Good Conversationalist

[pinhas]

Hi guys,

I have a serious issue that I need to work on, but I cant seem to manage. I feel that what stops me from meeting and approaching women is my "self proclaimed" lack of conversation skills. This is exactly where the problem lays, as I am not bad with talking and people, I just feel that I am and that stops me from approaching.

I am decent looking, smart and worldly; I have a great sense of humor and when I get "in the zone" I am actually a decent "DJ" and can hold my own. The problem is that its hard for me to achieve that zone too often.

I know its all in my head, and I tell myself that I should not approach because I have nothing interesting to say (probably not even true); but I cant to get over that mental blockage.

When I do approach, my mind goes blank and I stick with the boring, AFC introductory questions and I am having a hard time building attraction and escalating.

I red the Bible and other posts about conversation skills, but non of that seems to help me. I really need some help with this issue, its stopping me from achieving true progress.

Can anyone share some ideas or tips on this matter. I know that experience and field testing is the best way, I just cant get myself to approach.

 

[Alexander]

Get drunk
The problem doesn't seem to be your conversation skills, mostly your anxiety. I believe that if you're the one being approached, you can hold the conversation quite good. It just comes with experience, once you feel confortable with women and stop putting them on a pedestal, it all comes natural.

 

[stayfly]

you need to build a new belief and adopt a better strategy

ask yourself, "what would you need to do to know that you're a great conversationalist"?

for me it was studying 3 or 4 books on communication and conversation and applying / intergrating the key learnings. then I started dating anyone and everyone and practicing getting good at conversation and general social interaction.

then for strategy, I'd suggest keeping ur approaches short and sweet. keep it simple and get contact details to setup a coffee date or similar. talking too much on the initial approach can be counter productive - save it for the coffee date.

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

Prescription

prescript your convo your Qs your nrgs

use the same Qs THE SAME NEGS

 

[pinhas]

prescript your convo your Qs your nrgs

use the same Qs THE SAME NEGS

See the thing is I don't like using scripts. I feel silly saying these things and to me they sound un-natural. I am much better at coming up with stuff on the spot and try not to rely too much on routines.

I think its just an issue of self confidence and anxiety. I will try getting some books of communication and interpersonal relations.

I red How to Make Friends and Influence People and I learned a lot from it; any other books you guys can recommend?

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

freeflow

pinhas

prescripting your convos is the only way you never at a los for words
i know this cos of my lessons i am a teacher also and i always write out my Qs in advance , the Q s i m gonna ask the students i have a list of tenty Qs for each students

professional journalists do the same

naturally after a while you start freeflowin between the Qs
after work i am naturally beat so what i do when i see a HB i just don t rack my brains finding fresh or unusual stuff to tell her i just utilize my ol scripts

 

[Irs88]

you need to build a new belief and adopt a better strategy

ask yourself, "what would you need to do to know that you're a great conversationalist"?

for me it was studying 3 or 4 books on communication and conversation and applying / intergrating the key learnings. then I started dating anyone and everyone and practicing getting good at conversation and general social interaction.

then for strategy, I'd suggest keeping ur approaches short and sweet. keep it simple and get contact details to setup a coffee date or similar. talking too much on the initial approach can be counter productive - save it for the coffee date.

care to share those 3-4 coversation books? I would really appreciate it. THanks.

 

[stayfly]

care to share those 3-4 coversation books? I would really appreciate it. THanks.

I can't remember the titles sorry. There was nothing remarkable about any of them but they gave me some simple tips and proved to myself that there wasn't any key skill out there I was missing.

 

[Mr.Freestyler19]

say and ask random things

 

[stayfly]

pinhas

prescripting your convos is the only way you never at a los for words
i know this cos of my lessons i am a teacher also and i always write out my Qs in advance , the Q s i m gonna ask the students i have a list of tenty Qs for each students

professional journalists do the same

naturally after a while you start freeflowin between the Qs
after work i am naturally beat so what i do when i see a HB i just don t rack my brains finding fresh or unusual stuff to tell her i just utilize my ol scripts

this is a really good point

can you share some of your basic scripts so I can get a better idea of how you did it?

 

[Irs88]

this is a really good point

can you share some of your basic scripts so I can get a better idea of how you did it?

i feel that its good to have that when you run out of things to say. But don't make the whole conversation threaded. You wont succeed. Been there done that. If anything, use the scripted stuff when you sense an awkward moment coming up(girl or you not talking for a few seconds).

 

[friend of a friend]

http://nowscape.com/godsdebris.pdf

Read the chapter on Relationships.

 

[pinhas]

pinhas

prescripting your convos is the only way you never at a los for words
i know this cos of my lessons i am a teacher also and i always write out my Qs in advance , the Q s i m gonna ask the students i have a list of tenty Qs for each students

professional journalists do the same

naturally after a while you start freeflowin between the Qs
after work i am naturally beat so what i do when i see a HB i just don t rack my brains finding fresh or unusual stuff to tell her i just utilize my ol scripts

I see you point. That does sound like a good starting point.

Can you suggest where to look for a good scripted convo? Any guides on achieving a good "flow"?

Thanks