"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Have Ex Babysit My Pet?

DharmaBear

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I travel a lot for work. My ex and I broke up three months ago, and for as long as I've known her I've had my cat and my ex always took care of my cat when I was out of town. She's a serious cat freak, she absolutely loves 'em, so it was good for me to date someone who would spend the time to feed my cat, change her litter, and spend a lot of time playing with her.

I've had other friends watch my cat since the breakup, but none are interested in playing with her or changing the litter. They're not cat people like she is. They just feed her and leave. And meanwhile my cat has been freaked out because she hasn't been getting enough attention. I mean seriously freaked out, like I come home to my house being all torn up. She's never done that before.

So. I'm about to go out of the country for a couple of weeks, and I'm considering asking my ex to come over and take care of my cat for me once more - even though she'd be perfect to help me, my ex has made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with me for now.

I only just thought today to ask her to do this favor because, by chance, I ran into her at the grocery store earlier - and though it was a very brief exchange, it was pleasant. Nothing bad happened (except for us maybe being a little uncomfortable; we haven't seen each other for months).

Do you guys think I should ask her to do this favor? The other option is to have one of my other friends feed her, but leave her feeling neglected.


-Dharma

P.S. I'm not at all interested in getting back together with my ex. While I would like to be friends, really I just need some help with my cat, and she's the best option.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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backbreaker

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if she will, hell ya.


I have 2 alaskian huskies and my old oneities had 1. when ever I would go out of town, she is the ONLY person who would let what them. if she was busy or I couldn't get ahold of her, i wasn't going anywhere. they are too tempermental to leave with anyone
 

DharmaBear

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Thanks, backbreaker - btw, I hope you're feeling better; I read that post about that crazy girl throwing that sh*t at your head. Wild!

Anyhow, I've asked her (by e-mail) to help with my cat, but I should point at that since we broke up we tried to be friends, but that's since broken down and now she's asked me to not contact her at all.

I guess I'm wondering if I made a mistake by asking her to do this...


-Dharma
 

backbreaker

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i actually have to go and get the stitches taken out next week, but i'm fine.

there were times when my old oneitis couldn't look at each other without arguing, and she would just show up at my house and say "watch him, i'm going out of town" and leave... and i'd have no problem.. I remember one time after we had a falling out, I sent her a 7 word email... "come pick him up, going out of town" and she was there 2 hours later.. picked him up.. and left. something about pets.
 

DharmaBear

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Thanks for the feedback, backbreaker. She never responded to my email (even though she offered to help after we initially broke up), so I ended up having one of my buddies help me out - which he agreed to do last minute. It's moments like these in life that remind you who's your good friends and who cares more about themselves than you do.

Meh, women. Just another lesson that exes are exes for a reason.

-Dharma
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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backbreaker

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yeah, everyone isn't as lucky as I was with my old oneitis. but a petsitter is someone you should always keep around
 

WaterTiger

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When I read your question the first thing I thought of was that scene in "Fatal Attraction" when the cheating husband finds his daughter's cute white bunny chopped up in a pot on the stove, boiling away.

YIKES!

I'd never ask an ex to be near ANYTHING that was important to me.
 
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