Haven’t been on here in a long time still trying to get my life together

[needimprovement250]

Relatable in some ways ... I don't have much to add on DJ stuff, since I'm still a newbie, all I can say is to never give up. The only way to fail is to either die or give up.

I was badly beaten up as a kid by my dad. At maybe age 23, for the first time, I somehow faced the "grim reaper" from my POV.

I got hurt very badly, one of my feet was already messed up from another unrelated accident. After that fight, I hurt myself badly enough to need surgery.

But suddenly the "monster" in my mind became human, because I hurt him too. All fear vanished.

Ironically, after that, our relationship improved. Note, I'm not particularly vengeful unless it serves a reason. So that surely helped.

Just in case my intentions are misunderstood. DO NOT pick useless fights.

I'm saying walls must be faced head on. It's the most straightforward way to improve your life.



The obvious things.

1. No drugs, no alcohol.
2. Gym routine, I recommend doing calisthenics and sprints eventually, but start out with bodybuilding to get a base.
3. A good diet, I recommend a low-carb diet. It makes you appear more youthful and increases overall vitality in exchange for lower explosive strength, but barely anyone needs that aside from professional athletes. I recommend the Paleo Diet for starters. If you manage to stay on it consistently and have a lot of determination, I recommend eventually switching to the primal diet.

I would recommend the exact same thing, aside from professional help. I argue, if you can't help yourself, all hope is lost anyway.

Many years ago, as a teen, I had "professional" help due to my mom's insistence. The teachers said I was "too loud." The pharmaceuticals they forced me to eat made my memory in those years hazy. I was doing worse and worse. My performance in school started to drop; the solution for these clowns was to increase dosages. At the time I regained my self-awareness, years had passed. I was severely overweight, introverted, sickly, broke, and alone. No friends and family or "professionals." Just me.

I would spend a good amount of money on nutrition instead, as your body is the one thing you will have till your death and will never leave you.

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I got beaten up by my dad too, the fight I mentioned in my first post isn’t the only one we’ve had. We got into a fist fight 5 years ago and he fractured the orbital bone in my face. He got arrested, but was bonded out and faced no charges.

I am trying to clean up my diet and burn fat by having a better diet before joining a gym, I’m about to go into a 7 day work week so now is a good opportunity to do that because I won’t have time to go to the gym at the moment anyway until I get some free time in my schedule. I don’t want to quit weed, but I do think I need to cut back on alcohol for sure since that has be a bigger habit than it used to be. Glad to hear you feel the same way I do about the professional help thing, I don’t see it as very useful either. They will prescribe pharmaceuticals a lot of times and it just doesn’t feel genuine because you’re basically just paying someone to pretend to care about your problems and they just give you the same advice that people on the internet give you for free anyway.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@needimprovement250 "I really don’t want to quit weed..."

Barely any of us relish the thought of washing own asses after scarfing down enchiladas and baked beans, yet we do anyway

"I actually can’t find my own abode yet..."

I'm going to go out on a limb, and infer: This is similar to your stance on weed, with "I can't" standing in for "I don't want to alter my thoughts and behaviors, because doing so = Experiencing temporary discomfort". If things between you and your pops getting so heated 5 years ago that he fractured the orbital bone in my face isn't enough incentive for you to start traveling in different social circles, I'm not sure what is

 

[needimprovement250]

@needimprovement250 "I really don’t want to quit weed..."

Barely any of us relish the thought of washing own asses after scarfing down enchiladas and baked beans, yet we do anyway

"I actually can’t find my own abode yet..."

I'm going to go out on a limb, and infer: This is similar to your stance on weed, with "I can't" standing in for "I don't want to alter my thoughts and behaviors, because doing so = Experiencing temporary discomfort". If things between you and your pops getting so heated 5 years ago that he fractured the orbital bone in my face isn't enough incentive for you to start traveling in different social circles, I'm not sure what is

I legit do not want to quit weed, but I need to greatly cut back on alcohol like I already said. I also use weed to substitute for medication that I’m allergic to as well.

