Girlfriend Woes

[Nighthawk]

Men don't walk on eggshells, they crush them under their masculine heel.

How often are you having sexual relations?

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

how in the world did HIM and HER end up in the same school??????

They met travelling and they come from the same state so I think it'll have been persuasion on his part and the particular programme she wanted to take being one of the best in the country.
The guy actually lived in the same college residence as us last year. I saw him like twice the whole year and he looked like a p\/ssy.

Oh by the way, he is dating somebody else right now. Thats another reason why i doubt they'd get together, but I wouldn't have questioned my gf getting with him anyways, unless it actually happened, I'd bank on it not happening.

Like I say, its just the principle of her talking about him.

I suppose there are a number of things Im not happy with in the relationship, but weighing up the pros and cons while also keeping my pride in tact, I still think we have a lot to lose. Her aswell as me.

I suppose Im making it sound like my gf has photos of this guy in a shoebox under her bed or something. From what I'e heard about him, he's a **** and she thinks that, but I dont know whether she talks about him once every while to test me or shes not over him or what.

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

Men don't walk on eggshells, they crush them under their masculine heel.

How often are you having sexual relations?

When we're together, almost every day, maybe more. Our sex life is good.

We're happy together the majority of the time, its just once every so often she pisses me off somehow, like talking about how her ex. is ignoring her.

 

[squirrels]

We're happy together the majority of the time, its just once every so often she pisses me off somehow, like talking about how her ex. is ignoring her.

Don't acknowledge her bad behavior.

Watch this: http://allabout-sp.net/season10/1007.php

 

[Nighthawk]

How often are you together? Without this detail it's hard to guage her interest level.

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

Don't acknowledge her bad behavior.

Watch this: http://allabout-sp.net/season10/1007.php

I try not to. Thats one of the things I try to do. Like the other night when she talked about her ex (the reason why i made this thread) I first tried to play it off and change the subject, but what she said pissed me off so much and after the that there was an 'atmosphere'. She knew I was pissed, and when im pissed, she's pissed. Even though Im pissed at her. Do you follow?

If she brings up stuff like this what do I say or do?

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

How often are you together? Without this detail it's hard to guage her interest level.

When we're together, we rarely have breaks from one another. During the summer she came over to visit and she stayed for a month and we went abroad. We were hardly apart. Infact sometimes I need my own space. But, right now because we're apart we havent seen each other since august and I wont get over there until december.

 

[Nighthawk]

You know what a shyt-test is, right? Her jerky ex wouldn't stand for her double-standards and controlling behaviour I bet.

 

[whistler]

What do you mean?

I mean it's a bad sign that you're questioning her integrity. I don't mean it's a bad choice to do so; I mean it's sad that you're in a situation where it happened naturally.

There are cues there, cues that women are adept at noticing, cues that you're picking up now, cues that suggest a bigger picture than what verbal communication alone tells you. And they're telling you that something is a bit askew.

Unless you nip this in the bud now by taking it head on, you run the risk of the relationship imploding.

So how do you handle this now? That's the problem. You can't talk to her without expressing mistrust, and you can't ignore it without conveying mistrust non-verbally. Either way, she'll realize on some level that you don't quite trust her, and that will only give her more reason to cheat.

Hence, the dower predictions. You're in a tough situation.

 

[squirrels]

I try not to. Thats one of the things I try to do. Like the other night when she talked about her ex (the reason why i made this thread) I first tried to play it off and change the subject, but what she said pissed me off so much and after the that there was an 'atmosphere'. She knew I was pissed, and when im pissed, she's pissed. Even though Im pissed at her. Do you follow?

If she brings up stuff like this what do I say or do?

SEriously, watch that South Park episode. :crackup:

I'm not saying you should nip at her neck and go "Tsst", but you should not acknowledge her bad behavior. What do you say or do? Absolutely nothing. Don't even reward her with attention for those feelings.

Women aren't logical...you'll never be able to explain her emotions away. She feels snubbed. But you have to let her know that you refuse to be a part of that particular mess. Don't argue, don't fight, don't try to reason, don't get upset...all of that just gives her exactly what she wants...ATTENTION. Just assert your authority and refuse to acknowledge bad behavior.

Seriously, man...I dunno if you actually stopped and re-read your initial post after you posted it, but you're doing a lot of whining. It's very unmasculine. Whining and getting pissed off and getting jealous does nothing but VALIDATE the other man.

Honestly...you should focus on developing your self-confidence and masculinity. If you can do that, maybe you can show her some of the same kinds of good times that her ex showed her...and she'll be talking about the good times she spent with YOU instead of HIM.

