Gym girl in a relationship giving me IOIs - Thoughts?

[Sega Genesis]

explained to me that she had been in a relationship for "a while" with a guy who works out here as well

'Had' been in a relationship? Past tense? Or was that just how you wrote it and she said "has" been in a relationship?

If they are still together, where is HE while all this is going on?

You've been there several times right? But he's never around or is she hoping he walks in while ya'll are talking/flirting on her initiation? Hoping to elicit some jealousy perhaps?

It's bad enough she approaches men (you) and engages/flirts with you/them while in a relationship but to do so at the same gym HE works out at too?

That's really playing with fire and brings this entire sitch to a new low imo.

Something sounds very off @BPH and wondering as a man with such abundance why do you bother?

Not a judgment, just curious.

 

[BPH]

'Had' been in a relationship? Past tense? Or was that just how you wrote it and she said "has" been in a relationship?

If they're still together, where is HE while all this is going on?

You've been there several times right? But he's never around or is she hoping he walks in while ya'll are talking/flirting on her initiation? Hoping to elicit some jealousy perhaps?

I mean each time, she's the one who approaches you, she engages you but when you try to escalate she shuts you down..

Something sounds very off @BPH and wondering as a man with such abundance why do you bother?

Not a judgment, just curious.

Is currently in a relationship.

I have no idea who he is or where he is when all this is occurring. In the OP I assumed she had a boyfriend because I had seen her working out with guys before, but haven't seen that since. Lately, it's either her by herself or with her girlfriend, so I don't think she's going the jealousy route - especially with the Instagram thing I mentioned in my latest reply.

I can understand her just liking the attention or knowing she can "still get it", but she does come up to me, each and every time. That's why I made this post, curious if there's something more to this.

As far as why I bother, she's gorgeous, I see her almost every day, and the fact that she keeps engaging with me leads me to wonder how much she cares about her relationship.

I know I've had some recent fun, and have some plates in Philly, but I'm always "recruiting", and a girl who looks this good and lives this close would be nice to have around.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Anyway, let me know what you guys think of all this, and what your suggestion would be moving forward

If you want something(this girl included), pursue... The recent untimely demises of Shannen Doherty, Val Kilmer, Tony Todd, Julian McMahon, and Malcolm Jamal Warner highlight a chilling truth, aside from the fact that cancer exceeds even Alyssa Milano in the b-t-h department, and that hitting the water while black is more ill-advised than traveling while Ashenkazi in Arabia right now:

The chances that we're already in our 3rd Act, no matter how relatively young we might be at present, are often much stronger than we realize. The amount of time we moderns in The Post-Industrial West spend overthinking the piss out of the most simple things frequently costs us opportunities for growth

 

[justaroundthecorner]

She is somewhat interested in you but standard, direct approach will fail due to her current relationship. Her BF **** or magic fingers will reset your progress from time to time.

Maintain contact, be friendly but do not approach her, fix meeting on platonic basis or when her friend is around. You can apply push-pull and do not attend gym for some time.

It would be also better for you to fix date with some other (actually available) girl in the meantime and let this one find out.

She should have 0 thoughts about you orbitting her therefore she should be treated as low interest option - which she in fact is for you.

However in case she would approach you and stay flirty with you one on one, you can make some move (like getting bit too close to her on purpose while maintaining eye contact) as well to test her true resistance to your charm.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Unless she makes it easy, if it were me I'd just keep it as it is, she's a gym boo for now.

All this back and forth it's just window dressing. Where's the beef?

Not saying she isn't interested but for me the gym is a refuge, so I don't want to be engaged in silly repartee when there's good p*ssy walking around everywhere else. There is also the fact that you will continue to see here there.

IOW if a girl just wants a physical thing she will be more direct. Teasing and testing the waters = she maybe likes you and is trying to build rapport or a "story" for whatever reason (attraction, boredom, romance etc.). I prefer when a girl wants a fukk for a fukk in this case and that's that. It's the gym, I don't even bring my phone so I don't want to be wasting time with idle chatter. But that's just me.

