synecdoche
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2019
- Messages
- 111
- Reaction score
- 81
Good evening everyone,
Some of you might remember me from a thread I made a couple of weeks ago about a girl I was dating having 'commitment' issues, having doubts about getting into a relationship. I eventually broke up with her but that's not the point of this thread.
I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.
However there is one thing I can't really wrap my head around concerning this girl.
First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.
After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.
Later she admitted that she was waiting the whole week for me to text her to ask her how she was doing or just to hear from me. She even complained about it to some friends and colleagues, they told her that she should just text me if it was such a big deal for her to which she responded that she didn't want to bother me and she didn't want to act needy. This could have been because I told her on our first date that I don't really have the need of texting the whole time and I also jokingly said that if I have a girlfriend seeing her once a week is more than enough for me, however I'm not sure about that.
In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'.
After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it.
I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame and startingto text a lot. Yet if I didn't text her at all we would just stop hearing from eachother which made it awkward. If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.
The root of the problem was probably her interest level consecutively dropping after a while, but still even in the beginning she didn't want to initiate contact me because she thought she would bother me.
In the end I think I made a lot of mistakes and one of them was being to available to quickly, and maybe even jumping into the exclusivity frame of her too soon. Once she know I was open for a relationship it backfired, and she controlled the frame, I was suddenly chasing her.
Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough. She told me she wants a guy who she hears from every day and even texts goodnight. However this kind of beta behaviour would have backfired more quickly. Keep in mind at that time we were seeing each other at least once a week, I came over to her house and slept there and we were advancing into an LTR.
She was just testing me? See if I would get into her frame? But even when I didn't change my behaviour, it just got kind of awkward because we weren't keeping in touch for a couple of days a time, and she was acting less interest because of it... Or am I seeing this wrong?
Some of you might remember me from a thread I made a couple of weeks ago about a girl I was dating having 'commitment' issues, having doubts about getting into a relationship. I eventually broke up with her but that's not the point of this thread.
I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.
However there is one thing I can't really wrap my head around concerning this girl.
First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.
After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.
Later she admitted that she was waiting the whole week for me to text her to ask her how she was doing or just to hear from me. She even complained about it to some friends and colleagues, they told her that she should just text me if it was such a big deal for her to which she responded that she didn't want to bother me and she didn't want to act needy. This could have been because I told her on our first date that I don't really have the need of texting the whole time and I also jokingly said that if I have a girlfriend seeing her once a week is more than enough for me, however I'm not sure about that.
In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'.
After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it.
I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame and startingto text a lot. Yet if I didn't text her at all we would just stop hearing from eachother which made it awkward. If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.
The root of the problem was probably her interest level consecutively dropping after a while, but still even in the beginning she didn't want to initiate contact me because she thought she would bother me.
In the end I think I made a lot of mistakes and one of them was being to available to quickly, and maybe even jumping into the exclusivity frame of her too soon. Once she know I was open for a relationship it backfired, and she controlled the frame, I was suddenly chasing her.
Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough. She told me she wants a guy who she hears from every day and even texts goodnight. However this kind of beta behaviour would have backfired more quickly. Keep in mind at that time we were seeing each other at least once a week, I came over to her house and slept there and we were advancing into an LTR.
She was just testing me? See if I would get into her frame? But even when I didn't change my behaviour, it just got kind of awkward because we weren't keeping in touch for a couple of days a time, and she was acting less interest because of it... Or am I seeing this wrong?