Girl who flaked on first date now pursuing me

[BJP1991]

Matched a girl on tinder about 2.5 weeks ago. Hit it off with some messages and got her number and lined up a date for Friday evening after she got off work from her serving job.

We planned around 9 but it was tentative, since sometimes serving jobs require people to stay a bit later than scheduled (I’ve been there before - can be a kick in the nuts sometimes to stay much later than expected). With that, we decided she would just text me when she was off and we would meet at the bar down the street from my house. Note: I know this isn’t ideal and it’s always best to set definite plans, but I had low investment in her from the start and didn’t really give a ****.

Never heard from her that evening and she never texted me again, so I completely forgot about her until she tried to friend/follow request me yesterday on both Facebook and instagram. Now, nearly 3 weeks after the initial flake she texts me last night apologizing for never letting me know she was “tired and didn’t want to upset me” by cancelling, so apparently in her mind, no text/Ghost was better than letting me know that.

Now, she’s asking for a second chance, and saying it would be great to meet me in person. Earlier on, we both made it clear we weren’t looking for anything serious, and this morning she asked me when I am available next.

My question is - would you try to spin this plate? Typically for me, if a girl flakes on a first date, she’s out permanently and I never talk to them again. This girl is trying to make up for it, it would seem. I’m not opposed to trying to hookup with her, since I think it’s a reasonable likelihood. Definitely not relationship-train of thought here - just curious if you guys have turned a first date flake into a spinning plate before and any pointers?

I do have a little availability this weekend on the night I’m not seeing another girl, who is more of a relationship type material than any other I’ve been dating. But I’m managing that properly without coming onto her in that way. Treat all women the same, they say. Even the ones you like.

 

[Robert28]

I’ve had to adjust my view on the 2 strike rule recently. Sometimes you have to hold firm with it but other times when you get flaked on you should give it another shot IF she puts in enough effort like this girl seems to be doing. With that said, I would go on the date and if all goes well ask her if she wants to come back to your place. If she says no then don’t contact her anymore but if she does then you know the drill.

 

[In2theGame]

If it's a low investment, then go ahead and spin away. If she's really down to meet up, go have a drink with her and see how you hit it off to hook up. She has already made it clear that she's also looking for something casual so that could potentially be a casual sex fwb situation. if not and she flakes out again or starts acting strange, she's out completely.

 

[BJP1991]

I’ve had to adjust my view on the 2 strike rule recently. Sometimes you have to hold firm with it but other times when you get flaked on you should give it another shot IF she puts in enough effort like this girl seems to be doing. With that said, I would go on the date and if all goes well ask her if she wants to come back to your place. If she says no then don’t contact her anymore but if she does then you know the drill.

Right on - I am down with this type of thinking

 

[flowtheory]

Since she flaked, and she didn’t even have the courtesy to message you the night of/day after that tells you a lot. My guess is that she felt there was a better option on the table; at least not a stranger she’d have to meet off the internet. Whatever the case it’s irrelevant. It took her three weeks to apologize and reach out. Facts

Since your investment is low and you’ve already discussed neither of you is seeking long term, I would suggest she simply come over and to bring a bottle of wine. Cut the BS and call it what it is.

You have been fine without her, but she needs to make things up to you. If she’s not interested it’s no sweat off your back.

Another option is to go for a drink and tell her the drinks are on her to make it up to you.

Either way, you shouldn’t care at all about this one

 

[Medina]

If she fvcks up I make her come to mine instead of a date

She blew you off - why go out of your way? Let her come to you

Have dinner, watch a film, bone

 

[marmel75]

The guy she was more interested in didnt work out and now she turned her attention to you.

She is not GF material but you if you want to bang her then go for it. Make her work for your attention and tell her she will need to make it up to you by buying you drinks all night when you meet up and then make sure you follow through with that and don't pay for anything...in fact leave your wallet at home so you cant turn into an AFC and pay for your drinks if she makes excsuses or tries to get out of it.

 

[BJP1991]

I told her first round is on her, and then followed up to her reply telling her not to be mad if I “forget” my wallet at home.

I could not care less what happens. You’re all correct - she’s got something to prove now

 

[marmel75]

I told her first round is on her, and then followed up to her reply telling her not to be mad if I “forget” my wallet at home.

I could not care less what happens. You’re all correct - she’s got something to prove now

You'll find this attitude will increase her interest even more

 

[In2theGame]

Since your investment is low and you’ve already discussed neither of you is seeking long term, I would suggest she simply come over and to bring a bottle of wine. Cut the BS and call it what it is.

I like this here, I was thinking the same thing at first but she might not feel comfortable just going to your place the first meeting although im sure it happens a lot. Get some drinks, if you both are feeling each other... Offer to come back to your place to fvck.

 

[BJP1991]

She laughed and asked if that was a thing. I just said “It’s a thing - have a good rest of your week and see you Saturday”

I agree that asking her to my place first isn’t right probably, especially if she turns out to be a dud, which is possible. Either way I’ll get a free drink or two out of it and the bar is like 2 mins from my house so it’s simple for me to get in and out.

 

[escaleraroyal]

did you fclose her?

