Haven’t been on here in a long time still trying to get my life together

[needimprovement250]

I haven’t been on the forum since late 2025 and thought I would revisit it. I’m now 33 and still struggling with dating, I have still never had a girlfriend or dated at all and I feel more hopeless about it with each passing year. Especially because inexperience is such a big turn off for women and I feel like I’m stuck in a catch-22 that I cannot escape from because I can only get experience by dating women, which I cannot do without having experience in the first place. This is a belief I’ve held onto since age 20 and all it’s done is make things worse.

Turning 32 last year was a key inflection point for me because at 16, I turned to drugs and alcohol because I felt that I would never be successful with women and wanted something to numb myself. At 32, the amount of years that I’ve been using that as a coping mechanism matched the age I was when I first started doing it and made me realize it has not worked and never did.

Then about exactly a year ago, I got kicked out of my parents house after getting into a fight with my dad. I ended up living in motels for 3 months before I came back home. I do not want to be living at home with my parents, but I’m living there by force of financial circumstance. I enrolled in college classes back in 2024 for vocational certifications in agriculture and I will have my certificates soon, then I hope my income will be high enough to leave my parents house for good.

Just wanted to share because I literally don’t have anyone in my life I can talk about these struggles with and I have talked about them here on the forum previously.

 

[Gamisch]

Here's an urgent to do list( aka a TODAY list)

- tell your father you appreciate him and everything he does. Tell him you are grateful you can stay at home.
- kick off from the garbage. Seek prof help.
- enforce this by going to the gym.
-get ANY kinda job. Save at least 30% .

Be honest: how much income do you waste in substances?

I expect that by tomorrow you set all of this in motion. Report back please.

 

[needimprovement250]

Here's an urgent to do list( aka a TODAY list)

- tell your father you appreciate him and everything he does. Tell him you are grateful you can stay at home.
- kick off from the garbage. Seek prof help.
- enforce this by going to the gym.
-get ANY kinda job. Save at least 30% .

Be honest: how much income do you waste in substances?

I expect that by tomorrow you set all of this in motion. Report back please.

I already do have a job, I’m not unemployed. How much I spend on substances kinda varies. Alcohol is the most expensive one, weed I don’t buy as often as I used to because friends give me some for free. I actually enjoyed my time living in motels more and miss it pretty often. I’m trying to burn fat by improving my diet and then plan on joining a gym

 

[Gamisch]

I already do have a job, I’m not unemployed. How much I spend on substances kinda varies. Alcohol is the most expensive one, weed I don’t buy as often as I used to because friends give me some for free. I actually enjoyed my time living in motels more and miss it pretty often. I’m trying to burn fat by improving my diet and then plan on joining a gym

From today, save 30% per month. And try to do the rest I advised.

Be ruthless

 

[needimprovement250]

From today, save 30% per month. And try to do the rest I advised.

Be ruthless

Yeah I should be saving more, my pay rate being so low makes that a little more difficult. I work at minimum wage, which is really bad for a 33 year old man. But the work I’m doing now is just to keep money in my pocket while I finish education and launch a career. I’m two classes and an internship away from being done with education. Then hopefully I will be making enough money to move out. When I was living in motels, I gained 20 lbs because I was mostly eating fast food since the room obviously had no kitchen and I had to eat cheap to conserve money and pay for the room. I’ve lost a significant amount of that weight, but I still need to lose more.

 

[Cheeky_James]

I haven’t been on the forum since late 2025 and thought I would revisit it. I’m now 33 and still struggling with dating, I have still never had a girlfriend or dated at all and I feel more hopeless about it with each passing year. Especially because inexperience is such a big turn off for women and I feel like I’m stuck in a catch-22 that I cannot escape from because I can only get experience by dating women, which I cannot do without having experience in the first place. This is a belief I’ve held onto since age 20 and all it’s done is make things worse.

Turning 32 last year was a key inflection point for me because at 16, I turned to drugs and alcohol because I felt that I would never be successful with women and wanted something to numb myself. At 32, the amount of years that I’ve been using that as a coping mechanism matched the age I was when I first started doing it and made me realize it has not worked and never did.

