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Got a situation I want to run by some of you more experienced guys

dude99

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Wasn't sure if I should make this thread. I'm probably overthinking things because so far everything's been great. But I've been delving into Patrice O'Neal and part of me in the back of my head thinks this "relationship" is ultimately doomed, but I'll describe it if only to get some input from you guys who know what you're talking about.

I'd prefer to hear responses from guys who know what they're talking about; successful guys who have slept with a lot of very attractive women and have had successful relationships or marriages. I know there's no way to verify that you posting are any of these things, but I hope those of you who do decide to say something fit that framework.

Anyway, I'm 27 and she's recently 32. We met off Tinder. I know. We texted back and forth for about a week and decided to hang out. She lives about an hour away and has her own place. First night I visit is a Tuesday we talk for a bit, drink some wine, end up having really great sex and I stay over. We have some more sex in the morning and we go to a diner where she treats me to breakfast and we part ways. I keep in communication with her and we decide to see each other again that weekend. Since then I've spent every weekend (sometimes 1 day, sometimes 2) with the exception of a 2-week period where we both caught COVID.

Here are the facts:

She's older than me. She lives an hour away and has her own house and stuff. She got out of a 10-year relationship about 8 months ago due to repeated cheating on the boyfriend's part. She's slept with 7 guys and I was both her first night stand, and later, the first guy she ever had unprotected sex with. She does not know my body count (75 I think) and has not asked me for that info. She is SIGNIFICANTLY better off financially which is why she tries to pay for things when it comes to me and her friends, I try not to let her because I don't want that to be the dynamic but I'm talking about this woman makes about 500k/year and has offered to buy me a car. She is manic depressive bipolar, meaning she has high highs and really bad low depressing lows, but she takes medication for it so she hasn't had any issues since her relationship. She is adopted and has I think 16 non-biological siblings under 2 lesbian mothers. She had seen a guy from her past after she first hooked up with me, with the expectation that she probably wouldn't see me again - apparently this guy has been trying to lock her down for a long time but she just uses him for sex when she and her boyfriend would take breaks. She is very attractive and likes the attention of men but doesn't like giving herself to them - I've seen this by the hundreds of matches and thirsty Snapchats guys send her that she blows off.

Anyway I'm probably getting too granular but I've been seeing her for about 2 months most weekends and we always have a good time with some alcohol, lots of sex, and just being sweet and treating each other well. However, I'm an aspiring actor/model that's had a difficult time, so I've been working a part time job for flexibility, struggling to break into the market as a newer real estate agent, and live at home with my parents. She is aware of this and doesn't mind since she grew up poor and likes paying for her friends because she doesn't see the point of being rich by herself.

Like I mentioned, things have been going great but I worry about the potential future I may or may not have with this woman. Right now we are not in a relationship but I haven't bothered seeing other girls since her, and aside from the one time with the guy from her past she's cut off ties with the other guys trying to get with her too. She wants me to get my real estate license in her state since she's a wealthy project manager and can hand off houses for me to sell. She wants to buy me a new car because mine sucks and I always treat her really well so she wants to make it up to me. This worries me a bit because from what I've listened to from Patrice O'Neal women want somebody above them, they want somebody greater than them - they want a man who's their king, not to be the queen and have some random man...so I'm looking at trying to change my financial situation.

Aside from that, I took her out last weekend and we got really drunk and I learned some things. She told me how excited she gets when I text her near the weekend since she knows she's about to see me soon. She tells me I gave her back her "fire" that she lost when dating her boyfriend and wasn't used to getting genuine compliments about her being attractive as this guy used to put her down. But she also worries that her being older has us at different stages in life and that I should meet somebody closer to where I'm at, and that she feels she doesn't deserve me.

Again, we were absolutely wasted. It was reassuring to hear how much of an impact I've made and how much she cares, but I'm concerned long-term about the income and how much the age gap bothers her - although she has said she's never dated an older guy anyway.

