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Girlfriend told little lie

BJP1991

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She said she wasn’t sure what she was up to this evening and her friend “Jane” was actually in town this evening.

I happened to be friends with “Jane” on Facebook and saw she posted publicly that she would be at XYZ bar tonight working, which is not in town.

What should I do? I don’t suspect she’s lied before but I also don’t have all the details on it.
 

billtx49

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I’m not sure what I’m up to this evening = I don’t want to tell you.
It’s a non lie to help her feel better about herself.
 

Black Widow Void

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If this was a date, I'd say to let it go, but the "girlfriend" status entitles you to some trust.

You go to the bar where your friend Jane is working. Then you send a text message via facebook to your girlfriend to ask if she and Jane "are having fun." After she responds with something like "yes"... you then immediately post the photo of Jane and you having fun at the bar (not to her, but on your facebook page) . You then say nothing more.
 

BJP1991

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If this was a date, I'd say to let it go, but the "girlfriend" status entitles you to some trust.

You go to the bar where your friend Jane is working. Then you send a text message via facebook to your girlfriend to ask if she and Jane "are having fun." After she responds with something like "yes"... you then immediately post the photo of Jane and you having fun at the bar (not to her, but on your facebook page) . You then say nothing more.
Jane lives in a town that is not where my gf and I live. Jane posted on FB about working tonight and people to come see her

I haven’t talked to my gf much since then. We talked on the phone after she got off work but not about what she was doing tonight. She wa normal lovey, etc.
 

CBear

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If you know for a fact that she's hiding this from you then you simply find out why she lied to you and then you set your boundaries (which you should have done from the beginning of the relationship). She must respect you at all times to tell you the truth and I'd consider this pretty disrespectful. You neee to let her know if it bothers you (it obviously does since you posted this thread) and don't be passive.
 

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redskinsfan92

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What do your instincts say?
 

Black Widow Void

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Jane lives in a town that is not where my gf and I live. Jane posted on FB about working tonight and people to come see her

I haven’t talked to my gf much since then. We talked on the phone after she got off work but not about what she was doing tonight. She wa normal lovey, etc.
If you want to put your girlfriend in the hot seat... you "share" Jane's posting on your own page. You then tag your girlfriend with the caption "BJP1991 is with ______ (girlfriends name) . Your girlfriend will get alerted in her newsfeed that she's been "tagged." Jane might get a little confused, but no one else will be the wiser . Your girlfriend will either be furious or embarrassed. Either way, it's a non-aggressive way to say that you're wise to her.
 

BJP1991

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If you know for a fact that she's hiding this from you then you simply find out why she lied to you and then you set your boundaries (which you should have done from the beginning of the relationship). She must respect you at all times to tell you the truth and I'd consider this pretty disrespectful. You neee to let her know if it bothers you (it obviously does since you posted this thread) and don't be passive.
And how exactly does one go about doing this? Thanks
 

CBear

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And how exactly does one go about doing this? Thanks
You don't bring it up or do anything on social media cause that's pretty bizarre. If you are sure she lied, deal with things in person and just bring it up when you two are on your own. It's that simple. Nothing to be afraid about. She should be the one being afraid and regretting it after you confront her if she cares and respects you.
 

Trojan3000

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I see a bigger issue here.

If you dont trust your girl and she has to lie to you to prevent you from knowing what shes really up to, its safe to say that this isnt a very good partner for you. I dont see this as healthy. I mean think about it, you probably trust your friends more than your own girlfriend.

If im in a serious relationship with a girl we damn sure better have a connection where we can be honest and communicate about everything. Though, excuse me if youre in highschool or something.

To give you some realistic reassurance though, girls dont always want to hang out with tbeir boyfriend. Same with guys. Sometimes they're also on their period or maybe in a mood. I hope that she starts becoming more open and comfortable with you though.

Btw how long have you been dating her?
 

Blacksheep

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She said she wasn’t sure what she was up to this evening and her friend “Jane” was actually in town this evening.

I happened to be friends with “Jane” on Facebook and saw she posted publicly that she would be at XYZ bar tonight working, which is not in town.