Then about exactly a year ago, I got kicked out of my parents house after getting into a fight with my dad. I ended up living in motels for 3 months before I came back home. I do not want to be living at home with my parents, but I’m living there by force of financial circumstance. I enrolled in college classes back in 2024 for vocational certifications in agriculture and I will have my certificates soon, then I hope my income will be high enough to leave my parents house for good.

Just wanted to share because I literally don’t have anyone in my life I can talk about these struggles with and I have talked about them here on the forum previously.

Where do you live?
dude . Imo in your situ, the fastest way to get better with women is to get some sexual experience (pronto) and then hang around with some reasonably attractive ones in any capacity , just to get some exposure time to reduce the anxiety.

So with that in mind, the most rational way is to pay for it , if it’s available and an affordable and safe option imo.

I mean you are getting on in age , you need to catch up quick I’d say.

In tandem with the above, try and make some female friends at your college classes. Just to get exposure and be more comfortable around women generally.

what looks rating out of 10 would you give yourself and how tall are you.
Do you have any issues with being maybe ND or something like that. ? What’s been holding you back do you think..?

 

[needimprovement250]

Where do you live?
dude . Imo in your situ, the fastest way to get better with women is to get some sexual experience (pronto) and then hang around with some reasonably attractive ones in any capacity , just to get some exposure time to reduce the anxiety.

So with that in mind, the most rational way is to pay for it , if it’s available and an affordable and safe option imo.

I mean you are getting on in age , you need to catch up quick I’d say.

In tandem with the above, try and make some female friends at your college classes. Just to get exposure and be more comfortable around women generally.

what looks rating out of 10 would you give yourself and how tall are you.
Do you have any issues with being maybe ND or something like that. ? What’s been holding you back do you think..?

I live in the US. Legal prostitution is available to me not that far from where I live, but I am not gonna do that. First of all because they charge like $3K at least, and second because I would’ve already done that years ago if I was gonna do it.

The thing is I am not around attractive women in any capacity whatsoever and haven’t been in over a decade. People also don’t really make friends at my college because its a community college and that’s not a very social environment, everyone just goes to class and goes home without much interaction.

I asked AI to rate my face and it gave me a 7/10 so I’ll go with that, and I’m 6 ft tall. I’m not ND, and what’s been holding me back is that I’ve never had any confidence whatsoever when it comes to women, it stemmed from seeing friends get harshly rejected at a young age and assuming the same would happen to me. As I got older, I saw more friends get rejected and it just reinforced the belief. Now my confidence is even worse because I’m dealing with this issue of being older and inexperienced, and that women find inexperience to be a huge turn off. So a lot of times I feel like I shouldn’t even bother because they’re gonna reject me for being inexperienced at the end of the day no matter what anyway.

 

[CornbreadFed]

1). Find a family member or generous friends house to crash

2). Get a job at a warehouse or something and save money

3). Get professional help

 

[Cheeky_James]

I live in the US. Legal prostitution is available to me not that far from where I live, but I am not gonna do that. First of all because they charge like $3K at least, and second because I would’ve already done that years ago if I was gonna do it.

The thing is I am not around attractive women in any capacity whatsoever and haven’t been in over a decade. People also don’t really make friends at my college because its a community college and that’s not a very social environment, everyone just goes to class and goes home without much interaction.

I asked AI to rate my face and it gave me a 7/10 so I’ll go with that, and I’m 6 ft tall. I’m not ND, and what’s been holding me back is that I’ve never had any confidence whatsoever when it comes to women, it stemmed from seeing friends get harshly rejected at a young age and assuming the same would happen to me. As I got older, I saw more friends get rejected and it just reinforced the belief. Now my confidence is even worse because I’m dealing with this issue of being older and inexperienced, and that women find inexperience to be a huge turn off. So a lot of times I feel like I shouldn’t even bother because they’re gonna reject me for being inexperienced at the end of the day no matter what anyway.

