Going to see my ex after 6 months... or not?

[Murk]

So my best friend just came back from comic con, yes, I'm ashamed to admit someone like this is even my friend, best and longest serving one at that, what started out as a mutual love for DBZ when we were like 13-16 years old then on to Naruto in our teens... has descended into this (he's going to be 30 in 2 months). Anyway so he calls me tipsy saying it (comicon) was trash and he's never going again (not surprised) but he wants to go out and party, it's a lovely saturday afternoon with great weather, I agree.

I bought tickets to this day/night rave from 12pm - 4am really cool music, some of my favourite dj's etc.

I look on the "attending" list part and I see she's on there. I told my friend I'm not going, but he has nobody to go with and we've both bought tickets. I am going to get a fresh haircut now while he is making his way there - I've told him to tell me if she's there but knowing him he will lie just to make sure I go. I'm gonna go anyway fvck it we were bound to bump into each other and I'm surprised it's taken 6 months to do it.

Quick questions:

1. Shall I just not go? Will save a lot of trouble and aggravation.
2. Shall I ignore her, or just give her a nod/half smile and keep it moving?
3. If she's there and I go, do I bring my A game and try scoop the baddest b*tch at the venue? I'm going for the music and fun factor, not to game specifically but I could make more of an effort today.

We didn't end on the best terms and have not spoken since January, but I know she has anger there and likely to either leave the event upon seeing me, or if she's drunk she may blow up at me or be a cvnt.

 

[HankHill]

So the gist is your ex will be at some rave/event and you're wondering if you should go and how to act?

Why would you not go? You have your own life to live, you don't owe her anything and vice-versa. Changing plans for an ex is silly. Now if you still have feelings for her and you can't handle seeing her grinding on other dudes that's a different story. Even then I'd say go, go with the mentality that she's like an old acquaintance and do what you'd do as if she wasn't there. If she stirs something up (I highly doubt that) don't engage, just smile and keep it moving.

 

[Murk]

I'm going - shall report back tomorrow afternoon. I look and feel great.

 

[Gan]

1. Shall I just not go? Will save a lot of trouble and aggravation.
2. Shall I ignore her, or just give her a nod/half smile and keep it moving?
3. If she's there and I go, do I bring my A game and try scoop the baddest b*tch at the venue? I'm going for the music and fun factor, not to game specifically but I could make more of an effort today.

Just go. It's been six months, you shouldn't be feeling resentful. If things didn't end well, ignore her and do your own thing.

 

[Murk]

Ok so my friend found charge for his phone and called me while I was en route, he said my ex saw him outside and asked if I was there and also how I'm doing. She said she's been having fun. I get there, see my friend, jump in a bunch of girls picture and start grabbing leg and talking to these hotties, turn to the side and my ex is there watching, fvcked out of her mind sprawled over some dude on a sofa area, I move on sharpish, never see her again.

It was ok,had a good night, she is nothing to me now. I think I needed to get through that for closure.

 

[Murk]

Ok I can't stop thinking about it, Ive just had a shower and arranged to meet two girls one after the other.

I'll get through this, by hook or by crook.

 

[marmel75]

Why do you care? Living your life based on whether someone else is at somewhere you want to go doesn't really seem like a good plan of attack.

 

[Murk]

So true, Andhim are playing in London in September and shes going, never seen them live, I have to go.

 

[Murk]

My best friend told me that she came up to him at the bar and asked if I was coming and begged him to make sure I didn't come. She said she hates me, wouldn't tell him why and told him I keep calling and harassing her - that's so not true I've never called or spoken to her in 6 months! She must have left when I arrived. I wish I never went it's playing on my mind.

 

[Gan]

My best friend told me that she came up to him at the bar and asked if I was coming and begged him to make sure I didn't come. She said she hates me, wouldn't tell him why and told him I keep calling and harassing her - that's so not true I've never called or spoken to her in 6 months! She must have left when I arrived. I wish I never went it's playing on my mind.

Don't take the bait and call her out. Don't break man. Your best friend can help you out here by not bringing her up anymore. Ask him to keep you in check.

 

[marmel75]

My best friend told me that she came up to him at the bar and asked if I was coming and begged him to make sure I didn't come. She said she hates me, wouldn't tell him why and told him I keep calling and harassing her - that's so not true I've never called or spoken to her in 6 months! She must have left when I arrived. I wish I never went it's playing on my mind.

Laugh it off like you would something a 5 year old girl does to you.

 

[Billtx49]

Ask him to keep you in check.

