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Girlfriend’s ****testing went too far

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Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.
This is just taking it too far imo. Giving socials to guys who obviously want to **** her.
So we argued emotionally for a while on text when I just said ”no, if you want to continue this discussion I’ll call you tomorrow, im going to bed now.” So I called her today when our emotions were not off the roof, saying ”I don’t want to continue hearing about guys hitting on you and you cannot give your socials to strangers who obviously have intimate intentions with you. Is that understood? Her: hmm ok. Me: Are we clear? Her: Yes.
And I just said goodbye.

It was like scolding your child who had misbehaved lol.

Don’t argue through text. Just call them and use your more dominant voice to put them in their place.
 

Black Widow Void

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You can now expect this behavior to *now* happen over and over and *over* again. She was fishing for this type of reaction and she was able to get you on the hook.

When you ‘reward’ bad behavior, this encourages bad behavior.

Her; I gave my IG to a stranger and he asked me out.

You; ya know? Maybe you’re not the type of girl I thought you were.

Her; what’s that supposed to mean.

You; my kinda girl doesn’t do things like this. If you wanna scatter yourself out to various men, say the word… ‘cause this will free me up to find the type of girl I’m looking for.

If she’s worth anything, this will shut her down. If she pitches a b1tch, then you got rid of a headache sooner rather than later.
 

jimwho

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She clearly has a thing about sharing her exploits. Women seem to have an acute sense when we even notice other woman. This girl throws it in your face. Classless, disrespectful, drama, looking for a fight. She probably wants you jealous so you get very exclusive or buy her a ring. What else could it be? Unless she's just a crazy!
 

stringpuller

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OP flip the script. You got 2 options. You are a guy this does not bother or she has anxiety about girls in your DMs. Not you.
The market value must be in her favor
 

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DonJuanjr

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OP flip the script. You got 2 options. You are a guy this does not bother or she has anxiety about girls in your DMs. Not you.
The market value must be in her favor
Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me either... I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive... If you have other girls in your DMs, and it's making her anxious about it, then you'd not care if she's giving out her soicals to others. As you're DMs are filled with chicks, if she acts up...
 
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Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me either... I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive... If you have other girls in your DMs, and it's making her anxious about it, then you'd not care if she's giving out her soicals to others. As you're DMs are filled with chicks, if she acts up...
I don't understand. We are dating exclusively, she can't give her number to guys who are hitting on her. If I let that slide im a cuck. I'm not upset dudes are approaching her, but it's taking it too far when she's flirting back and giving dudes her number.
 

stringpuller

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Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me either... I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive... If you have other girls in your DMs, and it's making her anxious about it, then you'd not care if she's giving out her soicals to others. As you're DMs are filled with chicks, if she acts up...
If you choose monogamy with a very good looking woman you better have some serious brass balls. We are talking monogamy here.
She will "out attention you"
Sperm is cheap eggs are pricey.

Or if you are monogomous she better have a bit un easyness about trusting you around other hot girls. Not that you would. Its personal.
But confronting a chic like OP did is beta and not a good way to demonstrate boundry.
If she had any fear she would not throw it in his face.
To be more clear.

Whether you are a drug dealer or a high status actor. Principal is the same.

She will always out market you. Getting a man is easy AF to them.
 

stringpuller

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I don't understand. We are dating exclusively, she can't give her number to guys who are hitting on her. If I let that slide im a cuck. I'm not upset dudes are approaching her, but it's taking it too far when she's flirting back and giving dudes her number.
If it is a boundry. Articulate if needed but what is better is to demonstrate.
 

LARaiders85

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Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.
This is just taking it too far imo. Giving socials to guys who obviously want to **** her.
So we argued emotionally for a while on text when I just said ”no, if you want to continue this discussion I’ll call you tomorrow, im going to bed now.” So I called her today when our emotions were not off the roof, saying ”I don’t want to continue hearing about guys hitting on you and you cannot give your socials to strangers who obviously have intimate intentions with you. Is that understood? Her: hmm ok. Me: Are we clear? Her: Yes.
And I just said goodbye.

It was like scolding your child who had misbehaved lol.

Don’t argue through text. Just call them and use your more dominant voice to put them in their place.
She will continue to do it because it's in her nature. Lecturing her on right and wrong is a joke, she knows it's wrong and she is laughing at you bc you don't understand that she doesn't care. If you want to verbalize, better to cut much deeper:

"You're showing some deep insecurity and validation seeking by giving your info out then telling me about it to try to make me jealous, have you talked to a therapist?"

"I lost respect for you" is the only appropriate message to send her. She may or may not care about that, but she sure as hell doesn't respect you for naively lecturing her about things she already knows.
 

stringpuller

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She will continue to do it because it's in her nature. If you want to verbalize, better to cut much deeper:

"You're showing some deep insecurity and validation seeking by giving your info out then telling me about it to try to make me jealous, have you talked to a therapist?"
He could LA. May work for this girl but whenever you enter defending or explaining it usually doesnt end well.
The way he looks at her and fcks her, not to mention how other people look at him says more. Mostly how other men view him.
She is aware of these things and plays a part in the sub routine of this.
But then again if she is an 8 and hes a 6.
His game and options better be tight.
 

