Haven’t been on here in a long time still trying to get my life together

[BaronOfHair]

I’m just being realistic about where I currently am. I’m about to start working 7 days a week and then next semester is my final one and I’ll be able to get a higher paying job hopefully and move out

Reference https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...t-my-life-together.286660/page-2#post-3198449

In every major metropolitan area there are folks who'll provide room and board, in exchange for mostly very mild labor, IF you're willing to hunt around for such folks. So are you willing to do so, OP, or are you going to continue concocting rationalizations for thinking and behaving as you currently are?

"I guess looking at this through the lens of dating you could say that other men are elated that these issues are holding me back..."

Stop replying here for a moment, and go listen to that audiobook I posted earlier. The circumstances which surround any of us are less of a hindrance than our THOUGHTS about them are

 

[needimprovement250]

After reading the OP and skimming through these replies it kinda sounds as if you'd PREFER to improve, but aren't willing to do a lot of the things being suggested to you.

It's as if you want to improve your circumstances, but only if you can do it your way - which hasn't been working. I think that mindset is what needs to change first.

The things suggested to me that you mentioned are flat out ridiculous or just plain don’t make any sense. One dude literally told me to fly down to South America and bang hookers. So I’m not willing to improve just because I won’t do that? I also said that I am working towards moving out of my parents house, but that I want to wait until I’m finished with my education and land a good paying job before doing so. That’s totally reasonable, and what’s unreasonable is saying that I need to make my financial situation even worse than it already is by paying inflated rent prices for a place I don’t even want to be in. It isn’t that I’m not willing, I’m just being rational.

 

[BPH]

The things suggested to me that you mentioned are flat out ridiculous or just plain don’t make any sense. One dude literally told me to fly down to South America and bang hookers. So I’m not willing to improve just because I won’t do that? I also said that I am working towards moving out of my parents house, but that I want to wait until I’m finished with my education and land a good paying job before doing so. That’s totally reasonable, and what’s unreasonable is saying that I need to make my financial situation even worse than it already is by paying inflated rent prices for a place I don’t even want to be in. It isn’t that I’m not willing, I’m just being rational.

I saw that reply, and I agree that suggestion is a bit outlandish.

I'm talking about the fact that you aren't willing to cold approach...

That you aren't willing to give up weed...

That you are waiting to get started at a gym...

That you think the solution to your problem is to go back to school and likely take on more debt...

Aside from that last point about college, you could change all of this today if you wanted to. It just sounds like you don't REALLY want to, because those things are "hard".

 

[needimprovement250]

In every major metropolitan area there are folks who'll provide room and board, in exchange for mostly very mild labor, IF you're willing to hunt around for such folks. So are you willing to do so, OP, or are you going to continue concocting rationalizations for thinking and behaving as you currently are?

I have tried everything in my area to find a place of my own, including that and there is nothing like that available here. I have looked into it and it yielded no results after hunting for it. I’m not concocting anything, that’s just the situation at hand for me. I need to move to a different area, and I cannot do that until after my education is complete and I have a better paying job plain and simple.

 

[needimprovement250]

I'm talking about the fact that you aren't willing to cold approach...

Cold approaching has an extremely low success rate. You don’t even hear couples who are together say that they met because he cold approached her. It’s just a waste of time to cold approach and a humiliation ritual. Definitely not my thing.

That you aren't willing to give up weed...

No I’m not and at least I’m honest about that. I don’t get why people on this thread seem to think I need to give that up. The alcohol and gambling are bigger problems in my life and I already said I’m willing to give those up. I also use weed to substitute for medicine I’m allergic to as I already mentioned.

That you are waiting to get started at a gym...

Because I’m about to go into a 7 day work schedule and won’t have time for it, but that I am going to clean up my diet in the meantime to lower my BMI further so that I’m in an even better starting place for the gym when I get some more free time back in my schedule, that’s the full picture.

That you think the solution to your problem is to go back to school and likely take on more debt...

Aside from that last point about college, you could change all of this today if you wanted to. It just sounds like you don't REALLY want to, because those things are "hard".

I’m going to school via community college to get vocational certifications and I’m putting myself through school and paying for it all myself. I have not accrued a cent of debt from attending school. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so I can’t understand why you think all of this can magically be solved in a single day. I would have years ago if that were even remotely true.

 

[BPH]

Cold approaching has an extremely low success rate. You don’t even hear couples who are together say that they met because he cold approached her. It’s just a waste of time to cold approach and a humiliation ritual. Definitely not my thing.