7/10 face and 6 foot tall?? For real?

crazy.
I almost can’t believe your reason why it’s taken so long for you. But I’ll assume this is a legit post and not a troll.
Dude. I understand the cost issue at $3K.
But you could fly to South America or wherever is nearest. If you can get the cost of a trip together.
Loan or credit card it.
And bang like 5-10 ladies in a week.
Ok, maybe an exaggeration in numbers, but get my point.

The second objection - I don’t get , that was years ago , now your x years older. Your anxiety is gonna get worse the longer this situ lasts.

idk bro, re the rejection - of course it’s gonna happen. It’s a numbers game. Just pony up and cold approach like a mofo. You gotta take the hits of rejection and just get used to it. And as for * harsh * rejection.. what’s the worst they can do .. slap you?? You, a 6 foot tall dude? Man up bro.

And in tandem to CA pronto, also see a therapist , pronto.

I can’t imagine how big of a deal that would be to me in the same situ.

but really imo, you’ve never had any confidence whatsoever with women, because you’ve never fvcked one. Once you do , and get laid a few times. you’ll realise it’s no big deal. They are not scary monsters.

 

[zekko]

Imo in your situ, the fastest way to get better with women is to get some sexual experience (pronto) and then hang around with some reasonably attractive ones in any capacity , just to get some exposure time to reduce the anxiety.

Ah, there are some positive uses for the friendzone, if it doesn't mind-hump you first.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I am sorry, but after being here for so long, still holding onto the same rigid thoughts, and seeing so little progress in your dating life, it basically means that you are the problem and something about your approach needs to change.

Look, you have spent years thinking the same way about dating, and it clearly has not gotten you where you want to be. That belief has remained largely unchanged for 13 years despite the fact that it has not produced the result you want. The problem is that you have become too fixed in the way you see dating. Once you become attached to one explanation, you become predictable in how you respond to the problem, which limits your ability to adapt when things are not working. You need to be willing to look at the situation differently instead of remaining attached to the same explanation.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Ah, there are some positive uses for the friendzone, if it doesn't mind-hump you first.

totally. It’s all about gradually learning about women to me. Their behaviour, their humour, and especially their lingo. Woman-ese (very very important this one).
listening in to what they talk about re men etc etc , I’ve learned a fvck ton that way.
My whole Online game is talking to women half like a woman , in their lingo.

I came up with my own maxim during that time recently for online .
“ to have relations, you must first relate”
It’s served me very well.
It’s like “I know how it is for you, I know what you really want. just come here and I’ll at least satisfy some of those needs” type of deal.

full disclosure - I bang all sorts.
But really it applies to picking up all women. I’ve seen Naturals do this also. “The Bubble Of Love” in old school PUA terms and lingo.

some Redditor guy did a post where he broke down how he banged 65 girls in a year. Almost all from online dating and straight to the crib lays.
It was a lot of that kind of thing also.
Comfort I suppose.

 

[The Duke]

So why did you parents kick you out? You didn't pay rent, didn't want to work, wanted to sit on your azz and get drunk and high all the time?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Here's an urgent to do list( aka a TODAY list)

- tell your father you appreciate him and everything he does. Tell him you are grateful you can stay at home.
- kick off from the garbage. Seek prof help.
- enforce this by going to the gym.
-get ANY kinda job. Save at least 30% .

Be honest: how much income do you waste in substances?

I expect that by tomorrow you set all of this in motion. Report back please.

