Girl wants me to text more dilemma

[AM349]

I dated this girl from November to January but ended it because I thought she was playing games, like taking forever to text back and acting like she diWe had great chemistry, but the back-and-forth got old.

Four months later she reached out, we went on a date, and then nothing again. Decided to let her reach out again but she never did.

She later explained that she expected me to text her, and that she thought I didn’t care because she init

Another four months passed and she popped up on my Instagram, so I texted her and set up a date.

Before meeting she asked why I cut things off in January and why I didn’t follow up after our last date. She said she felt confused and used, and she’s looking for something long term.

On the date she admitted she liked me but my lack of affection and minimal texting made her hesitant, which led her to play games. And honestly, she has a point.

Now I’m stuck. If I text more, do I lose the frame? If I don’t, will it just be the same story again?

When is it okay so show her that atleast you like her a bit?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Clearly communicate your communication preferences. Do not give in fully to her, offer to compromise. If she doesn't like it, you need to leave for your own sake. Read up about the anxious/avoidant trap.

If this girl is your age she should be carefree and enjoying life anyway, not doing this long term crap. Maybe it's to use you to heal from damage some other dude did. Why should it be your burden?

 

[ValiantMale]

There's really nothing of substance here. If there was, you would have mentioned it... like "We used to have great sex together" .. "we always had a fun time together. "we had the best conversations for hours when we would connect"...

I mean you guys reconnected after 4 months and there was a lack of affection/connection. That tells me so much. I think you both are very young and I think you still have alot of experience to gain and perhaps don't truly have the passionate drive that would take this somewhere serious.

If girls don't get that affection and satisfaction they are lookijng for, they will not wait around man.. There's going to be other guys,\a nd things just gets more messy.. especially for a guy who is young.. you dont want to deal with that stuff..

Ask yourself this: what do you want out of this ? What would you like to happen? What does this girl mean to you? These ar eall things you need to really think about.. no one can hold your hand and guide you or teach you how to develop passion for this girl.. Thats all up to you.

 

[AM349]

Clearly communicate your communication preferences. Do not give in fully to her, offer to compromise. If she doesn't like it, you need to leave for your own sake. Read up about the anxious/avoidant trap.

If this girl is your age she should be carefree and enjoying life anyway, not doing this long term crap. Maybe it's to use you to heal from damage some other dude did. Why should it be your burden?

She is almost 26, in our culture it is normal age to marry. I am 21 still.

 

[AM349]

There's really nothing of substance here. If there was, you would have mentioned it... like "We used to have great sex together" .. "we always had a fun time together. "we had the best conversations for hours when we would connect"...

I mean you guys reconnected after 4 months and there was a lack of affection/connection. That tells me so much. I think you both are very young and I think you still have alot of experience to gain and perhaps don't truly have the passionate drive that would take this somewhere serious.

If girls don't get that affection and satisfaction they are lookijng for, they will not wait around man.. There's going to be other guys,\a nd things just gets more messy.. especially for a guy who is young.. you dont want to deal with that stuff..

Ask yourself this: what do you want out of this ? What would you like to happen? What does this girl mean to you? These ar eall things you need to really think about.. no one can hold your hand and guide you or teach you how to develop passion for this girl.. Thats all up to you.

No, we actually had loads of fun and the S was good. That is why I am asking this, because she is genuinely a person i want to be around.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Now I’m stuck. If I text more, do I lose the frame?

When is it okay so show her that atleast you like her a bit?

Normally, as long a she keeps putting out, I wouldnt mind texting a her a bit more. The real problem here is she will want commitment soon due to her age. And due to your age, you are better off pursuing younger prospects.

 

[AM349]

Normally, as long a she keeps putting out, I wouldnt mind texting a her a bit more. The real problem here is she will want commitment soon due to her age. And due to your age, you are better off pursuing younger prospects.

What doe you mean with putting out? I am not from america.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I dated this girl from November to January but ended it because I thought she was playing games, like taking forever to text back and acting like she diWe had great chemistry, but the back-and-forth got old.

The fact that she was taking forever to text back completely vitiates her criticism that you didn't text enough. Don't waste your time with this one.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I don't think it's about the texting per se. The problem may stem from two things:

1. You lack leadership in the relationship. Do you just want to have fun with her? Are you looking for commitment? It seems things get stuck in limbo and become predictable, and then the relationship disintegrates into nothing because there’s no direction. She may want to be led—and it’s a pleasure for a woman to be led by a confident man. It allows her to let go of defensiveness and relax into the experience, trusting someone else to take the lead.
2. You might just be a rebound or a placeholder. She’s ****-testing you because she’s unsure about your real-world abilities. Remember, at 26, she’s at the age where she’s likely looking for a man, not a boy. At 21, you may not yet have the emotional or financial stability she’s seeking. That could be why she always seems to have one foot out the door. When a woman ****-tests, it’s often because she’s insecure about whether you’re truly what she needs.

I believe it is a mixture of both. It is hard to give proper advice without knowing what you want or if you ****ed her yet.