No it is not a stand in, I really cannot afford to leave until I’m done with education and get a better paying job and that is the honest truth. In total, I only made $25K last year from the jobs I do now because as I said, these jobs are just to keep money in my pocket while I get my education done. I never wanted to go back after that incident with my dad 5 years ago, financial circumstance has always forced me to be here despite not wanting to be. That’s why I gave education another shot so that I can qualify for a better paying job that will give me the necessary income to move out.

 

[Arete]

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I got beaten up by my dad too, the fight I mentioned in my first post isn’t the only one we’ve had. We got into a fist fight 5 years ago and he fractured the orbital bone in my face. He got arrested, but was bonded out and faced no charges.

I am trying to clean up my diet and burn fat by having a better diet before joining a gym, I’m about to go into a 7 day work week so now is a good opportunity to do that because I won’t have time to go to the gym at the moment anyway until I get some free time in my schedule. I don’t want to quit weed, but I do think I need to cut back on alcohol for sure since that has be a bigger habit than it used to be. Glad to hear you feel the same way I do about the professional help thing, I don’t see it as very useful either. They will prescribe pharmaceuticals a lot of times and it just doesn’t feel genuine because you’re basically just paying someone to pretend to care about your problems and they just give you the same advice that people on the internet give you for free anyway.

I feel like we are similar, so that's why I'm saying the following.

I don’t want to quit weed, but I do think I need to cut back on alcohol for sure since that has be a bigger habit than it used to be.

You must be radical. Every big improvement I made in my life was with the willingness to literally die in the process. How else can a trash like me otherwise hope to become an athlete with a six-pack and a businessman making six figures?

Pigs and dogs don't become lions by doing the average.

That was for the mindset, which I feel like would serve you well if you can get the resolve. But you're doing well. Really, I mean it.

I was once badly porn-addicted, which might be similar to the weed of yours in some ways. To this day, I'm still getting random thoughts in my head. Without going into details ... what I watched back in the day was truly messed up. Some days are a constant battle with this compulsion.

Add resistance to bad habits; remove resistance to good habits. I once and still sometimes do go as far as literally hitting myself to inflict pain every time bad habits resurface. It's the final solution to recondition yourself.

But for starters:

before joining a gym

Just do it.

Working out for over 1 hour is dumb anyway; it's basically cardio at this point. Rather, I would just go hard for 30-45 minutes in the morning straight after waking up. Two to three times a week. No isolation work and no fluff sets.

And in case you're worried about efficiency. Everything you do will only speed up the process. There is no such thing as perfect conditions anyway. What I described is called the 1x4 Method. It's geared towards people that work a fulll time job. Not that influencer bs.

It's available for free on YouTube and made with simplicity in mind. I was doing that not too long ago. It works; the only reason I switched is that my aim is to become an athlete. It, however, served me well for foundations.

In my opinion, the most useful thing you will gain from physical training is willpower and discipline. This might be the most important thing for any further improvement in all aspects of life.

 

[needimprovement250]

I was once badly porn-addicted, which might be similar to the weed of yours in some ways. To this day, I'm still getting random thoughts in my head. Without going into details ... what I watched back in the day was truly messed up. Some days are a constant battle with this compulsion.

I’m badly addicted to porn too. I was doing well with quitting, but have been slipping up as of lately unfortunately.

Just do it.

Working out for over 1 hour is dumb anyway; it's basically cardio at this point. Rather, I would just go hard for 30-45 minutes in the morning straight after waking up. Two to three times a week. No isolation work and no fluff sets.

