"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Great initial IL, I came on too strong, help me salvage please.

SmoothTalker

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Alright so I could use some help. I'm pretty sure I know what went wrong, and I have some idea about how I'll go about trying to fix it, but feedback will be good.

So, met this girl shortly before Christmas pretty randomly at University. From the beginning she was showing pretty strong interest, and I got the number no problem, as well as email (MSN). Aside from a brief chat after adding her on msn which she initated we didn't talk or hang out for the next 2-3 weeks because she was off on some trip for the holidays and I was busy with that girl who was only around temporarily (who I posted about not too long ago).

Anyway, when she comes back we make plans to meet up, which end up falling through by no fault of ours, though I suggest an alternative meet up a few days later that's well received. In the few days before that we have one or two quick, fun chats online, but nothing too serious.

Now, the date itself went well, we had fun, got some pretty heavy making out in, but I had to finish up sort of early. When dropping her off she said she had tons of fun and wanted to do it again, and I could tell it was sincere.

Now here's the part where I started messing up. After that date the next day I saw her on msn and thought I'd quickly hit her up to set up the next date ( I know I know bad call... what can you do it's done already). She was still interested enough to agree, and in fact suggested next Friday. However that would have been inconvenient for me so I asked to switch that to the preceding Monday.

Anyway long story short I do really like her, and despite my better judgement since then I've been chatting with her pretty regularly. I've noticed that she no longer initiates the conversations and doesn't have quite as much interest in them anymore. Also, she had to cancel our date today because she was sick, which from what I know may or may not be true. To be fair she did give me warning yesterday that she wasn't feeling well so at least it wasn't a last minute flake or standup. So, in other words, I've been too available, eager.

Realizing this, my approach so far has been to seem unaffected when she cancelled, in fact I said something along the lines of "Ok good, because something has come up and I didnt want to bail on you but I wasn't sure how I'd find time for everythign today anyway", and have not made any mention of rescheduling.

I'm also planning on not to her for at least 3-4 days, then calling just to set another date, no chit chat.

I am seeing some other girls in the mean time but she's currently the cream of the crop so I want to not drive her away.

Thoughts/tips/suggestions?

PS: She's rather hot and obviously accustomed to guys buying her things. What's the proper way to handle this on dates without coming across as cheap. I usually pay for first dates anyway if I ask them out (usually we don't do anything particularly pricey anyway), but it's always nice of them to at least make a gesture of offering to pay.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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SmoothTalker

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Just an add on question, I spend a fair bit of time logged on to MSN when I'm bored in class or to discuss assignments with other class mates.

Would it be better to let her see me online and just not initiate convo, or just block her?
 

starplayer

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I've found MSN really kills the interest level. If I must use it, usually i block them, but then sometimes unblock them and let them initiate convo. But make sure you don't chat for too long and say you got to go.

I learned the hard way. I once initiated convo and chatted to a girl for hours every day for a week on MSN. In that week she went from high IL to LJBF. I thought I was "building a connection" but all she saw was a needy chump.
 

slaog

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Don't block her. All you have to do is NOT initiate contact, let her do it. Also, be the first to end the chat. Tell her you're busy etc.


If shes not as keen as she was at first it means her interest has dropped. I also get the feeling she was pretending to be sick. Maybe she sensed a date coming up?
 

SmoothTalker

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Well I have been ending chats first at least, though after longer than I should have, probaby.

As for pretending to be sick because she felt a date coming up, I'm not sure what you mean?

She didn't feel the date coming up, we already had it agred on and scheduled. This was the second date that she wanted for this Friday that I asked to move to today (Monday) when we originally set it up sometime mid last week.

I agree it seems like IL has dropped, I'm just wondering how much to pull back and/or if there is anything else I should do for damage control.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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