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Hate sharing a bed with a girl

FlexpertHamilton

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Anyone else relate? I struggled with insomnia in my early 20s and figured out ways to solve it, but these are pretty much all thrown out the window when I sleep with someone. The snoring, the cuddling, sharing blankets, tossing and turning, and the fact that I can't set the thermostat to 65F like I normally do without them getting hypothermia.

I've lost out on many potential LTRs or even **** buddies because I basically refuse to sleep with them overnight. I used to tell them to sleep on the couch but lately I am 100% honest with them about my insomnia issues and offer to cuddle with them for a few hours, but that is never enough apparently.

At some point if I want to get into an LTR I'll just have to accept that I'll have a couple sleepless nights every week. But it honestly doesn't even seem worth it.
 
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TheProspect

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For me, it depends on the girl.

I don't normally do sleepovers unless I'm in an LTR, or I've had too much to drink to drive them (or myself) home.

Personally, I think your issues with sleep overs are secondary to your insomnia problem.

Do you know what causes your insomnia? And what have you tried to fix it?
 

FlexpertHamilton

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For me, it depends on the girl.

I don't normally do sleepovers unless I'm in an LTR, or I've had too much to drink to drive them (or myself) home.

Personally, I think your issues with sleep overs are secondary to your insomnia problem.

Do you know what causes your insomnia? And what have you tried to fix it?
I find it hard to shut my mind off and relax. I've been meditating on and off for a long time and that doesn't help much for sleep, however I have come up with many other solutions and I actually sleep quite well nowadays.

I make sure to stop playing any video games (or any other stimulating activity) within 2-3 hrs of bed, don't drink caffeine past noon, use blue light filters on my screens, set my thermostat to 65F (or sometimes lower), use blackout curtains, white noise machines, go to bed and wake up at the same times, take melatonin and magnesium, and I also do something to "wind down", usually reading or listening to a podcast while lying down.

I am an extremely light sleeper and almost everything wakes me up, especially their snoring (which almost every girl i've been with does) and their tossing/turning will too. I also find it hard to unwind when they stay over because I find socializing and people in general to be mentally taxing. If they shutup, left me alone, stopped cuddling me constantly, and didn't snore, I could probably tolerate it.
 
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jimwho

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One Ltr had to have pitch black, not even hallway light under the door. Another liked her head on my chest & drool. Ex wife needed multiple comforters & heat. Another was a face breather. On top of everything else just like the OP.

Only one thing works. After she's asleep, which is usually within 1-minute (damn women) I go sleep somewhere else, and they all know why ahead of time.

Like op said "he can't shut his mind off" I took motorcycle racing very serious and rarely slept before races.
Some just cant shut down.
 
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wifehunter

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Hate sharing a bed with a girl

Especially after eating mexican food. :rofl:
 

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JayAce

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If I legit like spending time with the woman outside of just sex I usually don’t mind sharing a bed with them for the most part.
 

JayAce

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If it’s just a **** buddy I could take or leave sharing a bed w them can be a little nagging
 

EyeBRollin

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I agree OP. I don’t enjoy it either. The gentlemanly thing to do in an LTR is to make it clear from jump it is not something you can do daily. Lay with her until she sleeps (fvck her good enough and it’s easy) then go sleep on an air mattress or something. They’ll still want your presence some nights so ration it.

My personal pet peeve is women with pets. I hate when those damn things jump in the bed and sleep with us.
 

Mike32ct

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I always found it difficult to literally sleep with a chick.

I like to spread out as well as toss and turn a lot before finding the perfect position to fall asleep. With somebody, I can’t move much because I worry about disturbing them. So I would just lie there in an awkward/cramped/uncomfortable position and barely get one or two hours sleep.

To that end, I like being single.
 
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Murk

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I prefer sleeping with a woman, I sleep much better than when alone.

Come to think of it, I'm a much better person when I'm not alone.

The only problems I had was my snoring sometimes (usually after alcohol) but that was only one ex that used to shout and hit me in my sleep. All the other girls seem nonplussed by my snoring (maybe they love me and my ex didn't).
 

BackInTheGame78

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Anyone else relate? I struggled with insomnia in my early 20s and figured out ways to solve it, but these are pretty much all thrown out the window when I sleep with someone. The snoring, the cuddling, sharing blankets, tossing and turning, and the fact that I can't set the thermostat to 65F like I normally do without them getting hypothermia.

I've lost out on many potential LTRs or even **** buddies because I basically refuse to sleep with them overnight. I used to tell them to sleep on the couch but lately I am 100% honest with them about my insomnia issues and offer to cuddle with them for a few hours, but that is never enough apparently.

