Going on "dates" but she has a boyfriend

[Siragoos]

It's not like we're text buddies, but she'll hit me up every few weeks. She's in a LDR and has been with this guy for years, so I guess she's lonely and whatnot and wants company. She always suggests to do "date-like" activities: drinks, movies, comedy clubs, jazz clubs, art fairs.

I've only gone on a couple of these hangouts. Nothing has ever happened on these dates; I've tried some kino but never got reciprocation other than hugs at the end.

She basically gives me all signs you would think are high interest. First to initiate, texts me after we hang out telling me she had so much fun, etc.

But after reading a lot of stuff on this forum I can't help but feel that she just wants me as a beta orbiter. The first time we met we had drinks and she told me very early on about her boyfriend and when we toasted, she said "to friends!" Wasn't smooth enough then to think of a witty quip then.

Eventually I told her I didn't "do this with taken women". She didn't like that. She said she had a lot of guy friends throughout her life and it's never been a problem for her. Then she said a few more things where she acted "confused".

Luckily I only invested two hangouts in her, though they were spread over several months. Haven't heard from her since. But I feel like I got it right in that she was looking for a "friend" to be a stopgap.

 

[TheCWord]

Good on you for putting a stop to that. You were being her proxy boyfriend without any benefits.

 

[Kbomb]

A girl who is a friend is like the best wingman possible. I don't understand why when guys have girls around they can't bang they don't just look at it as an opportunity. She is literally a pre-selection gold mine.

 

[Siragoos]

A girl who is a friend is like the best wingman possible. I don't understand why when guys have girls around they can't bang they don't just look at it as an opportunity. She is literally a pre-selection gold mine.

I'm still an AFC and trying to get better. Sticking around her, I felt oneitis coming on. So that, combined with the potential of being her ****less girlfriend, cripples developing game and self-confidence.

 

[VladPatton]

Well done...

You did it right, man. To hang out with her is to become her orbiter 100%, make no mistake about that. If you enjoy that kind of tease, it's great, have fun, but most red pillers can't stomach that.

You lost nothing but future frustration. You'll be hearing about how she dumped her LDR and found some other guy and just isn't sure on what the right technique to use when blowing him. Maybe you can take her to the salon before she meets up with new dude. Are you serious? You'll feel completely dis-considered from the bang-equation and it'll be 100% unfair for you.

Second, women are not wingmen. No woman will help you get laid. Do it on your own skin. It'll make you a better man to get your own puṣṣy.

 

[Siragoos]

You did it right, man. To hang out with her is to become her orbiter 100%, make no mistake about that. If you enjoy that kind of tease, it's great, have fun, but most red pillers can't stomach that.

You lost nothing but future frustration. You'll be hearing about how she dumped her LDR and found some other guy and just isn't sure on what the right technique to use when blowing him. Maybe you can take her to the salon before she meets up with new dude. Are you serious? You'll feel completely dis-considered from the bang-equation and it'll be 100% unfair for you.

Second, women are not wingmen. No woman will help you get laid. Do it on your own skin. It'll make you a better man to get your own puṣṣy.

Yeah, I wanted to preserve a chance that at least if she ever splits up with this guy, she might still call me up. It's a longshot, but I decided it's better than sticking around and firmly being in the throes of friendzone while she tells me about other dudes.

Also, it wasn't doing anything for my self-confidence.

 

[YAboi]

when she made the toast to friends you should have rubbed her thighs and winked at her for added effect.

 

[Siragoos]

when she made the toast to friends you should have rubbed her thighs and winked at her for added effect.

There are so many things I could've done at that point. But what's done is done. I wasn't experienced enough, I was thrown off about the fact she had a boyfriend (this held me back from a lot of things...if she was single, which I assumed when I first met her, my mindset was to be much freer).

 

[Siragoos]

Also, I just realized she probably thought she was "giving me a gift" by toasting to friends. Probably thought I was all happy at that.

 

[Kbomb]

I'm still an AFC and trying to get better. Sticking around her, I felt oneitis coming on. So that, combined with the potential of being her ****less girlfriend, cripples developing game and self-confidence.

If anything it brings out the exact emotions you need to deal with. It is a gift. She brings out the bit*h in you and you get to talk and spend time with that side of yourself. You get to see it in the mirror when you are with her.. Win/win imo.

 

[zekko]

A girl who is a friend is like the best wingman possible. I don't understand why when guys have girls around they can't bang they don't just look at it as an opportunity. She is literally a pre-selection gold mine.

This is in an interesting point. I'm aware of the "preselection" effect. But if women see you orbiting a girl does that raise your attraction level? Or does that scream "beta" to them, as it would to the guys here?

 

[PlayHer Man]

YEP.

Women use beta orbiters to fill in the gaps their boyfriend or husband doesn't.

Women are needy, high maintenance and NEVER SATISFIED. If you remember nothing else remember that --> NEVER SATISFIED. This is why they are hypergameous in the first place. But more importantly.. this is why you should never waste your time and energy trying to satisify a woman. Instead, focus more on how she can satisify YOU. This is what alphas do in contrast to betas. :yes:

When dealing with men.. most modern women behave however the f*ck they want. They know 99% of men are pandering betas and they won't experience much if any retribution for their entitled, rude or anti-social behavior. This is why so many men post here reporting bad, angry or shocked reactions from women. These women are not used to being challenged by REAL MEN.

If you're p!ssing a lot of women off you're probably getting laid more that most men.