I will once my work schedule opens up a little bit more and I’m fixing my diet in the meantime, which will bring weight loss. As I said earlier, I’m about to start a 7 day work week and it will be too difficult to fit in gym time with that schedule.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@needimprovement250 "No it is not a stand in, I really cannot afford to leave until I’m done with education and get a better paying job and that is the honest truth"

You don't have to find your own digs within the next hour, great... If you could fine a way to survive from hotel to hotel for a few months not that long ago, it stands to reason you can snag a seperate residence within the next couple of months

Side-note: If you're continuously manufacturing justifications for not modifying your thoughts and behaviors when conversing with live human beings out in the wild, it's not tough to comprehend what's rendering you unattractive

 

[Clockwerk50]

I realize that I’m the problem and my belief system has largely held me back. I just can’t get past the fact that women largely do not want to date men in their 30’s who have no dating or relationship experience, so that regardless of what I do to try and change my situation, I’m still gonna be rejected for not having this experience at the end of the day. You could absolutely say it’s a self limiting belief, I just cannot get past it.

You cannot know in advance guarantee how every woman will respond to your lack of experience, so building your entire approach around that assumption only keeps you locked into the same position. When you convince yourself that rejection is an absolute, unavoidable fact before you even try, you never have to take the uncomfortable risk of putting yourself out there. Ultimately, disqualifying yourself feels safer than facing the uncertainty of real-world trial and error, but it guarantees the exact outcome you are trying to avoid. This is self-sabotaging 101.

At the end of the day, you have to decide whether you are just going to keep whining and venting about your situation, or whether you are actually willing to change your perspective and do something about it. No one can do that work for you, nor should they. People can give you advice, but you have to be willing to question your own beliefs and make the changes yourself. If you are not willing to do that, nothing will change.

 

[needimprovement250]

@needimprovement250 "No it is not a stand in, I really cannot afford to leave until I’m done with education and get a better paying job and that is the honest truth"

You don't have to find your own digs within the next hour, great... If you could fine a way to survive from hotel to hotel for a few months not that long ago, it stands to reason you can snag a seperate residence within the next couple of months

The only way that even worked was because I was delivering DoorDash orders to supplement my income and I had a coworker splitting the cost with me because they needed a place to stay too. So we were each paying $200 per week. But they left after 5 weeks and then I had to start paying all of it, it destroyed my finances and left me dead broke. Believe me, if I could snag my own residence in the next couple of months I would’ve done so years ago. Just not possible where I live, even a single room with a bathroom that you have to share with 2-3 other people is close to $2K a month where I live. I simply don’t make enough money at this point in time and that’s all there is to it.

 

[BaronOfHair]

The only way that even worked was because I was delivering DoorDash orders to supplement my income and I had a coworker splitting the cost with me because they needed a place to stay too. So we were each paying $200 per week

You called upon your ingenuity to navigate the obstacles you'd encountered, in other words*... Do so again today

*Further elaboration on this subject

 

[needimprovement250]

You called upon your ingenuity to navigate the obstacles you'd encountered, in other words*... Do so again today

*Further elaboration on this subject

Once I get a higher income, I will. I’m literally making minimum wage right now

 

[Cheeky_James]

It is a legit post and I am absolutely not trolling. I am also absolutely not flying to another country to bang escorts, completely out of the question. Wouldn’t do it even if I could afford that.

Yeah it already is worse compared to when I was younger, only now most of it is centered around my lack of experience. What I’m trying to say is the belief that I have is my rate of rejection is gonna be significantly higher than other guys on the same looks and height level as me just because I’m inexperienced and the lack of experience is a big turn off to women. Cold approaching is something I will never do also.

I don’t get why people on here are tells to go to therapy, but I view therapy as a scam so I definitely don’t intend to waste any money on that either. I actually have fu*ked one, but that was 11 years ago and nothing ever since. She came onto me, that’s how that happened and it ended up being a ONS. The boost in confidence I got from that has long since faded away.

well dude,
If paying for it is out..
And cold approach is out..
And therapy is out…

Then all that is left is
- find a guy who is a slayer and befriend him however you can and roll w him to get IRL exposure and just watch him doing his thing and get girls by association w this guy

I’m gathering you just have massive fear of women at this point. It might have something to do with being raised primarily by your mom I’d take a wild guess.( as the real root cause)

then the book ‘No More Mr Nice Guy’ by Robert Glover is the perfect book for you to start reading, to begin to fix your fear at the root cause firstly.

