Gym girl in a relationship giving me IOIs - Thoughts?

[BPH]

Again bro, this chicks' idea is to milk you for attention/have you as a back-back-backup plan. You gotta force the issue by making yourself scarce. Simply going about your business normally will retain the status quo, which has gotten nowhere so far despite her repeated attempts to give you the impression things were going somewhere when they weren't. Read that last sentence again, it bears repeating.

It's the gym, I'm not making myself scarce to try and win over a woman who's in a relationship (and more than likely, just looking for attention).

Like I said above, I'll let things be her idea from now on. I'm not looking to create drama over an indecisive/attention-seeking woman. I have other girls who want to play for the team; when she wants to join, she can try out.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It's the gym, I'm not making myself scarce to try and win over a woman who's in a relationship (and more than likely, just looking for attention).

Like I said above, I'll let things be her idea from now on. I'm not looking to create drama over an indecisive/attention-seeking woman. I have other girls who want to play for the team; when she wants to join, she can try out.

I wouldn't say go out of your way to avoid her, but I'd drop subtle hints of lowered interest or being distracted. Get her hamster wheel moving just a little bit.

 

[Chow Mein]

I wouldn't say go out of your way to avoid her, but I'd drop subtle hints of lowered interest or being distracted. Get her hamster wheel moving just a little bit.

A hoppy bunny is best gotten by intricate bait
Damn, I’m sounding like @Scaramouche

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Chowmein,
Naah,Billy is closer to the money,as Kipling said " The black-buck is stalked through the bullock, and Woman through jealousy"LOL.

 

[jhonny9546]

@Sega Genesis Sometimes it's hard for me to understand English.

Anyway, what if that man told you, "I have a date," but does he really mean it? (So it's not a **** test?)

In the end, women rely on instincts.
Instinct isn't fact. Or science.
It's pure guesswork.
We convince ourselves that since instincts tell me this guy is **** testing, then he must not have a real date but is just saying it to make me jealous.

You have to be sure of what you "catch" in that moment.
This is why intellingent people have many doubts. They can't convince themselves until they actually know for sure.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Anyway, what if that man told you, "I have a date," but does he really mean it? (So it's not a **** test?)

If/when a man is flirting with me and he suddenly announces "gotta run I have a hot date" or even "I have a date," I wouldn't be as jealous as I would had I actually seen him out on a date looking all cozy etc or if I found out from a third party he had a date.

Like I said I'm not a fan of a man who's flirting with me, coming on to me blatantly telling me about other women he's seeing or has a date with.

I tend to not trust it and view it as he's trying to elicit a reaction. Whether that's true or not is irrelevant, it's how I personally perceive it.

Other women may feel completely differently, in fact I know they do!

That said don't get me wrong, I can get VERY jealous! In certain circumstances like again if I saw them out together or found out from a third party.

I may not always show my jealousy but I am nevertheless still jealous!

Hope that makes sense!

 

[BPH]

Little update, yesterday was the first day she's been back in the gym since her vacation.

Short Version:

She's probably not worth my time and attention.

Long Version:

She was working out with her girlfriend and didn't engage me like usual. Didn't come up to me, say hi, anything like that - even when passing right behind me on a machine. It wasn't until I had to walk in front of her to get to my machine (stair stepper) that she actually said anything, saying she just got back from her trip, and asked if I missed her.

Said, "Did I miss you? It doesn't seem like you missed me, you didn't say hi to me until just now." She laughed and said that I looked like I was busy with my workout, so I asked "Oh, ok, well how much did you miss me? On a scale of 10-11."

She laughed again but didn't answer, so I went fishing and asked how her birthday was and whether she had a romantic birthday dinner. She complained that her flight got in late, so they missed the dinner reservation, but she neither complained about her man and threw him under the bus, nor did she have anything else to say about him. So I went about my business and walked over to my stair stepper, telling them that I'd pick one with spaces next to it for her and her girlfriend. They ended up using the stair steppers at the opposite end instead.

I finished, walked out of the gym, took my tank top off (this wasn't for them), and headed to my car when I heard her voice yelling up behind me, asking me why I was walking so fast. I told her I was in a rush because I was sweaty and wanted to take a dip in the pool. I told her I figured she didn't care to talk to me since she left me on my own little island on the stair stepper. She told me she thought I said I'd leave her and her girlfriend alone to do their own thing.

