hard one

[Sart]

A very vulnerable girl was working as a prostitue and I visited her. FIRST and LAST prostitute for me, can't objectify people. Anyway, she was actually a vulnerable, naive and dependent girl who didn't belong there. She was lost because her profession was flat and her friends had moved away. She got caught and I was able to help her by giving her a career and telling her how to handle everything. All innocent, happy to help.

Her friends who caught her then got her a job because they didn't like her working with me because she was vulnerable, she cried and asks for my advice. I told her to go, she owed me nothing. She decided to stay because I was a mentor/Father figure. I am married, 36 and wife and I haven't had sex for 3 years. She is 23.

She recently got a boyfriend but more because she simply isn't good on her own. She described him as not her type, too short, but nice to her, loves his parents and someone she could be friends with if they break up.

She and I share intimate discussions, she sms's me when she knows I am out with the boys. She bakes me cakes and gets me expensive personal presents for my birthday. She is a touchy person, but she touches me alot, leans into me and tickles me and hits me. We have a Thursday special lunch each week and eat together for breakfast and lunch theother days. She says she would leave if I left because she can relate to me. She seemed to get catty when an attractive client came in dressed up, she said "she dressed for the occassion". She theorises that my wife kept her boyfriend until she knew she had me, which is derogatory and personal. But then she will say that she wouldn't want to know about her husbands first love if she was married. When I say, "sorry if I offended" she replies "it's okay, Im talking about if a partner, down the track said it to me" Which makes me wonder if she is saying, YOU AND I are not and never will be partners.

She hints at hiking and playing tennis together. My wife and her firneds think she is after me, but they dont know how we met.

I am bigger, stronger, and richer and more masculine than her boyfriend and she has even said that she thinks I am good looking.

If she wanted me I would be with her tomorrow, if she only wanted a mentor, I could cope with that, its just the signals and the not knowing that is annoying. I do love her and dont want to hurt her. I did tell her I loved her, but that probably was more a paternal thing at the time....not sure, but it didn't freak her out anyway.

Any thoughts anyone?

 

[Eternal]

Erm...If you are married, why didn't you have sex with your wife?

I agree with OD. If she is vunerable and you make her feel too "safe," she'll try and keep you around forever, by any means needed.

 

[damnbugs]

You need to concentrate your efforts on making this girl strong for both of your sakes. If you are there to support her and change your life to be with her and then she becomes strong and leaves, what are you left with?
I know it is a satisfying feeling of being wanted and needed (exspecially when your in what sounds like a dried up marrage) but you need to look past that at all the possible out comes and the most probable ones. I think it would be hard to get over her past.
A friend of mine got involved with a stripper/??? and they were having lots of problems- he asked my advice and my answer was simple- "you can't turn a hor into a house wife." He didn't take the advice and over the years it has proven to be true, he now lives a less than happy life...

If your relationship with your wife is to the point that is sounds like, it might be time to cut loose and get back out on the single scene and find yourself a quality partner- not a dependant.

All the best.

 

[Sart]

thanks for the input thus far

It appears that everyone, including you fine folks are of the opinion that she definitely does want me. I can look past that as was suggested and I realise it could be a World of hurt. My only issue was that I was unsure that she did want me.

She is a touchy girl, she can be innapropriate, but I sometimes feel that that is simply who she is. It crosses my mind that she wants me sometimes, other times I think she simply wants a Daddy because hers was not there for her. As I said, she does have a boyfriend.

I won't jump, I just wonder why everyone else, including my wife and her freinds are SO CERTAIN that she wants me on some level. As I said, she wasn't the A Typical prostitute you learn about.

Is it the dependency thing? Why does everyone assume she definitely is interested?

 

[Cheiradawg]

OH gawd hell no. Youze a Captian Save a Hoe.

Man wtf are you thinking. This girl is trash. She is only good for one thing. Using her for that is fine but bringing her into your life and giving her your recources is just plain stupid.

 

[dockta]

What The...? Are you serious? You are contemplating leaving your wife.... fair enough.. if its not working.. then its not working... but.... leave her for a 23yr Prostitute? you can not be serious.

 

[jakeyboy]

four words of advice my man... "leave that ho alone!!!"
you gotta wife for f**ks sake. how stable would a relationship with a 23 year old VULNERABLE ex ho possibly be? come to your senses. please.

 

[Sart]

okay but

Guys guys guys, gents,

You are a few steps ahead of me. I need your advice as to whether she is interested in me as a potential lover or just a mentor, based on my original thread.