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

I mean it's a bad sign that you're questioning her integrity. I don't mean it's a bad choice to do so; I mean it's sad that you're in a situation where it happened naturally.

There are cues there, cues that women are adept at noticing, cues that you're picking up now, cues that suggest a bigger picture than what verbal communication alone tells you. And they're telling you that something is a bit askew.

Unless you nip this in the bud now by taking it head on, you run the risk of the relationship imploding.

So how do you handle this now? That's the problem. You can't talk to her without expressing mistrust, and you can't ignore it without conveying mistrust non-verbally. Either way, she'll realize on some level that you don't quite trust her, and that will only give her more reason to cheat.

Hence, the dower predictions. You're in a tough situation.

I sort of agree with you about the trust thing.

Im dont think it'd get to the extent that she'd cheat on me. I imagine if the relationship got so bad, she'd end it, rather than ****ing me over. But yea, I see what you're saying. What do you think I can do?

 

[Nighthawk]

But, right now because we're apart we havent seen each other since august and I wont get over there until december.

That's not good at all. You will not find many people here believing she is saving herself for you, but it does happen.

I want to believe in your true love, but your gf doesn't sound like she always holds your feelings paramount. I see red flags everywhere, but like you say you are not willing to dump her for the stated reasons.

So I would tell her that the double-standards are unacceptable, and if she wouldn't be happy you going for a meal with one of your exes then she can't do it either.

And nearly once a day when you are together, if those times are months apart, is not most women's ideal of a passionate love affair.

 

[BlackJackal]

Hey man we're not attacking you here. But your story about your girl just sounds common, either because we've heard it before and/or been through it. You always got the guy with the girlfriend who just moved away for college, where him and her mad a "vow" to stay together.

Then theres always an ex. bf of hers thats still linguring in her life after he dumped/cheated on her. He acts nonchalant when around her and yet for some reason he's always around her. She always preaches about how she hates his guts and yet she often ends up in his presense either through a friend,party,mall etc.

Oh and let's not forget about the girls bestfriend/ new friend you love to hate. For some reason she cant stand you and is always feeding the girlfriend bull****. The girlfriend tends to throw a tantrum once in a while when ever the boyfriend shows concern about her talking about her ex. And yet when the boy talks about HIS ex, she wants to talk ****.

Boyfriend rationalizes the situation cause he's INVESTED, a lot of time in the relationship. He keeps replaying in his mind the same moment where she made that vow to stay faithful/ or how she could never see her self going back to her ex. And the boyfriend always seems to have a plan to move to where she is.

Now all these elements I've used so far I didn't have to get any of it from your story at all. But it does seem to have the same common ending. She some how ends up at the ex.bf's house and wakes up the next morning his **** in her mouth. I'm not claiming to know everything. Every situation is unique. But these are the common traits to a story like yours.

 

[PISTOL_WHIP]

Hey man we're not attacking you here....

I know what you're saying. However, for all I know she has satyed faithful and will stay faithful to me. Don't think I've never thought about what you're saying but I find it just builds up a lack of trust in her which is exactly not what I want to do. I have little reason not to trust her.

I suppose all I can do is listen to her language right now. I certainly dont suspect her of cheating but at the same time, Im concerned about what she said to me concerning her ex. even if it was negative.

What else can I do?

If she brings up her ex on the phone again, what do i say? Do I ignore her, do I confront? Im getting conflicting views here.

 

[whistler]

The thing with relationships... once you've had a few, you realize the woman is largely replaceable. It's a revolting revelation, but it's true.

And then you become much more apt to cut your losses when it becomes logical to do so.

Relationships need proximity. Unless you subscribe to destiny and soulmates, the sacrifices of an LDR are rarely commensurate with the benefits. In fact, the minute it starts going slightly sour is the minute the scales probably tip out of your favor.

So strive for the best, but prepare for the worst. You've appreciated the negativity in this thread. Now you won't be caught wholly unprepared, should it fall apart.

 

[BlackJackal]

Let her know you dont wanna here about her ex. He's an ex. His existence has nothing to do with you and her. Dont let her feed that bull**** about you're just being insecure. Thats a cop out line. Her ex regardless has nothing to do with you and is not an important factor. If it's not hard for you to not bring up you ex, then it shouldn't be for her.

Unless she's still feelin him, she shouldn't bring him up for positive or negative reasons. Fine he broke your heart get over it and deal with me. That should be your words to her.