I've been with more women than a significant portion of this forum, more than 100, and I'm a full year younger than you. I'm in a similarly sh***y living and financial situation as yourself, and a majority of those women have come from cold approaches. The next most significant contributor would be dating apps. Most guys are not in good shape and have your mindset. It is incredibly easy to stand out and be successful by just being normal. You have an unhealthy bias rather than actual evidence.

No I’m not and at least I’m honest about that. I don’t get why people on this thread seem to think I need to give that up. The alcohol and gambling are bigger problems in my life and I already said I’m willing to give those up. I also use weed to substitute for medicine I’m allergic to as I already mentioned.

I don't know what your medical condition is, since you haven't mentioned it, but I'm sure there are alternatives other than weed...Weed makes you mellow and lazy. I would be more understanding of alcohol, actually, because at least you can do that socially at bars and clubs to actually meet women. As somebody who used to work with patients to get the medical marijuana card, some reasons make sense - most of my patients were older individuals with multiple surgeries, debilitating conditions, inability to sleep, or severe PTSD. You seemingly won't give it up because you prefer it over ACTUAL medication or treatment for whatever you're taking it for.

Because I’m about to go into a 7 day work schedule and won’t have time for it, but that I am going to clean up my diet in the meantime to lower my BMI further so that I’m in an even better starting place for the gym when I get some more free time back in my schedule, that’s the full picture.

You have time for it. Plenty of gyms are open 24 hours. Make time for it. When I was working at my mortgage lender, I had alternating weekends where I would work 6 days per week, including Saturdays. I would pack my gym clothes in my car, take a power nap in the parking lot, then go in and get my workout in. Getting to a better "starting place for the gym" is a load of BS...the gym IS the starting place. You can get a 90-minute workout in 3 times per week...

I’m going to school via community college to get vocational certifications and I’m putting myself through school and paying for it all myself. I have not accrued a cent of debt from attending school. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so I can’t understand why you think all of this can magically be solved in a single day. I would have years ago if that were even remotely true.

Ok, so no extra debt. That's good at least. The thing I notice about a lot of people is that when they don't know what they want to do, they think the answer is "more school". Do you have a plan? Do you know what you want to do after you finish? Better yet, is there anything you're good at that you could sell to others today? You could literally open a shop on Etsy selling niche daily/weekly/monthly planners.

Let's take a step back and look at the big picture problem here...

Look at your reply. You gave me excuses as to why you can't do ANY of the things I've suggested.

Every response has been along the lines of "I can't do X thing because I'm doing/would rather do Y".

Until that mindset changes, I don't think you will.

 

[Plinco]

I pretty much agree with BPH here.

Habits compound over time. Think about it like making a 5 degree shift in the direction you're going in. After a long distance, that 5 degree shift makes a big difference.

There's nothing I can say to you that will shift your mentality, that's something you have to do on your own. Hard work and making progress in itself is a bit addictive and after you make enough of it, you'll want more of it.

So with this context in mind, I'll quote the founder of Publix Supermarkets George Jenkins, "Begin. The rest of it is easier to finish."

 

[needimprovement250]

I've been with more women than a significant portion of this forum, more than 100, and I'm a full year younger than you. I'm in a similarly sh***y living and financial situation as yourself, and a majority of those women have come from cold approaches. The next most significant contributor would be dating apps. Most guys are not in good shape and have your mindset. It is incredibly easy to stand out and be successful by just being normal. You have an unhealthy bias rather than actual evidence.

I’m willing to give dating apps a try, but not cold approaching. It’s good that it worked for you, but that’s an outlier, it still has an extremely low success rate. Guys have also had security or even the cops called on them after cold approaching.

I don't know what your medical condition is, since you haven't mentioned it, but I'm sure there are alternatives other than weed...Weed makes you mellow and lazy. I would be more understanding of alcohol, actually, because at least you can do that socially at bars and clubs to actually meet women. As somebody who used to work with patients to get the medical marijuana card, some reasons make sense - most of my patients were older individuals with multiple surgeries, debilitating conditions, inability to sleep, or severe PTSD. You seemingly won't give it up because you prefer it over ACTUAL medication or treatment for whatever you're taking it for

Dude, are you really trying to say alcohol is better than weed? Because that’s so incredibly backwards to even say lol. The mellow and lazy thing is also false propaganda, I still hold down a job and work full time. I also don’t ever use it at work and it doesn’t hinder me in any way. I’m also allergic to the actual medication, so once again not giving up weed ever. That’s a non starter.