I get your point and appreciate what you are saying. I probably wouldn't take it any further in reality, I just wanted to know if you thought that she was interested in me in that way. People seem to assume it all the time.

Once I get feedback as to that topic, I would then ask for advie for the next step, what to do? I wont dump her, she is a great worker, Dux at school, 1st class honours at Uni, she just isn't good on her own. I could just back off a bit and play it differently.

So, my question from you good people is, do you think she is interested in me in that way? Sex is obviously not important to her, she is just good at it. I am searching for answers of what she wants of me. Step two is asking, what to do from here?

Could someone give me their opinion as to what she may want from me?

 

[Cheiradawg]

Re: okay but

Originally posted by Sart
Could someone give me their opinion as to what she may want from me?

(scratches his head and slowly repeats) What could a hooker want from a guy, what could a hooker want from a guy.

It is hard to see how one can dilute themselves as much as you have here.

 

[Sart]

now come one

Did you people read my post? She was a hooker for 3 months, looking to get out. She got caught and I helped her and she gravitated toward me. Now, reflecting on my original post, does she see me as a friend/mentor or potential lover. She has gotten a boyfriend now, even though I think she simply NEEDS one.

Dambugs gave me something to deal with, thanks dambugs.

If all she wants is to settle, well she has this boy. My question is whether she wants more from me or not. I have read all your responses but only one seemed to get the drift, the rest are hung up on her as some sex ***** prostitute with no potential. She is high IQ, highly educated and was simply no good on her own and made the mistake of prostitution. She lacked the consititution for it.

She does have a dependent personality, she is vulnerable and hangs on some stuff I say, she did lack a Father and her Mother died and she is actually naive in her own way.

If someone could just give me a well thought out response without getting hung up on belittling myself or her, I am a person who listens and takes advice.

Is this girl interested in me based on what I have said. Try to get past the protitution thing and don't mistake me for an idiot or as a desperate loser. I have always had girlfreinds and am married but my love life is now "nil". I saw this prostitute due to that fact and we became friends. I have never and will never visit another. So, do you think she wants more from me than mentorship based on the first post?

Please, someone give me an opinion, not one line about how stupid I am and calling her a hoe, it just doesn't help me at all.

Thanks fellas.

 

[squirrels]

What would you do differently if she WAS interested in you? Why does it matter?

 

[Sart]

differently

I would have a better idea of her expectations and could adjust my behaviour accordingly. I was not so aware that she had feelings for me until others seemed to say it. I knew we were close, but was unsure.

In truth, when I hired her, I had no interest in pursuing her at all, I just wanted to help. It is over the last few months that I have felt things have changed.

So, others input could help me andjust my behaviour if required or at least help me be on guard. I have fantasized about being with her but in reality, I didn't see it as a real possibility. These days I am less sure of what she wants.

Fair enough? I just want an opinion as to what people think, I know its just their advice and opinion but isn't that the point of this site?

Communication is a difficult thing when discussing something, forums are even more difficult because they lack intonation. I have asked a basic question, does this young girl desire more from me, conscioulsy or unconcsiously?

My motives are not the question, as I said and will say again, hopefully for the last time. STEP 2 is what to do?

I really feel I need to know whether she has any feelings for me that are romantic or could be turned romantic. If it helps the forum at all, I don't believe I would act on it, but I would be aware of it and could address it. PLEASE, could someone just converse this without giving me psychiatric advice or judging me or her, it really is a simple, straight question and I really would appreciate your thoughts.

 

[dietzcoi]

She would probably take you as a sugar daddy and nothing else. What do you think she wants from you, and why does it matter?

You are in love with this girl, no doubts there. You are an really bad accident waiting to happen. We all know about oneitis, that is why so many here are harsh

WE ARE TRYING TO STOP YOU FROM DOING SOMETHING STUPID

Man, if you could hear yourself... if one of your good friends wrote this, what would YOU tell THEM?

She is nothing and you are making her into the girl of your dreams. You are just too close to the situation to see it.

I am not sure what you want from us. We cannot guess her motiviations, except we are sure of one thing: SHe is a ho and will USE you for whatever she can get

Calling PS, PR_L, Westcoaster and others: HELP! We have an emergency case here!!!

Dietzcoi

 

[Sart]

candour

Thanks for your candour there Sir. I have read my original thread and can see where you are coming from. The only thing I can say is, "I dont think I am a bad accident waiting to happen" but I can read why you would say that.

