Girls giving up on texting with you

synecdoche

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Good evening everyone,

Some of you might remember me from a thread I made a couple of weeks ago about a girl I was dating having 'commitment' issues, having doubts about getting into a relationship. I eventually broke up with her but that's not the point of this thread.

I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.

However there is one thing I can't really wrap my head around concerning this girl.

First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.

After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.

Later she admitted that she was waiting the whole week for me to text her to ask her how she was doing or just to hear from me. She even complained about it to some friends and colleagues, they told her that she should just text me if it was such a big deal for her to which she responded that she didn't want to bother me and she didn't want to act needy. This could have been because I told her on our first date that I don't really have the need of texting the whole time and I also jokingly said that if I have a girlfriend seeing her once a week is more than enough for me, however I'm not sure about that.

In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'.

After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it.

I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame and startingto text a lot. Yet if I didn't text her at all we would just stop hearing from eachother which made it awkward. If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.

The root of the problem was probably her interest level consecutively dropping after a while, but still even in the beginning she didn't want to initiate contact me because she thought she would bother me.

In the end I think I made a lot of mistakes and one of them was being to available to quickly, and maybe even jumping into the exclusivity frame of her too soon. Once she know I was open for a relationship it backfired, and she controlled the frame, I was suddenly chasing her.

Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough. She told me she wants a guy who she hears from every day and even texts goodnight. However this kind of beta behaviour would have backfired more quickly. Keep in mind at that time we were seeing each other at least once a week, I came over to her house and slept there and we were advancing into an LTR.

She was just testing me? See if I would get into her frame? But even when I didn't change my behaviour, it just got kind of awkward because we weren't keeping in touch for a couple of days a time, and she was acting less interest because of it... Or am I seeing this wrong?
 
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Howiestern

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Girls with high interest levels make it very easy to have relationships with. They will leave no confusion in your mind. Its when things get confusing that they are losing interest. You can analyze it to death, but the best thing to do is pull away and spend your energy looking for other girls.

Women are typically indirect communicators. Half the time they don't know what they want. They are irrational. Their hormone levels are always changing. Couple all of that with low interest and you get way too much to try and sort out.

A guy should always care less about the relationship than she does if you like keeping the upper hand.
 

Robert28

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One thing you have to watch out for, and this comes with experience, is some women SEEM to be making it easier for you but what they’re really doing is friend zoning you and you are none the wiser. What I mean is they will always text back, they will say yes to doing stuff, you think it’s going somewhere but the whole time you’ve been walking right into the friend zone. I’ve solved this by being aggressive in my flirting, not creepy aggressive but I go after what I want and if she shuts me down or gives me the “but we are just friends” line, she’s ghosted the next day.
 

Snake-eyes

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1. She’s trying to manipulate you in to her frame, already have I guess...
2. She’s used to guy texting her first all the time
3. Why does she want you to check in with her? when she can text you first then...
4. She got what she wanted outta of you, so the chase is over AKA you’re boring...
 

Barrister

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Good evening everyone,

Some of you might remember me from a thread I made a couple of weeks ago about a girl I was dating having 'commitment' issues, having doubts about getting into a relationship. I eventually broke up with her but that's not the point of this thread.

I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.

However there is one thing I can't really wrap my head around concerning this girl.

First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.

After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.

Later she admitted that she was waiting the whole week for me to text her to ask her how she was doing or just to hear from me. She even complained about it to some friends and colleagues, they told her that she should just text me if it was such a big deal for her to which she responded that she didn't want to bother me and she didn't want to act needy. This could have been because I told her on our first date that I don't really have the need of texting the whole time and I also jokingly said that if I have a girlfriend seeing her once a week is more than enough for me, however I'm not sure about that.

In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'.

After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it.

I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame and startingto text a lot. Yet if I didn't text her at all we would just stop hearing from eachother which made it awkward. If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.

The root of the problem was probably her interest level consecutively dropping after a while, but still even in the beginning she didn't want to initiate contact me because she thought she would bother me.

In the end I think I made a lot of mistakes and one of them was being to available to quickly, and maybe even jumping into the exclusivity frame of her too soon. Once she know I was open for a relationship it backfired, and she controlled the frame, I was suddenly chasing her.

Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough. She told me she wants a guy who she hears from every day and even texts goodnight. However this kind of beta behaviour would have backfired more quickly. Keep in mind at that time we were seeing each other at least once a week, I came over to her house and slept there and we were advancing into an LTR.

