"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Have Ex Babysit My Pet?

DharmaBear

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I travel a lot for work. My ex and I broke up three months ago, and for as long as I've known her I've had my cat and my ex always took care of my cat when I was out of town. She's a serious cat freak, she absolutely loves 'em, so it was good for me to date someone who would spend the time to feed my cat, change her litter, and spend a lot of time playing with her.

I've had other friends watch my cat since the breakup, but none are interested in playing with her or changing the litter. They're not cat people like she is. They just feed her and leave. And meanwhile my cat has been freaked out because she hasn't been getting enough attention. I mean seriously freaked out, like I come home to my house being all torn up. She's never done that before.

So. I'm about to go out of the country for a couple of weeks, and I'm considering asking my ex to come over and take care of my cat for me once more - even though she'd be perfect to help me, my ex has made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me for now.

I only just thought today to ask her to do this favor because, by chance, I ran into her at the grocery store earlier - and though it was a very brief exchange, it was pleasant. Nothing bad happened (except for us maybe being a little uncomfortable; we haven't seen each other for months).

Do you guys think I should ask her to do this favor? The other option is to have one of my other friends feed her, but leave her feeling neglected.


-Dharma

P.S. I'm not at all interested in getting back together with my ex. While I would like to be friends, really I just need some help with my cat, and she's the best option.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

backbreaker

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if she will, hell ya.


I have 2 alaskian huskies and my old oneities had 1. when ever I would go out of town, she is the ONLY person who would let what them. if she was busy or I couldn't get ahold of her, i wasn't going anywhere. they are too tempermental to leave with anyone
 

DharmaBear

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Thanks, backbreaker - btw, I hope you're feeling better; I read that post about that crazy girl throwing that sh*t at your head. Wild!

Anyhow, I've asked her (by e-mail) to help with my cat, but I should point at that since we broke up we tried to be friends, but that's since broken down and now she's asked me to not contact her at all.

I guess I'm wondering if I made a mistake by asking her to do this...


-Dharma
 

backbreaker

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i actually have to go and get the stitches taken out next week, but i'm fine.

there were times when my old oneitis couldn't look at each other without arguing, and she would just show up at my house and say "watch him, i'm going out of town" and leave... and i'd have no problem.. I remember one time after we had a falling out, I sent her a 7 word email... "come pick him up, going out of town" and she was there 2 hours later.. picked him up.. and left. something about pets.
 

DharmaBear

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Thanks for the feedback, backbreaker. She never responded to my email (even though she offered to help after we initially broke up), so I ended up having one of my buddies help me out - which he agreed to do last minute. It's moments like these in life that remind you who's your good friends and who cares more about themselves than you do.

Meh, women. Just another lesson that exes are exes for a reason.

-Dharma
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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backbreaker

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yeah, everyone isn't as lucky as I was with my old oneitis. but a petsitter is someone you should always keep around
 

WaterTiger

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When I read your question the first thing I thought of was that scene in "Fatal Attraction" when the cheating husband finds his daughter's cute white bunny chopped up in a pot on the stove, boiling away.

YIKES!

I'd never ask an ex to be near ANYTHING that was important to me.
 
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