Guy groping my GF

[crashdietguy]

*LONG POST/RANT*

So my GF attends a dance class 1 time per week. Last week she told me some guy had slapped/grabbed her ass after they'd danced, as a "thank you" - she ignored and went somewhere else. I didn't give it much thought and told her that I trust she can handle it.

Yesterday she was at the same dance class, and while dancing with this same guy, he "mistakenly" put his hand on her boob. Our convo went like this after her dance class:

*blah blah random chatter* then:
GF: You know, last week <guy> grabbed my ass, and this time he grabbed my breast!
Me: No way, really?
GF: Yeah, he was supposed to put his hand on my shoulder and he "accidentally" put his hand on my breast.
Me: Yeah? Did you tell him to stop?
GF: I didn't know what to say, I made a sour face at him.

And then I went on to tell her that she's gotta tell him to stop, that it's disrespectful to both her and me, and that he's not gonna stop until she calls him out on it. She said she understood and that was that. I think she hid a little test in our conversation about it, she asked: "Are you irritated by what he's doing?" AKA "Are you jealous?" I said "I think it's disrespectful to both you and me what he's doing, but I trust you can handle it," and that was that.

Truth is, I'm a little concerned about it. I think it's great that she tells me about these things right after they happen, but they keep happening. I don't know why she can't tell him to stop - my girl has a temper and can easily tell people off if they bug her.

This guy is fairly popular at school - good-looking, plays the guitar and hangs with the popular crowd. He knows we're together (we've been exclusive for 5 months soon), seen us in school and undoubtedly on Facebook. I also know for a fact that my GF has been looking through virtually all his photos on Facebook.

I just don't know what to do really, and yes, I feel jealousy creeping in, though I haven't shown it.

Sigh, the woes of having a hot GF... On the outside I'm a cool dude, inside my head my little AFC is screaming.

 

[EFFORT]

Are you in highschool?

 

[Cry For Love]

Grope his balls. Touching someone while knowing someone is romantically related to her is a prime way of trying to make that "someone" jealous as to create erotic tension and interest in the groper himself. You see, the guy is trying to get *you* to be with him. So give him a bit of tease

 

[Chickfight]

What's the problem? Just go up to him a tell him to back the **** off, if he gives you attitude, punch him in the face.
Your girl just wants you to be a man. There's no other reason she told you than to check if you are.

 

[bukowski_merit]

And then I went on to tell her that she's gotta tell him to stop, that it's disrespectful to both her and me, and that he's not gonna stop until she calls him out on it. She said she understood and that was that. I think she hid a little test in our conversation about it, she asked: "Are you irritated by what he's doing?" AKA "Are you jealous?" I said "I think it's disrespectful to both you and me what he's doing, but I trust you can handle it," and that was that.

Oh man, you're walking right into it. That little talk you had with your girlfriend - reaked of jealousy. When she says, "are you irritated?" (jealous TEST) and you say, "I think it's disrespectful..." - - - She hears: "Yes, i am!" (jealous)

Very good chance she will continue to tell you about the things this guy does to her until you get mad AT HER and she can accuse you of being possessive.

That's just the way these things work out...

I think it's great that she tells me about these things right after they happen, but they keep happening.

You think it's great? Well, believe me - you're going to be thinking she's speaking lots of greatness than; because she will now continue to tell you right after it happens. Your mistake is thinking she's telling you to be honorable! She's not! She's doing it because her evolutionary detector is trying to figure out if you're a worthy mate.

I don't know why she can't tell him to stop - my girl has a temper and can easily tell people off if they bug her.

She likes it. Not only because she might be attracted to him; but also because it's getting a rise out of you.

This guy is fairly popular at school - good-looking, plays the guitar and hangs with the popular crowd. He knows we're together (we've been exclusive for 5 months soon), seen us in school and undoubtedly on Facebook. I also know for a fact that my GF has been looking through virtually all his photos on Facebook.

I can tell you how this is going to end up - but would rather not ruin the ending for you!