 

[jhonny9546]

Men very quickly forget that sometimes women enjoy toying with male interest , because its fun for them

" how much will he chase me "

" Look how much he wants me "

" If I do this will he do that "

These are all common female perspectives I have enough female friends too know

I disagree. Women also think this way about their current, avoidant, "alpha," "macho" boyfriends.
Not only about their "orbiters". They do it with everyone, even men they respect.

Also, OP, it happened to me at the gym. In the same gym, there was a couple with this woman, also 2 inches taller than me, who sent me incredible IOIs when the guy was downstairs.
I went to talk to her to test the waters, and she was clearly infatuated.
I didn't pursue it, 1. because she had a boyfriend, 2. because she wasn't my type.
I learned that a month later she broke up with her boyfriend.

It was very clear that she just wanted to be filled with some sperm

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Well, for now she obviously qualified him as orbiter.

 

[DJ Novice]

OP the only way to find out if she’s just using you for validation is to ask her out for a date (I suggest a coffee date first as it’s low key).

No need to exchange numbers if you see her regularly in the gym. If she blows you off with an excuse counter offer one more time. If she still says no you have your answer. Remain on friendly terms but don’t reciprocate any flirting and make it clear you don’t accept the friendzone. Focus on other options.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

She will lap up the attention. You are an attractive guy. So she is absorbing your attention. She knows she is hot. So she is enjoying your attention but nothing will come of it....she likes the attention & validation from a hot guy.

The "secret" is pure silliness. Ignore it.

Here is a little test you can do next time you see her.....tell her you gotta run because you have a hot date. Pay attention to her reaction but don't react yourself.

The obvious flirting will be seen by other guys who know the bf. I agree with others that this is simply attention w horing behavior. Y'all are in Delaware, right? Her & BF going to a wedding together in Mexico indicates a level of establishment & seriousness about this relationship. That trip is an investment into the relationship. Her BF is likely Latino, speaks Spanish, & is a machismo man (most traditional Latin men are)....

Do not ask for her number anymore or directly ask her out. Require everything.....and I mean everything to be her idea.

Casually mention you have a hot date & distance yourself from her.......

 

[Divorced w 3]

The gym is a sanctuary/ if she is taken, don’t invite drama into your sanctuary

I agree with queen @BeExcellent here - total attention monger and the guys who know the couple are going to chirp and you’re going to cause problems.

you want to see her get wet for you and drop the guy? Tell you a little secret. More plates more dates. I do two exercises in the gym per session and it takes up an hour - I just put the headphones on and I get to work. I don’t know if it’s pheromones or what but those yoga pants always seem to find me. 2-3 people seem to work through the rack / bench next to me before I am done. Work out hard, work out heavy, and get the fck out of there. I’m back in my house by 7:15am,

keep it simple

 

[Bingo-Player]

I disagree. Women also think this way about their current, avoidant, "alpha," "macho" boyfriends.
Not only about their "orbiters". They do it with everyone, even men they respect.

Also, OP, it happened to me at the gym. In the same gym, there was a couple with this woman, also 2 inches taller than me, who sent me incredible IOIs when the guy was downstairs.
I went to talk to her to test the waters, and she was clearly infatuated.
I didn't pursue it, 1. because she had a boyfriend, 2. because she wasn't my type.
I learned that a month later she broke up with her boyfriend.

It was very clear that she just wanted to be filled with some sperm

You're just feeding your ego with nonsense

 

[Vantagepoint34]

You're just feeding your ego with nonsense

Arab s or earnings fr m gamblings

 

[Isildur1]

why not just approach more women during the day? If a woman with a boyfriend started to flirt with me i wouldn't even bother chasing them for a date i'd treat them as a friend and move on. Theres also the potential conflict with the boyfriend that you are risking if you do proceed

the fact that you've made a thread about a "maybe" girl which isn't going anywhere makes me believe you're not making enough opportunities for yourself

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I originally was going to message @BeExcellent directly with this question, because I wanted a female perspective on what's going on here. I don't usually bother with women in relationships, because once they tell me that, it means they aren't interested enough to omit that information.

