Have I been friendzoned?

[flowtheory]

Lol.. she tells another girl that she doesn’t want to get attached and you’re like “okay I’m hanging up my coat” only to go on SS and lament on it all. Fuuck

In time you will come to see words mean noooothing at all. Especially to friends. One could psychoanalyze this and spin it like: “shes stating to the other friend that she doesn’t want to get attached, to affirm a belief, but she’s already minorly attached. So now she’s denying her true self for someone in the house, in fear of it turning out bad and it is in conflict with a former belief.”

So words can offer some insight, sure, but just watch her actions when she’s around. Plus. Why is she having that specific conversation? Obviously because there’s awareness around a dynamic.

You need to just make it known. Just so you don’t create a pattern of inaction like you are now and more word salads about losing minutes of your life to a flatmate who is showing interest.

She obviously likes you to some degree. Next time she puts her hands on your shoulder or you’re close, just lean in an kiss her.. it’s not hard. You just have to commit to changing the dynamic. But you’re so in your head.

She’s not going to make the first move. But she’s opening the window. She’s waiting for a man go through it. But she’s still volleying the ball onto your side of the net..

 

[Bigpapa]

I would just say something like "Is that your favorite pair of jeans" and if she says "No why?" Say "it should be" and if she says "Yes" then say "I can see why"

She will demand an explanation and then laugh and say something like "because I can't stop staring at your ass and just want to grab it" and then walk away...

It might take a few days but I will almost guarantee she will be all over you after that and you will open up an escalation window. Don't blow it this time.

this sounds like a solid action plan

make this move with a smirk on your face when saying the a$$ part

 

[Sgthaytham]

Lol.. she tells another girl that she doesn’t want to get attached and you’re like “okay I’m hanging up my coat” only to go on SS and lament on it all. Fuuck

In time you will come to see words mean noooothing at all. Especially to friends. One could psychoanalyze this and spin it like: “shes stating to the other friend that she doesn’t want to get attached, to affirm a belief, but she’s already minorly attached. So now she’s denying her true self for someone in the house, in fear of it turning out bad and it is in conflict with a former belief.”

So words can offer some insight, sure, but just watch her actions when she’s around. Plus. Why is she having that specific conversation? Obviously because there’s awareness around a dynamic.

You need to just make it known. Just so you don’t create a pattern of inaction like you are now and more word salads about losing minutes of your life to a flatmate who is showing interest.

She obviously likes you to some degree. Next time she puts her hands on your shoulder or you’re close, just lean in an kiss her.. it’s not hard. You just have to commit to changing the dynamic. But you’re so in your head.

She’s not going to make the first move. But she’s opening the window. She’s waiting for a man go through it. But she’s still volleying the ball onto your side of the net..

I’m actually quite surprised that it’s “obvious” she likes me to a degree.

 

[flowtheory]

I’m actually quite surprised that it’s “obvious” she likes me to a degree.

Just go in for the kill, stop thinking about it so much. It’s feminine to be circling the bush as much as you are.

 

[Robert28]

Yeah just got for it and get it over with. Do it tonight and let us know what happens. The more you think about it the worse you’ll come off and the crazier you will make yourself.

 

[jaymbrs]

Honestly, go for it and prepare for a rejection right off the bat. Then back off. However, I guarantee within a week she'll come running to you.

 

[King Lion]

I would say largely positive, like she isn't visibly distraught if I touch her arms, legs or hands, she's not pulling away... but then again, she's not really touchy-feely with me besides play hitting me

WTF...Learn To Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

You don't put your paws on a flatmate after 2 days, or 2 weeks, or 2 months...Unless she paws you and/or you have good reason!

What challenge is there for her, if you, a practical stranger, are 'stroking her hair' and grabbing her?

Talk about uncomfortable!!

All the advice about 'don't wait - escalate', 'force it', 'go for it and get it over with', is Bovine Excrement...It's desperate, stupid and simpish!

This gal is your flatmate, not some skank you just met and are drunkenly trying to dry-hump on the dancefloor in some club!