So this is a lot, I know. I'm basically wanting to play this out and see how far things go because she's gorgeous and a real sweetheart compared to most of the women I've been with. The income and age differences are what might be concern me the most, and how I'd overcome those.

I'm probably overthinking this way too much, nothing's wrong now, I'm just looking to the future.

Looking forward to see what you guys might have to say. If anything needs elaboration feel free to ask, I'll be checking this thread now and then and I'll do my best to reply.
I stopped at Manic depressive bi-polar.


All cluster B's = immediate next. The drama and the BS she WILL put you through is not worth it. Even a chick that makes 500k a year. NOT WORTH IT.
 

BPH

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WTF??
It's only a 5 year difference. That's hardly an age gap.
The way you two joked about this age gap thing sounded ridiculous!

12 or more years in age difference is when you can start joking about it.
The way we joke about it is over-exaggerated. I have a thick skin and so does she so the jokes where we poke fun about it are things we laugh about rather than take seriously.
 

BPH

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I stopped at Manic depressive bi-polar.


All cluster B's = immediate next. The drama and the BS she WILL put you through is not worth it. Even a chick that makes 500k a year. NOT WORTH IT.
I understand that and looked online to see what people's experiences were with significant others that had this illness. That being said, she treats me better than 90% of the women I've been with so I'm at the very least willing to play it out and see what happens.
 

stringpuller

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I could leave her at any time if things turn south, it's just that I DO like her so I'm working on how to deal with that part
Yes mind over matter. Its easiest when a guy no longer subcribes to the idea of the unique unicorn.
 

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BPH

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Enjoy it OP!

What specifically do you want out of this relationship with ol gal?
I just want to play it out and see how far things go. She's gorgeous, without makeup she's an absolute knockout. The sex is great and frequent. And as far as personalities go we can poke fun at each other while she still ends up being a sweetheart and trying to treat me since apparently I treat her so well.

I'm most worried about not overdoing it at this stage. She's been a little less good about texting this week, but I know she's a busy girl and has a bunch of nursing finals this week so I'm just trying not to overthink things, which isn't going as well as I'd hoped or I wouldn't have made this thread lol. I don't usually get this far so I'm a little less experienced with relationship-y type stuff.

OP keep us posted on how this goes for you.
Will do. I'll continue to reply to those who need elaboration on anything or have input to provide. Essentially it seems that I'm overthinking things and that I should be cautious of her truthfulness, especially considering her bipolar.
 

dude99

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I understand that and looked online to see what people's experiences were with significant others that had this illness. That being said, she treats me better than 90% of the women (for now)I've been with so I'm at the very least willing to play it out and see what happens. Keep it light and have low expectations. Cluster B's will wait until your guard is down to fack you over.

She will treat you better than 90% of all other girls you have been with in the love bombing phase. When that phase is over, your good times with her will be over too.
 

EyeBRollin

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I just want to play it out and see how far things go. She's gorgeous, without makeup she's an absolute knockout. The sex is great and frequent. And as far as personalities go we can poke fun at each other while she still ends up being a sweetheart and trying to treat me since apparently I treat her so well.

I'm most worried about not overdoing it at this stage. She's been a little less good about texting this week, but I know she's a busy girl and has a bunch of nursing finals this week so I'm just trying not to overthink things, which isn't going as well as I'd hoped or I wouldn't have made this thread lol. I don't usually get this far so I'm a little less experienced with relationship-y type stuff.
Stop texting her. Stop thinking so much. Just make the next date. Focus on one date at a time. Get her into bed each time.

Let her chase you. She has to initiate more often than you.
 

BPH

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She will treat you better than 90% of all other girls you have been with in the love bombing phase. When that phase is over, your good times with her will be over too.
We'll see, I'm not delusional about what I'm potentially getting into and I have trust issues anyway. Both with friends and with women I care about, part of the reason I never get to this stage and have often just stuck to casual sex and new p****.

Stop texting her. Stop thinking so much. Just make the next date. Focus on one date at a time. Get her into bed each time.

