flashpoint said:
chic looks like the mother of my future children. feeling pre beta mode impending already. dont want to start with a compliment, dont want to start with an insult. dont want to start it casual either. need to start somehow, right?
real problem i feel here is to give to much validation early on. i accidently did that with other chics that i didnt even want to date or anything. when you get something back like "you r cute" "you r sweet" something is going wrong obv. it seems most expect you to kiss up their ass and when you say something nice they think you did that and would pat your head like a dogs one and that is it. no conversation whatsoever.
Wow, a lot to cover here.
For starters, I know how much importance people put into that first message... but really, it doesn't really matter. Real talk, I did a POF experiment one time where I sent 100 girls the following message:
"Cute
"
More than half of them responded to it, and a good portion of those ended up messaging me back and forth for a while.
It really boils down to how good your profile looks. Girls get way more messages than guys do, and they don't read all the messages. They'll look at the pics to see which guy they think might be of interest to them, then go to their profile. If they like what they see (in terms of if they like the other pics AND what the guy said about himself on the profile), THEN they'll respond.
As for the conversation you have with them? First off, here's things NOT to talk about:
*Their looks (you get ONE "nice pics" or "cute smile" and that's IT.)
*Sex (they don't know you yet, so you just come off as a stranger trying to bone them, which is gross to them)
*Politics or religion
*Asking them why they're on the site and/or still single (they already feel weird about being on the site, no need to remind them)
Good conversation starters include asking them open-ended questions (i.e. questions that can't be answered with just "yes" and "no.") It can be something about one of their photos (ex: "It looks like you're riding a bull in one of those pics, when did you do THAT and why?) or something they said in their profile (ex: "I see you like to go hiking, when's the last time you went and where?").
If you want to get at their ego, here's a line I found worked pretty well. It allows you to side compliment them while making them prove something to you:
"Hey, my name's _____. Came across your profile and saw your pics... I've gotta say, I've seen a lot of other girls' pics on this site, but yours seemed to stand out. You give off this quality about you that makes you seem self-assured about yourself, someone that's got looks, brains, and knows how to have a good time. Of course, it could just be that you take good photos, so I really have no way of knowing..."
Sounds fairly simple, but it worked quite a few times. You've complimented them indirectly, but then thrown some doubt in there about it possibly being a lie, which she will have to write you back to confirm. Great trick!
also communication consist to like 90% and more of other things than actual words. with all the text convo there is so much room for hitting the wrong buttons that it basically seems useless. so i want to get to meet in person as soon as possible. dumb question: any shortcut to do that?
It's not too dumb of a question. It can initially feel like one has to have x-amount of messages before one can meet up. Far from the truth.
I'm telling you guys, if you set up your profile the right way, a girl will be DYING to meet you as soon as she can. All you really have to do is ask her. Here's a few things I like to do:
1. If, after a few messages back and forth things seem to be going well (i.e. she's sending you back messages that are more than one-word answers - paragraphs are REALLY good indicators), say something like "wow, we seem to have a LOT to talk about - what's say we meet up for a coffee date sometime. Are you free on Tuesday or Thursday?"
2. That reminds me - when asking for a meet up, ALWAYS ask with at least 2 choices of days in mind. That way, she HAS to choose one. It's a sale's mind trick. I used to sell Cutco knives back in the day, and sold close to $12,000 worth of knives. Why? 'Cause instead of saying "so, would you like to by x-set of knives?" and getting a "no" like most of the sales people, I would say "so, would you like to by set A, B, or C?"
If you give them just one choice, it makes them feel like you're forcing them to make a certain choice and they're more likely to reject you; however, if you present them with options they feel like they're the ones in control of the choice they make, despite you being the one giving them the parameters. Funny how that works, right?
3. If you want to rush the amount of time it will take to make a girl online feel comfortable sleeping with you, play the 20 Questions game. Simple rules: you ask her a question, she ask you a question, then asks you a different question. By the end of the game you will have (a) learned 20 things about her, and (b) made her feel like she can trust you - after all, in her head she'll be thinking "I wouldn't just share that info with anybody - I must REALLY like him."
I found this little trick out towards the end of my online dating cycle, and ended up banging a smoking hot half-black half-asian lawyer chick right after our first date as a result. :rockon:
and what's with the pics? i hate that shyte. it always seems wrong. i bet even the "sweet innocent ones" only check out how hot you look and decide then. hell that is exactly what i am doing as well. so ... guess what i am asking here is, do you go more for the friendly, social and so on style or bad ass, lonely wolf, high standards kinda guy. it obv has to fit your personality and what you reveal about it in your texts but i am not sure what is best to convey here. especially when she looks decent and like a nice person ... ok the answer seems obv but i want someone to confirm it first.
I wish I could lie and say I was some kind of bad-ass, but I'm not. Heck, I went to prep school and private school for college, and my speech is way too proper.
Like I said before, you just want to give off a vibe that you're fun and happy, but you don't want your pic to be trying too hard. You want a natural smile, not something too goofy. For me having a slight beard works, but your face might look just as mature being clean-shaven. Yes, girls look at looks but not in the same way we do: we're looking for hotness, they're looking for "will this guy be fun or a downer?"
Realistically, though, looks are always the first thing we see. If you look like a slob, unhappy, too drunk, too fat, etc. she's not going to want to date you, which is how it should be 'cause who wants to be around someone unkempt and depressed all the time? So clean it up for your online photos.
