DonJuanabe
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2012
- Messages
- 588
- Reaction score
- 22
So I talked with the girl I had been dating. We're done, and while some of you will say since she had issues it's a good thing to be done, I am the one who screwed up. In talking with her I learned something about myself and I am f***ing pissed.
Her "issues" stem from shutting off emotionally when she is putting herself in a situation where she will give herself emotionally -- fear of loss or getting hurt or something. She's working on resolving this and it has caused her prior relationships to either end or not even get going.
She and I were on a date two weeks ago and it was going really well. She was touching me, having a good time, etc. Then, at dinner, she suddenly shut off. I remember thinking to myself what just happened? Tonight, when talking with her, we talked about this -- I didn't do anything wrong at dinner she just shut off emotionally. It is her issue and it wasn't anything under her conscious control. It just happened. Note that it also means she actually had high interest for me -- it's a defense mechanism for when she really likes a guy.
After sensing it I pushed her on it. I tried to hold her hand -- she held mine but was just kind of going along for the ride. Back at her place she was the opposite of how she was before we left to go to dinner. Rather than playing cool like a DJ I pushed her -- I showed too much interest and tried to kino her, then started asking her what was going on, where do we stand, telling her we should be moving forward, etc. Rather than just being confident and cool I pushed her and, especially with how she was feeling at the time, it really turned her off. I should have just said it's getting late I'm going home... and gone ghost.
We continued to go out but I could feel the damage that I had done. I pushed her last night about where we were in the relationship. And today it was over. She's not a ***** or anything and we talked at length about all sorts of things, including what happened between us. And during that discussion I realized, when I had been pushing her (what's going on, where are we, why are you feeling this way, why don't you know how you are feeling, etc.) I had been pushing down her interest level. There is plenty of stuff in the DJ Bible about this, all saying don't do what I was doing.
And it hit me -- three prior relationships I was in ended for this very reason: I pushed when it was obvious that I should have just gone ghost.
Guys, I am really bumming. Yeah, backbreaker will say she had issues NEXT, but the point is I should f'ing have known what I was doing. I should have known to shut up and leave, stop showing interest, and just let her settle her emotions on her own. She had high interest in me which is why she shut down emotionally. Regardless of whatever she's dealing with, I failed as a DJ. I behaved exactly the opposite of how I should have behaved.
And now my heart is paying for it. I'm glad I fully realized how I f*ck things up, but man it's a painful lesson.
Her "issues" stem from shutting off emotionally when she is putting herself in a situation where she will give herself emotionally -- fear of loss or getting hurt or something. She's working on resolving this and it has caused her prior relationships to either end or not even get going.
She and I were on a date two weeks ago and it was going really well. She was touching me, having a good time, etc. Then, at dinner, she suddenly shut off. I remember thinking to myself what just happened? Tonight, when talking with her, we talked about this -- I didn't do anything wrong at dinner she just shut off emotionally. It is her issue and it wasn't anything under her conscious control. It just happened. Note that it also means she actually had high interest for me -- it's a defense mechanism for when she really likes a guy.
After sensing it I pushed her on it. I tried to hold her hand -- she held mine but was just kind of going along for the ride. Back at her place she was the opposite of how she was before we left to go to dinner. Rather than playing cool like a DJ I pushed her -- I showed too much interest and tried to kino her, then started asking her what was going on, where do we stand, telling her we should be moving forward, etc. Rather than just being confident and cool I pushed her and, especially with how she was feeling at the time, it really turned her off. I should have just said it's getting late I'm going home... and gone ghost.
We continued to go out but I could feel the damage that I had done. I pushed her last night about where we were in the relationship. And today it was over. She's not a ***** or anything and we talked at length about all sorts of things, including what happened between us. And during that discussion I realized, when I had been pushing her (what's going on, where are we, why are you feeling this way, why don't you know how you are feeling, etc.) I had been pushing down her interest level. There is plenty of stuff in the DJ Bible about this, all saying don't do what I was doing.
And it hit me -- three prior relationships I was in ended for this very reason: I pushed when it was obvious that I should have just gone ghost.
Guys, I am really bumming. Yeah, backbreaker will say she had issues NEXT, but the point is I should f'ing have known what I was doing. I should have known to shut up and leave, stop showing interest, and just let her settle her emotions on her own. She had high interest in me which is why she shut down emotionally. Regardless of whatever she's dealing with, I failed as a DJ. I behaved exactly the opposite of how I should have behaved.
And now my heart is paying for it. I'm glad I fully realized how I f*ck things up, but man it's a painful lesson.