She and her friend walked with me for a little bit longer before she realized she wasn't headed in the direction of her car. I made the comment that she must've been a little distracted and that she probably missed me at an 11 on that scale. She rolled her eyes, laughed, and she and her friend walked to their cars, and we all left.

She's no longer watching my Instagram (hasn't since before she left on vacation), doesn't follow me, and never accepted my follow.

I'm guessing she and her man had a good time on their 2-week vacation in Cabo for her birthday, so she's probably feeling more secure in her relationship.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Little update, yesterday was the first day she's been back in the gym since her vacation.

Short Version:

She's probably not worth my time and attention.

Long Version:

She was working out with her girlfriend and didn't engage me like usual. Didn't come up to me, say hi, anything like that - even when passing right behind me on a machine. It wasn't until I had to walk in front of her to get to my machine (stair stepper) that she actually said anything, saying she just got back from her trip, and asked if I missed her.

Said, "Did I miss you? It doesn't seem like you missed me, you didn't say hi to me until just now." She laughed and said that I looked like I was busy with my workout, so I asked "Oh, ok, well how much did you miss me? On a scale of 10-11."

She laughed again but didn't answer, so I went fishing and asked how her birthday was and whether she had a romantic birthday dinner. She complained that her flight got in late, so they missed the dinner reservation, but she neither complained about her man and threw him under the bus, nor did she have anything else to say about him. So I went about my business and walked over to my stair stepper, telling them that I'd pick one with spaces next to it for her and her girlfriend. They ended up using the stair steppers at the opposite end instead.

I finished, walked out of the gym, took my tank top off (this wasn't for them), and headed to my car when I heard her voice yelling up behind me, asking me why I was walking so fast. I told her I was in a rush because I was sweaty and wanted to take a dip in the pool. I told her I figured she didn't care to talk to me since she left me on my own little island on the stair stepper. She told me she thought I said I'd leave her and her girlfriend alone to do their own thing.

She and her friend walked with me for a little bit longer before she realized she wasn't headed in the direction of her car. I made the comment that she must've been a little distracted and that she probably missed me at an 11 on that scale. She rolled her eyes, laughed, and she and her friend walked to their cars, and we all left.

She's no longer watching my Instagram (hasn't since before she left on vacation), doesn't follow me, and never accepted my follow.

I'm guessing she and her man had a good time on their 2-week vacation in Cabo for her birthday, so she's probably feeling more secure in her relationship.

Not that I am promoting engaging with her, but I think she had a good trip and is in the honeymoon from that. It’ll fade in a couple weeks when reality sets back in. That said, I don’t recommend until she literally jumps on your hips.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Said, "Did I miss you? It doesn't seem like you missed me, you didn't say hi to me until just now.

I told her I figured she didn't care to talk to me since she left me on my own little island on the stair stepper.

@BPH don't mean to criticize your Game, but (1) "did your miss me?" was her totally messin with you and (2) in response both of these^^ sound whiny.

Hopefully, the way you said it was better than it reads written down, otherwise, it just sounds, well, whiny. Simp-like. But I wasn't there so again hopefully it came off better than it reads.

Also, as a woman, imo (and experience) walking in front of her (when SHE was ignoring you) was most likely (in her eyes) a bid for her to notice you. Very obvious.. Again in her eyes - ::eyeroll:: (sorry).

Asking about her birthday and engaging her in convo was also the wrong move.

You might have had her if you had totally ignored her, done your own business as @Divorced w 3 , @BeExcellent and some other's advised and acted like she didn't exist.

Which is what I think you should do going forward although at this point, it probably doesn't matter. She's got you in her back pocket and it would be difficult to change that.

Not impossible but it's often difficult to change one's perception once formed.

She has what appears to be a serious boyfriend anyway.

Going forward:

Do not ask for her number anymore or directly ask her out. Require everything.....and I mean everything to be her idea.

Yeah she 'laughed' but not for the reason you think.

Just ignore her. The End.

 

[BPH]

@BPH don't mean to criticize your Game, but
both of these^^ sound whiny. Hopefully the way you said it was better than it reads written down, otherwise, it just sounds, well, whiny. Simp-like.

Don't worry, I know how that sounds written down. My tone when I'm saying this all is very sarcastic, like I'm taking the piss out of her. I'm smiling and not serious, giving her a hard time just for the sake of it.

Asking about her birthday and engaging her in convo was also the wrong move.

Well, I didn't, until I had to walk past her. Or maybe you're saying I should've acknowledged her and kept going, instead of stopping?

She's got you in her back pocket and it would be difficult to change that.