However, I was checking my Instagram and it seems this girl managed to find my account and has been watching my stories, so I'll see what you all think about this...

She's a very attractive Latina who regularly works out around the same time as I. I'd seen her working out with a girlfriend and a couple of guys, so I assumed she had a boyfriend, but I decided to shoot my shot anyway. She took it well, explained to me that she had been in a relationship for "a while" with a guy who works out here as well. I smiled, told her she was gorgeous, that he was a lucky guy, and went on my way. That was probably about a month and a half ago.

Since then, she'll usually make a point to engage with me in some way. She'll approach me and ask how many sets I have on equipment, rather than just waiting. She'll ask me why I do recumbent biking for cardio rather than the stair stepper that she does. She remembers my name, and we sometimes would make small talk - notably telling me that it was her birthday on the 29th this month. Always smiling, happy to talk to me, and see me.

Yesterday was my first day back in the gym following vacation, and she was there. She came up to me to grab a weight plate and said hi, remarking that she noticed I wasn't here last week to her friend, and that she missed me. We made some small talk about the beach I just got back from, and I brought up how her birthday is coming up soon, and asked if she had plans for it.

I don't know why, but she lied and said, "Yeah, it's coming up on the 26th, I can't wait". I stopped her and said, "Wait, isn't it on the 29th?" She seemed very impressed that I remembered. She told me that she would be going to Mexico for about a week and a half with her guy for a wedding. I told her that if I see her before then, I would give her an early "happy birthday". She returned to her friend, and that was that.

Now I'm at work checking my Instagram story, and see that she's now watching them, but has not followed me. I went ahead and followed her.

It feels like there's some attraction here, but I'm unsure how to proceed.

I figure I could play the long game, and simply wait for a breakup, where I'd be the obvious rebound...

...or I could be a bit more proactive, and ask for her number "just in case" things don't work out with her man. But that could potentially invite more problems.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think of all this, and what your suggestion would be moving forward. I don't particularly like pursuing women who are in relationships, but if the guy isn't somebody I know or care about, I wouldn't be above it.

Don't shiet where you eat.
Its that simple.

 

[SW15]

dudes think getting the digits a milestone to achieve.

It isn't an achievement. It's easier to show charisma and sell the woman on the concept over a future social outing in person than over text message. A lot of women flake after a number exchange because they are no longer feeling it at the moment they receive the text but were feeling it enough to accept a date offer based on the good feelings in the moment.

The gym is a sanctuary/ if she is taken, don’t invite drama into your sanctuary

Don't shiet where you eat.
Its that simple.

Doing pickup/seduction at one's primary gym is a crap where you eat type scenario in many cases.

There's a good chance of seeing the same woman at that primary gym after an interaction goes bad. That's going to be unpleasant at a minimum. It could be intolerable depending on how the interaction played out.

Seeing the same woman after an approach rejection or a '1-2 dates, no sex, no relationship' scenario is often unpleasant. That unpleasantness isn't good but it's not bad enough to force someone to change gyms.

If sex happens and the interaction fades quickly (think short term, non-committed sex), it's also going to be unpleasant to see that person at the gym repeatedly. That's an instance where I think it would be worth changing gyms.

If an interaction leads to committed sex and a longer term relationship, changing gyms after the breakup becomes mandatory for at least one of the partners in that longer term relationship. It could easily be the male changing gyms and female staying at that same gym. Sometimes it will end so badly that both partners decide to switch gyms. In a failed LTR scenario, one would hope that during the breakup, it could be discussed who changes gyms and who stays. In reality, not all breakups would function this way.