In tandem with that, maybe see if you can pay some escort to just practice CA with her (lol)
You just give her a compliment and she calls you a creep and slaps you in the face,(lol) or next verbally rejects you ‘harshly’.
Then just repeat that over and over in various ways until you realise it ain’t so bad, and you can laugh at it.
Yknow , like exposure therapy reduces phobias.

Idk what else there is.
I got over my fears cold approaching in nightlife , I grew to like CA , hage lotsa fun with it and harden up to the rejections it was all just a fun game then.

just hang out in bars and get drunk first and approach , you will find some drunk chick, it’s really not that hard to get a result ffs.

 

[needimprovement250]

You cannot know in advance guarantee how every woman will respond to your lack of experience, so building your entire approach around that assumption only keeps you locked into the same position. When you convince yourself that rejection is an absolute, unavoidable fact before you even try, you never have to take the uncomfortable risk of putting yourself out there. Ultimately, disqualifying yourself feels safer than facing the uncertainty of real-world trial and error, but it guarantees the exact outcome you are trying to avoid.

This is the story of my life pretty much. Before it was the concern over my lack of experience, it was seeing friends get harshly rejected by girls they were interested in and assuming the same would happen to me. I absolutely did end up in the same outcome, I just arrived there by different means. I acknowledge that I’ve made zero effort towards dating and therefore I have gotten zero results. Maybe I lean into negative reinforcement too much also, I’ve read several posts on Reddit about men being inexperienced and people saying how unappealing that is to women and how the odds are stacked against you if you’re an inexperienced man, along with posts from men saying that they’ve been getting rejected by women for being inexperienced. Then I also came across research studies by two different groups that each showed more than 50% of women wouldn’t date an inexperienced man. So all of this has made me lean into the belief that I’m already a lost cause for dating because I’ll get written off for my inexperience and made me develop a certain level of anger and resentment towards women.

At the end of the day, you have to decide whether you are just going to keep whining and venting about your situation, or whether you are actually willing to change your perspective and do something about it. No one can do that work for you, nor should they. People can give you advice, but you have to be willing to question your own beliefs and make the changes yourself. If you are not willing to do that, nothing will change.

I understand what you’re saying because at the end of the day, people will say that it makes no difference to them whether or not you get a woman and in reality it doesn’t because they’re unaffected either way. This belief about my inexperience is just so hard to rid myself of because I’ve believed this for 13 years now and I think I’m afraid of it being proven right and that I will get repeatedly rejected for having no experience and I will end up feeling even worse.

 

[needimprovement250]

find a guy who is a slayer and befriend him however you can and roll w him to get IRL exposure and just watch him doing his thing and get girls by association w this guy

I’m never around guys like that and at my age group, that’s becoming far less common as guys in my age group are getting into serious relationships or getting married. So the guys my age who were like that are now hanging up their coats and settling down, shows how far behind I am.

I’m gathering you just have massive fear of women at this point. It might have something to do with being raised primarily by your mom I’d take a wild guess.

Not so much fear, I’d say anger and resentment towards women is more accurate. And that’s stemmed from the belief that women won’t want me because I’m inexperienced and regardless of what I do, I will still be widely rejected at the end of the day solely because I lack dating experience. As others have said, it’s debatable if that’s actually true but I’ve gaslit myself so much with this belief that it has affected my attitude. Also incorrect, I was raised equally by both my mom and dad, my dad has been in the picture my whole life.

 

[Cheeky_James]

I’m never around guys like that and at my age group, that’s becoming far less common as guys in my age group are getting into serious relationships or getting married. So the guys my age who were like that are now hanging up their coats and settling down, shows how far behind I am.




Not so much fear, I’d say anger and resentment towards women is more accurate. And that’s stemmed from the belief that women won’t want me because I’m inexperienced and regardless of what I do, I will still be widely rejected at the end of the day solely because I lack dating experience. As others have said, it’s debatable if that’s actually true but I’ve gaslit myself so much with this belief that it has affected my attitude. Also incorrect, I was raised equally by both my mom and dad, my dad has been in the picture my whole life.

send me a pic of you if you’re comfortable .i wanna see your face smv, (I won’t share) I’ll give you an honest rating.

