Guilt trip after NC!

[SamTheHobit]

Lol so I just got a message from my ex who BROKE up with ME in the beginning of 2011.

I kept in contact thinking I'd get a second chance.

I had enough of this.. It was destroying me.

So

I cut her out of my life the beginning of this year (2012)

I got a couple a messages during this time that I blatantly ignored.

I just received this..

Hey Sam.. Okay so, I know you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me but I have to tell you some things, some things I've wanted to tell you since before I last saw you.. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me, either you didn't know how or you just didn't care enough to try, I didn't even know how you felt about me, I never felt good enough for you. I never felt like there was enough room in your life for me, not that it really matters anymore because I don't expect a reply but I am just so sorry for whatever I did that made you cut me out of your life. I'm so sorry Sam, for everything. I just thought you should know.. Ingrid

Is this a guilt trip or something?

Discuss..

 

[SamTheHobit]

Lol how would I go about doing that?

I just have the feeling my emotions will once again get fvcked over.

 

[Down Low]

. . . my ex who BROKE up with ME . . . I had enough of this . . . It was destroying me . . . I cut her out of my life the beginning of this year (2012) . . . I blatantly ignored . . . a guilt trip . . .

I just have the feeling my emotions will once again get fvcked over.

You answered your own question.

If she doesn't respond, fvck her . . . If she does...fvck her.

Same deal either way. She's only good for games. Chicks like that are a dime a dozen.

 

[Upside]

Are you going to be a fish that takes the bait, hooked, jerked around, taken pictures with like a trophy, and then thrown back in the water?

I mean sure, you CAN try to talk to her again and bang, or you could take the tried and true route of not falling for what is 99% assuredly a trap. She's a fisherman , don't be the fish.

 

[SoSuave666]

Hey Sam.. Okay so, I know you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me but I have to tell you some things, some things I've wanted to tell you since before I last saw you.. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me, either you didn't know how or you just didn't care enough to try, I didn't even know how you felt about me, I never felt good enough for you. I never felt like there was enough room in your life for me, not that it really matters anymore because I don't expect a reply but I am just so sorry for whatever I did that made you cut me out of your life. I'm so sorry Sam, for everything. I just thought you should know.. Ingrid

Response:

You're right sweetheart. You never were good enough for me and nothing has helped me realize that more than this time we've spent apart.

Watch her squirm. But that's just the ruthless bastard in me that hates everyone's ex. Probably more damaging to her: no response.

 

[seethehoop]

Personally, I think don't respond. She is bating you for a response. if you see her out and about then its cool to chart her up etc but don't respond to this. Besides its just bringing up the past and if you've become a different person anything she has to say on the matter is moot.

 

[CostaDeSol]

Personally, I think don't respond. She is bating you for a response. if you see her out and about then its cool to chart her up etc but don't respond to this. Besides its just bringing up the past and if you've become a different person anything she has to say on the matter is moot.

this.

Why did she dump you? From what she is saying it sounds like she places a ton of blame on you and tries to paint herself as a victim.

 

[\O/]

You should stay away. You've come a long way and going back would erase alot of the progress you have made. You said it yourself. You are scared that the emotions will fvck you over. Just by thinking that they might, they most likely will.

If you think you can handle it though, I'd do what Bradd80 said. Nice way to turn the table and come out on top. She dumped you, so you dump her. That feeling is priceless and probably the only reason why one should ever re-initiate contact with an ex.

 

[Trump]

Hey Sam.. Okay so, I know you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me but I have to tell you some things, some things I've wanted to tell you since before I last saw you.. All I ever wanted was for you to open up to me, either you didn't know how or you just didn't care enough to try, I didn't even know how you felt about me, I never felt good enough for you. I never felt like there was enough room in your life for me, not that it really matters anymore because I don't expect a reply but I am just so sorry for whatever I did that made you cut me out of your life. I'm so sorry Sam, for everything. I just thought you should know.. Ingrid

Is this a guilt trip or something?

Discuss..

Translation: I want to see if you'll bite when I write you emails like this, it will make me feel better. Also, if you bite, it will prove to my current boyfriend what type of guy you are.

It will also take the pressure off me if you bite.

Guilt trip - yes!

 

[marmel75]

How guilty do you think she was feeling as another dude was banging her six ways to Sunday after she dumped you...

Probably not very...

 

[perseverance]

Cynicism aside it sounds as though you weren't giving off the impression that you were into her and she felt as though you weren't interested and probably had enough of not knowing where she stood. You're 18, so you were probably 16-17 at the time and she probably was too right? Young girls are immature, have their heads up in the clouds and constantly need to reassured to quell their insecurities. It's hardwork and something I'm delighted I avoided at that age.

She sounds genuine, however, what would I do in this situation? I would respond, but I would make it clear to this woman that I have moved on and whilst I have no ill-feeling towards her, I do not feel it necessary to have her in my life. I would also tell her that whilst I have fond memories of her, I have moved on and I am solely looking towards a brighter future and have no interest in indulging in nostalgia. Lastly I would wish her all the best for the future and leave it at that.

The people who are telling you to "bang her", "have your revenge" are doing you a disservice by giving you poor advice. Revenge harms you as much/more than it harms the person and does this girl really deserve revenge? Revenge is self-destructive, it's self-defeating. It will effect you just as much as it effects her and is it worth it?

You've admitted as much that you are afraid of your feelings coming back, so that in itself tells you that you should leave well alone.

 

[GQ Scott]

Leave it alone, she is the one who ****ed up, don't even give her the satisfaction of a reply.

 

[AAAgent]

My ex wrote me a few letters as well saying a whole load of crap and trying to string me along while she already had another man to replace me. it was filled with tons of drama and she wanted to add more to it by bringing me into the picture when i was finally just able to accept the break-up.

The healing process takes a while, don't open a wound that hasn't healed yet. Stay no contact.

Stay strong.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Thank for the advice guys much appreciated. I decided not to reply.

This is clearly a guilt trip.

Replying would just be throwing my self respect away.

 

[Purefilth]

Response:

You're right sweetheart. You never were good enough for me and nothing has helped me realize that more than this time we've spent apart.

Watch her squirm. But that's just the ruthless bastard in me that hates everyone's ex. Probably more damaging to her: no response.

best answer

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Her email to you was her hamster talking. The no contact worked. She dumped you, you later went NC and it is driving her crazy. She lost the upper hand and can no longer tool you.

The email was an attempt to win back hand, power. It's making her nuts not to have it. If you answer immediately, you play into her frame. She probably, whether she realizes it or not, wants to tool you again. Stay strong.

Also, she probably got banged by a biker/fratboy/quarterback/banker for a few weeks and unceremoniously dumped. She thought she "loved" this new guy, got screwed over, and now is reflecting on her past mistakes and how she probably ruined a decent past relationship. She feels weak and needs a bit of empowerment. So she's after you, thinking you are a pushover to feed into her need for validation.

If you do want to contact her (for whatever reason), answer the email in a month. That's the only way to respond to it in a way that can give you the frame of the interaction.

Write something like: "Hey Ingrid, I saw your email and thought about it for a while. While I accept your apology, I think we both made mistakes. The good thing is that I've learned and grown from the experience. I've changed and am a better for it now."

You've not asked her back. Saying you've changed will pique her interest. She'll probably write back. But, from what your return message says, you've given no hint of whether you are interested in further communication or not. And once you wait a month to send it, you'll know better whether or not you in fact want to re-initiate with her.

And then you have your options: continue ignoring and move on, pump-and-dump, or see if you can spark up things again.

And if you do the latter, you'll be in a better position to do it on your terms. If you contact her immediately, you'll lose that ability.