 

[Siragoos]

YEP.

Women use beta orbiters to fill in the gaps their boyfriend or husband doesn't.

Women are needy, high maintenance and NEVER SATISFIED. If you remember nothing else remember that --> NEVER SATISFIED. This is why they are hypergameous in the first place. But more importantly.. this is why you should never waste your time and energy trying to satisify a woman. Instead, focus more on how she can satisify YOU. This is what alphas do in contrast to betas. :yes:

When dealing with men.. most modern women behave however the f*ck they want. They know 99% of men are pandering betas and they won't experience much if any retribution for their entitled, rude or anti-social behavior. This is why so many men post here reporting bad, angry or shocked reactions from women. These women are not used to being challenged by REAL MEN.

If you're p!ssing a lot of women off you're probably getting laid more that most men.

I felt like letting her go was the right thing to save me future heartache and investment.

 

[Poop1337]

LDR's are non relationships. Her "bf" is like a beta orbiter. No doubt she would have been happy to have you as one. Still you should have made moves instead of getting so hung up and judgmental about her LDR. Friends with benefits. She wanted to make the "cheating" your responsibility. I told him I had a bf but he didn't care not my fault. I say you should have gone for sex every hangout and called it quits if she kept rejecting. Talking about not wanting a girl with a bf was weak.

 

[marmel75]

Maybe she was hoping you'd pound the hell out of her cause her boyfriend wasn't up to it or wasn't doing it...

I would have told her she looked stressed and needed a massage, sat behind her, started massaging her shoulders and neck, pulled her hair out of the way so you could smell her hair and neck and whisper how good she smelled, pull her into you as you wrap your arms around her and then run your hands down her arms, her sides, and down her hips to her knees then back up again, hen start kissing her neck, ear, etc and keep whispering about how good she feels...

If at any point she tells you to stop, you know where you stand, if not you are getting laid, its going to end up getting her so wet and horny if done right she will do the work for you most of the time...

I call it my Viper approach...the viper sits coolly still, calculating the perfect time to strike, in the shadows hidden...the mouse gets closer and closer not even knowing the danger its in, until it gets too close and the viper strikes...game over

Same thing, women love massages, its a pretty easy way to get Kino going but if done right its deadly and it has worked virtually every time for me...

 

[BraddH]

A girl who is a friend is like the best wingman possible. I don't understand why when guys have girls around they can't bang they don't just look at it as an opportunity. She is literally a pre-selection gold mine.

Exactly

 

[Siragoos]

LDR's are non relationships. Her "bf" is like a beta orbiter. No doubt she would have been happy to have you as one. Still you should have made moves instead of getting so hung up and judgmental about her LDR. Friends with benefits. She wanted to make the "cheating" your responsibility. I told him I had a bf but he didn't care not my fault. I say you should have gone for sex every hangout and called it quits if she kept rejecting. Talking about not wanting a girl with a bf was weak.

I applied kino and some innuendo, but it was never reciprocated.

 

[Robert28]

You have to be VERY careful when using a hot girl who's a friend as a wingman. Why? Well for starters, girls will see you with her but it won't take them long to realize you aren't "with" her. In other words if you and this girl are out at a bar together, women are going to be looking at you to see if you and her touch, kiss, act as a couple. THAT'S what makes them interested, you're what they can't have. Just because you're out with a girl doesn't mean jack. Initially they might think you two are together but they will study you and it won't take them long to study ya'lls body language and realize "yep, he's just the friend. Why doesn't he have any guy friends?"

 

[nismo-4]

Enter the judge.

It's not like we're text buddies, but she'll hit me up every few weeks. She's in a LDR and has been with this guy for years, so I guess she's lonely and whatnot and wants company. She always suggests to do "date-like" activities: drinks, movies, comedy clubs, jazz clubs, art fairs.

Can you say attention wh0re seeking surrogate boyfriend?

I've only gone on a couple of these hangouts. Nothing has ever happened on these dates; I've tried some kino but never got reciprocation other than hugs at the end.

You tried, but she doesn't see you sexually.

She basically gives me all signs you would think are high interest. First to initiate, texts me after we hang out telling me she had so much fun, etc.

High interest my ass! She's tossing out beta bait to you. All that crap you describe is to be taken with a grain of salt. Well, high interest in you as a friend is more appropriate.

But after reading a lot of stuff on this forum I can't help but feel that she just wants me as a beta orbiter. The first time we met we had drinks and she told me very early on about her boyfriend and when we toasted, she said "to friends!" Wasn't smooth enough then to think of a witty quip then.

You were rejected early. Witty quip: With benefits! Yes she wants you as a beta orbiter.

Eventually I told her I didn't "do this with taken women". She didn't like that. She said she had a lot of guy friends throughout her life and it's never been a problem for her. Then she said a few more things where she acted "confused".

Of course she has no problems with a lot of guy friends! It's a lot of attention. And she acts confused because she's just not that into you.

Luckily I only invested two hangouts in her, though they were spread over several months. Haven't heard from her since. But I feel like I got it right in that she was looking for a "friend" to be a stopgap.

Your gut ain't lying.

Read between the lines. Judge's orders.

Case closed.

 

[Poop1337]

You applied kino and innuendo but did you invite her to your place to see a picture or what ever? She kept wanting to see you till you judged her with "I don't do this with taken women" speech. Her continuing to see you was reciprocation. Like I said she might of wanted it all to become your responsibility so don't expect reciprocation.