"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

Has setting boundaries and cutting toxic people out of your life ever made things worse?

jhonny9546

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2024
Messages
2,613
Reaction score
549
Location
Italy
Powerful media like the internet, books, and especially influencers have pushed us toward a healthier life. In this case, eliminating all sources of toxicity from our lives, especially toxic or narcissistic people. In this case, speaking as a man, we're told to be more selective, have a backbone, stop being nice guys, and not allow ourselves to be disrespected,.

I've personally tried applying this advice, and it's led me to narrow my social circle. I avoided toxic people and distanced myself from several people I already knew, gaining respect. In short, I was framing the world through my own lens, and I wasn't being disrespectful, but to be honest, doing this led me to be increasingly lonely, to see people negatively....infact, what we're taught is that toxic people always have arguments, conflicts, and don't respect boundaries. Therefore, if you're in a friendship, acquaintance, or romantic relationship with someone like that, you should say enough and end it.

The fact is, we'll all make mistakes and be a little disrespectful at times, and instead of focusing on the fact that there may be things we can't change, we're avoiding them. We're avoiding everything, wanting everything to be perfect...when in reality, I see that the world revolves around debate, about becoming masters of argument and compromise, about understanding how to argue and debate with others. In fact, everything the media tells us is "avoid."

Gaining respect from others means setting boundaries, and setting boundaries means avoiding compromise with anyone. This prevents us from being open to debate, argument, or compromise. This stop us from being "nice people". This leaves our lives devoid of compassion and humanity, and it makes us feel disconnected.


In these two years of trying to do this, this is how I've felt, worse than when I was actually around people who were a bit toxic but who knew how to compromise in the end.



I'm curious about hearing your experience out there about this
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Top