The fact that you know her facebook browsing habits, and all this stuff about this guy - tells me that you are worried and it's causing you to start getting possessive.

The one who cares least about the relationship - is the one who controls it. Right now - you care most about this relationship.

You should be giving HER things to worry about and stop worrying about what she's doing!! Telling her that she needs to tell this guy to stop is going to ensure one thing..... that she WILL NOT tell him to stop.

I just don't know what to do really, and yes, I feel jealousy creeping in, though I haven't shown it.

Yes you have. And she has detected it, and now will crack you!

 

[perseverance]

GF: I didn't know what to say, I made a sour face at him.

That's the part where I would have gotten up and walked away for good.

 

[Thundernuts]

That's the part where I would have gotten up and walked away for good.

Agree, if it was really bothering her she would have said something, i have to say she is either liking the attention she is getting from the both of you, or worse she is actually fooling around with the guy and only telling you a few minor details so she can tell herself she wasn't lieing to you. Women do this often so they can convince themselves later that they were being honest.

You better grab your balls man, your actually putting up with this crap.

 

[loveshogun]

Off topic, but what kind of dance? I wanna get into the booby-grabbing kind.

Not to make light of your situation... much. Hahaha.

Remember that it's high school, dude. Don't sweat the small stuff. She leaves, you move on. You leave, you move on.

Plus, the rumor mill will sort her out. High school is unabashedly harsh on good looking girls who get around.

If it really becomes a problem, I suggest you end the relationship and just move on. Don't get back together with her either. There's plenty of women out there. Of course, you wouldn't really know that yet, being in high school.

Love Shogun's Pro Tip: High school is EXACTLY the time you need to be learning how to be happy on your own.

 

[joe henny]

Homie she probably already fvcked this dude real talk. My ex did me dirty like that awhile ago, and she wasn't that obvious with it like your girl is. Forget it, plus dude your in highschool your surrounded by women and your full of hormones and so is your horny gf. You guys both need to be free, my best advice is to establish a whats done in the dark stays in the dark. You mess around but don't llet her know and she mess around and you act like you don't know.

She's gonna mess around regardless bro it's just how young girls are I'm sorry to tell you.

 

[pipe007]

next time she is going to tell you how the dude was grinding on her ass and making her wet... and that she wants to fUk him

and ... are you jealous by that????

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think she hid a little test in our conversation about it, she asked: "Are you irritated by what he's doing?"

You are correct that it is all a test. Otherwise, she would not bring it up.

It is also correct, and a widely accepted rule of behavior, that jealousy is the AFC way.

However, and this is difficult to explain because women make very little sense, especially the young hot ones, but she actually wants you to be jealous. It makes her feel desirable. The tricky part is that if you act jealous, then things will only get worse. It's a very fine line. Her behavior is manipulative and immature, but if you can see it for what it is, then that reduces her power over you.

As for exactly what to do about it all, that is your decision. It will relate to the power dynamic of your relationship.

 

[Ease]

Listen to what bukowski is saying.

This is called a test. Girls will do this. They will test you for reaction.

She enjoys your jealousy, and will do anything and everything to manipulate you.

 

[Myrrdin]

All right, but how do you deal with this kind of sh1t? I'm very interested because I've been in the OP's situation.

My attitude was like "I don't give a ****. You have to handle it." And they were like "WTF? Why aren't you jealous?" just like they were doing it on purpose and then they tried even harder to make me jealous.

Till I finally snapped. It didn't end there of course because now they knew a weakness and they exploited it to the max.

So. How to deal with it?

 

[Swift Shadow]

You need an iron will, even if this bothers you deeply you have to act as if it doesn't, eventually you won't need to act anymore because you will generally find that it doesn't bother you.

Remember you are not supposed to care, a true Dj can get a girl whenever he wants so why would it bother him that a chick is possibly fooling around with another guy.

 

[loveshogun]

All right, but how do you deal with this kind of sh1t? I'm very interested because I've been in the OP's situation.