At some point if I want to get into an LTR I'll just have to accept that I'll have a couple sleepless nights every week. But it honestly doesn't even seem worth it.
Nope. I tend to enjoy it and waking up with a raging hard on in the middle of the night with a naked woman lying in bed next to me. Most women find it pretty hot to be woken up by a c0ck sliding in and out of them.

They likely view it as a rejection of them or that you aren't really interested in them.
 

rjc149

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I run hot, and I sleep hot. Another body under the covers turns the bed into a furnace and I just can’t get comfortable. I definitely cannot cuddle with someone beneath the covers, and most women I’ve dated ran cold and needed the bedroom to be 120 degrees along with a down comforter. I can’t stand that.

I’m generally touchy with sleep, I also prefer my own bed. Whether that’s a function of my intimacy avoidance or the actual physical discomfort of another warm-blooded organism sharing my personal sleeping space with me post-coitus, not sure.
 

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Glassguy

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Having been divorced for 7 years, I have realized that I like to sleep alone. And I sleep great alone. I dont do sleepovers unless too much alcohol prevents the chick from driving, which is rare, but when it happens I am constantly waking up.

Not a fan of it.
 

christie

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Nope. I tend to enjoy it and waking up with a raging hard on in the middle of the night with a naked woman lying in bed next to me. Most women find it pretty hot to be woken up by a c0ck sliding in and out of them.

They likely view it as a rejection of them or that you aren't really interested in them.
There are a small minority of women that confuse this waking them up for penetration in a semiconscious state cold with zero foreplay or courtesy to bring them out of semiconsciousness to full waked-up mode first, lights on......as an Assault. Can cause problems with lingering almost ptsd type illness if a crucial conversation in the full light of day hasn't taken place on this topic.

Seriously speaking from experience. I need uninterrupted sleep as I work high aerobic/high physical job and have found this topic to be verrrry difficult to get to imprint in a boyfriend's mind.
 

lost_blackbird

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Last 4 and a half years of my marriage I slept alone. I hated more or less every aspect of sleeping
with another person. Too hot next to her, her snoring, having to be comfortable with just 10% of the bed, she
would often attempt to instigate sex too which in all honesty I'd sooner avoid meaning I'd have to find ways to
reject her without upsetting her, I hate being naked in any capacity around other people anyway so would have
to have at least a t shirt on. Come to think of it even when we did get it on, I'd keep that t shirt on during any
sexual activity. As I approach the end of my second sex free year I'm starting to realise that I am happier in general
than I ever was when I was expected to perform in bed. I sleep in a double bed now but only on the one side .
the other half of it contains my laptop, my diaries and a pen, my ps4 controller and headset a few cushions and
a pile of clean washing. I have no plans to find somewhere new to keep any of those items.
 

BackInTheGame78

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There are a small minority of women that confuse this waking them up for penetration in a semiconscious state cold with zero foreplay or courtesy to bring them out of semiconsciousness to full waked-up mode first, lights on......as an Assault. Can cause problems with lingering almost ptsd type illness if a crucial conversation in the full light of day hasn't taken place on this topic.

Seriously speaking from experience. I need uninterrupted sleep as I work high aerobic/high physical job and have found this topic to be verrrry difficult to get to imprint in a boyfriend's mind.
I always bring it up as a hypothetical and let them tell me if they'd like it or not before I attempt it.

I usually say something like "You sleeping naked next to me might be dangerous...I might wake up in the middle of the night with a hard on and want to wake you up with it" and then laugh so they take it as me joking...most of them tell me they would find that so hot if I did that.
 

christie

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I always bring it up as a hypothetical and let them tell me if they'd like it or not before I attempt it.

I usually say something like "You sleeping naked next to me might be dangerous...I might wake up in the middle of the night with a hard on and want to wake you up with it" and then laugh so they take it as me joking...most of them tell me they would find that so hot if I did that.
perfect if you're saying it way before the bedroom scene, distant from bedtime.

I do the same offer of communication " because I work in a physical job I need my full night's sleep, should I go sleep on the couch/other room if this will be too hard for you to take?"
So #1 I fantasized he would say "well, I don't think you should be working anymore so it could be more fun for us during the night"
and
#2 I fantasized that he would be more athletic(as physically exhausted as me)so he would view sleeping as separate from sex and honour we both need uninterrupted recovery sleep and need several minutes to come to consciousness with the room's lights on to awake from a groggy state of sleep.




I'm in the extreme minority though. Truly, NAWALT.

I shared this because this always got raised by me later in a text fight or presented as a type of passiveagressiveness in recent past relationships.
The 2013 exfiance and the 2019 exboyfriend. So the two last examples.
 
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