You have time for it. Plenty of gyms are open 24 hours. Make time for it. When I was working at my mortgage lender, I had alternating weekends where I would work 6 days per week, including Saturdays. I would pack my gym clothes in my car, take a power nap in the parking lot, then go in and get my workout in. Getting to a better "starting place for the gym" is a load of BS...the gym IS the starting place. You can get a 90-minute workout in 3 times per week...

no I actually don’t have any time for it and I mean that seriously, I’m going to be working morning to night and will only have time to eat and sleep, nothing more. It is not a load of BS, I’m using what very little time I have available to at least do something about my physique so that I can do more once I can go to the gym and do more.

Ok, so no extra debt. That's good at least. The thing I notice about a lot of people is that when they don't know what they want to do, they think the answer is "more school". Do you have a plan? Do you know what you want to do after you finish? Better yet, is there anything you're good at that you could sell to others today? You could literally open a shop on Etsy selling niche daily/weekly/monthly planners.

Let's take a step back and look at the big picture problem here...

Look at your reply. You gave me excuses as to why you can't do ANY of the things I've suggested.

Every response has been along the lines of "I can't do X thing because I'm doing/would rather do Y".

Until that mindset changes, I don't think you will.

I’m going to be working somewhere in the agricultural industry, either landscaping or food crop production. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be better paying than what I’m making now. There is nothing I can sell to others right now.

I’m just being realistic about what’s currently on my plate and how I can achieve these things, it’s not excuses. Like I said, Rome wasn’t built in a day, so it’s crazy to say I’m making excuses.

 

[BPH]

I’m willing to give dating apps a try, but not cold approaching. It’s good that it worked for you, but that’s an outlier, it still has an extremely low success rate. Guys have also had security or even the cops called on them after cold approaching.



Dude, are you really trying to say alcohol is better than weed? Because that’s so incredibly backwards to even say lol. The mellow and lazy thing is also false propaganda, I still hold down a job and work full time. I also don’t ever use it at work and it doesn’t hinder me in any way. I’m also allergic to the actual medication, so once again not giving up weed ever. That’s a non starter.



no I actually don’t have any time for it and I mean that seriously, I’m going to be working morning to night and will only have time to eat and sleep, nothing more. It is not a load of BS, I’m using what very little time I have available to at least do something about my physique so that I can do more once I can go to the gym and do more.



I’m going to be working somewhere in the agricultural industry, either landscaping or food crop production. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be better paying than what I’m making now. There is nothing I can sell to others right now.

I’m just being realistic about what’s currently on my plate and how I can achieve these things, its not excuses its just me being realistic.

Ok then, change nothing.

See you same time next year.

 

[needimprovement250]

Ok then, change nothing.

See you same time next year.

And you’ll be proven wrong by next year

 

[needimprovement250]

I pretty much agree with BPH here.

Habits compound over time. Think about it like making a 5 degree shift in the direction you're going in. After a long distance, that 5 degree shift makes a big difference.

There's nothing I can say to you that will shift your mentality, that's something you have to do on your own. Hard work and making progress in itself is a bit addictive and after you make enough of it, you'll want more of it.

So with this context in mind, I'll quote the founder of Publix Supermarkets George Jenkins, "Begin. The rest of it is easier to finish."

I’ve made progress through hard work already, I’m trying to build on that and make even more progress.

 

[Plinco]

I’ve made progress through hard work already, I’m trying to build on that and make even more progress.

Good

I’m willing to give dating apps a try, but not cold approaching. It’s good that it worked for you, but that’s an outlier, it still has an extremely low success rate. Guys have also had security or even the cops called on them after cold approaching.

I'm not the most suave dude in the world, and I approach mostly girls around half of my age. The majority of these girls I've cold approached were polite with me, and many of them were flattered I approached them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I have tried everything in my area to find a place of my own, including that and there is nothing like that available here. I have looked into it and it yielded no results after hunting for it

-Do you live in The US?

-If so, are you in or nearby any of the locations listed here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_statistical_area , when one clicks on the portion which reads "United States"?

"Yes" or "No" to both of the above

"I’m not and at least I’m honest about that. I don’t get why people on this thread seem to think I need to give that up"


Wouldn't be a cause for alarm, if you didn't also admit that you're also hooked on booze and porn. This is indicative of someone who's bound to his compulsions/possesses poor self-control

 

[needimprovement250]

Good



I'm not the most suave dude in the world, and I approach mostly girls around half of my age. The majority of these girls I've cold approached were polite with me, and many of them were flattered I approached them.

I mean it’s good you had positive experiences when you have cold approached, but overall it does have a pretty low success rate. There’s even been times when the woman takes it the wrong way and she calls the cops and claims harassment like in this video. I know this is an extreme example of what can go wrong with cold approaching, but this isn’t the only instance of this happening.