 

[dude99]

Matched a girl on tinder about 2.5 weeks ago. Hit it off with some messages and got her number and lined up a date for Friday evening after she got off work from her serving job.

We planned around 9 but it was tentative, since sometimes serving jobs require people to stay a bit later than scheduled (I’ve been there before - can be a kick in the nuts sometimes to stay much later than expected). With that, we decided she would just text me when she was off and we would meet at the bar down the street from my house. Note: I know this isn’t ideal and it’s always best to set definite plans, but I had low investment in her from the start and didn’t really give a ****.

Never heard from her that evening and she never texted me again, so I completely forgot about her until she tried to friend/follow request me yesterday on both Facebook and instagram. Now, nearly 3 weeks after the initial flake she texts me last night apologizing for never letting me know she was “tired and didn’t want to upset me” by cancelling, so apparently in her mind, no text/Ghost was better than letting me know that.

Now, she’s asking for a second chance, and saying it would be great to meet me in person. Earlier on, we both made it clear we weren’t looking for anything serious, and this morning she asked me when I am available next.

My question is - would you try to spin this plate? Typically for me, if a girl flakes on a first date, she’s out permanently and I never talk to them again. This girl is trying to make up for it, it would seem. I’m not opposed to trying to hookup with her, since I think it’s a reasonable likelihood. Definitely not relationship-train of thought here - just curious if you guys have turned a first date flake into a spinning plate before and any pointers?

I do have a little availability this weekend on the night I’m not seeing another girl, who is more of a relationship type material than any other I’ve been dating. But I’m managing that properly without coming onto her in that way. Treat all women the same, they say. Even the ones you like.

You were plan b. Her plan A failed so 3 weeks later she apologises. If plan A had worked you would have never heard from her again. She is either very selfish and self centered or increadibly stupid to think you would believe her.

I say set up a date and a time to meet. Flake/no show on her. Wait 3 weeks, send her an apology and wait for her reaction.

Do you think she will be as understanding as you were?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My issue with accepting this kind of thing and agreeing to a second chance is that it's highly likely she is going to flake again. I've had this happen before. The girl apologizes, says she wants to "make it up to me" blah blah, and if I accept, she flakes again. A flake is a flake. She sees your value as low or she wouldn't have flaked in the first place. If you accept her second chance request, the only way you'll be seeing her is if the sun and stars line up perfectly to where:
1. She finds no one of higher value than you (chances are she will find higher value than you because she's on OLD bathing in abundance and she already views you as low value)
2. Her mood is just right in the hours leading up to the date
3. She doesn't have to work late
4. None of her girlfriends want to hang out with her

You've received advice that says, "What have you got to lose by giving her one more chance. It's low investment in your part." Etc. That's partially true but what really gets under my skin is a girl who flakes because it means she doesn't respect my time, and it means I have nothing to do that night.... I could have made plans with another girl or with friends. Fortunately I have a good social life and can usually go hang out with my friends on a moment's notice but not always and I don't like or accept it when other people put me in that situation without any regard for my time. I'm not willing to accept that treatment even for casual s*x because it means I'll have to accept multiple flakes in the future for every one hookup. Not worth it to me and it isn't good on your self esteem to allow people to disrespect you like this.

Last point is that a girl coming back around later can mess with your head and have you think she somehow suddenly realized your value and what she's missing out on. However, in my experience, nearly 100% of the time, this is NOT the case. Even after a first date. I've found many women who do this appear to have some serious mental problems.... they may not ever go on dates with anyone (and you have no way of knowing this - you just assume they are out there dating other guys). They want to and they set the dates but just before it happens, they panic and stay home. It's often from PTSD from bad relationships, or just a bad childhood, or an actual mental illness. If not this, then often they are just seeking validation. You agree to the date, they got what they wanted, so they flake.

No flakes.

 

[backseatjuan]

We planned around 9 but it was tentative...we decided she would just text me when she was off

Waay too available. It just screams I get no ass. Girl is working, tired, want to hit the shower, rest. No rest for you btch, come you dirty slvt to bar near my house after you done working.

I agree, second chance might be another one to get at you.

 

[MatureDJ]

Since she flaked, and she didn’t even have the courtesy to message you the night of/day after that tells you a lot. My guess is that she felt there was a better option on the table; at least not a stranger she’d have to meet off the internet.

I once dated a gal that didn't flake on the first date (she made a great impression), but then ghost-flaked on the 2nd, not responding to me calls, etc. I had blown her off completely, when about a week later she contacted me. It then fell into a pattern where she flaked every other time. As I wasn't getting sexed, I dumped her after a month of this.

 

[escaleraroyal]

Setup a date near your home.

 

[nismo-4]

More proof that second place is first loser.

Make her prove herself. Bone her. Anything else, delete.

 

[Glassguy]

I would rather be alone then to put myself in situations that doesn't empower me.

Now that is the right mentality. And the first step to a solid frame

 

[mrgoodstuff]

More proof that second place is first loser.

Make her prove herself. Bone her. Anything else, delete.

Its pretty simple when in 2019 women insist on boning their top choice. Most others get strung along.