Let her chase you. She has to initiate more often than you.
The next date isn't a worry, it's been every weekend like clockwork and I usually hit her up in advance just to make sure she's still free. I stopped texting, recently she added me on Snapchat (where she also showed me off on her story as well as kissing me, so I'm semi-public with her to her friend group) and I sent the last reply so I'm just waiting.

Getting into bed also isn't an issue, that's usually the first thing we do once I arrive at her place. This weekend has been a little slow as far as her initiating goes, but I could probably chalk that up to the finals/work thing this time.

Otherwise I'm sure this is fine for the time being, likely just overthinking as usual.
 

EyeBRollin

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The next date isn't a worry, it's been every weekend like clockwork and I usually hit her up in advance just to make sure she's still free. I stopped texting, recently she added me on Snapchat (where she also showed me off on her story as well as kissing me, so I'm semi-public with her to her friend group) and I sent the last reply so I'm just waiting.
This is a mistake my friend. Like the stock market the past does not predict the future. Unless she has agreed to a definite date this weekend, you have no date. Either an ex boyfriend or Chad can hit her up tomorrow. Because your plans aren’t yet definitive and you have no exclusivity, she will accept.
 

BPH

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This is a mistake my friend. Like the stock market the past does not predict the future. Unless she has agreed to a definite date this weekend, you have no date. Either an ex boyfriend or Chad can hit her up tomorrow. Because your plans aren’t yet definitive and you have no exclusivity, she will accept.
I gotcha, well when/if she Snapchats/texts me today I'll just confirm that she's still free this weekend. I'll ask her when she gets off to figure out when I should drive up.
 

Barrister

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My normal advice would be yes that you are overthinking this and need to chill. I have a tendency to over-analyze just like you do. Who cares about the age difference if you are in fact happy with what you have? Don’t worry about outside perceptions based upon trivial things like that.

However, the manic depressive disorder is a HUGE red flag. I have been in LTRs with two cluster B types. As @dude99 already stated, when you are in the lovebombing phase with them it feels like Cloud 9. Like you have met the fictional “soul mate.” Great sex, deep connective conversation, etc. That then goes out the window and you are in hell. They are like a drug addiction and difficult to get over. This, by itself, is enough for me to tell you to end this now. I doubt you will, so keep your walls up at a minimum. This woman will change over night one day.
 

BPH

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My normal advice would be yes that you are overthinking this and need to chill. I have a tendency to over-analyze just like you do. Who cares about the age difference if you are in fact happy with what you have? Don’t worry about outside perceptions based upon trivial things like that.

However, the manic depressive disorder is a HUGE red flag. I have been in LTRs with two cluster B types. As @dude99 already stated, when you are in the lovebombing phase with them it feels like Cloud 9. Like you have met the fictional “soul mate.” Great sex, deep connective conversation, etc. That then goes out the window and you are in hell. They are like a drug addiction and difficult to get over. This, by itself, is enough for me to tell you to end this now. I doubt you will, so keep your walls up at a minimum. This woman will change over night one day.
Thanks for your input. You're right, I don't plan to end this anytime soon since I've been having such a great time. That said, I am cautious about what I'm getting into and know that I can probably expect a problem somewhere down the line. I mentioned before that I have trust issues so regardless of how wonderful she is I always keep a little bit of myself reserved. If she left or suddenly changed up of course I'd be upset for a little bit, but I know that I'd just have to go out and meet somebody new to change that. I had 2 or 3 girls like that over the summer who I thought were bombshells and would've liked to maintain - they didn't work out and I just met the 2nd and 3rd ones there.

"I'm 27, she's 32, met off tinder" that's where I stopped reading
Alright dude, thanks for the help there.
 

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Modern Man Advice

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Wasn't sure if I should make this thread. I'm probably overthinking things because so far everything's been great. But I've been delving into Patrice O'Neal and part of me in the back of my head thinks this "relationship" is ultimately doomed, but I'll describe it if only to get some input from you guys who know what you're talking about.