Repurpose:

$500 drugs —> TRT and gym membership

 

[BaronOfHair]

@needimprovement250 "weed I don’t buy as often as I used to because friends give me some for free"

Instruct them to stop doing so. Also

-You possessed enough ingenuity to afford motels for 3 months, not all that long ago, thus I submit you could also find your own abode now

-The screen name you've chosen is indicative of your mindset: Yeah, it may be technically true that we all "need improvement" in some way(I could've woken up exactly when my alarm rang this morning, for example), nonetheless conceptualizing yourself as some of sort of sad sack = You having a weak self-concept

That isn't attractive to ANYONE

 

[needimprovement250]

7/10 face and 6 foot tall?? For real?

crazy.
I almost can’t believe your reason why it’s taken so long for you. But I’ll assume this is a legit post and not a troll.
Dude. I understand the cost issue at $3K.
But you could fly to South America or wherever is nearest. If you can get the cost of a trip together.
Loan or credit card it.
And bang like 5-10 ladies in a week.
Ok, maybe an exaggeration in numbers, but get my point.

The second objection - I don’t get , that was years ago , now your x years older. Your anxiety is gonna get worse the longer this situ lasts.

idk bro, re the rejection - of course it’s gonna happen. It’s a numbers game. Just pony up and cold approach like a mofo. You gotta take the hits of rejection and just get used to it. And as for * harsh * rejection.. what’s the worst they can do .. slap you?? You, a 6 foot tall dude? Man up bro.

And in tandem to CA pronto, also see a therapist , pronto.

I can’t imagine how big of a deal that would be to me in the same situ.

but really imo, you’ve never had any confidence whatsoever with women, because you’ve never fvcked one. Once you do , and get laid a few times. you’ll realise it’s no big deal. They are not scary monsters.

It is a legit post and I am absolutely not trolling. I am also absolutely not flying to another country to bang escorts, completely out of the question. Wouldn’t do it even if I could afford that.

Yeah it already is worse compared to when I was younger, only now most of it is centered around my lack of experience. What I’m trying to say is the belief that I have is my rate of rejection is gonna be significantly higher than other guys on the same looks and height level as me just because I’m inexperienced and the lack of experience is a big turn off to women. Cold approaching is something I will never do also.

I don’t get why people on here are tells to go to therapy, but I view therapy as a scam so I definitely don’t intend to waste any money on that either. I actually have fu*ked one, but that was 11 years ago and nothing ever since. She came onto me, that’s how that happened and it ended up being a ONS. The boost in confidence I got from that has long since faded away.

 

[Arete]

I haven’t been on the forum since late 2025 and thought I would revisit it. I’m now 33 and still struggling with dating, I have still never had a girlfriend or dated at all and I feel more hopeless about it with each passing year. Especially because inexperience is such a big turn off for women and I feel like I’m stuck in a catch-22 that I cannot escape from because I can only get experience by dating women, which I cannot do without having experience in the first place. This is a belief I’ve held onto since age 20 and all it’s done is make things worse.

Turning 32 last year was a key inflection point for me because at 16, I turned to drugs and alcohol because I felt that I would never be successful with women and wanted something to numb myself. At 32, the amount of years that I’ve been using that as a coping mechanism matched the age I was when I first started doing it and made me realize it has not worked and never did.

Then about exactly a year ago, I got kicked out of my parents house after getting into a fight with my dad. I ended up living in motels for 3 months before I came back home. I do not want to be living at home with my parents, but I’m living there by force of financial circumstance. I enrolled in college classes back in 2024 for vocational certifications in agriculture and I will have my certificates soon, then I hope my income will be high enough to leave my parents house for good.

Just wanted to share because I literally don’t have anyone in my life I can talk about these struggles with and I have talked about them here on the forum previously.

Relatable in some ways ... I don't have much to add on DJ stuff, since I'm still a newbie, all I can say is to never give up. The only way to fail is to either die or give up.

I was badly beaten up as a kid by my dad. At maybe age 23, for the first time, I somehow faced the "grim reaper" from my POV.

I got hurt very badly, one of my feet was already messed up from another unrelated accident. After that fight, I hurt myself badly enough to need surgery.

But suddenly the "monster" in my mind became human, because I hurt him too. All fear vanished.

Ironically, after that, our relationship improved. Note, I'm not particularly vengeful unless it serves a reason. So that surely helped.

Just in case my intentions are misunderstood. DO NOT pick useless fights.

I'm saying walls must be faced head on. It's the most straightforward way to improve your life.

