Got another situation to overanalyze

[BPH]

I know the answer is probably "do nothing", but I wanted to present another little report from a night out and see if any of you more experienced guys can read between the lines on it.

Fair warning, this will probably be a long read because I think the details matter.

So rewind to about 3 or 4 weeks ago and I meet this girl Emily at the bar. I thought she was kinda cute but I didn't really think about approaching her till I saw her just staring and smiling at me.

Talked a little bit, had a brief conversation before the bar closed, and got her number before she left. She told me was going to a party and would text me to join her. That was short-lived because she texted me saying she'll let me know when she knows, but I never received a follow-up. I don't vividly remember whether I followed up with her 1 more time a few days later because at some point I wrote her off and just deleted the number and cleared the conversation.

I found her on Instagram by searching her name and she was a bit covered up when I met her but on socials, she's got a pretty rockin body. So I was excited but disappointed because I figured that would be it.

Then last night, I run into her at the same bar a couple of minutes before closing. She was excited to see me, all smiles introduced me to her girlfriend, etc. and I told her I was surprised she was happy to see me because I figured she just wasn't interested. She explains that it was a frat party that night and me being a guy, probably wouldn't be allowed in.

I asked her if she had an OnlyFans because I "stumbled across her" on Instagram. I guess that was made by somebody else because she showed me hers and followed me with it. Still has a rockin body and apparently 30,000 followers...

Anyway, so I take her to a side bar with me away from her friend to grab a drink and chat a little bit. The conversation is going well, we're having fun, and I decide to go in for the kiss. At first, she turns away, mentioning that she would feel weird about it because she claims she's going through a breakup with her boyfriend but he won't answer the phone for her to end it, as she proceeds to show me a bunch of unanswered texts and calls to somebody named "mal" (don't worry, this will matter in a moment).

So I tell her that if she's going to break up with him, why does it matter what he thinks of her making out with another guy? She says "good point" and we make out for a little bit. She's a good kisser, so probably not a goodie-goodie, and I suggest leaving. She tells me where she lives and I mention that my car is right outside and I'd be happy to give her a ride.

At this point she starts showing a few objections; she says her room is really messy and doesn't want to feel embarassed by me coming, she says she doesn't know me that well and "how do I know you're not like Ted Bundy or something", to which I call over my bouncer friend at that bar and say "hey JR, am I a murderer?" to which the drunken moron jokingly responds "oh yeah he's the absolute worst" as he stumbles around. So she apologizes profusely and tells me she pinky promises me that next weekend when she has time to clean everything up we can hang out, just not tonight.

We walk back to her friends, they're gone, probably assuming she had left with me. I give her the offer one more time to drop her off and she politely declines and tells me she promises next weekend. I give her a kiss before she leaves and tell her to text me because I didn't have her number saved from last time, to which she replies with a big smile "yes daddy". I don't get a text so an hour later when I get home I send her a DM with my phone number and the message "have a good night gorgeous".

So, this morning, a few things. First, she hadn't read the DM (probably partly because she has 30,000 followers spamming them), I haven't gotten a text, and she did post on the Instagram. Second, that "mal" from earlier, I notice in one of her recent pictures with her friend she has her tagged, that GIRL'S name is Mal. Meaning she either lied about the boyfriend or wasn't showing me the right person's calls/texts/whatever.

I shared my recap with another friend of mine who's good with women and he believes she lied about the boyfriend and made up excuses to not go home with me because she liked me, but didn't know me that well and was afraid. His recommendation was to leave it alone unless she reaches out.

There's a good chance she no longer has my number either, and the fact that she has so many followers means her DMs are probably flooded. I suppose I could try to add her Snapchat or something, but that might be doing too much. The best advice is usually the one where you show the least interest, but I wanted to share this story and see what some of you more experienced guys recommend I do in this situation, if anything.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Details rarely matter to that degree and if you have to think that hard about it the answer almost without fail is she isn't that interested.