I don’t know how you can bin therapy. You have a lot of issues going on.

maybe join a 12 step recovery group for alcohol /drugs. Yknow AA or NA. That’s a safe place to get more exposure and share about your life to other recovery folk. You’ll prob meet a lady in recovery there and you’ll have lots to talk about

 

[BaronOfHair]

Once I get a higher income, I will

I hope so. Currently you appear to be far more invested in pretending as if you're receptive to counsel, then "Yes, but"-ing everything that's provided to you, rather than simply replying:

"Much obliged. I'll lay off the dope, get physical exercise each day(Even if this means walking a few blocks up the street and back), and move heaven and earth to acquire my own residence. Even if said residence is a room above an internet cafe"


"I understand what you’re saying because at the end of the day, people will say that it makes no difference to them whether or not you get a woman and in reality it doesn’t because they’re unaffected either way"

Yeah, whether or not any of us live or die is inconsequential to the other 98% of humanity. Even generals who get assassinated in the midst of war have replacements waiting in the wings, many of whom are elated over their predecessor meeting a sticky end

 

[Cheeky_James]

@BaronOfHair
Do internet cafes still exist ? Where you been?
There’s no more net cafes dude afaik

 

[needimprovement250]

send me a pic of you if you’re comfortable .i wanna see your face smv, (I won’t share) I’ll give you an honest rating.

I don’t know how you can bin therapy. You have a lot of issues going on.

maybe join a 12 step recovery group for alcohol /drugs. Yknow AA or NA. That’s a safe place to get more exposure and share about your life to other recovery folk. You’ll prob meet a lady in recovery there and you’ll have lots to talk about

Nah I don’t send face pics like that. I already said how, I see therapy as a scam and waste of time. You’re literally paying a college educated stranger to pretend to care about your problems and give you the same advice that people on Reddit give you for free. The only other thing they do that people on Reddit can’t is prescribe antidepressants, which I would never want to be on anyway.

I don’t think I’m severe enough yet in those addictions where I need a 12 step program. If I’m unable to cut back to where I want to be on my own, that’s one thing and it probably would be a good idea to attend. But I only want to cut back and not stop completely, and will try to do that on my own first.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@BaronOfHair
Do internet cafes still exist ? Where you been?
There’s no more net cafes dude afaik

Look harder https://www.businessinsider.com/chinatowns-internet-cafes-provides-a-roof-over-their-heads-2016-8 In all seriousness:

I've crashed at both an internet cafe and other establishments a few time in my life, in exchange for providing very mild labor for the propertiors, at times when I was "between places". Most major metropolitan areas have wealthy folks who are in the market for someone to house-sit for them while they're trotting the globe for 7 months out of the year + Will provide a stipend to whoever they contract out

OP's got more options than he realizes

 

[needimprovement250]

I hope so. Currently you appear to be far more invested in pretending as if you're receptive to counsel, then "Yes, but"-ing everything that's provided to you

I’m just being realistic about where I currently am. I’m about to start working 7 days a week and then next semester is my final one and I’ll be able to get a higher paying job hopefully and move out. Its just unreasonable to say that I need to make my financial situation worse than it already is now by moving into some shack that I don’t even want to be in for an inflated rent price far above what the place is worth.

Yeah, whether or not any of us live or die is inconsequential to the other 98% of humanity. Even generals who get assassinated in the midst of war have replacements waiting in the wings, many of whom are elated over their predecessor meeting a sticky end

I guess looking at this through the lens of dating you could say that other men are elated that these issues are holding me back from dating because the women who would’ve gone out with me will now go out with them instead.

 

[BPH]

After reading the OP and skimming through these replies it kinda sounds as if you'd PREFER to improve, but aren't willing to do a lot of the things being suggested to you.

It's as if you want to improve your circumstances, but only if you can do it your way - which hasn't been working. I think that mindset is what needs to change first.