I have been off the market for nearly 12 years and dont read signals so well anymore and a couple of friends have felt I am at risk. I feel I would be at less risk if I was more sure of her position. She is very intelligent and, hell, she has even spoken in parliament, she just cant seem to cope on her own. I thought that having a boyfriend meant she was not interested in me and I was fine with that. It was when others, mainly my wife and her friends, who dont know how we met, started saying she wanted me, that I started to add things up.

I really just want straight answers. If someone said, yes, I think she is interested from what I have read, then I would feel I had a starting point, a point of reference.

Perhaps my writing comes accross a little desperate or something, but, in truth, I never really had women problems. After 12 years you lose some of your objectivity, ability and desire to read women.

You guys are Don Juans, I am just a married git, so I would respect your straight answers and could then act accordingly. It wouldn't be difficult for me to back right off....BUT... if she just wants a friend, nothing more, I am willing to mentor her. I have mentored girls during my life but never ex prostitutes I had slept with and never as close as this one.

I know I am new here and you fellas are probably trying to read this and warn me off. I don't blame you, you are justified to be concerned when I re read things. Look, I am a stable, 37 year old businessman, relatively intelligent, actually apparently good looking, definitely strong and fit....I am not a desparado or anything, I am just out of touch. I spent the last 10 years building wealth and helping youth, this has just thrown me a little. I HONESTLY APPRECIATE THE CONCERN.

So, thanks for your concern, I promise I wont do anything rash or stupid, I just would appreciate someones honest, straightforward "take" on it. Is she interested in more? I wont act on it poorly, I will just have a better idea of where I stand. Information is the key to success, and I was led here via Copeland et al in the hopes that one of you Dona Juans would just give me your straight opinion on whether she is interested.

 

[Sart]

sorry

please read the reply above, i was going to edit it but I will let it stand.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

The day I would touch a (former) prostitute inn anymore than a friendly shape even with a 10 foot pole that day flames turn to ice.

 

[xblitz44x]

I don't know if she's interested in more. Nobody can tell from that post. We can guess, but that's all it would be is a guess. Why don't you ask her? She tickled you, teases you, and hints at going hiking together. That doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you necessarily.

She's in bad shape though, probably confused and a little unstable so be careful of what you take to heart.

 

[DJoystick DJango]

IMO every girl is interested to some extend whether this be nearly zero interest. - Think of it this way, if you where the last man on earth, would the girl accept to save the human race with you or will she comit suicide ?

For any given set of contacts and relations any girl has, you can bank on it that she has them lined up in her head in order of priority.

Now there are two seperate lists they keep. Lovers and/or providers and some men will make it on both lists.

Im reading your postings about her, that she 99% certainly has you on the provider list. You are her backup plan for a trustworthy dependant provider, sometime in the future when she is ready for commitment If she doesn't find someone better before that. - period.

Now here is the catch : You will never know how many are ahead of you on that list of hers ! AND you position on that list is NOT garantied.

The lists get shuffeled every time she meets someone new, or you goof-up by doing something she finds inapropriate, or someone else on the list does something good in her mind and gets bumpped a couple of notches up.

Any woman looking to settle LTR will seek the best posible male on her list that she is confident she can keep. And she will want out as soon as she is confident she can replace him with a better upgrade. - No offence, but that is what your wife is waiting for to find herself, then you WILL be history in her book.

Everybody here is somehow or other telling you to face the fact that the infomation you are seeking about her intensions is NOT relevant to your future. Its is always a VERY BAD BET to base your long term decisions on a females feelings at any given time. These feelings have the habit of changing if you dont keep them cultivated.

You are her safety net, and she knows it, but I doubt she "feels" IT ! She is obviously doing what it takes to keep you there as we all can read from your posts. She is playing you gooood ! but hey ... shes a woman and that what they are supposed to do.

-JJ

 

[CLOONEY]

Do I hear, mid-life crisis?

I can't beleive this is coming from a 36 year old, married man, about a hooker who he is trying to save (or possibly use for his own sexual pleasures). Not to mention I am getting the feeling you want her to find you attractive (as you think your wife doesnt, through her actions) and are trying to use this girl to justify your ego and fill your insecurities.

 

[CLOONEY]

As for your answer. Yes, she is interested. However, you cant get a straight forward answer because she is obviously confused. Not everything in the world is black and white. She probably does not know what she wants herself. She will obviously fukc u (as she does not take pride in her body) and use u for emotional support for some time. This will end a twisted mess. Good luck with it! Stay out of Kings Cross next time!