My attitude was like "I don't give a ****. You have to handle it." And they were like "WTF? Why aren't you jealous?" just like they were doing it on purpose and then they tried even harder to make me jealous.

Till I finally snapped. It didn't end there of course because now they knew a weakness and they exploited it to the max.

So. How to deal with it?

Do you really want to be with the kind of girl that is THAT mentally cruel?

What is she thinking to herself when she acts that way?

Ooh, I know, who gives a sh*t what she's thinking? She's being a vindictive, cruel harpy!

If I took a sh*t on your carpet, even if I had the best godd*mn reason in the world (there's a 99 percent chance that I DON'T), would you just let me carry on and continue leaving dumps on your floor? Would you try to convince yourself "oh, he's just testing my patience. I have to pass the test"?

No. You would kick me the f*ck out of your house. At least I hope you would.

It doesn't matter what the girl's reasons are. If she's being destructive, she needs to go. And for you, there's a difference between keeping your cool, and keeping your cool to the point of stupidity.

Anytime I feel like a girl sh*t tests me more than once, I leave. I tell her "peace" and move on. There are plenty of women who don't pull that kinda drama.

Because MY sh*t test is whether a girl feels the need to sh*t test people.

F*ck HER tests. YOUR test in life is how steadfastly you can remain loyal to yourself.

YOU first, others later. Anyone who demands that you put their goals and priorities ahead of yourself and your own is the definition of weak and selfish, and you should ignore any of their comments that attempt to paint you in such a light.

Go out and get what you want. It sure as hell isn't a vindictive, sh*t testing woman.

 

[terran2k]

I dunno about some of this advice, she disrespectin you, you let her know that **** is not to be tolerated. You lay down the rules, she follows them. Dont threaten her with whatever. The way I would handle it is tell her in no uncertain terms that its not acceptable for her to let that happen; then pull back. Let her try to make nice with you. **** that aloof **** all the time.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

My advice is to find another hot girl you can "dance" with and "accidentally" touch her ass and breasts. And NOT tell your "girlfriend".

You'll eventually hear from the rumor mill she dated him or they went out as "friends".

Play the same game that all girls love to claim they "hate".

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is one subject I have trouble with and therefore I always withold trying to give advice because I'm not qualified.

What precisely should the OP do? If we don't vent our anger at things like this, aren't we training them that there are no consequenses for their actions? This seems unthinkable to me.

When this subject comes up there is lots of vague "don't react" advice, but this can't be right. Not reacting seems to be a green light for her and a reinforcing of her lack of accountability, no?

 

[bukowski_merit]

So. How to deal with it?

Remember this: When you object to something you make it more desirable....

When you forbid a woman from doing something that could be pleasurable - what you're doing is giving her temptation. Women are horrible when it comes to resisting temptation (men are too really.)


With this in mind - realize there's NO benefit to playing this game with her.

If she wants you to play it so bad; and is doing it in an obvious way. And it becomes annoying to you - Call her out on it OR tell her to get the fvck away from you.

a) Call her out = "it's so cute how you always try to make me jealous" (and then sticking to that whenever she does it.) or "you're not very good at making people jealous are you? here, let me show you how it's done." then tell her a story that should make her jealous....

b) Telling her to get the fvck away = pretty self-explanatory.... tell her to leave you alone; "vámonos!"


Just never show her you're scared of another man getting her pvssy. There's no advantage to it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

It seems to me that loveshogun is on point. This is certainly the way I handle it.

I've just started going out with someone and I'm making sure I nip this kind of sh!t in the bud. You have to establish very early in the game that you're willing and more than able to "walk" at any time. If you don't establish that right from the get-go, you're stuck in a relationship where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I think so many guys think deep down inside that they're "lucky to have a girl like this". So since they feel that they are hanging by a thread, they will accept inordinate amounts of abuse (mental games, testing) to protect their fear of complete rejection.

I say establish dominance early or you're screwed later on.