 

[needimprovement250]

-Do you live in The US?

-If so, are you in or nearby any of the locations listed here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metropolitan_statistical_area , when one clicks on the portion which reads "United States"?

"Yes" or "No" to both of the above

"I’m not and at least I’m honest about that. I don’t get why people on this thread seem to think I need to give that up"


Wouldn't be a cause for alarm, if you didn't also admit that you're also hooked on booze and porn. This is indicative of someone who's bound to his compulsions/possesses poor self-control

Yes I live in the US and I do live in one of the major metros but like I already said, there’s no opportunities for labor in exchange for free or reduced price room and board. As I previously mentioned, I have already looked multiple times and that is not available in my area.

The booze and porn are bigger problems than weed. I was dong good with quitting porn? But have been slipping up lately unfortunately. Weed causes me the least problems out of all 3 of them. The biggest negative effect alcohol is having on me right now is financial because I can go without a drink, but I keep spending money on it that would be better saved or spent elsewhere. Porn had had a horrible effect on me, it’s definitely a contributing factor to me having never dated.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yes I live in the US and I do live in one of the major metros but like I already said, there’s no opportunities for labor in exchange for free or reduced price room and board. As I previously mentioned, I have already looked multiple times and that is not available in my area.

The booze and porn are bigger problems than weed. I was dong good with quitting porn? But have been slipping up lately unfortunately. Weed causes me the least problems out of all 3 of them. The biggest negative effect alcohol is having on me right now is financial because I can go without a drink, but I keep spending money on it that would be better saved or spent elsewhere. Porn had had a horrible effect on me, it’s definitely a contributing factor to me having never dated.

Please allow me to white knight for weed. I'm Captain Save a Ho for Mary Jane.

My background is in agriculture, too. Yes, some legal cannabis operations, but mostly food production on the family farm. There are hippie chicks who like farmers. Most of them smoke weed.

 

[BadBoy89]

- Legal prostitution is available to me not that far from where I live, but I am not gonna do that.
- I am also absolutely not flying to another country to bang escorts
- Cold approaching is something I will never do also.
- I view therapy as a scam so I definitely don’t intend to waste any money on that either

Four recommendations have been made and have refused all of them. So this isn't, "help me with women" this is "tell me what you players think so I can preemptively shut you down".

- It is a legit post
- I am absolutely not trolling.,

Interesting how you haven't actually asked for advice. You have just stated your situation and pretty much argued with every post offering to help.

 

[needimprovement250]

Four recommendations have been made and have refused all of them. So this isn't, "help me with women" this is "tell me what you players think so I can preemptively shut you down".

Four recommendations with 2 of them being completely ridiculous and useless BS advice. You’re really gonna say I’m in the wrong for not wanting to go bang hookers either at home or to fly down to South America for it? Just plain absurd if that’s what you’re implying for my unwillingness to do that.

Interesting how you haven't actually asked for advice. You have just stated your situation and pretty much argued with every post offering to help

I wasn’t really asking for advice, more like feedback. But can you really blame me for arguing when some of the advice is as idiotic as flying to a different country just to solicit prostitutes? Then I simply tried to explain my timeline for doing things to improve my life and get told I’m lazy and making excuses in response, so of course I’m gonna argue if it goes there too.

 

[needimprovement250]

Please allow me to white knight for weed. I'm Captain Save a Ho for Mary Jane.

My background is in agriculture, too. Yes, some legal cannabis operations, but mostly food production on the family farm. There are hippie chicks who like farmers. Most of them smoke weed.

Thanks man and I’m right there with you white knighting for weed.

That’s cool that you also have an agriculture background and have gotten to work at both cannabis and food farms. Do you have any career starting tips? I’m just about to finish my education and get vocational certifications in sustainable agriculture and nursery crop production.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Please allow me to white knight for weed. I'm Captain Save a Ho for Mary Jane.

My background is in agriculture, too. Yes, some legal cannabis operations, but mostly food production on the family farm. There are hippie chicks who like farmers. Most of them smoke weed.

Again, OP admits to being addicted to booze and porn, also seems unable to control his urges to "Yes, but"- everything he reads/hears. The weed might not be an obstacle to his success, if all of the aforementioned weren't the case

What he's doing is the equivalent of Juno

brooding over her career trajectory in '19, asserting "I'll get more opportunities as a man", then vehemently rebuffing her manager pointing out the obvious:

"Your public image for past decade has been of the cute, quirky girl who inevitably displays hidden depths... Becoming a dude; at this stage in your life, is more insane than Matt Damon dipping his pretty mug in battery acid, under the delusion that he'll be cast in more character roles"