 

[AM349]

I don't think it's about the texting per se. The problem may stem from two things:

1. You lack leadership in the relationship. Do you just want to have fun with her? Are you looking for commitment? It seems things get stuck in limbo and become predictable, and then the relationship disintegrates into nothing because there’s no direction. She may want to be led—and it’s a pleasure for a woman to be led by a confident man. It allows her to let go of defensiveness and relax into the experience, trusting someone else to take the lead.
2. You might just be a rebound or a placeholder. She’s ****-testing you because she’s unsure about your real-world abilities. Remember, at 26, she’s at the age where she’s likely looking for a man, not a boy. At 21, you may not yet have the emotional or financial stability she’s seeking. That could be why she always seems to have one foot out the door. When a woman ****-tests, it’s often because she’s insecure about whether you’re truly what she needs.

I believe it is a mixture of both. It is hard to give proper advice without knowing what you want or if you ****ed her yet.

Yes we have F every time we see each other. I just like her personality a lot, but she couldn’t be my wife for a couple of reasons.

 

[Gamisch]

Translation, my anxiety of not hearing from her because my life is very empty made me think she was playing games, because I am an insecure b!tch. All women play games, learn to not give a fvck.


She missed you, you acted like a man for once and she reached out maybe out of curiosity.


Wait, were you expecting something? Did you at least fvck her good? Or you just gave her a nice date and warmed her up for some Chad Thunderc0ck rearranged her insides?


I assume you didnt fvck her otherwise she most likely would have reached out to you. What the fvck do you want from her?


Did you fvck her this time?


SHe is confused and rightly so. From her prespective and according to what you have written now. If I were her, we were okay but you cut me off, I reach out, you arrange a date, (didn't **** me?), never contacted me again, i chade youa gain sending you a text, and this time i ask you what happened.

Yeah she is confused, because you are too.


The mere question of asking if I lose frame, shows you do not have frame. I'm sorry but the only path to have frame is to suffer deeply until you develop it naturally, but in the end you'll have that frame.


All of your questions will be answered by you with this question:

How would you live your live if I tell you no matter what you do no woman will ever gonna leave you? Do that.

Can't lie I like it when you cranky.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

How would you live your live if I tell you no matter what you do no woman will ever gonna leave you?

This is practical advice lmao

Now if you say "how would you live your life if I tell you women don't matter" you might have a point instead of an obvious mistruth.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP where do you live? If you live in a traditional culture, it's highly relevant and should have been mentioned in the first post.

 

[Desdinova]

Now I’m stuck. If I text more, do I lose the frame? If I don’t, will it just be the same story again?

Your problem is you care too much. You unintentionally gave her emotional fluctuation which isn't a bad thing. She has no clue where you stand with her, but that's not a bad thing either. Give her some vague answers when she asks why you don't respond. Tell her you had some personal 5hit to take care of and didn't really have time to date.

Quit giving a fvck about her concerns. You're not married to her. Spin more plates. Get another girl on your radar and date her too.

 

[Sega Genesis]

The fact that she was taking forever to text back completely vitiates her criticism that you didn't text enough.

^^Fair!! But could not the argument also be made that she was 'following his lead'?

If so, I don't necessarily agree with it BUT that may have been what she was doing

OP it would be helpful to know how often you texted her. Clearly she was unhappy but don't know if she had unreasonable expectations or if you were being an ***.

You said when she mentioned it, you agreed she had a point so....

How often were you texting her and spending time with her?

 

[ValiantMale]

No, we actually had loads of fun and the S was good. That is why I am asking this, because she is genuinely a person i want to be around.

Why do you believe she felt a lack of affection when you reconnected?

 

[Sega Genesis]

She later explained that she expected me to text her, and that she thought I didn’t care because she init

^^I'm gonna assume you do care since you created this thread but why was she the one initiating?

Why are you so afraid to show you (gasp) care?

You don't need to be a simp but if you're not showing you care by initiating once in awhile and spending regular time together, especially since she's so hot in the sack, yeah she's gonna bail.

Learn to balance caring and spending time together with distance and independence.

 

[AM349]

Translation, my anxiety of not hearing from her because my life is very empty made me think she was playing games, because I am an insecure b!tch. All women play games, learn to not give a fvck.


She missed you, you acted like a man for once and she reached out maybe out of curiosity.


Wait, were you expecting something? Did you at least fvck her good? Or you just gave her a nice date and warmed her up for some Chad Thunderc0ck rearranged her insides?


I assume you didnt fvck her otherwise she most likely would have reached out to you. What the fvck do you want from her?


Did you fvck her this time?


SHe is confused and rightly so. From her prespective and according to what you have written now. If I were her, we were okay but you cut me off, I reach out, you arrange a date, (didn't **** me?), never contacted me again, i chade youa gain sending you a text, and this time i ask you what happened.

Yeah she is confused, because you are too.


The mere question of asking if I lose frame, shows you do not have frame. I'm sorry but the only path to have frame is to suffer deeply until you develop it naturally, but in the end you'll have that frame.


All of your questions will be answered by you with this question:

How would you live your live if I tell you no matter what you do no woman will ever gonna leave you? Do that.

We have literally fcked every time we met. I have also commented this before.

 

[AM349]

OP where do you live? If you live in a traditional culture, it's highly relevant and should have been mentioned in the first post.

Traditional culture

 

[AM349]

I was vague, but it doesn’t satisfy her anymore. She pushes for clear answers.

She literally wante a yes or no question if i am going to take her seriously.