She was just testing me? See if I would get into her frame? But even when I didn't change my behaviour, it just got kind of awkward because we weren't keeping in touch for a couple of days a time, and she was acting less interest because of it... Or am I seeing this wrong?
I think the crux of this is whether or not she was expecting a relationship with you which is sounds like she was. There is a big difference between what works in the early stages or with plates and what works as you segue into a more serious LTR. I think you did it right in the beginning by maintaining your distance. I'm not clear on whether you wanted this chick long-term though. If you wanted her to be your "girlfriend," I think naturally you are going to begin reaching out to her more to an extent and you should expect the same from her. That doesn't sound like it happened in a natural way until it was too late.

It sounds like you weren't sure what you wanted. I am guessing she picked up on that based upon the lack of communication and she began to lose interest after she had admitted to you she began to have "feelings" and you didn't reciprocate that.
 
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stringpuller

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I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.
People that are not deep by default are shallow. Deep people tend to learn the most. Embrace it.
First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.
This is a normal time frame with high interest.
After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.
Middle of the week would have been fine but to me its a red flag going into the 2nd date shes being this way.

In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'
Your gut was correct. By the 3rd or 4th day they should be doing the chasing. 80/20
After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it
At this point your reality is in her frame. You should have just held the line like a man and not text nor had this convo.
I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting
No reaction at all. You call her bluff and walk away.
less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame
You were already in her frame. I see this a lot. On here and amongst circle. Girls can suck you into their frame without you even knowing. Be ultra frame aware without letting her know. Frame is #1
If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.
She controlled this thing entirely. Frame control was the answer here your looking for. Have to stand your ground or she is dropped.
 

dude99

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Good evening everyone,

Some of you might remember me from a thread I made a couple of weeks ago about a girl I was dating having 'commitment' issues, having doubts about getting into a relationship. I eventually broke up with her but that's not the point of this thread.

I'm the kind of guy who analyze a lot (unfortunately) and try to identify & learn from my mistakes. As some of you have already pointed out in that thread, I made a lot of them.

However there is one thing I can't really wrap my head around concerning this girl.

First month her interest level was very high, she drunkely admitted after 4-5 dates that she was getting feelings for me and was pushing for exclusivity (she said she didn't want to date other people). Probably red flag, the faster she gets em the faster she can lose them as well.

After our first date we texted a bit and we quickly agreed on meeting again next weekend. Once we set up the date I didn't text her for a whole week, only the day before to make sure we were still on. She jokingly replied that she thought I forgot about her and that it wouldn't go through because of it.

Later she admitted that she was waiting the whole week for me to text her to ask her how she was doing or just to hear from me. She even complained about it to some friends and colleagues, they told her that she should just text me if it was such a big deal for her to which she responded that she didn't want to bother me and she didn't want to act needy. This could have been because I told her on our first date that I don't really have the need of texting the whole time and I also jokingly said that if I have a girlfriend seeing her once a week is more than enough for me, however I'm not sure about that.

In our second-third month, I had the feeling I was the one initiating most of the contact, however she always responded very quickly, easy to make plans with, never flaked, interest level was still high. Just some small talk most of the time and making plans for the next 'date'.

After a while I wanted her to invest more and was initiating less, however this resulted in sometimes not hearing eachother for 4-5 days. I talked to her about it and she just said she gave up texting with me because I wasn't sweet enough, didn't text her enough etc... I was kind of baffled, I repeatedly told her that if she wanted to hear from me she just has to text me, but she was kind of stubborn about it.

I didn't really know how to react to this, it eventually resulted in me even texting less because I would have felt a like a beta suddenly jumping in her frame and startingto text a lot. Yet if I didn't text her at all we would just stop hearing from eachother which made it awkward. If I however texted her and asked to meet up she would again reply very quickly and was very flexibel to make sure we could see eachother.

The root of the problem was probably her interest level consecutively dropping after a while, but still even in the beginning she didn't want to initiate contact me because she thought she would bother me.

In the end I think I made a lot of mistakes and one of them was being to available to quickly, and maybe even jumping into the exclusivity frame of her too soon. Once she know I was open for a relationship it backfired, and she controlled the frame, I was suddenly chasing her.

. Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough told me she wants a guy who she hears from every day and even texts goodnight. However this kind of beta behaviour would have backfired more quickly. Keep in mind at that time we were seeing each other at least once a week, I came over to her house and slept there and we were advancing into an LTR.

She was just testing me? See if I would get into her frame? But even when I didn't change my behaviour, it just got kind of awkward because we weren't keeping in touch for a couple of days a time, and she was acting less interest because of it... Or am I seeing this wrong?
"Still, how would you guys react? A girl suddenly says she has given up on trying to text with you because you answer to briefly and not sweet enough"
Go spin plates. She knows you are too available.
 

stringpuller

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One thing you have to watch out for, and this comes with experience, is some women SEEM to be making it easier for you but what they’re really doing is friend zoning you and you are none the wiser
Exactly Robert. Women have a secondary voodoo power. I call it potion motion. Its a frame trap played on your emotions.
 

synecdoche

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Thanks for the replies and insights you guys shared.

