you are really missing out.

Honestly Blienk... you and Jester really, really, really need to lighten up... I find it ironic how the supposed "pseudo-intellectuals" get a lot of shit because we "think" or take life too seriously... when it appears that those who live in "reality" are the sensitive ones... perhaps you guys take things a bit too seriously and are the pretentious ones for believing that the way that you choose to live your life is somehow extremely better than I live mine simply because you are not here to find about rabbit holes and want to talk about shit that actually happens in your life... then do something about it... change it... do not talk about how you do not like it... change it.

*Snickers* I guess I will be returning to my mountaintop now...

 

[blienk]

Originally posted by The Matrix: Reloaded
An idol mind is the devil's workshop. Sorry you have not be able to read more pretentious things... you are really missing out.

Honestly Blienk... you and Jester really, really, really need to lighten up... I find it ironic how the supposed "pseudo-intellectuals" get a lot of shit because we "think" or take life too seriously... when it appears that those who live in "reality" are the sensitive ones... perhaps you guys take things a bit too seriously and are the pretentious ones for believing that the way that you choose to live your life is somehow extremely better than I live mine simply because you are not here to find about rabbit holes and want to talk about shit that actually happens in your life... then do something about it... change it... do not talk about how you do not like it... change it.

*Snickers* I guess I will be returning to my mountaintop now...

Hey, I'm trying to change it right now. I'd really love to discuss whatever problems you're dealing with/have recently dealt with. I just think it's a lot more effective if we talk about it in real terms instead of this Ralph Waldo Emerson-wannabe terminology.

I can't possibly criticize the way you live your life because I have no idea how you actually live your life. Unless of course, you really do live in a rabbit hole in the "Desert of the Real" and you take girls on dates to your Cave of Solitude and swim in the Sea of Illusion of whatever the fcuk the latest theme is.

Let's just take a sampling of some ridiculous quotes uttered so far in this topic...

Atypically, I would make my return to this site during the higher points in my life

First of all, a grammar note..."Atypically" means "a manner that is not typical". So judging from the context of your post, I believe "typically" would have been the correct choice there.

It is for that aformentioned reason that I decided that now was as good as a time as any to return to my thicket of solitude.

Good call, Batman.


With that, I welcome you to Hell & Insanity... the land between the towns of Lost and Found.

No sh*t! One of my best friends live in Lost!

Yeah, every person needs to be alone at times when sh*t isn't going your way.

Darrell manages to summarize THIS ENTIRE THREAD in one coherent sentence.

there's a pale fire that burns inside my Antartic heart... it lives 40 miles from home and unexplanably it simply just doesn't extinguish.

Wow...I don't even know where to start with this one. Since when did BBB join an emo band?

oftentimes I think I am just dispening bull while I am on this machine

Ummm...no comment.

Your life is not epic. Your life is not greater than all those around you. You are not some God of men.

Lik brings some common sense back to the topic.

a few people have spawned a life out of something rather insignificant to everyone else except for me and that person.

Hey, WE weren't the ones who called it "Hell & Insanity".


So anyways, my grand conclusion is that all of this dramatization amounts to nothing. This thread can be summed up as:

Matrix: I'm feeling kinda sad.

Smooth, Lik, et al: Cheer up buddy, life goes on!

Matrix: You're right. I feel better now.

So we can either keep repeating the above in this ridiculously overwrought manner, or we can talk about something real. Despite all my criticism, I don't doubt your intelligence Matrix. And that's why I'm honestly interested in hearing about what you've gone through recently and how you're recovering from it. What I'm NOT interested in is seeing you and everyone else do your best Thoreau impressions.

Hope I made myself clear.

 

[The Antichrist_Star]

Originally posted by blienk
Hey, I'm trying to change it right now. I'd really love to discuss whatever problems you're dealing with/have recently dealt with. I just think it's a lot more effective if we talk about it in real terms instead of this Ralph Waldo Emerson-wannabe terminology.

I can't possibly criticize the way you live your life because I have no idea how you actually live your life. Unless of course, you really do live in a rabbit hole in the "Desert of the Real" and you take girls on dates to your Cave of Solitude and swim in the Sea of Illusion of whatever the fcuk the latest theme is.

Let's just take a sampling of some ridiculous quotes uttered so far in this topic...

Atypically, I would make my return to this site during the higher points in my life

First of all, a grammar note..."Atypically" means "a manner that is not typical". So judging from the context of your post, I believe "typically" would have been the correct choice there.

It is for that aformentioned reason that I decided that now was as good as a time as any to return to my thicket of solitude.

Good call, Batman.


With that, I welcome you to Hell & Insanity... the land between the towns of Lost and Found.

No sh*t! One of my best friends live in Lost!

Yeah, every person needs to be alone at times when sh*t isn't going your way.

Darrell manages to summarize THIS ENTIRE THREAD in one coherent sentence.

there's a pale fire that burns inside my Antartic heart... it lives 40 miles from home and unexplanably it simply just doesn't extinguish.

Wow...I don't even know where to start with this one. Since when did BBB join an emo band?

oftentimes I think I am just dispening bull while I am on this machine

Ummm...no comment.

Your life is not epic. Your life is not greater than all those around you. You are not some God of men.

Lik brings some common sense back to the topic.

a few people have spawned a life out of something rather insignificant to everyone else except for me and that person.

Hey, WE weren't the ones who called it "Hell & Insanity".


So anyways, my grand conclusion is that all of this dramatization amounts to nothing. This thread can be summed up as:

Matrix: I'm feeling kinda sad.

Smooth, Lik, et al: Cheer up buddy, life goes on!

Matrix: You're right. I feel better now.

So we can either keep repeating the above in this ridiculously overwrought manner, or we can talk about something real. Despite all my criticism, I don't doubt your intelligence Matrix. And that's why I'm honestly interested in hearing about what you've gone through recently and how you're recovering from it. What I'm NOT interested in is seeing you and everyone else do your best Thoreau impressions.

Hope I made myself clear.

I think I get you now... it appears some miscommunication has occurred. I have been spending a lot of time on this novel that I am trying to write and it is starting to transfer apparently. It is satire on high school relationships and how we make them overly important... I write it in Jane Austenesque English. If it appears overblown then... it is because it is. ... but I digress. In all seriousness... as for what exactly I have done or will do in this situation... I may or may not actually go into it. However, a number of things that I have in mind as far as posting goes will deal a lot with things like relationships, love, feelings, sex, and maybe a few other things. I really feel that (at least for those advanced) things like what "confidence" is are exhausted topics. There is yet still a lot more to explore (at least I think) it is just a matter of us searching them out. So if you are all about the change then... let's do it.

As far as my Hell & Insanity, Lost and Found shit... hey man... that is just me being me... cut me some slack. With that said... onward.

Between the towns...

The Matrix: Reloaded

 

[LikRetsam]

Blienk, may I have your babies?

Honestly, that was some thorough flaming. Made me laugh quite a few times.

Another joins my favorite poster list.