When considering the possibility of a gym change, it depends on how much the male likes the gym where he's a member and how replaceable it is. In Wilmington, DE, there are fewer gyms than a Top 10-20 USA city. Changing gyms would be more difficult in Wilmington due to its lower population and fewer gym options. In a place like Dallas, TX (a top tier USA city), changing gyms is likely to be much easier.

In a big city like Dallas, if one is a member at a big box gym like 24 Hour Fitness or LA Fitness, it wouldn't be a big deal to change gyms after a failed interaction. There's nothing special about either of those gyms. In Dallas, it would be more difficult to replace a more upscale gym like Equinox or Lifetime or a specialized standalone, class-based fitness studio.

The gym is unique as compared to other non-bar venues in terms of its status. Most men wouldn't have to change grocery stores if a short or long term interaction starting a grocery store went bad. The same would apply for malls, bookstores, and nearly any other non-bar venue.

 

[Divorced w 3]

It isn't an achievement. It's easier to show charisma and sell the woman on the concept over a future social outing in person than over text message. A lot of women flake after a number exchange because they are no longer feeling it at the moment they receive the text but were feeling it enough to accept a date offer based on the good feelings in the moment.





Doing pickup/seduction at one's primary gym is a crap where you eat type scenario in many cases.

There's a good chance of seeing the same woman at that primary gym after an interaction goes bad. That's going to be unpleasant at a minimum. It could be intolerable depending on how the interaction played out.

Seeing the same woman after an approach rejection or a '1-2 dates, no sex, no relationship' scenario is often unpleasant. That unpleasantness isn't good but it's not bad enough to force someone to change gyms.

If sex happens and the interaction fades quickly (think short term, non-committed sex), it's also going to be unpleasant to see that person at the gym repeatedly. That's an instance where I think it would be worth changing gyms.

If an interaction leads to committed sex and a longer term relationship, changing gyms after the breakup becomes mandatory for at least one of the partners in that longer term relationship. It could easily be the male changing gyms and female staying at that same gym. Sometimes it will end so badly that both partners decide to switch gyms. In a failed LTR scenario, one would hope that during the breakup, it could be discussed who changes gyms and who stays. In reality, not all breakups would function this way.

When considering the possibility of a gym change, it depends on how much the male likes the gym where he's a member and how replaceable it is. In Wilmington, DE, there are fewer gyms than a Top 10-20 USA city. Changing gyms would be more difficult in Wilmington due to its lower population and fewer gym options. In a place like Dallas, TX (a top tier USA city), changing gyms is likely to be much easier.

In a big city like Dallas, if one is a member at a big box gym like 24 Hour Fitness or LA Fitness, it wouldn't be a big deal to change gyms after a failed interaction. There's nothing special about either of those gyms. In Dallas, it would be more difficult to replace a more upscale gym like Equinox or Lifetime or a specialized standalone, class-based fitness studio.

The gym is unique as compared to other non-bar venues in terms of its status. Most men wouldn't have to change grocery stores if a short or long term interaction starting a grocery store went bad. The same would apply for malls, bookstores, and nearly any other non-bar venue.

Funny enough, a woman I hooked up with is a personal trainer at my gym. She wasn’t at the time. We hooked up at a bar, and she pursued me on Facebook the following morning. Offered to come drop my credit card off. Turned out she had a boyfriend / fiancée. This was a couple years ago. I saw her late last year a few times. It didn’t get weird but it could have been. She’s not there anymore, at least I haven’t seen her in months. I lucked out. I think the thing that kept it from boiling over is one, I think the guy knows he’s a cuck. Secondly, it’s her place of business. I saw them a month ago at the ice cream parlor. Nothing happened. Lucky for all involved. I train at lifetime.