I'd prefer to hear responses from guys who know what they're talking about; successful guys who have slept with a lot of very attractive women and have had successful relationships or marriages. I know there's no way to verify that you posting are any of these things, but I hope those of you who do decide to say something fit that framework.

Anyway, I'm 27 and she's recently 32. We met off Tinder. I know. We texted back and forth for about a week and decided to hang out. She lives about an hour away and has her own place. First night I visit is a Tuesday we talk for a bit, drink some wine, end up having really great sex and I stay over. We have some more sex in the morning and we go to a diner where she treats me to breakfast and we part ways. I keep in communication with her and we decide to see each other again that weekend. Since then I've spent every weekend (sometimes 1 day, sometimes 2) with the exception of a 2-week period where we both caught COVID.

Here are the facts:

She's older than me. She lives an hour away and has her own house and stuff. She got out of a 10-year relationship about 8 months ago due to repeated cheating on the boyfriend's part. She's slept with 7 guys and I was both her first night stand, and later, the first guy she ever had unprotected sex with. She does not know my body count (75 I think) and has not asked me for that info. She is SIGNIFICANTLY better off financially which is why she tries to pay for things when it comes to me and her friends, I try not to let her because I don't want that to be the dynamic but I'm talking about this woman makes about 500k/year and has offered to buy me a car. She is manic depressive bipolar, meaning she has high highs and really bad low depressing lows, but she takes medication for it so she hasn't had any issues since her relationship. She is adopted and has I think 16 non-biological siblings under 2 lesbian mothers. She had seen a guy from her past after she first hooked up with me, with the expectation that she probably wouldn't see me again - apparently this guy has been trying to lock her down for a long time but she just uses him for sex when she and her boyfriend would take breaks. She is very attractive and likes the attention of men but doesn't like giving herself to them - I've seen this by the hundreds of matches and thirsty Snapchats guys send her that she blows off.

Anyway I'm probably getting too granular but I've been seeing her for about 2 months most weekends and we always have a good time with some alcohol, lots of sex, and just being sweet and treating each other well. However, I'm an aspiring actor/model that's had a difficult time, so I've been working a part time job for flexibility, struggling to break into the market as a newer real estate agent, and live at home with my parents. She is aware of this and doesn't mind since she grew up poor and likes paying for her friends because she doesn't see the point of being rich by herself.

Like I mentioned, things have been going great but I worry about the potential future I may or may not have with this woman. Right now we are not in a relationship but I haven't bothered seeing other girls since her, and aside from the one time with the guy from her past she's cut off ties with the other guys trying to get with her too. She wants me to get my real estate license in her state since she's a wealthy project manager and can hand off houses for me to sell. She wants to buy me a new car because mine sucks and I always treat her really well so she wants to make it up to me. This worries me a bit because from what I've listened to from Patrice O'Neal women want somebody above them, they want somebody greater than them - they want a man who's their king, not to be the queen and have some random man...so I'm looking at trying to change my financial situation.

Aside from that, I took her out last weekend and we got really drunk and I learned some things. She told me how excited she gets when I text her near the weekend since she knows she's about to see me soon. She tells me I gave her back her "fire" that she lost when dating her boyfriend and wasn't used to getting genuine compliments about her being attractive as this guy used to put her down. But she also worries that her being older has us at different stages in life and that I should meet somebody closer to where I'm at, and that she feels she doesn't deserve me.

Again, we were absolutely wasted. It was reassuring to hear how much of an impact I've made and how much she cares, but I'm concerned long-term about the income and how much the age gap bothers her - although she has said she's never dated an older guy anyway.

So this is a lot, I know. I'm basically wanting to play this out and see how far things go because she's gorgeous and a real sweetheart compared to most of the women I've been with. The income and age differences are what might be concern me the most, and how I'd overcome those.

I'm probably overthinking this way too much, nothing's wrong now, I'm just looking to the future.