No, he keeps the best friend in check for being an instant telegram about what she says by telling best friend he doesn’t give a damn about what she thinks or says… He will get the hint that OP is in control of his own life…

 

[CBear]

You just made a big deal over how you're ashamed that your best friend is your best friend because he like comics and you made it clear that this girl is effecting your decisions on whether you should go out and have fun or not just because she'll be there.
This is just a case of you giving too many fvcks about pointless things.

 

[Gan]

No, he keeps the best friend in check for being an instant telegram about what she says by telling best friend he doesn’t give a damn about what she thinks or says… He will get the hint that OP is in control of his own life…

I find it hard to break my own word once I let somebody close to me know. I start thinking about how incredibly weak I'd look to them, and to myself. Thing is he has to be true to himself and to his friend, not put on some fake macho act.

 

[Billtx49]

Thing is he has to be true to himself and to his friend, not put on some fake macho act.

Its about taking responsibility for your own life no matter the current circumstances and not asking others to do it for you…

 

[Gan]

Its about taking responsibility for your own life no matter the current circumstances and not asking others to do it for you…

He's got his best friend with him on this, nothing wrong with asking for help from time to time. I'm pretty sure OP already knows what to do, he's just getting emotional. Voicing what you need to do to somebody else will make you less likely to do the opposite of what you know should do.

 

[Spaz]

When ur life narratives revolve around what others think or do then you do not lead ur own life.

That makes u a follower.

Can't really blame you, the vast majority of men r followers.

Perhaps, in some areas you'd lead ur own path, as in women and where you work, in that areas just do what makes you happy and don't even bother what they think.

I think everyone should be able to take the lead there and just enjoy life.

There's so much in life that's good and enjoyable, it just needs the right life narrative.

 

[Murk]

So my friends went to a forest party on Saturday, I usually always go (host them once a month) but I was a write off from Friday night after work outing.

I get a message from best friends younger bro Sunday morning:

Him: (ex gf) was here again
Him: ring me before 10am and I'll tell you everything, after 10 I'm going anti-social until Monday I can't lie coz I'll be struggling the whole day sorry mate

LOL ok I get it, he was out all night in the forest and was majorly tripping/about to start hanging - why dangle this carrot?

It's now 09:15 Monday and I've not heard anything from anyone. Usually, I wouldn't care but why say you will tell me "everything" like there's some big drama.

I just text him that nobody should be speaking to her as there's literally nothing to say there, especially as she bad mouthed me to my friend the previous weekend.

 

[sosousage]

So my best friend just came back from comic con, yes, I'm ashamed to admit someone like this is even my friend, best and longest serving one at that, what started out as a mutual love for DBZ when we were like 13-16 years old then on to Naruto in our teens... has descended into this (he's going to be 30 in 2 months). Anyway so he calls me tipsy saying it (comicon) was trash and he's never going again (not surprised) but he wants to go out and party, it's a lovely saturday afternoon with great weather, I agree.

I bought tickets to this day/night rave from 12pm - 4am really cool music, some of my favourite dj's etc.

I look on the "attending" list part and I see she's on there. I told my friend I'm not going, but he has nobody to go with and we've both bought tickets. I am going to get a fresh haircut now while he is making his way there - I've told him to tell me if she's there but knowing him he will lie just to make sure I go. I'm gonna go anyway fvck it we were bound to bump into each other and I'm surprised it's taken 6 months to do it.

Quick questions:

1. Shall I just not go? Will save a lot of trouble and aggravation.
2. Shall I ignore her, or just give her a nod/half smile and keep it moving?
3. If she's there and I go, do I bring my A game and try scoop the baddest b*tch at the venue? I'm going for the music and fun factor, not to game specifically but I could make more of an effort today.

We didn't end on the best terms and have not spoken since January, but I know she has anger there and likely to either leave the event upon seeing me, or if she's drunk she may blow up at me or be a cvnt.

tell her no sex no meet

but yeah naruto was awesome still watching, lol

 

[Murk]

Ok ok - so I got the low down.

My ex basically came to the event expecting me there. She spoke to my 3 friends and kind of followed them around the whole night. Asked my best friend to talk about me and her (he declined), spoke to my friend gf for a lot of the night. At the very end she got a cab with my friend and again wanted some coke from him (he had sold her some earlier in the night) and wanted to speak to him about me. He declined and it's awkward as he's my good friend.

She didn't leave the venue when she saw me the first time. She told my friend she saw me having fun partying the whole night and apparently she left at the very end. All my friends said if I was there it would have ended up with something between us happening.

I still have some feelings for her, but wouldn't have her as a GF again, but I do want to smash and regret not going to the party.