Girlfriend is having issues / becoming depressed

[wonderer]

Shes breaking down, says everything is hard, not enjoying her job, bad family relations, getting anxious about things, getting depressed (literally, she used to have it diagnosed, runs in her family), and telling me all about it.

What do I do? Ive just been listening and not saying much, don't really know how to react. She never used to be like this I think its her depression starting to come back..

 

[Obsidian]

Get her to exercise, eat better, sleep more, drink more water.

 

[3agle 3yes]

Don't try to give her advice that's what her friends are for.

 

[WanderingMan]

Don't try to give her advice that's what her friends are for.

Right.

Let her talk for her 15-30 minutes - listen - nod your head, give her a hug then change the subject and proceed as normal. You should be her escape. When she's with you she forgets about her worries. She needs a break from her problems - provide that break.

 

[Jaylan]

Shes breaking down, says everything is hard, not enjoying her job, bad family relations, getting anxious about things, getting depressed (literally, she used to have it diagnosed, runs in her family), and telling me all about it.

What do I do? Ive just been listening and not saying much, don't really know how to react. She never used to be like this I think its her depression starting to come back..

First things first, you need to be as understanding as you can and suggest that maybe she see a mental health doctor. I think a therapist who she can talk to every week is helpful, especially considering depression runs in the family.

Ask her why things feel hard, and ask her what her dreams are. Its not uncommon for people to dislike their job. Many people dont get to do something they love for a living. If she has a hobby or passion, ask her if she would like to study that and pursue that for a career.

Just try to be an understanding mate and steer her on the right path. I think its pretty important that she talks to a mental health professional though. Depression can be very serious, and Ive had a close friend try to commute suicide due to it and underlying mental health issues that cause the depression.

 

[Yewki]

Shes breaking down, says everything is hard, not enjoying her job, bad family relations, getting anxious about things, getting depressed (literally, she used to have it diagnosed, runs in her family), and telling me all about it.

What do I do?

Hate to say it, but run.

Assuming you're relatively normal and healthy... you can do a lot better for yourself. She has her own friends and family to take care of her.

Otherwise, if you actually can't do better... sorry to hear that, I guess strap on your seat belt and enjoy the ride?

 

[Lozboss]

Your choice OP.

You can support her. This means listening- giving comforting words and letting her cry and just let go.

Being someone's rock is a huge positive.

My ex had depression and intimacy suffered- but if you care for her enough to weather that period then you just need to be there for her.

Don't suffocate her with 'is everything ok' every 5 minutes- let her tell you if she is down.

 

[yoyoing]

For having been there myself I feel it's important you stick by her side because giving up on someone in those situation can be extremely hard since she is already depressed.

I would communicate with her a lot of it becomes too heavy for you at some point. After a while be sincere and tell her it is bringing you down and you don't want this to happen etc...

 

[Rainman4707]

I haven't had much experience in LTR's at all, but I was in a LTR with one woman & she had a history of depression.
She had been beaten as a child & had a tough life. Hint of BPD there too.

She was a really nice, kind & thoughtful person though.

Anyway once in a while she would say she was depressed, but then the next day, or in a few days time she would be totally fine. She said it was hormones, coming off the pill, stuff like that.

It's confusing because women get down when they are on their period & I've heard a lot of men say "women are all crazy, every one of them!"

What are your intentions with this woman?

 

[Cloudtopsun2100]

I get down too but I know even when Im real down that I cant keep throwing my emotional crap at others. She needs to know that she cant do so either. Dump if it gets too crazy for too long

 

[Eljuego]

I get down too but I know even when Im real down that I cant keep throwing my emotional crap at others. She needs to know that she cant do so either. Dump if it gets too crazy for too long

I agree. What is it that they say...life is a series of peaks and troughs. It's how you deal with lows. Which can be tough but...

One thing that I pay attention to with women is how much they have a responsibility mentality compared to a victim mentality. How much is she taking responsibilty for her life's experiences compared to how much she is blaming other people or outside circumstances. One mentality is a joy to be around and the other will emotionally drain you...

Granted, depression...what's she doing about? Is she doing anything about it or is she just complaining?

I would be very careful about entering into a codependant type situation. You'll become consumed about trying to solve her problems with the slow and gradual neglect of your own life. I've seen peopel have the life sucked out of them trying to fix another person, the other person becomes better and leaves the now "interfering and controlling (obsessed)" fixer partner.

What can you do?

Stay detached.
Ask questions (in place of trying to fix or offering ready made solutions)

questions: Problems at work....ask: what are you going to do to resolve that?

"depression" ask: what can you do to make yourself feel better?

Again, stay very detached and resist the temptation to fix. The answers have to come from her.

You'll find out very soon if she wishes to get better or if she prefers to wallow in her sorrow.

 

[Desdinova]

Remember that supporting your gf when she's going through a difficult time is a one way street. Although she may appreciate the support you give her, she would likely drop you if you found yourself going through an extremely difficult situation.

Women don't genuinely realize that these times of difficulty are only temporary. What's important to them is what's going on right now. If she's going through depression right now, then she's likely to self-diagnose herself as having depression, and any doctor will back that up because vagina.

If you end up going through depression or a difficult life event, your personality will reflect it and you'll appear as unattractive. If you appear as unattractive, then you will become unattractive to her and she will in turn dump your ass instead of supporting you.

This may appear as being self-centered, but it's not intentional. It's just the way a woman functions.