He has alot of psycho exes?

[TheMonkeyKing]

I'm willing to bet on this. I've had enough ex-GFs who went crazy when I ended my relationship with them.

How many of those went all out, destroying your property and/or reputation? Personally, I've had a lot of girls get upset, but only one go proper mental like that. And looking back, I could have predicted that it would have ended the way it did.

The guy in the OP story just sounds weak and doesn't learn from his mistakes. Not necessarily directly his fault, he just sounds blue pill to the bone.

If some nutcase bird sprayed my car, I wouldn't go round posting about it on social media. I'd be highly embarrassed to have been associating with such a person; like the opposite of social proof

 

[playa99]

How many of those went all out, destroying your property and/or reputation? Personally, I've had a lot of girls get upset, but only one go proper mental like that. And looking back, I could have predicted that it would have ended the way it did.

The guy in the OP story just sounds weak and doesn't learn from his mistakes. Not necessarily directly his fault, he just sounds blue pill to the bone.

If some nutcase bird sprayed my car, I wouldn't go round posting about it on social media. I'd be highly embarrassed to have been associating with such a person; like the opposite of social proof

Both LTR's I've been in have set about ruining my reputation. One failed completely, one succeeded and I've had to rebuild. Nothing like my car being spray painted though.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Both LTR's I've been in have set about ruining my reputation. One failed completely, one succeeded and I've had to rebuild. Nothing like my car being spray painted though.

Yes. This is exactly my point. Having dealt with these people, reflected and moved on, you will probably have recognised warning signs that were there all along, but were ignored. I know I certainly did.

My experience was also that of (attempted) character assassination, weak as it was. In light of that, among other experiences, I have learned to look more carefully at all people, not just women, and quickly recognise the warning signs in the short to medium term. My instincts about people are now sharper and more astute and I consequently avoid awkward predicaments such as those that have gone before. I am probably an expert opinion on red and yellow flags.

That is why I say this guy is weak. Or, at the very least, not very bright.

 

[sazc]

@TheMonkeyKing and @playa99 my condolences on your batsh1t crazy females. That is truly a rough time.

I always knee jerk to the thought of "who/what female really has the time or fortitude to go around being destructive towards someone else? Dont they have a life they have to pay attention and tend to?"

I'm guessing the answer is no.

 

[Chamber36]

I started dating this guy. I have a bad history with dating. I just seem to always fall for the players and jerks..

I met this guy who Ive been seeing for over a month now and things seem to be going good. Hes a nice guy who actually seems like he's going to give me the love I know I deserve. I can be a bit superficial, but while he's not the "hottest" guy in my book, I love what he offers me. My goal is to settle down with a guy and that seems to be in his plans too. He seems like he genuinely cares about me. It's just...different from what I'm used to. Feels like a breath of fresh air in a way. He has a a young son, and I have a young son. Our kids already get along well.

One thing rung a bell though. I recently went looking through his facebook pictures (like Im sure many people do when they start dating somebody new) and I was just looking at pictures of him from over the years... Well I saw that he posted in May 2016 a picture of spray-paint on his car and he wrote "Here we have yet another psycho ex to add to my laundry list of them. God only knows why I attract them"


Should I take this as a red flag?

"The love I know I deserve"........ You seem very exhausting already lol.

Seems to me you're beaten up and battered from all your past relationships. Like you say, you're attracted to players and jerks. Since this guy already has a son I don't recon that he's a simp. He is probably just looking for stability, someone to make sure the house is clean when he gets home and that dinner is ready.

The fact he posted that on facebook does imply to me that he is a fvcker. Who would go about posting their own personal nonsense on facebook anyway? Probably just trying to signal how he can drive the women crazy. Which is why you are attracted to him. So it's not a red flag. It's just what you are attracted to.

You should just make sure to take it easy in this relationship. Your insecurities will fvck it up.

 

[stephaniefinley]

How many of those went all out, destroying your property and/or reputation? Personally, I've had a lot of girls get upset, but only one go proper mental like that. And looking back, I could have predicted that it would have ended the way it did.

The guy in the OP story just sounds weak and doesn't learn from his mistakes. Not necessarily directly his fault, he just sounds blue pill to the bone.

If some nutcase bird sprayed my car, I wouldn't go round posting about it on social media. I'd be highly embarrassed to have been associating with such a person; like the opposite of social proof

what is blue pill?