Of course she'd say she "doesn't want to get attached". She is making it abundantly clear and trying to spare your feelings - Despite your not sparing her yours!

Quit being so thirsty, understand social awareness and boundaries, and learn how to treat a lady.

"Fools rush in" - Learn to have self control, keep your tool in your pants, and be a challenge ffs!

 

[Igetit!]

WTF...Learn To Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

THANK YOU.

You don't put your paws on a flatmate after 2 days, or 2 weeks, or 2 months...Unless she paws you and/or you have good reason!

THANK YOU.

What challenge is there for her, if you, a practical stranger, are 'stroking her hair' and grabbing her?

THANK YOU.

]All the advice about 'don't wait - escalate', 'force it', 'go for it and get it over with', is Bovine Excrement...It's desperate, stupid and simpish!

Agreed. I thought the same thing.

I don't have a problem with him "going for it"....if that means asking her out. But all this rubbing and touching,grabbing her by the waist,touching her arms and legs.....that's all HORSESHI.......err.......HORSE EXCREMENT.


This is off the rails. Can't remember who it was,but one member here said he didn't escalate properly. That's 100% correct. In fact,he did it backwards. The way it usually goes is.....

Guy meets girl.
Guy and girl talk....guy asks girl out and/or goes for the number.
Guy and girl go out on a date.
Guy escalates while out on the date........ That escalation will either lead to light fooling around,sex,and/or a second date.

The OP......he

Met the girl.
ESCALATED....though touching and such........

And THAT'S IT......stalled out there, never went beyond that. Three weeks in,and he's still talking about touching her legs and arms. No kissing,no dates,no sex.......nothing. I honestly can't even tell what it is he wants with her. If it's sex,he's going the WRONG WAY about it. This is REAL LIFE. The way he's going about it only happen in porno.

You don't meet a girl,start grabbing and touching,and just end up in bed.....this ain't Cinemax. The touching isn't even sexual......he's just touching her hands,arms,and legs.


At this point.....I don't think he should be touching her AT ALL......unless and until he asks her OUT. I'd ask her out and if she agrees and they go out,THEN start back with all the touching.....and he can "escalate"/graduate from touching her arms and legs to "other parts".......cause the date itself would provide the context for him to do so. It's not weird or out of line to try to kiss a girl on a date. It's not weird or out of line to try to touch her breasts while out on a date with her.

If he did it now at their flat......as "flatmates"........while having not done anything sexual in the whole time they've known each other,it'd likely make her uncomfortable.


This is a rough situation to fix,cause the ONE THING that could remedy all this is also the very same thing the OP seems VERY UNWILLING/RELUCTANT to do........which is to ask this girl out. That puts her on the spot,and whatever reaction she gives will INSTANTLY let the OP know what his standing is with her.


But unfortunately,it looks like we'll be in for a few more weeks of updates about him touching her hands and legs.

 

[Sgthaytham]

WTF...Learn To Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

You don't put your paws on a flatmate after 2 days, or 2 weeks, or 2 months...Unless she paws you and/or you have good reason!

What challenge is there for her, if you, a practical stranger, are 'stroking her hair' and grabbing her?

Talk about uncomfortable!!

All the advice about 'don't wait - escalate', 'force it', 'go for it and get it over with', is Bovine Excrement...It's desperate, stupid and simpish!

This gal is your flatmate, not some skank you just met and are drunkenly trying to dry-hump on the dancefloor in some club!

Of course she'd say she "doesn't want to get attached". She is making it abundantly clear and trying to spare your feelings - Despite your not sparing her yours!

Quit being so thirsty, understand social awareness and boundaries, and learn how to treat a lady.

"Fools rush in" - Learn to have self control, keep your tool in your pants, and be a challenge ffs!

There are two reasons why I'm touching her:

1) She's been touching me. I've given multiple examples - Come on I'm not that oblivious. I'm not touching her hair or her face lmao

2) I'm attracted to her.

If 'going for it' is simpish... idek

So you reckon that she's making it abundantly clear she doesn't have interest, because if that's really the case with her than **** it, plenty more fish in the sea

 

[sph21]

If 'going for it' is simpish... idek

It's about controlling your eagerness.