I don't think I'd take it that far. She felt ignored, but she was also doing some ignoring. When that barrier broke, she made an effort for me to notice her when I had left the gym.

There's a little Column A, Column B, so the verdict remains the same...

She's probably not worth my time and attention.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Don't worry, I know how that sounds written down. My tone when I'm saying this all is very sarcastic, like I'm taking the piss out of her. I'm smiling and not serious, giving her a hard time just for the sake of it.



Well, I didn't, until I had to walk past her. Or maybe you're saying I should've acknowledged her and kept going, instead of stopping?



I don't think I'd take it that far. She felt ignored, but she was also doing some ignoring. When that barrier broke, she made an effort for me to notice her when I had left the gym.

There's a little Column A, Column B, so the verdict remains the same...

Communication is 70% not verbal. Spending any energy on her is a mistake. You’re getting OneItis

 

[BPH]

Communication is 70% not verbal. Spending any energy on her is a mistake. You’re getting OneItis

Fair enough. I'll just continue about my business unless she goes the extra mile somehow.

 

[Sega Genesis]

One more question.

You posted on your other thread how important it is to engage only those women who show a genuine interest in you.

With this chick, SHE was ignoring you but yet you intentionally walk past her, and when she messes with you with her "did you miss me?" bs, you respond the way you did and proceed to engage her asking about her birthday etc.

What gives? I don't get it.

 

[BPH]

One more question.

You posted on your other thread how important it is to engage only those women who show a genuine interest in you.

With this chick, SHE was ignoring you but yet you intentionally walk past her, and when she messes with you with her "did you miss me?" bs, you respond the way you did and proceed to engage her asking about her birthday etc.

What gives? I don't get it.

I did not intentionally walk past her.

She and her friend are standing at the first in a long line of stair steppers. I have to walk past this first one to get to mine. To avoid her, I would have to walk all the way around to the other end of the line of stair steppers and step over a waist-high wall used as a seating area...I would think that is a much weirder thing to do and/or have her witness...

Talking to her probably didn't do me any favors, but SHE engaged ME, so I responded.

You are correct, I do advocate for engaging and investing time with interested women. I did neither of those things here. I walked past her to use a machine, she opened me, so I made small talk for a minute or two, went fishing to see if she had any complaints about her man or how her birthday went, then finished my workout.

I don't think it's that big of a deal. I'm just noting that her behavior was different and that @Divorced w 3 is probably right that she's back in a honeymoon phase.

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

I originally was going to message @BeExcellent directly with this question, because I wanted a female perspective on what's going on here. I don't usually bother with women in relationships, because once they tell me that, it means they aren't interested enough to omit that information.

However, I was checking my Instagram and it seems this girl managed to find my account and has been watching my stories, so I'll see what you all think about this...

She's a very attractive Latina who regularly works out around the same time as I. I'd seen her working out with a girlfriend and a couple of guys, so I assumed she had a boyfriend, but I decided to shoot my shot anyway. She took it well, explained to me that she had been in a relationship for "a while" with a guy who works out here as well. I smiled, told her she was gorgeous, that he was a lucky guy, and went on my way. That was probably about a month and a half ago.

Since then, she'll usually make a point to engage with me in some way. She'll approach me and ask how many sets I have on equipment, rather than just waiting. She'll ask me why I do recumbent biking for cardio rather than the stair stepper that she does. She remembers my name, and we sometimes would make small talk - notably telling me that it was her birthday on the 29th this month. Always smiling, happy to talk to me, and see me.

Yesterday was my first day back in the gym following vacation, and she was there. She came up to me to grab a weight plate and said hi, remarking that she noticed I wasn't here last week to her friend, and that she missed me. We made some small talk about the beach I just got back from, and I brought up how her birthday is coming up soon, and asked if she had plans for it.

I don't know why, but she lied and said, "Yeah, it's coming up on the 26th, I can't wait". I stopped her and said, "Wait, isn't it on the 29th?" She seemed very impressed that I remembered. She told me that she would be going to Mexico for about a week and a half with her guy for a wedding. I told her that if I see her before then, I would give her an early "happy birthday". She returned to her friend, and that was that.

Now I'm at work checking my Instagram story, and see that she's now watching them, but has not followed me. I went ahead and followed her.

It feels like there's some attraction here, but I'm unsure how to proceed.

I figure I could play the long game, and simply wait for a breakup, where I'd be the obvious rebound...

...or I could be a bit more proactive, and ask for her number "just in case" things don't work out with her man. But that could potentially invite more problems.