I agree somewhere after 1-2 months I got in her frame, I was chasing her most of the time, she got what she wanted and I probably got boring. Friendzone was not the problem, still had sex all the time we met up.

@Barrister she was carefully pushing for a LTR after only one month, which I found too early, even too early to show my cards and let her know I was interested in one as well. Once she saw my cards, she had commitment problems and doubts. Lesson learned.
 

Barrister

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Thanks for the replies and insights you guys shared.

I agree somewhere after 1-2 months I got in her frame, I was chasing her most of the time, she got what she wanted and I probably got boring. Friendzone was not the problem, still had sex all the time we met up.

@Barrister she was carefully pushing for a LTR after only one month, which I found too early, even too early to show my cards and let her know I was interested in one as well. Once she saw my cards, she had commitment problems and doubts. Lesson learned.
Was only asking because I have been in a similar situation of trying to make a girl a "plate" when in fact she was adamant on wanting a LTR. She eventually broke it off because that isn't what she wanted and I was not willing to commit. It happens.

Given what you stated above though, sounds like you are better off just moving on. On to the next.
 
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Frozen799

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1. She was testing you.
2. You failed the test and you entered her frame.
3. She lost interest after the moment she knew where she stands with you and that she can spin you as she wants.

I have had the SHYEST girls text me first and invite me to meet them up, it's not about the shyness at all bro, it's all about interest.

Also just embed the saying in your heart - "IF A GIRL LIKES YOU, YOU WILL KNOW, IF YOU ARE CONFUSED, SHE IS NOT INTERESTED".
 

PeasantPlayer

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I stand by what I see people are boring. 3 weeks ago as I was waiting for my uber to go home from a late bar, I sat down on the ledge waiting few moments later some chick and a guy sit down as well. The female gets up with her phone in here hand and was like you're so handsome can I get your number. Me being a chiraq savage was like yea. Long story short I texted her to chill and she always says she is sleeping, has lame excuses and what not so I was like screw it let this chick sleep her life away she wasn't even that cute. I just wanted to bang
 

ubercat

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10 dates or 3 month minimum for g/f. it always used to amaze me how consistent it was but this is some law of nature for chicks.

Never give it up before then and she should be the one to initiate the talk.
 

Poonani Maker

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One thing you have to watch out for, and this comes with experience, is some women SEEM to be making it easier for you but what they’re really doing is friend zoning you and you are none the wiser. What I mean is they will always text back, they will say yes to doing stuff, you think it’s going somewhere but the whole time you’ve been walking right into the friend zone. I’ve solved this by being aggressive in my flirting, not creepy aggressive but I go after what I want and if she shuts me down or gives me the “but we are just friends” line, she’s ghosted the next day.
Yeah, I'll even say fvck it and go out on a limb in a text with (especially after I've fvcked her very memorably btw) the next morning with "I had a dream last night, would you like to know?" or the like can't remember the exact wording. And sure enough, she's say "sure" or the like and then I'll be direct and share her the Exact dream as I remember it (no lying or ad-libbing), and she can interpret it or take it as she wants to see it or leave it I don't care. I don't care if it harms her view of me or boosts her view of me or draws her in more stronger bond (even though I know she's seeing other guys - what halfway decent woman isn't?). But she'll think about it, and maybe review the text (basically artwork) again and again and start seeing it for different meanings and maybe as how you think of her (when the dream didn't include her at all! but she'll assign meaning to it having to do with her). I just go with the flow and text how I want and she either goes with it or ignores it (um, she will be ignore then if she does, it's a sign for me, that she doesn't hold my words or what I have to say with any gravity, so I deem her dimwitted or not all that opportunist). It's amazing the connection you can forge by doing what you think you know best. Reading and discovering, learning on your own, helps too. Study another language/culture. Expand your mind, then you won't be like all the other meat-head dudes, however a lot of girls go for the crazy action-only type guys over the artist or heady type. I don't jump outta planes. I think a lot, I turn ideas in my head a lot and ponder a lot (which is not Action and probably not attractive to a lot of women, they wanna see her badboy burn up in flames so they can collect the insurance; I'm being 'safe' by exploring worlds through books though it gives me a lot of ways of speech, writing and material to hook a woman intellectually if only for a while, she needs a man of action though too - I'm working on that by trying to take more risks in my life).
 

Spaz

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You're boring and extremely needy.

Even I can't finish ur entire post, I got bored half-way and honestly, just plain disgusted by ur supplicating character.

It's no wonder ur girl can't take it any longer.

I wish her luck finding a proper man.

Too many sensitive men in this world that's trying to show their 'feminine side'.

As if a man has a feminine side....

Edit : Next time stop texting novels of feelings to women, it will be overwhelming and scary since it's primarily women that does it, not men.
 
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