Showing too much affection too fast can hurt your chance of having any relationship with her.

By touching her too fast too soon, you're telling her through your actions that:

1. You're too easy. There's no more challenge. She doesn't have to fight for your love because you gave it all to her too soon.
2. No more mystery around you. She could read you out loud and clear.
3. She knows that you're too desperate to be intimate too soon even with a flatmate

This is exactly why Pook wrote these posts:

• Kill that desperation!
• Patience: What Truly Makes a Don Juan

You must also be able to control yourself.

• Confidence is the key to women, but control is the key to confidence

 

[Sgthaytham]

It's about controlling your eagerness.

Showing too much affection too fast can hurt your chance of having any relationship with her.

By touching her too fast too soon, you're telling her through your actions that:

1. You're too easy. There's no more challenge. She doesn't have to fight for your love because you gave it all to her too soon.
2. No more mystery around you. She could read you out loud and clear.
3. She knows that you're too desperate to be intimate too soon even with a flatmate

This is exactly why Pook wrote these posts:

• Kill that desperation!
• Patience: What Truly Makes a Don Juan

You must also be able to control yourself.

• Confidence is the key to women, but control is the key to confidence

Yeah, I've read through it and Pook is spot on. If she has interest in me, I over-pursued - I see that now - I need to chill and have some patience now. I've most likely caused her interest to drop by being way too eager.

"It all has to do with patience. These guys failed because they came on entirely too strong, too fast."

"Women simply want to have fun and that if the guy smothers her with affection, she will distance herself. " -

that's what's happening with me: When she feels the space, when she feels I'm centred and relaxed, she'll show signs and put herself in my orbit - which is the best time to ask her out. When I get to eager and affectionate, she backs away because there's no challenge

"After all, who wants to be with someone that appears eager and desperate?" -

No one. Especially not women, because she senses she's losing her liberty to choose.

 

[King Lion]

THANK YOU.



THANK YOU.





THANK YOU.




Agreed. I thought the same thing.

I don't have a problem with him "going for it"....if that means asking her out. But all this rubbing and touching,grabbing her by the waist,touching her arms and legs.....that's all HORSESHI.......err.......HORSE EXCREMENT.


This is off the rails. Can't remember who it was,but one member here said he didn't escalate properly. That's 100% correct. In fact,he did it backwards. The way it usually goes is.....

Guy meets girl.
Guy and girl talk....guy asks girl out and/or goes for the number.
Guy and girl go out on a date.
Guy escalates while out on the date........ That escalation will either lead to light fooling around,sex,and/or a second date.

The OP......he

Met the girl.
ESCALATED....though touching and such........

And THAT'S IT......stalled out there, never went beyond that. Three weeks in,and he's still talking about touching her legs and arms. No kissing,no dates,no sex.......nothing. I honestly can't even tell what it is he wants with her. If it's sex,he's going the WRONG WAY about it. This is REAL LIFE. The way he's going about it only happen in porno.

You don't meet a girl,start grabbing and touching,and just end up in bed.....this ain't Cinemax. The touching isn't even sexual......he's just touching her hands,arms,and legs.


At this point.....I don't think he should be touching her AT ALL......unless and until he asks her OUT. I'd ask her out and if she agrees and they go out,THEN start back with all the touching.....and he can "escalate"/graduate from touching her arms and legs to "other parts".......cause the date itself would provide the context for him to do so. It's not weird or out of line to try to kiss a girl on a date. It's not weird or out of line to try to touch her breasts while out on a date with her.

If he did it now at their flat......as "flatmates"........while having not done anything sexual in the whole time they've known each other,it'd likely make her uncomfortable.


This is a rough situation to fix,cause the ONE THING that could remedy all this is also the very same thing the OP seems VERY UNWILLING/RELUCTANT to do........which is to ask this girl out. That puts her on the spot,and whatever reaction she gives will INSTANTLY let the OP know what his standing is with her.


But unfortunately,it looks like we'll be in for a few more weeks of updates about him touching her hands and legs.

Very well thought out and stated.