Looking forward to see what you guys might have to say. If anything needs elaboration feel free to ask, I'll be checking this thread now and then and I'll do my best to reply.
Thanks for sharing.

First off, to address your concern right away. Yes, you are overthinking it. And eventually will bite you in the a**, and not to mention it is hindering the experience/interaction with her.

Second, how red-pilled are you? Have you studied, read, research any of the red pill concepts? If so, you will understand her behavior a bit more. Also, have you studied bipolar disorders? Have you experienced that side of her? To me, as another member stated, I see a few big red flags you need to be aware of and proactive about. In all, do not get too attached or allow her to get too comfortable with you.

Last but not least, she is past her prime and came out of a long toxic, and turbulent relationship. You are young and have prospects (hopefully), why would you want to commit to her? Other than she is good-looking and nice, ask yourself how she will complement your lifestyle and what does she have to offer in return for your time and resources as a man (assuming you have that to offer).

Simply enjoy and savor the moment, be present (but be cautious), stay ahead of the curve, don't get too comfortable/attached, and definitely do not let her get too comfortable.

Let things play out as they should.


Modern Man Advice
 
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CBear

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I understand that and looked online to see what people's experiences were with significant others that had this illness. That being said, she treats me better than 90% of the women I've been with so I'm at the very least willing to play it out and see what happens.
Lmao same thing happened with me. A lot of similarities as well. Older, bipolar, treated me well, etc.. Feel free to read my thread about the experience when you have time. All in all, have fun, don't think about anything long term. Don't think about what she says about her past, it's always under exaggerated when it fits their narrative and over exaggerated when it fits their narrative. That best treatment that you're getting will end up being the absolute worst treatment you'll ever get in less than a year if you seek something long term. You will go from the best thing that ever happened to them to the reason for all her problems. Because deep down, those people don't truly love themselves and they're addicted to emotional dopamine rushes. Don't get too attached, you will suffer and it will f*** you up, just like it did to me and plenty of other guys.
 

rart

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Thanks for your input. You're right, I don't plan to end this anytime soon since I've been having such a great time. That said, I am cautious about what I'm getting into and know that I can probably expect a problem somewhere down the line. I mentioned before that I have trust issues so regardless of how wonderful she is I always keep a little bit of myself reserved. If she left or suddenly changed up of course I'd be upset for a little bit, but I know that I'd just have to go out and meet somebody new to change that. I had 2 or 3 girls like that over the summer who I thought were bombshells and would've liked to maintain - they didn't work out and I just met the 2nd and 3rd ones there.



Alright dude, thanks for the help there.

You are 27, aspiring model/actor as you say. I cannot see why your energy is not better spent on developing more 20 something girls in your circles?
 

CBear

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You are 27, aspiring model/actor as you say. I cannot see why your energy is not better spent on developing more 20 something girls in your circles?
I think it's necessary for a lot of guys to go through these situations, go through an insane high, and come out pretty screwed up and depressed to build themselves back up, not make the same mistakes again and, and to look for better and more worthy options.
 

BPH

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Thanks for sharing.

First off, to address your concern right away. Yes, you are overthinking it. And eventually will bite you in the a**, and not to mention it is hindering the experience/interaction with her.

Second, how red-pilled are you? Have you studied, read, research any of the red pill concepts? If so, you will understand her behavior a bit more. Also, have you studied bipolar disorders? Have you experienced that side of her? To me, as another member stated, I see a few big red flags you need to be aware of and proactive about. In all, do not get too attached or allow her to get too comfortable with you.

Last but not least, she is past her prime and came out of a long toxic, and turbulent relationship. You are young and have prospects (hopefully), why would you want to commit to her? Other than she is good-looking and nice, ask yourself how she will complement your lifestyle and what does she have to offer in return for your time and resources as a man (assuming you have that to offer).

Simply enjoy and savor the moment, be present (but be cautious), stay ahead of the curve, don't get too comfortable/attached, and definitely do not let her get too comfortable.