If she wants something to happen with you it will happen..How you didn't make sure you didn't have her number is kind of mind numbing since you had two interactions with her and the second one was a longer one.

 

[BPH]

Details rarely matter to that degree and if you have to think that hard about it the answer almost without fail is she isn't that interested.

If she wants something to happen with you it will happen..How you didn't make sure you didn't have her number is kind of mind numbing since you had two interactions with her and the second one was a longer one.

What do you mean here? This sentence is a little confusing. How I DIDN'T make sure I DIDN'T have her number?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What do you mean here? This sentence is a little confusing. How I DIDN'T make sure I DIDN'T have her number?

You were with her for an extended period of time the second time. Why didn't you ensure you had her number?

In the grand scheme of things it may not have really mattered, but you are posting a long thread in which you could have avoided much of this hand wringing by simply getting her number. That's a basic thing that needs to be checked off when you interact with women.

 

[BPH]

You were with her for an extended period of time the second time. Why didn't you ensure you had her number?

In the grand scheme of things it may not have really mattered, but you are posting a long thread in which you could have avoided much of this hand wringing by simply getting her number. That's a basic thing that needs to be checked off when you interact with women.

I agree. I was a little buzzed at this point in the night so my best guess is that I didn't stress about it for 3 reasons:

1. I figured she probably still had MY number, which is why I told her to text me.
2. I thought I showed her a good enough time and there was enough interest there that even if she DIDN'T have my number that she now had my Instagram to reach out/read my message to get it again.
3. I didn't want to stress the fact that I deleted her number, fearing it would come across as "butthurt" that I didn't get an immediate positive reaction the first time I met her.

You are correct in that these issues could've been avoided by asking for her number, but that's why I'm asking where to go from here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree. I was a little buzzed at this point in the night so my best guess is that I didn't stress about it for 3 reasons:

1. I figured she probably still had MY number, which is why I told her to text me.
2. I thought I showed her a good enough time and there was enough interest there that even if she DIDN'T have my number that she now had my Instagram to reach out/read my message to get it again.
3. I didn't want to stress the fact that I deleted her number, fearing it would come across as "butthurt" that I didn't get an immediate positive reaction the first time I met her.

You are correct in that these issues could've been avoided by asking for her number, but that's why I'm asking where to go from here.

You made your interest known, you wait for her to reciprocate.

 

[BPH]

You made your interest known, you wait for her to reciprocate.

Agreed, just wasn't sure if I should put any more effort into it in the event she also doesn't have my number saved from last time and doesn't see my DM due to how flooded I imagine her inbox looks.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agreed, just wasn't sure if I should put any more effort into it in the event she also doesn't have my number saved from last time and doesn't see my DM due to how flooded I imagine her inbox looks.

Don't make excuses for her. She knows how to contact you. If she is interested she will.

 

[BPH]

Don't make excuses for her. She knows how to contact you. If she is interested she will.

Fair enough. I'll be up for a while so I'd be curious to see if the majority agrees with that approach or if anybody ends up recommending otherwise.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Fair enough. I'll be up for a while so I'd be curious to see if the majority agrees with that approach or if anybody ends up recommending otherwise.

You already know what the answer is. You alluded to it in the initial post. Right now you are seemingly wanting someone to tell you it's OK to do what you really want to do. But you also know that's a fools errand. It will only make it more difficult to get the result you want, not less difficult.

Hungry mouths don't get fed and those who eat well have more food piled onto their plate.

Work on putting your time and effort into obtaining more options.

 

[BPH]

You already know what the answer is. You alluded to it in the initial post. Right now you are seemingly wanting someone to tell you it's OK to do what you really want to do. But you also know that's a fools errand. It will only make it more difficult to get the result you want, not less difficult.

Hungry mouths don't get fed and those who eat well have more food piled onto their plate.

Work on putting your time and effort into obtaining more options.

Don't worry, I'm not hoping for somebody to come around and tell me "it's okay to X, Y, Z too", I just always like getting multiple perspectives when it comes to getting advice. If those perspectives are just more people agreeing with your point, then that's good too.