Serenity

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There's sh!t testing, like a time or two, sure. Then there's this, a behavioral pattern. I'd lose respect after repeatedly getting this behavior, wouldn't stand for it, wouldn't fight for it, just tell her it's not going to work out and move on.

I want a woman, not a girl. If it reaches a point where I have to correct a woman like she's a child then she's unfit for a mature relationship. I don't think "hmm ok" is anywhere near a satisfying response, there's nothing to "hmm" about this. She doesn't get it, even you didn't fail her sh!t test, she should have failed yours by now.
 

DonJuanjr

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If you choose monogamy with a very good looking woman you better have some serious brass balls. We are talking monogamy here.
She will "out attention you"
Sperm is cheap eggs are pricey.

Or if you are monogomous she better have a bit un easyness about trusting you around other hot girls. Not that you would. Its personal.
But confronting a chic like OP did is beta and not a good way to demonstrate boundry.
If she had any fear she would not throw it in his face.
To be more clear.

Whether you are a drug dealer or a high status actor. Principal is the same.

She will always out market you. Getting a man is easy AF to them.
I misinterpreted what you wrote based on how you wrote it. I see what you mean. Though I'd say you can play both angles at the same time. And not need to pick which one to play.
 

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catsmeow

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You can now expect this behavior to *now* happen over and over and *over* again. She was fishing for this type of reaction and she was able to get you on the hook.

When you ‘reward’ bad behavior, this encourages bad behavior.

Her; I gave my IG to a stranger and he asked me out.

You; ya know? Maybe you’re not the type of girl I thought you were.

Her; what’s that supposed to mean.

You; my kinda girl doesn’t do things like this. If you wanna scatter yourself out to various men, say the word… ‘cause this will free me up to find the type of girl I’m looking for.

If she’s worth anything, this will shut her down. If she pitches a b1tch, then you got rid of a headache sooner rather than later.
This^ is rewarding her too though, in a different less confrontational way, but it's still rewarding.

Any reaction at all is rewarding, which is why she's doing it, to seek a reaction (i.e. validation that it bothers you, that you care). It doesn't matter what you say, the fact you're saying anything at all and reacting shows you care.

I have a different approach. In one ear and out the other - ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it, and change the subject.

IOW, flip the script from her attempting to get you jealous or become insecure to YOU causing her to wonder why you're not reacting and if you care. Trust me, this will drive her batshyt crazy, she may up the ante but you will know why, and continue to ignore. DO NOT REACT.

Act indifferent, even if it's not how you feel.

I have found that ignoring and acting indifferent is the greatest weapon we all have in our arsenal against unacceptable behavior and shyt tests.

I have had men ignore me when I behaved inappropriately or gave one too many shyt tests (in my younger days of course, lol) and I have also ignored when men said things to garner a reaction from me.

It's powerful and effective, imho.

Bottom line, if you continue to react in any way shape or form, she will continue the behavior.
 
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stringpuller

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This^ is rewarding her too though, in a different less confrontational way, but it's still rewarding.

Any reaction at all is rewarding, which is why she's doing it, to seek a reaction (i.e. validation that it bothers you, that you care). It doesn't matter what you say, the fact you're saying anything at all and reacting shows you care.

I have a different approach. In one ear and out the other - ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it, and change the subject.

IOW, flip the script from her attempting to get you jealous or become insecure to YOU causing her to wonder why you're not reacting and if you care. Trust me, this will drive her batshyt crazy, she may up the ante but you will know why, and continue to ignore. DO NOT REACT.

Act indifferent, even if it's not how you feel.

I have found that ignoring and acting indifferent is the greatest weapon we all have in our arsenal against unacceptable behavior and shyt tests.

I have had men ignore me when I behaved inappropriately or gave one too many shyt tests (in my younger days of course, lol) and I have also ignored when men said things to garner a reaction from me.

It's powerful and effective, imho.

Bottom line, if you continue to react in any way shape or form, she will continue the behavior.
She said in a female terms.
There is only 2 options here.
If I were OP. Which would be the hardest thing to do seeing how behind the curve he is here and I detect hes not capable of ignoring this hehavior which is very common these days.

Is break up with her. Abruptly. Just tell her that you needsome time to yourself and see how things go.
But I suspect this wont be possible for him. It usually takes experience in these situations.
Whatever though you cannot negotiate this. Its either you laugh her off as if she can find a better option? or you next her. Without flinching
 

BackInTheGame78

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Congrats. You now confirmed she has a button she can push anytime she wants to. And I would be surprised if it didn't happen more frequently
 

DonJuanjr

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Her-"...guy that likes me....gave ig...."
OP- "okay... so have I... big deal"
 

EyeBRollin

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OP, you call that discipline ?

This behavior is completely unacceptable.

Mistake #1 is her attention whvring herself on Instagram. You shut the social media down before even getting into the LTR.

In your situation, you need to just ignore it. She’s fishing for your reaction. “Ok? I don’t want to hear about your male friends on social media, sweetheart. I have things to do. Do not bother me with that stuff again.” Then drop it. Act annoyed at her pettiness. Arguing with women is like mud wrestling with a pig. They enjoy it.

Bottom line is shvt tests means she is sensing weakness in you somewhere. Tighten things up, OP.
 
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