HB8/9 is in a bad state - asks what I think.

[tomato]

Had high interest levels with girl 4 dates - f-close each time within 2 weeks. Knew her 4 weeks before that. Shes been acting oddly when she went back home - not texting back she didnt reply to 3 texts etc. now she sends me this (she'll be back in 4/5days - this is part of a longer text):

"I thought a lot, maybe too much actually, I didnt know when to tell you. I'm a mess at the moment, I dont know whether we should really see each other when I get back. What do you think?"

Not sure what set this off - I get it that this is not good - no need to tell me that thanks! I think it could be genuine (yes I know it could be another guy - although she's only there for 12 days so seems unlikely she'd make such a big deal out of it - I dont mind). Either way, how to respond - of course my initial response would be to wait a bit and then just send something like "ok" - but I am quite sure she genuinely wants my input, she has asked me for my advice on things before and really wants to hear what I have to say - ie she would appreciate a proper response with a bit more feeling - not harsh tactics like that.

I can think of some things I need to cover/convey:
1. Offer to help?: tell her if something is up she can tell me
2. generic advice: Reassure her that whatever it is it will get better and things generally arent as bad as they seem - make her feel better.
3. Say ok: totally ok have space if you need some time

so either I send:

Sounds like you got yourself confused by thinking too much! (happens to all of us) I think you should give me a quick call/skype so I can help, a bit of a mess is ok I always knew that ;-) otherwise throw me a call when your less of a mess and I might still be around. x

or

I can cope with a bit of a mess - I always said you were! ;-) Sounds like a classic case of thinking too much, it confuses us when we do that! I think you should give me a quick call/skype sometime so I can tell you what I think and help, otherwise throw me a call when your less of a mess and I might still be around. x

totally ****y?: "are you trying your best to seem as crazy, scary and "don't come anywhere near me even with gloves on" as you can? Cause its working! I can handle some crazyness, but this is just too much. Try and give me a call when your half sane again and I might still be around x"

 

[Iceberg]

Couldn't this go in your other threads about this nonsense?

You are the male internet equivalent of an Attention Wh0re. You're not happy unless there are 5 of your threads on the first page of the forum.

 

[tomato]

Couldn't this go in your other threads about this nonsense?

You are the male internet equivalent of an Attention Wh0re. You're not happy unless there are 5 of your threads on the first page of the forum.

no its a totally different question to the others - no thanks for the lack of input. And how is this nonsense - its what we're here for to talk about girls - or would you prefer to talk about plato or some abstract game concepts????

 

[Johnnyventana]

Is there anyway to hide people on here? Unsubscribe.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

lmao hilarious tomato is hilarious

 

[floydb25]

I'm confused... You went on 4 dates in a period of 2 weeks? How much time did you spend talking to each other outside of these dates? What kind of things do you talk about, and for how long? What kind of vibes were you getting from her during this time? Need more details before getting straight to the question.

But, you do NOT want to try to heal her overcome her problems, or wait for her to be ready. Take that option right off the table. Dont make it all about her, or become the chaser... This is a good way to do it, and give her all the control. It can happen just like that.

 

[YoungStunna]

Just agree with her

 

[tomato]

All your responses are needy - don't use any of them.

I would just act like whatever and let her make her own decisions - you don't need to sort out her "mess" whatever that means. Don't invest yourself in this anymore than you already have. If every girl that you ever hit on or sleep with isn't sure if you should see each other again - you need to be ok with this.

One time I slept with a chick a couple time - found out later she had a serious boyfriend the whole time. Next thing I know she said she couldn't see me anymore because she was going to patch things up with her boyfriend. My attitude wasn't "lets talk it out" or "wow you're such a dirty hoe for cheating on your boyfriend" - it was "meh...ok". She deleted my number...3 weeks later I received a facebook message from her asking for my number again - and the bangalang continued.

Agreed, thanks for your real responses!

I just sent: "I think you need a hug"

so basically "whatever" but in a sweat way not taking it too seriously

 

[tomato]

I'm confused... You went on 4 dates in a period of 2 weeks? How much time did you spend talking to each other outside of these dates? What kind of things do you talk about, and for how long? What kind of vibes were you getting from her during this time? Need more details before getting straight to the question.