 

[bat soup]

Don't worry, I'm not hoping for somebody to come around and tell me "it's okay to X, Y, Z too", I just always like getting multiple perspectives when it comes to getting advice. If those perspectives are just more people agreeing with your point, then that's good too.

She sounds like a flaky-ass hussy.

I wouldn't worry about which part of her BS story is true. The bottom line is that she didn't want to go home with you, she didn't want to give you her number and now she's ignoring you. I'd say there´s a very low probability of getting it in this one. Try another hole.

 

[The Duke]

@BPH - Her interest is a lot lower than yours. A chic that is really interested will make it easy. A chic that is anything else will play these same games. They all went to the same school.

You were the one who keeps coming back around even after she keeps showing flakey behavior. You keep providing attention and validating her, yet she does nothing but exist.

You have showed you care more than she does. Its game over after that. Always match their interest level or show less.

 

[BPH]

She sounds like a flaky-ass hussy.

I wouldn't worry about which part of her BS story is true. The bottom line is that she didn't want to go home with you, she didn't want to give you her number and now she's ignoring you. I'd say there´s a very low probability of getting it in this one. Try another hole.

I agree, just double checking to see if there's more to it or if I f***ed up bad somewhere and didn't realize.

For the bolded parts, to be fair I didn't ask for her number again, I assumed she still had it which is why I told her to text me. She might've deleted mine too so I don't blame her too much if that's what happened.

As for the ignoring part, well I had to send her a DM because I didn't have the number. My ex was this really hot chick with only 2,000 followers and she constantly had her DMs flooded with simps, so I imagine it's only worse when you multiply that by 15.

 

[BPH]

@BPH - Her interest is a lot lower than yours. A chic that is really interested will make it easy. A chic that is anything else will play these same games. They all went to the same school.

You were the one who keeps coming back around even after she keeps showing flakey behavior. You keep providing attention and validating her, yet she does nothing but exist.

You have showed you care more than she does. Its game over after that. Always match their interest level or show less.

I agree with the bold statement, I see that a lot. In this case I thought it went pretty well, but obviously not well enough that she left with me and I wasn't sure why that was.

This was my second interaction with her after ~3 weeks of nothing and didn't really think much of it until she was all excited to see me. The part that's confusing me I think is the fact that she seems super interested in person, then cold/unreachable afterwards.

And I know women aren't logical and this BS is normal, just trying to nail down what I could do/could've done better.

 

[The Duke]

I agree with the bold statement, I see that a lot. In this case I thought it went pretty well, but obviously not well enough that she left with me and I wasn't sure why that was.

This was my second interaction with her after ~3 weeks of nothing and didn't really think much of it until she was all excited to see me. The part that's confusing me I think is the fact that she seems super interested in person, then cold/unreachable afterwards.

And I know women aren't logical and this BS is normal, just trying to nail down what I could do/could've done better.

I think you did a decent job, but women are great actors. Believe actions over words. You put too much faith in what she said. They are famous for telling us guys all sorts of things that don't mean schitt. Don't take it personal, Just laugh at it.

 

[BPH]

this. The second he said details mattered I skipped the rest lol. Details almost never matter.

Seems to be a pattern with you. You don't NEED to reply you know...

 

[BPH]

humble yourself and stop being so neurotic, you will yield results.

If you're going to provide advice, don't you think you should at the very least understand what is being asked?

 

[Barrister]

OP - I don't think you did anything wrong, although the bit of you saying "I am surprised you are happy to see me when I didn't hear from you" was a bit cringe. Always assume a IDGAF attitude with this chicks. Saying this lets her know you thought about her.

That said, this chick definitely seems low interest and you shouldn't be expending this much mental energy on her. It doesn't sound like the attraction for you is there for her. There is nothing you can really do about that except act disinterested and move on. She may come around, but she likely doesn't from what you describe. Find other women who want your time and attention.

 

[user252009]

Guys on here be like "oh what is going on" whereas most of us don't even get looks from women to begin with