What should I do? I don’t suspect she’s lied before but I also don’t have all the details on it.
Man, I learned something... If your gut tell you she is lying, and facts are showing you this.

Just leave... Your time is more precious than that.

How many time I lost in my last relationship trying to figure out what was happening... And how I miss that time now.
 

BJP1991

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You don't bring it up or do anything on social media cause that's pretty bizarre. If you are sure she lied, deal with things in person and just bring it up when you two are on your own. It's that simple. Nothing to be afraid about. She should be the one being afraid and regretting it after you confront her if she cares and respects you.
Right, but I did check her friends profile to find out she was in fact not in town. So she might be pissy I even looked and didn’t trust her.

I did screenshot the post, for what it’s worth so I have proof.


Btw how long have you been dating her?
5 months
 

Black Widow Void

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This isn't what you want to read, but it's time to face facts:
If you caught her in a lie, how many lies have occurred where you didn't catch it?

Even if you think this is the first time, if you continue the relationship, you've just 'rewarded' her for bad behavior. In other words... you've basically said.. "it's okay that you lied to me and disrespected the relationship because I lack self-respect and have no other options. I'll give you another opportunity to do it to me again."

Naturally, we should allow our partner a little wiggle room. However, if your partner volunteers their whereabouts and it's a lie, this is grounds for dismissal.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She said she wasn’t sure what she was up to this evening and her friend “Jane” was actually in town this evening.

I happened to be friends with “Jane” on Facebook and saw she posted publicly that she would be at XYZ bar tonight working, which is not in town.

What should I do? I don’t suspect she’s lied before but I also don’t have all the details on it.
Does she have a reason to not want to let you know if she is going somewhere? IE, have you flipped out or shown controlling behavior towards her before?

This seems like she is trying to hide something but it may not be what you think. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions.
 

BJP1991

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Caught her in the lie. She texted saying she was with Jane and was heading to another place. I sent her the screenshot, saying we can talk after you’re done.


honestly don’t know what to do or say from here. Any tips?

I felt/feel in love with her but right now I do not, I’m so unsure. Any advice is great.
 

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Trojan3000

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Right, but I did check her friends profile to find out she was in fact not in town. So she might be pissy I even looked and didn’t trust her.

I did screenshot the post, for what it’s worth so I have proof.




5 months
Wow man 5 months and you guys still don't have trust and open communication between you? I'd think about really evaluating your situation, especially if you're not comfortable enough to talk to her about your insecurities. I mean, this is your girlfriend. You know her better than we do, or should. I mean if you can't conclude why she would make a blatant lie to you, and you feel like you can't bring it up with her, why are you even with her? Definitely go all in and talk to her about this. That conversation will literally help you decide whether you should or should not remain in a relationship with her.
 

derby1

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You go to the bar where your friend Jane is working. Then you send a text message via facebook to your girlfriend to ask if she and Jane "are having fun." After she responds with something like "yes"... you then immediately post the photo of Jane and you having fun at the bar (not to her, but on your facebook page) . You then say nothing more.
relationships over if i have to do this, its also creepy
 

Black Widow Void

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Caught her in the lie. She texted saying she was with Jane and was heading to another place. I sent her the screenshot, saying we can talk after you’re done.


honestly don’t know what to do or say from here. Any tips?

I felt/feel in love with her but right now I do not, I’m so unsure. Any advice is great.
Anytime, there's writing on the wall, we hope someone can find a legitimate reason to bring this in a better light.

Chances are, she's not going to call. Taking ownership requires courage. There's also a chance that she'll attempt to spin this around and attempt to make this out to be "your fault."

No matter, you have every right to be mad. It's understandable that it's like a bullet and you would at least like to give her a piece of your mind.
Don't do it.
Seriously.

Again, it's totally understandable to have a whirlwind of emotions at this point, but at the least. put her in "time out" (by not talking to her for at least a week) or at best, do not talk to her at all.

I realize that this isn't the hopeful advice you wanted, but if you give in, you'll end up kicking yourself later.
 

Tilex

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She isn't sure what she's up to, but her friend miraculously happens to be in town?
That sounds too convenient.
A convenient lie that is.
 
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