But, you do NOT want to try to heal her overcome her problems, or wait for her to be ready. Take that option right off the table. Dont make it all about her, or become the chaser... This is a good way to do it, and give her all the control. It can happen just like that.

I have to say not much time - I also went over to her place once and spent the evening night with her talking about deep life plans etc her last night here - she seems to have a great family (which she's with right now) so I dont see what the mess could really be apart from some kind of stupid girl confusion - omething that pops to mid is this:

I said as a joke on her last night here "your going to stay out of trouble right" She took it seriously to mean not **** other dudes and was like "of course" - then I laugehed it offbut she came back and asked me seriously all romantically if I would stay out of trouble" I was like ok... so I she also told me a while back she doesnt like having her freedom limited so maybe she paniced and thats the issue..... just a theory - anyway what you think of my text? very short sweet and non - needy

 

[tomato]

lmao hilarious tomato is hilarious

lol its true though right!

 

[tomato]

just sent her:

"I think you need a hug"

She hasn't replied I sent it last night after she went to sleep.....

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Tomato:

Your worrying about details that aren't going to change anything; when you should be looking back and learning from the mistakes you did make.

Everything was fine until she left and you got clingy and needy. I believe you when you say your not a clingy, needy guy; but you WERE in a clingy/needy phase when she left to visit her family. Whatever it was, set off a clingy/needy alarm in your head, evidence by the 3 successive texts you sent that one night. That SCREAAAAAAMS neediness bro.

As you can see, there's a reason why sites like this preach to let the girl ask "what we are" and "your going to be good right" etc etc. Instead you took on her role and it killed a lot of the attraction she had for you.

At this point your best bet was to not reply or say anything, but it looks like you already did. Whether she replies to that or not, just go dead silent now. Your absence is the only thing that will make her re-think whether she made the right decision or not. If you try to clear the air, give her advice or any of that other stuff you were thinking about, it will only confirm that you aren't the guy.

Mentally NEXT her because she's hanging by a thread right now. Then go dark on her and you will be able to clearly see what I was trying to warn you about the first time we talked about this chick. The time away will clear your head and make you realize where you messed up.








PIMP

 

[tomato]

Tomato:

Your worrying about details that aren't going to change anything; when you should be looking back and learning from the mistakes you did make.

Everything was fine until she left and you got clingy and needy. I believe you when you say your not a clingy, needy guy; but you WERE in a clingy/needy phase when she left to visit her family. Whatever it was, set off a clingy/needy alarm in your head, evidence by the 3 successive texts you sent that one night. That SCREAAAAAAMS neediness bro.

As you can see, there's a reason why sites like this preach to let the girl ask "what we are" and "your going to be good right" etc etc. Instead you took on her role and it killed a lot of the attraction she had for you.

At this point your best bet was to not reply or say anything, but it looks like you already did. Whether she replies to that or not, just go dead silent now. Your absence is the only thing that will make her re-think whether she made the right decision or not. If you try to clear the air, give her advice or any of that other stuff you were thinking about, it will only confirm that you aren't the guy.

Mentally NEXT her because she's hanging by a thread right now. Then go dark on her and you will be able to clearly see what I was trying to warn you about the first time we talked about this chick. The time away will clear your head and make you realize where you messed up.








PIMP

you think I should ignore her contacting me? ????

I get why I shouldnt respond straight away but I need to stay in contact with her right!?

She hasnt replied though which is odd and suggests the wierdness is still going on - I'm guessing its her ex or something that maybe hooked up with her again and now she feels like a s*** and thinks its bad to carry on with me - IDK something like that- I'm not doing anything till she responds anyway - and then i'll be slow - what to do then?

 

[Konada]

No point giving advice to this guy because eventually an update will come: 'lol i sat on her bed naked and talked about life problems' every single time. As they say, stupid people can't be taught.

 

[DonJuanabe]

You are chasing her. Stop. Turn around. Walk away. Allow her to chase you. If she does, great; if she doesn't, great.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

you think I should ignore her contacting me? ????