Be ruthless

The obvious things.

1. No drugs, no alcohol.
2. Gym routine, I recommend doing calisthenics and sprints eventually, but start out with bodybuilding to get a base.
3. A good diet, I recommend a low-carb diet. It makes you appear more youthful and increases overall vitality in exchange for lower explosive strength, but barely anyone needs that aside from professional athletes. I recommend the Paleo Diet for starters. If you manage to stay on it consistently and have a lot of determination, I would recommend switching to the primal diet.

Here's an urgent to do list( aka a TODAY list)

- tell your father you appreciate him and everything he does. Tell him you are grateful you can stay at home.
- kick off from the garbage. Seek prof help.
- enforce this by going to the gym.
-get ANY kinda job. Save at least 30% .

I would recommend the exact same thing, aside from professional help. I argue, if you can't help yourself, all hope is lost anyway.

Many years ago, as a teen, I had "professional" help due to my mom's insistence. The teachers said I was "too loud." The pharmaceuticals they forced me to eat made my memory in those years hazy. I was doing worse and worse. My performance in school started to drop; the solution for these clowns was to increase dosages. At the time I regained my self-awareness, years had passed. I was severely overweight, introverted, sickly, broke, and alone. No friends and family or "professionals." Just me.

I would spend a good amount of money on nutrition instead, as your body is the one thing you will have till your death and will never leave you.

 

[needimprovement250]

I am sorry, but after being here for so long, still holding onto the same rigid thoughts, and seeing so little progress in your dating life, it basically means that you are the problem and something about your approach needs to change.

Look, you have spent years thinking the same way about dating, and it clearly has not gotten you where you want to be. That belief has remained largely unchanged for 13 years despite the fact that it has not produced the result you want. The problem is that you have become too fixed in the way you see dating. Once you become attached to one explanation, you become predictable in how you respond to the problem, which limits your ability to adapt when things are not working. You need to be willing to look at the situation differently instead of remaining attached to the same explanation.

I realize that I’m the problem and my belief system has largely held me back. I just can’t get past the fact that women largely do not want to date men in their 30’s who have no dating or relationship experience, so that regardless of what I do to try and change my situation, I’m still gonna be rejected for not having this experience at the end of the day. You could absolutely say it’s a self limiting belief, I just cannot get past it.

 

[needimprovement250]

So why did you parents kick you out? You didn't pay rent, didn't want to work, wanted to sit on your azz and get drunk and high all the time?

Well it was my dad, he was saying that I should clean the bathroom that we all use and I said that I am willing to as soon as I get a free moment because I do work full time hours and I’m doing college classes too. He called me a liar and claimed that I do have an ample amount of free time, which I tried to explain that in reality I have very little free time. He then mocked me to my face for the work I’m currently doing, which made me even more angry and the situation got more heated. Then he proceeded to say just get out.

 

[needimprovement250]

@needimprovement250 "weed I don’t buy as often as I used to because friends give me some for free"

Instruct them to stop doing so. Also

-You possessed enough ingenuity to afford motels for 3 months, not all that long ago, thus I submit you could also find your own abode now

-The screen name you've chosen is indicative of your mindset: Yeah, it may be technically true that we all "need improvement" in some way(I could've woken up exactly when my alarm rang this morning, for example), nonetheless conceptualizing yourself as some of sort of sad sack = You having a weak self-concept

That isn't attractive to ANYONE

I really don’t want to quit weed, I do think I need to cut back on the drinking big time though. The drinking has gotten worse ever since my 30’s started, both of these are used to numb myself from the situation with my dating life being nonexistent since always.

I actually can’t find my own abode yet, the work I do now doesn’t pay well enough to allow me to afford anything. After education is done, I hope to get a better paying job that would allow me to. The work I’m doing right now is just to keep money in my pocket while I finish education.

I don’t think usernames can be changed on the forum once accounts are made and I used to have a different account here, but lost access to it. I picked that name because I need to improve so much to be at where I would like to be