I posted before about my inability to convince women to have anything more then a one night stand with me, as well as my confusion as to why women wanted nothing to do with me after we had sex.
I am beginning to realise that so many times when I thought I was building the foundations of a relationship with a girl by spending a lot of time talking to her, I was in fact I was either boring her to tears, or at least simply establishing myself as a really awesome person to talk to, you know, when she was tired of sleeping with the guy who turned her on emotionally.
I complained in the past about female friends wanting nothing to do with me after we had a ONS, but I am beginning to realise this was my fault too. I framed our relationship in non-sexual terms through lots of polite conversation, and then when I suddenly made sexual overtures and got them into bed, it would have been a jarring change for them. By acting non-sexual, I made our relationship non-sexual, and they felt I had "betrayed" this relationship by changing it into a sexual one. Irrational, but that is how they feel. This is why they feel ok about "friendzoning" someone who they have known for ages and jumping a stranger they met in a club, because the stranger made their intentions obvious from the start.
So in the last two weeks I tried something different. When I was out with a girl, I did nothing but talk about sex. Incessantly. If the topic changed, I would somehow bring it back to sex. I would also constantly tease and ridicule the woman, with the express intent of getting an emotional rise out of her. I am quickwitted in conversation, so I was confident that I could do this without being coming across as "sleazy" or socially inept.
So far the results were:
1. Went out with an all-female group of acquiantances from my university. I maintained sexual and playful conversation the whole evening. I focussed most of my attention on a particularly snotty HB8, mainly because I didn't care if she thought I was weird and never spoke to me again. At one point, I saw her glance briefly at two guys on the street while we were walking to a club, and I said "hey, why don't you go talk to them and catch up with us later" and literally shoved her towards them and kept walking with the group so she had to come running after me. The change in her reaction to me was like night and day. Whereas before she never bothered talking to me when I tried to make polite chit chat with her, by the end of the night, she was laughing at everything I said and making comments like "what has gotten into (firefly)?". She also suggested we go out for ****tails when she got back from travelling, in two weeks time.
2. Drinks with an asian law student. Kept on making fun of her the entire evening. Ended up making out with her in the bar, and then going at it in the bathroom (classy!). Unfortunetly, she let it slip that she was still a virgin and I have this rule about not letting girls have a drunken one night stand as their first time so took her back to her apartment. Scheduled to meet up again when she returns from her trip (it is semester break here, so a lot of international students go travelling now).
3. Took a nineteen year old out to a movie . Did the whole confident sexual thing. She ended up ending the night early, and not accepting my Facebook invite a few days later.
OK, so my approach may still need some work.
. In my defence, she is very young and shy (first time away from home), so I may have come across too strong. I also heard from a few mutual friends that she said she had a good time that night, so at least I did not totally offend her.
4. Drinks with another student. I had met her a few times, but only briefly so I had not had time to establish a non-sexual vibe with her. I also met her mainly at social functions I had organised, so I had high levels of social proof. Ended up making out with her at the bar until she remembered she had a boyfriend who only left the country a week ago. Later saw on her Facebook that she said that she had "a great night out" with me.
At the moment, I am also changing the way that I talk to a 9.5 that I am currently platonic buddies with. In our last FB Chat, we talked about nothing but sex and she ended by saying "I dislike you" and ending the conversation. In the past, I would have panicked and apologised or at least tried to get back in touch. Now I am thinking any emotional reaction is better then no reaction, so will wait and see how it pans out. Am a little uncertain about this one as she is a good friend, but I have to be honest and admit I want to sleep with her just as much as being her friend.
So any thoughts or comments? Am I getting better, or am I heading down the wrong path?
I am beginning to realise that so many times when I thought I was building the foundations of a relationship with a girl by spending a lot of time talking to her, I was in fact I was either boring her to tears, or at least simply establishing myself as a really awesome person to talk to, you know, when she was tired of sleeping with the guy who turned her on emotionally.
I complained in the past about female friends wanting nothing to do with me after we had a ONS, but I am beginning to realise this was my fault too. I framed our relationship in non-sexual terms through lots of polite conversation, and then when I suddenly made sexual overtures and got them into bed, it would have been a jarring change for them. By acting non-sexual, I made our relationship non-sexual, and they felt I had "betrayed" this relationship by changing it into a sexual one. Irrational, but that is how they feel. This is why they feel ok about "friendzoning" someone who they have known for ages and jumping a stranger they met in a club, because the stranger made their intentions obvious from the start.
So in the last two weeks I tried something different. When I was out with a girl, I did nothing but talk about sex. Incessantly. If the topic changed, I would somehow bring it back to sex. I would also constantly tease and ridicule the woman, with the express intent of getting an emotional rise out of her. I am quickwitted in conversation, so I was confident that I could do this without being coming across as "sleazy" or socially inept.
So far the results were:
1. Went out with an all-female group of acquiantances from my university. I maintained sexual and playful conversation the whole evening. I focussed most of my attention on a particularly snotty HB8, mainly because I didn't care if she thought I was weird and never spoke to me again. At one point, I saw her glance briefly at two guys on the street while we were walking to a club, and I said "hey, why don't you go talk to them and catch up with us later" and literally shoved her towards them and kept walking with the group so she had to come running after me. The change in her reaction to me was like night and day. Whereas before she never bothered talking to me when I tried to make polite chit chat with her, by the end of the night, she was laughing at everything I said and making comments like "what has gotten into (firefly)?". She also suggested we go out for ****tails when she got back from travelling, in two weeks time.
2. Drinks with an asian law student. Kept on making fun of her the entire evening. Ended up making out with her in the bar, and then going at it in the bathroom (classy!). Unfortunetly, she let it slip that she was still a virgin and I have this rule about not letting girls have a drunken one night stand as their first time so took her back to her apartment. Scheduled to meet up again when she returns from her trip (it is semester break here, so a lot of international students go travelling now).
3. Took a nineteen year old out to a movie . Did the whole confident sexual thing. She ended up ending the night early, and not accepting my Facebook invite a few days later.
OK, so my approach may still need some work.
. In my defence, she is very young and shy (first time away from home), so I may have come across too strong. I also heard from a few mutual friends that she said she had a good time that night, so at least I did not totally offend her.4. Drinks with another student. I had met her a few times, but only briefly so I had not had time to establish a non-sexual vibe with her. I also met her mainly at social functions I had organised, so I had high levels of social proof. Ended up making out with her at the bar until she remembered she had a boyfriend who only left the country a week ago. Later saw on her Facebook that she said that she had "a great night out" with me.
At the moment, I am also changing the way that I talk to a 9.5 that I am currently platonic buddies with. In our last FB Chat, we talked about nothing but sex and she ended by saying "I dislike you" and ending the conversation. In the past, I would have panicked and apologised or at least tried to get back in touch. Now I am thinking any emotional reaction is better then no reaction, so will wait and see how it pans out. Am a little uncertain about this one as she is a good friend, but I have to be honest and admit I want to sleep with her just as much as being her friend.
So any thoughts or comments? Am I getting better, or am I heading down the wrong path?