Anyway, let me know what you guys think of all this, and what your suggestion would be moving forward. I don't particularly like pursuing women who are in relationships, but if the guy isn't somebody I know or care about, I wouldn't be above it.

you are in back up mode

 

[Sega Genesis]

Talking to her probably didn't do me any favors, but SHE engaged ME, so I responded.

^^Lol yeah by messin with ya.

Which in all likelihood she wouldn't have done had you not walked past her.

You coulda/shoulda simply nodded and continued doing your business, but OK fair enough. I'll leave this alone now and leave you to it.

I'll just continue about my business unless she goes the extra mile somehow.

 

[SW15]

She's probably not worth my time and attention.

The best idea would be to fully ignore her in the future. It's unfortunate that she goes to the same gym as you do. You might still see her.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Little update, yesterday was the first day she's been back in the gym since her vacation.

Short Version:

She's probably not worth my time and attention.

Long Version:

She was working out with her girlfriend and didn't engage me like usual. Didn't come up to me, say hi, anything like that - even when passing right behind me on a machine. It wasn't until I had to walk in front of her to get to my machine (stair stepper) that she actually said anything, saying she just got back from her trip, and asked if I missed her.

Said, "Did I miss you? It doesn't seem like you missed me, you didn't say hi to me until just now." She laughed and said that I looked like I was busy with my workout, so I asked "Oh, ok, well how much did you miss me? On a scale of 10-11."

She laughed again but didn't answer, so I went fishing and asked how her birthday was and whether she had a romantic birthday dinner. She complained that her flight got in late, so they missed the dinner reservation, but she neither complained about her man and threw him under the bus, nor did she have anything else to say about him. So I went about my business and walked over to my stair stepper, telling them that I'd pick one with spaces next to it for her and her girlfriend. They ended up using the stair steppers at the opposite end instead.

I finished, walked out of the gym, took my tank top off (this wasn't for them), and headed to my car when I heard her voice yelling up behind me, asking me why I was walking so fast. I told her I was in a rush because I was sweaty and wanted to take a dip in the pool. I told her I figured she didn't care to talk to me since she left me on my own little island on the stair stepper. She told me she thought I said I'd leave her and her girlfriend alone to do their own thing.

She and her friend walked with me for a little bit longer before she realized she wasn't headed in the direction of her car. I made the comment that she must've been a little distracted and that she probably missed me at an 11 on that scale. She rolled her eyes, laughed, and she and her friend walked to their cars, and we all left.

She's no longer watching my Instagram (hasn't since before she left on vacation), doesn't follow me, and never accepted my follow.

I'm guessing she and her man had a good time on their 2-week vacation in Cabo for her birthday, so she's probably feeling more secure in her relationship.

I hate speaking in absolutes, but this is essentially correct. Unless the boyfriend stops promising a fruitful future, stops making plans as a couple, stops gaming her, stops meeting her needs, stops proving he still wants her, or becomes boring and monotonous, she’s not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try.

 

[tksniper]

Every woman is either in a relationship, getting into a relationship, getting out a relationship, or juggling multiple relationships. Women are all about relationships. Romance runs their entire lives.

I would be more suspicious if she was hot and totally single. Like how would that even be possible given the amount of readily available simps and penises in this world?

High school is over. You just have to accept the reality that all women are monkey branchers. But that's not really relevant.

The relevant thing is, is there something about her you find attractive and cool?

If you are too worried about if there is something about YOU that she finds attractive and cool, then you are seeking validation.

The proper frame is "Do I want this particular woman in my life?" If the answer is yes, then decide if you prefer casual, or serious.

Every single woman who has ever entered my life whether through online or work or through friends, I always ask "What are you open for? (Find out her intentions)

Then I throw them with (Are you open for casual?) (my intentions)

And she can either say yes or no. If yes, then "when are you free". If no then I have to decide if I see her as long term potential.

Don't make this more complicated than it needs to be lol. Chances are you are part of her "gym validation system.". I have certainly been part of women's gym validation systems where I thought we had something and then out of nowhere she mentions her bf or husband.

I used to get thrown off by this because I couldnt imagine sweet looking women playing the game so ruthlessly.

But now as a veteran I cut straight to the point and try to see if me and her can meet some where in the middle and create something that resembles interdependence and synergy. If there is zero synergy then it means she is using me for attention and validation.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Another point to remember is that these interactions are mostly occurring when she's high on endorphins, so that could throw off interest level assessment