Let things play out as they should.


Modern Man Advice
Thanks for this.

I understand and agree with most red-pill concepts. The difference for me is that I usually genuinely like and care for the women I hook up with, if we stop seeing each other it's because she left me due to not seeing a future as I'm generally noncommittal. I know there's a lot of fakers out there but I most subscribe to stuff by Patrice O'Neal and have listened to bits and pieces of Rollo. Otherwise it's personal experience having dealt with a lot of women and knowing what to expect and being able to move on quickly while having difficulty truly trusting and loving a woman.

I don't have prospects so much as I have women I could revisit, granted they are at a much greater distance...I live in Delaware and have to travel about 30 minutes for decent nightlife every time I want to go out, and most venues are overcrowded with guys and the few girls there generally aren't attractive to the level that I usually pursue. More often than not I go home by myself. My gym has a handful of attractive girls but the ones I've talked to are in relationships, and then there's the dating apps where I happened on this gem, but usually I expect matches to lose interest before meeting or get cold feet at the last moment. It's a little rough where I live currently.

As far as the second part of that question - she's very wealthy and wants to help me out; wants to buy me a new car, wants me to get licensed in her state so she can hand properties off to me to sell, wants to teach me about stocks and help me build a portfolio. My only real red flag to her is that I'm financially unhappy and living with my parents, but she seems to be able to relate to that since she was born poor and often is paying for her friends that are in a similar situation as myself.

I'm definitely cautious about the situation. This week has felt a little different and that's what I'm probably overthinking. Last weekend was pretty great, as described, and left off well. I even sent her a coffee the other day through UberEats as a congratulations on doing well in her first final, she thought it was super sweet and really appreciated that. I mentioned before that I can probably chalk it up to her being busy with work and having 3 finals this week, but she's been less good about texting/Snapchatting and we had the first day go by this week with no contact in the 2 months that I've been talking to her. So that felt a bit odd, I'm waiting for her to hit me back today so I can confirm she's free this weekend like with what EyeBRollin said. If I don't hear from her today I'll check in tomorrow and if she declines then maybe something is up. But otherwise...likely overthinking things since this is a little new...

Lmao same thing happened with me. A lot of similarities as well. Older, bipolar, treated me well, etc.. Feel free to read my thread about the experience when you have time. All in all, have fun, don't think about anything long term. Don't think about what she says about her past, it's always under exaggerated when it fits their narrative and over exaggerated when it fits their narrative. That best treatment that you're getting will end up being the absolute worst treatment you'll ever get in less than a year if you seek something long term. You will go from the best thing that ever happened to them to the reason for all her problems. Because deep down, those people don't truly love themselves and they're addicted to emotional dopamine rushes. Don't get too attached, you will suffer and it will f*** you up, just like it did to me and plenty of other guys.
Do you have a link to this thread? I'm not sure if I should read it and come out with a pessimistic mindset, or if it would help me kinda foresee what might end up happening. Like I said I understand what I'm potentially getting into and willing to take that risk to see how it plays out since she's been so wonderful to me compared to lots of other girls I'd been with. I keep myself emotionally a little distant from people since my first real relationship ended in a way that kinda scarred me in terms of trusting people I care about...so I'm not worried about being hurt there really. As long as it doesn't hurt my physical well-being, she's much wealthier and I don't see this hurting me financially or emotionally as I just stated.

But otherwise I agree...like how she loves the validation from her hundreds of Tinder matches, Snapchats, and texts, but so far as only given herself to me.
You are 27, aspiring model/actor as you say. I cannot see why your energy is not better spent on developing more 20 something girls in your circles?
Check the response I quoted for Modern Man, where I live is kinda dry and I have to go out of my way to even shoot my shot at women. This woman lives about an hour away and I've been regularly visited to get great sex, really drunk, and treated well. I don't expect that to last forever but I've been having a much better time with her than I've had with any other girl in recent memory.
 
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