She friend-zoned you bro....unless you want to dig yourself DEEPER into that abyss, I'd go dark on her for a bit.

I get why I shouldnt respond straight away but I need to stay in contact with her right!?

For right NOW, you need to go dark on her. Why? Because she friend-zoned you after your needy/clingy behavior. So jumping every time she says jump will only confirm that her suspicions of you being a fake were correct. On the flip side, if you show her that your willing to just disappear, she might think of you differently. But that shouldn't be your motive; mentally you should NEXT her because its not looking good right now.

She hasnt replied though which is odd

Its actually not odd; its low interest. You for some reason don't seem to believe it yet.

and suggests the wierdness is still going on - I'm guessing its her ex or something that maybe hooked up with her again and now she feels like a s*** and thinks its bad to carry on with me - IDK something like that- I'm not doing anything till she responds anyway - and then i'll be slow - what to do then?

I'm guilty of this too, but all that part that I put in italics above is OVER-ANALYZING to the MAX! None of that matters, and it clearly shows you have too much invested in this girl and that is why your needy side is coming out and clouding your judgement.

In the meantime, leave her alone and find new women. If she comes around, great; if not, you already saw that writing on the wall.



Edit: I just re-read your original post about what she said and I would say; don't go dark on her "just for now." NEXT her because she's already mentally moved on from you.


PIMP

 

[tomato]

She friend-zoned you bro....unless you want to dig yourself DEEPER into that abyss, I'd go dark on her for a bit.



For right NOW, you need to go dark on her. Why? Because she friend-zoned you after your needy/clingy behavior. So jumping every time she says jump will only confirm that her suspicions of you being a fake were correct. On the flip side, if you show her that your willing to just disappear, she might think of you differently. But that shouldn't be your motive; mentally you should NEXT her because its not looking good right now.



Its actually not odd; its low interest. You for some reason don't seem to believe it yet.




I'm guilty of this too, but all that part that I put in italics above is OVER-ANALYZING to the MAX! None of that matters, and it clearly shows you have too much invested in this girl and that is why your needy side is coming out and clouding your judgement.

In the meantime, leave her alone and find new women. If she comes around, great; if not, you already saw that writing on the wall.



Edit: I just re-read your original post about what she said and I would say; don't go dark on her "just for now." NEXT her because she's already mentally moved on from you.


PIMP

THanks for your input

the reason I refuse to accept she has low interest is because it was as high as it gets when she was leaving and that kind of attraction doesn't just disappear because of 3 short texts - I'm not going to let you who clearly has a very limited view of the situation (not having been here) tell me whether she has interest or not. Yes clearly its not very high anymore but there is something else going on here like the ex or something. She hasnt moved on even if she has a little there is no reason just to totally throw her away - there is certainly a way to recover from this - damm you are all such defeatists - as soon as something gets difficult you just give up lol. I get the idea of giving space and appearing to be totally willing to walk however - yes I realise this is an important mindset and method to kill neediness but this is not a lost cause at all whatever you say - you should soften your advice a little to account for circumstances you dont know - thanks for the input but I'd ask you to consider not knowing everything or you might ruin some peoples chances.

 

[tomato]

Yeh I am currently waiting for her to reinitiate..............

As I said. I am guessing this is buyers remorse big time (I let things run towards LTR far too quickly - then she panicked and felt trapped or something - my guess)

assuming she re initiates (I'm sure she will when she gets back)

- any ideas to lessen the buyers remorse when we do see each other? I think just letting her chase a bit is always good but in the case of buyers remorse things change a bit I think - maybe not have sex and repeat "we need to take things slowly - if anything you'd make a good friend though" and then just not have sex the first time I see her and slow....???

 

[SoSuaveDude]

ever think of just dropping her completely? this situation is way too stressful for a women who's supposedly interested. Ever consider starting over with someone else. Take the experience you've gained from this chick, and move on.

 

[tomato]

ever think of just dropping her completely? this situation is way too stressful for a women who's supposedly interested. Ever consider starting over with someone else. Take the experience you've gained from this chick, and move on.

Where is the stress? Just a few unanwered texts! - no big deal

Any advice on dealing w buyers remorse?