 

[stephaniefinley]

Sazc, I appreciate your response

I agree, IF he has alot of psycho exes, that must mean either he makes women psycho or he's attracted to "psychos." As I said in a comment last night, Im no saint myself. Im not going to call myself psycho, but I have my baggage and my issues. I dont know if part of that is what attracted him..."like attracts like." I dont know. But I do thing its justified to believe that a comment like he made on facebook last year is questionable. The minority opinion seems to be that he may have just been exaggerating in the moment or that he makes women fall so in love with him that this kind of stuff happens.. I dont know. I also said last night that he's not incredibly handsome. I dont say that to cherry-pick him, Im just being blunt. He's not somebody I wouldve said "he's cute, let me go talk to him!" He approached me and he was the one initially interested in me. I fell for him rather quickly, and he pushed for exclusivity within a couple weeks, which I agreed to. So now we're exclusively dating eachother. Dont know if that was a result of me yearning for a man and still being hurt about getting played just a few weeks prior to meeting him. But we did connect/bond quickly and jumped into things. I dont regret it, but when I uncovered this facebook post from a year ago it made me curious..

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

what is blue pill?

To summarise

Blue pill vs red pill is a metaphor employed by some to describe the difference between traditionally-accepted relationship dynamics - for example the happily-ever-after model you see in rom-coms and Disney Fairytales (blue pill), vs the reality of sexual market dynamics, the evolutionary psychology of human relationships and reproduction (the red pill).

This is adopted and paraphrased from the original story of blue vs red in the film The Matrix:

"You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."
―Morpheus, to Neo

That is exactly where you and your boyfriend are at. You are both blue pill. That's not a criticism, more an informed observation. Right now, you stand here before us with a choice. Take the blue and stay in your dreamy fairytale reality where you think you will eventually meet Prince Charming, live happily ever after etc etc, though likely be frustrated in the long run when the daydream doesn't become reality, becasue it rarely ever does, as you are finding out for yourself; ...

Or you take the red, and accept that you have to basically re-learn everything you were ever told about men, women, why they behave the way they do, and relations between the two. If you take the red pill, you will face a lifetime of learning and self discovery, you will likely go through the five stages of grief and loss for your old belief system and experience a degree of anger that you've been living under such false pretenses for so long. But, if you make it through, I promise you will find contentment that you never imagined possible.

The choice is yours.

 

[Desdinova]

How many of those went all out, destroying your property and/or reputation?

Ugh... Had one trash my living room. Had one who stalked me and try destroying my reputation. Had a different one stalk me. I'm probably forgetting a few others but those are the ones that really stand out.

 

[stephaniefinley]

thank you monkey king

Well what would you say about my current situation ?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

OP, how did you come across this website?

 

[stephaniefinley]

OP, how did you come across this website?

google

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

thank you monkey king

Well what would you say about my current situation ?

I'd make two points such as is TMK's usual way.

1) As I've said in previous response #3, you sound like you are trying to fill a void in your life rather than actually wanting to have a relationship with this man specifically (as does he, to a lesser extent). You are seeking fulfillment from a relationship, any relationship. You talk about 'the love you need and deserve', opposed to the love he gives you. As results, this basically could be any guy that treated you the exact same way he does.

2) You admit that you don't find him the 'hottest'. Which basically means your eyes will forever be wandering, probably already are. Eventually you will resent him for not being 'hotter' (even though it was you who settled); this resentment will eventually be compounded with boredom for his pandering nature. It doesn't sound like he's going to change any time soon. You will long for the days when those bad boys were giving you the run around.

'One of the greatest gifts a man can give to woman is the opportunity to miss him' - Zan Perrion.

This means, love isn't always about being comfortably attached at the hip. It is also about longing for a person when they are not there. Ask yourself, do you long for this man during the average day?

In fact, if there was once place I would tell you to start exploring these ideas, it's Zan Perrion's book, 'The Alabaster Girl'.

As I've told other females before, you don't need a doormat, nor do you need an a$$hole. You have both of those things already. What you need is a happy medium, the diamond in the rough. Unfortunately, as many here will confirm, they are obviously few and far between. It's a waiting game and we have to kiss a lot of frogs, that just turn out to be, well, frogs really.

Typically, I'll meet someone I really like every 6-24 months. Patience and belief are both virtues.

Do yourself a favour; get rid of this guy and wait for someone who really pushes your buttons. You will likely have to wait a while, but he will appear out of nowhere when you least expect it. It might happen over and over again. But it's got to be better than settling for second best. You deserve someone who makes your head spin a bit, everyone does.