Girlfriend hides relationship

[Murk]

Yes, I met everyone by now.
She hid us according to her because we were both working in the same company and she didn't want to get judged, because she had one relationship with a coworker that went pretty wrong.
But her bff doesn't know till today that we are meeting since june... the bff thinks we are seeing each other since august. And my gut tells me, this is not because we were coworkers.
Meanwhile we are both in different companies.

Messy, unless she is stunningly gorgeous with a low body count I would eject.

Has she had an MFM threesome? If not, maybe forget about all this and keep her, she might be the last good one left.

 

[Pedrito0906]

Although the situation felt weird to me I kept my mouth shut, kept it fun as always and the relationship just progressed as it should over the last months.
I got to know her whole cirlce, she's involved in mine.
Her family isn't near as bad, as she portrait it.
She's all over me, she's drama free, very nurturing, wants to see me every day.

But my gut feeling, that she was still on the lookout or at least open for other options was right.

We were out with one of her girlfriends last weekend and her friend mentioned a guy my woman met and was interested in. Turned out they met in the first few months we started dating.
She exchanged numbers with him, but he ghosted her.

I just ignored it the night, but she felt pretty caught and till today pretty guilty. She tried to kill the topic asap.

We weren't exclusive at this point and it shouldn't be my business, but to know I was right hurts a little bit and my picture of her is somehwat shattered.

If the other guy wouldn't have ghosted her, I could be out of the picture today. The other thing is, exchanging numbers could not be the only thing that happened.
When I'm involved with women I lose interest when other men are in the picture. The greatest gift exes could always do to me, was rubbing a new guy in my face. That was always the best medicine to forget them, but now I'm in the dark.

I turned down three other women in the beginning of this relationship and was again loyal to someone who wasn't equally loyal.

Right now I just bite my teeth again and to be honest, I don't know how to navigate this right now.
I felt disrespeced AF in this situation and my ego is itching again and tells me to run.

Fvck another girl but don't say it, hide it, you need to take that itch out of your system. That will be the only way to make things even at least in your mind, that's the only way you'll have peace with yourself and won't sabotage what you have with her thinking about what happened in the past.

 

[Pedrito0906]

all three came onto me. All women I know for years and I turned them down without space for speculation. No BS.
I have nothing to hide and a true white west. That was my demand to myself, if would enter something serious.

Learn this now, women don't like men who has no other women after them, they crave the man she's after having options, every woman wants a catch not a loser, she wouldn't cut you off if she found out that you were fvcking other women when you two weren't exclusive, all the contrary she would have been even more into you so you can select her, its a hindbrain $hit.

What you did before we were exclusive is not my business but I feel heavy disrespected

In all honesty, she didn't anything wrong, you two were not exclusive, you feel like a fool because you were having opportunities to fvck other women, but didn't do because you were "a loyal bf since the beginning" even though you two were not exclusive, it fvcking sux, I know how you feel, I've been there brother, but you'll do this mistake once, and never again.

 

[Gamisch]

Learn this now, women don't like men who has no other women after them, they crave the man she's after having options, every woman wants a catch not a loser, she wouldn't cut you off if she found out that you were fvcking other women when you two weren't exclusive, all the contrary she would have been even more into you so you can select her, its a hindbrain $hit.



In all honesty, she didn't anything wrong, you two were not exclusive, you feel like a fool because you were having opportunities to fvck other women, but didn't do because you were "a loyal bf since the beginning" even though you two were not exclusive, it fvcking sux, I know how you feel, I've been there brother, but you'll do this mistake once, and never again.

Yeah, funny thing is before i read this thread something similar went through my mind.

Love, dating ect is a GAME. How you play the game is up to you. Some men let women decide the rules of the game. Example is seeing other women. His rule is loyalty is a great good, but you can't enforce the rules on her. She has to have a moral compass that tells her this.

At the end of it all, she might've gotten her back blown out by her ex that didn't really want her. Op could have done the same , gaining a possible great experience he would never forget . Who wll judge you? Only the relfection in the mirror.

I also been theough this. Angry because i turned women down while i choose to be with my worst option at the time. That's not her, but MY mistake on many levels. First because i have this silly rules, secondly because i vetted the wrong woman and it wasn't like the redflags weren't visible.

Take accountability

 

[Stanley]

Man, what is it you want? From her? from the relationship? For yourself? it isn't clear

Has she had an MFM threesome? If not, maybe forget about all this and keep her, she might be the last good one left.

LMAO

 

[xplt]

Man, what is it you want? From her? from the relationship? For yourself? it isn't clear

I should have opened another thread, sorry for confusion, this was another topic. But too close to the initial problem, so I decided to continue this one.

I made a commitment, thought she too, it seemed good, so I thought I could have a good relationship again.

Fvck another girl but don't say it, hide it, you need to take that itch out of your system. That will be the only way to make things even at least in your mind, that's the only way you'll have peace with yourself and won't sabotage what you have with her thinking about what happened in the past.