 

[SW15]

Funny enough, a woman I hooked up with is a personal trainer at my gym. She wasn’t at the time. We hooked up at a bar, and she pursued me on Facebook the following morning. Offered to come drop my credit card off. Turned out she had a boyfriend / fiancée. This was a couple years ago. I saw her late last year a few times. It didn’t get weird but it could have been. She’s not there anymore, at least I haven’t seen her in months. I lucked out. I think the thing that kept it from boiling over is one, I think the guy knows he’s a cuck. Secondly, it’s her place of business. I saw them a month ago at the ice cream parlor. Nothing happened. Lucky for all involved. I train at lifetime.

This is a lot less messy than it could have been.

I could imagine that things could get messy if a gym going male meeting a personal trainer/group fitness class instructor from his gym out at a bar when both are single and available. If that leads to either short term or long term sex, things could get strange after a breakup.

Lifetime is a good facility. It would be a drop off for someone changing from Lifetime to LA Fitness or 24 Hour Fitness because of an interaction gone bad.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is a lot less messy than it could have been.

I could imagine that things could get messy if a gym going male meeting a personal trainer/group fitness class instructor from his gym out at a bar when both are single and available. If that leads to either short term or long term sex, things could get strange after a breakup.

Lifetime is a good facility. It would be a drop off for someone changing from Lifetime to LA Fitness or 24 Hour Fitness because of an interaction gone bad.

I’ve gone to both. I can’t do it. I like my creature features. We use the pool. It’s a great club.

 

[SW15]

I’ve gone to both. I can’t do it. I like my creature features. We use the pool. It’s a great club.

Lifetime has a lot to offer. In Dallas, if one were a Lifetime member and went to the Lifetime location nearest to Downtown Dallas, it would be somewhat difficult to replace Lifetime if some interaction at Lifetime went bad. There is only one Lifetime in Dallas and it wouldn't be feasible for someone living near Downtown Dallas to go to the Lifetime locations in Irving or Garland unless they worked near those locations. That scenario is somewhat unlikely.

There are a few other gyms in Dallas that are similarly structured on price and a few standalone fitness studios with classes that could be alternatives. This only happens because Dallas is so large. Cowboys Fit & Equinox are probably the best options to replace Lifetime, but Equinox is pricier.

Equinox and Lifetime have a similar customer base. The typical woman at Equinox/Lifetime looks better than the typical woman at 24 Hour Fitness/LA Fitness.

Lifetime offers so much more than the downscale 24 Hour Fitness, LA Fitness, or Planet Fitness options that would be near Dallas.

It wouldn't be a major inconvenience to switch between 24 Hour Fitness and LA Fitness for people living in neighborhoods near Downtown Dallas if an interaction went bad at one of those gyms. Planet Fitness would be a drop off from either 24 or LA.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Lifetime has a lot to offer. In Dallas, if one were a Lifetime member and went to the Lifetime location nearest to Downtown Dallas, it would be somewhat difficult to replace Lifetime if some interaction at Lifetime went bad. There is only one Lifetime in Dallas and it wouldn't be feasible for someone living near Downtown Dallas to go to the Lifetime locations in Irving or Garland unless they worked near those locations. That scenario is somewhat unlikely.

There are a few other gyms in Dallas that are similarly structured on price and a few standalone fitness studios with classes that could be alternatives. This only happens because Dallas is so large. Cowboys Fit & Equinox are probably the best options to replace Lifetime, but Equinox is pricier.

Equinox and Lifetime have a similar customer base. The typical woman at Equinox/Lifetime looks better than the typical woman at 24 Hour Fitness/LA Fitness.

Lifetime offers so much more than the downscale 24 Hour Fitness, LA Fitness, or Planet Fitness options that would be near Dallas.

It wouldn't be a major inconvenience to switch between 24 Hour Fitness and LA Fitness for people living in neighborhoods near Downtown Dallas if an interaction went bad at one of those gyms. Planet Fitness would be a drop off from either 24 or LA.

I spent an entire day at lifetime last Wednesday no bs. Worked out, hit the pool, had lunch, hung in the cafe drinking a cold beverage, kept my cell on me in case I had to communicate with the office. Lifetime is a full experience