Thank YOU.

 

[King Lion]

It's about controlling your eagerness.

Showing too much affection too fast can hurt your chance of having any relationship with her.

By touching her too fast too soon, you're telling her through your actions that:

1. You're too easy. There's no more challenge. She doesn't have to fight for your love because you gave it all to her too soon.
2. No more mystery around you. She could read you out loud and clear.
3. She knows that you're too desperate to be intimate too soon even with a flatmate

This is exactly why Pook wrote these posts:

• Kill that desperation!
• Patience: What Truly Makes a Don Juan

You must also be able to control yourself.

• Confidence is the key to women, but control is the key to confidence

There is some seriously bonafide thoroughbred knowledge in your post and links that should be required reading for aspiring DJs.

Cheers

 

[bat soup]

If you wanted something to happen and you tried to make something happen then the reason it didn't is her. She's kokblocking you because she isn't interested.

If you're getting mixed signals that's because she enjoys playing with you.

 

[bat soup]

I would say largely positive, like she isn't visibly distraught if I touch her arms, legs or hands, she's not pulling away... but then again, she's not really touchy-feely with me besides play hitting me

She's an attention whoare.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Made another move (proper move) and she's rejected me. That settles it now, she's not interested and it was just game playing. Thank **** it's after a few weeks and not a substantial amount of time.

 

[Igetit!]

Made another move (proper move) and she's rejected me. That settles it now,

So she turned you down.........

CONGRATULATIONS. I give you props for manning up and putting yourself out there.

Would have been cool if she was interested,but that's how it goes sometimes.

she's not interested and it was just game playing. Thank **** it's after a few weeks and not a substantial amount of time.

I'm glad you went for it and got your answer....and you're not gonna like what I'm about to say,but I'm going to say it anyway......

I don't think she was "playing games". Going by what you said in your original post,she seemed to have genuine interest. Problem was you stalled it out by not responding properly.

Here,you said you made a "proper" move. I believe had you done that when you first met and she was giving you IOIs like crazy,you likely would have had a different outcome.


The reason I'm telling you this is because I believe that we should learn something from each encounter we have. Yes......you need to put this behind you and move on to the next girl,but you should FIRST learn something from it. BELIEVE ME..........the LAST THING you want to do is go through girl after girl,opportunity after opportunity,constantly losing out with girls....only to YEARS LATER find out it was something easily you could have fixed. That SUCKS.

But hey.......you straight up made your interest known,so you deserve props for that.

 

[Sgthaytham]

So she turned you down.........

CONGRATULATIONS. I give you props for manning up and putting yourself out there.

Would have been cool if she was interested,but that's how it goes sometimes.




I'm glad you went for it and got your answer....and you're not gonna like what I'm about to say,but I'm going to say it anyway......

I don't think she was "playing games". Going by what you said in your original post,she seemed to have genuine interest. Problem was you stalled it out by not responding properly.

Here,you said you made a "proper" move. I believe had you done that when you first met and she was giving you IOIs like crazy,you likely would have had a different outcome.


The reason I'm telling you this is because I believe that we should learn something from each encounter we have. Yes......you need to put this behind you and move on to the next girl,but you should FIRST learn something from it. BELIEVE ME..........the LAST THING you want to do is go through girl after girl,opportunity after opportunity,constantly losing out with girls....only to YEARS LATER find out it was something easily you could have fixed. That SUCKS.

But hey.......you straight up made your interest known,so you deserve props for that.

Cheers for this,

I don't even think she was interested in the first place.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Made another move (proper move) and she's rejected me. That settles it now, she's not interested and it was just game playing. Thank **** it's after a few weeks and not a substantial amount of time.

Cheers for this,

I don't even think she was interested in the first place.

Sounds like she was looking for an emotional tampon and was looking for making you that orbiter guy.

Be happy that you didn't fell into that trap.

However one simple rule that will make life easier for you is (Not only with girls/ but many other things too ofc):
Never sh*t where you eat!

E.g. in this case:
Hooking up with a flat mate/roomie is certainly set out for/and asking for headaches and troubles in the near coming future...