Last time I cheated, I was 23, this was 13 years ago. I end things when I've agreed to be exclusive before I start something new.
I'm not a fan of eye for an eye. When I walk, I want to walk without guilt.

His rule is loyalty is a great good, but you can't enforce the rules on her. She has to have a moral compass that tells her this.

I came to this exact same thought. Sometimes you're loyal to the wrong people.
I even told her in the beginning when she brought up the topic, I wouldn't tolerate her seeing someone else if she wants more than being fwb's. She agreed - her actions were different.

She started the conversation about this topic yesterday. Her explanations were contrary more than once. She outed herself as a liar more than once.

I rather live with consequences than lies. I broke up. Trust is gone, I feel disgusted and repelled.

 

[xplt]

Messy, unless she is stunningly gorgeous with a low body count I would eject.

Has she had an MFM threesome? If not, maybe forget about all this and keep her, she might be the last good one left.

She was hot, yes. Sexually pretty inexperienced for her age, her friends mock her that she's too picky. So I guess no 3-somes, but you can't trust her words anyways, so I felt to give up on her.

 

[Stanley]

She started the conversation about this topic yesterday. Her explanations were contrary more than once. She outed herself as a liar more than once.

I rather live with consequences than lies. I broke up. Trust is gone, I feel disgusted and repelled.

Probably the right call

 

[xplt]

Probably the right call

Feels like it is absolutely the right call, even if I'm hurting.
Now she says I'm everything she always wished for in a man. At least I made one good decision.

 

[Ricky]

Reframe: be glad you don’t have to meet the family. My guess is that she embarassed at some of them and their behaviors and doesn’t want you to get scared away

 

[bat soup]

I'm in need for some advice, before I screw a potentially good relationship.

I'm dating my current girlfriend for six months now.

Everything is great so far. We share the same values, she's from a conservative family, hard working, no OLD, no attention seeking on social media, great housewife, nurturing and caring, loving, higher sexdrive than me.
And the best of all, supportive in every way, emotianally controlled and very thoughtful. Our relationship is the smoothest I ever had. I even asked myself in the beginning, if i miss some drama...

It works so well between us, that I gave in on exclusivity. She is the only one in over three years who was worth this step.

She's somewhat shy and closed off. Only tells, what's needed. But for me she opens up and tells me, what's on her mind and what's bugging her.
I began to really like that. She doesn't need to discuss everything with her social circle and keeps things private.

But there's on issue and that's her critical family and the fact she hides me and our relationship from them and her close friends.

She told me several times, she feels guilty about it, but I didn't care about. Tbh, I'm somewhat lucky to not be involved in her family right now, but I don't get the point of being exclusive, when I am hidden from her life.
Till now I shrugged it off and didn't bother.

Now her competitive little sister rubs her new boyfriend under my girls nose and talks about relationships in the family getting more and more, as she tells me. And I'm still hidden.

Right now I don't know, if it's good or bad that she openly tells me about the situation.
I'm not impatient, nor do I want to push her to behave in a certain way. But my pride starts tingling and I know, I can reach a point, where I just check out and then there's no going back.
I get the impression, I'm not good enough or she's still on the lookout.

I've never been in a situation like this. All exes and affairs wanted to show me around faster than I was comfortable with.

Few days ago I nearly said "Sometime you will find someone, you want to bring home." But swallowed it.

Thanks for your time guys, I appreciate your insight.

Well, do you really want her to tell her family about you and then have them breathing down your neck?
Do you want to have them asking you when are you going to get married? What's your job? What's your education? What are your religious values, political opinions etc. etc.?

Personally I'd rather avoid having to deal with any of that for as long as possible.

 

[bat soup]

Here´s what you have to look forward to when she does tell her family:

 

[Pedrito0906]

Sometimes you're loyal to the wrong people.
I even told her in the beginning when she brought up the topic, I wouldn't tolerate her seeing someone else if she wants more than being fwb's.

Bro you were not in even in the position of ask things that early. You two didn't have a relationship, you were casually dating, you should have had other options, going out with other women, men who start asking about those things are needy, insecure, they want to control the woman for fear of other guys "stealing" her from them.

Respect is earned not giving for free, you wanted respect but you should have been worthy of said respect. You wanted for her to be loyal to you, but you were not in the position of ask for loyalty, men's job is to escalate and have s3x, women should be the ones trying to tame the guy with options, with other women, women should be the ones having that talk with you about you being loyal to her, not the other way around.

IMO you were too invested into her from the get go, you tried to push things hard, you tried to lock her down, you stop going out with other women, those are rookie mistakes. The moment a woman knows or suspects she's the only sexual option for a man, its game over.

 

[Murk]

Here´s what you have to look forward to when she does tell her family:

Probably the strongest Scottish accents I’ve ever heard, funny tho!