Girlfriend acting different

[TheBigFish]

Relationship: 13 months. We go to the same university together and have some of the same classes which caused us to spend a bit of time together studying but nobody complained. Get back home for Christmas break. Drama with my family starts up again and rumors about us start flowing and she gets upset saying. Whenever we're home. When I'm with you all I can think of is this drama (girlfriend hasn't been over to my house in half a year because of things that have happened) so we don't see eachother much on Christmas break. Not on Christmas or new years and the time I spent with her she wasn't very affectionate and was on her phone texting all night. I get fed up and tell hr I think we should break up because of how this is affecting us and she gets all sad saying she doesn't want that and that she loves me and that I don't understand what she is going through. So I feel bad and I tell her lets just take some time to think. We did, both realizing we want this. But we haven't seen eachother in a week and I don't remember the last time she said I love you. So I started texting her less and putting her on the back burner as I do other things. I gave her plenty of opportunities to break up with me saying if your not happy you can leave me but she won't budge. Maybe things will change now that we are back together in university (not rooming together) but just incase. I want to know how I can raise her interest level and keep her there. She said she wants to talk about things that have happened when she gets here but told me we aren't breaking up. Any advice? Sorry for the wall of text I am on my phone.

 

[TheBigFish]

If you guys need any more details just let me know. Of really hate to lose this one because of time invested. I've made some huge mistakes along the way and have no doubt I've done some AFC ****. But I want to turn myself around and make myself so irresistible to her that she'll be like on cloud 9 and begging for my attention again.

 

[EFFORT]

How old are you? How old is she?

 

[TheBigFish]

19, 18

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Relationship: 13 months. We go to the same university together and have some of the same classes which caused us to spend a bit of time together studying

Here's the problem. Been there, done that.

You are too much in each other's company.

 

[shizz702]

Well at this point about all you can do is see where it goes when you see and talk to her again. There are no magic tactics to get her back, if she wants to leave or has already let you go in her mind there ain't much of anything you can do.


The good news is she may still want to stay with you and from what you say that is a good possibility. When you talk with her don't be too aggressive or overwhelming on her, feel her out, let her do most of the talking and don't talk about your feelings. Look for the signs and if she is showing signs of wanting to end things I suggest you pull the plug.

Don't put all your eggs in this basket, I know it sucks, but you may have to accept you may have to move on. You are still very young and if this goes south if will be a good life/learning experience for you. These experiences are inevitable, you WILL go through them.

 

[TheBigFish]

Here's the problem. Been there, done that.

You are too much in each other's company.

Well since we've been kind of distant recently I don't see us jumping back into that as much so whether we break up or not that problem looks solved.

 

[TheBigFish]

Well at this point about all you can do is see where it goes when you see and talk to her again. There are no magic tactics to get her back, if she wants to leave or has already let you go in her mind there ain't much of anything you can do.


The good news is she may still want to stay with you and from what you say that is a good possibility. When you talk with her don't be too aggressive or overwhelming on her, feel her out, let her do most of the talking and don't talk about your feelings. Look for the signs and if she is showing signs of wanting to end things I suggest you pull the plug.

Don't put all your eggs in this basket, I know it sucks, but you may have to accept you may have to move on. You are still very young and if this goes south if will be a good life/learning experience for you. These experiences are inevitable, you WILL go through them.

Yeah I will Definately feel out what she says and go from there. Thanks man

 

[shizz702]

Always look for the signs brother. If your gut is telling you something is wrong it usually is.

If you sense she wants to end it when you talk to her, do it first. It will suck and be hard, but you will feel much better about it this way, it hurts much more to be rejected.

At the same time don't worry too much, if all is well when you see her, carry on.

 

[TheBigFish]

I'll act cool and calm regardless. Come back here with what she says and we'll go from there.

 

[perseverance]

Whenever some acts differently then something is usually wrong.

It is clear to me that something is up with her, maybe she feels suffocated in this relationship who knows? I guess seeing as you are both young and at University that she might want her independence back so she can spend her University years behaving like a student, rather than girlfriend material. Who knows? Just have a chat with her and listen to your gut, if you feel things are changing and changing for the worse then hit the eject button and go solo.

 

[Aaron B]

always having a girlfriend at your age was a huge mistake now that i look back on college

face the reality that most likely your relationship with this girl will end, and quit taking it so seriously

if you don't have fun with her anymore, break up with her

you will find other vagina. you found this one...

also if you break up with her and start dating other chicks she will probably be all over you

 

[TheBigFish]

Update: We talked. She says that we haven't seen eachother much because she has been busy with family and other things over christmas break and because of drama. There was one time where she was out with friends and didnt text me for 5 hours (I freaked out) and she felt smothered at that time. She isn't emotionally ready for sex with me again right now because of how there has been drama recently and what not but she still loves me and wants to be with me.

I plan on confronting her about the texting the next time im with her all night and its late and she's stuck on her phone.

I was with her for a little while yesterday and she said she was bored but she was always looking at her phone every 5 minutes and I really don't feel like doing anything just because the phone thing pisses me off so much and I left.

But since she still wants this relationship and so do I. For those times where your in a long relationship and you grow comfortable. What do you do?

I'm going to try to initate more touching and making out and easing her back into it until she's (emotionally ready). Because that part of our relationship has died a little in recent months (Due to a whole wack of things, school, drama, stress)

Im going to bed frustrated almost every night though because of the lack of affection (Feels like to me we're just friends sometimes and if thats the case I'd rather do other things and I've confronted her about it and she says she still wants a relationship with me) at the moment but maybe I need to step up my game. And she seems to enjoy herself when we're hanging with friends (part of the reason why I feel like we're just friends). Doing the same old thing isnt going to change much. Things were so good early in the relationship its hard to pinpoint what caused the rut we are kind of in now.

 

[TheBigFish]

always having a girlfriend at your age was a huge mistake now that i look back on college

face the reality that most likely your relationship with this girl will end, and quit taking it so seriously

if you don't have fun with her anymore, break up with her

you will find other vagina. you found this one...

also if you break up with her and start dating other chicks she will probably be all over you

Different strokes for different folks. If it doesnt work out I have no problem being single and finding random vagina. But I have so much time invested and I know how good things can be because they were before and I want to try to get things to that point again. If I can't I'll have to bounce

 

[TheBigFish]

Another thing is how do I make sure that in the future we won't be just friends and keep her interest level?

 

[perseverance]

This relationship should be thrown on the scrapheap, it's pretty much dead based on post #13.

 

[TheBigFish]

This relationship should be thrown on the scrapheap, it's pretty much dead based on post #13.

Ouch, rereading it I really see your point. I feel like im going to stick with it to see if things will turn around and if not then I will have no probelm throwing it on the scrapheap

 

[Aaron B]

you've obviously made up your mind and you aren't going to take any advice

the rules apply to you just like they do to everyone else. she has low interest in you.

how can you raise her interest level? date other chicks and make sure she knows about it

you can "stick with it" all you want, but its only going to get worse for you. again, its been proven time and time again by the real-world experiences of the members here. you aren't different and special. what has happened to all of us will happen to you. hanging around waiting for her to bless you with some poon simply isn't effective. you've got to force her hand.

 

[pdx1138]

There was one time where she was out with friends and didn't text me for 5 hours (I freaked out) and she felt smothered at that time.

hey, why don't you figure out some other things (hobbies/hang out with friends) to do.

you sound WAY too clingy, no wonder she wants space.

Not many women will tolerate that.

 

[TheBigFish]

Fuk it. We're at a hockey game and she's texting atleast 3 guys the whole time. I'm not happy anymore