Girl says I may be "the one" but.. should I believe her?

[pseudo_afc]

So I've been dating this girl for a few months. Everything seemed to be going great. We used to sleep over a lot (we both have our own apartments though and in college) but now things have changed a bit. She started eliciting some strange behavior a couple of weeks ago. Everytime I asked her what was wrong she'd simply say "Nothing". Finally I got her to say a few things.

She told me she had a strong feeling that I may be "the one" for her and that it scares her to death. That is, the prospect of being with only one person for the rest of her life. This, she said, was the reason she acted distant and somewhat annoyed by everything. So we decided that we would spend less time with each other and only sleep over on the weekends.

Now, I'm not sure if that was her way of giving the "mr. right but not right now" speech or if she just missed having time for herself. Now things have reverted to how they were in the beginning somewhat, where we do our own thing but still try to find time for each other (we're both pretty busy with school and all that). I was honest with her, acknowledged the fact we were young, and told her we could just break up. She went on to saying how much she loved me and how she never wanted that. She was just 'scared'.

I'm thinking maybe we were taking things too seriously when she wasn't ready for it, maybe we're on a slow path to breaking up, maybe what she said was true. Perhaps I stopped becoming a challenge and when she realized she had me all of these emotions started pouring in. It's not like I stopped doing everything I do and dedicated time only to her. I still do martial arts, school, work... so what gives? Idk. Do you think I should just ride it out, expect a break up soon, or what?

 

[slaog]

Sounds like both of you are over thinking things. Actions speak louder than words so just observe her. I think she really likes you but when she says you're the one don't believe it because even if she ment it we all know women can change their minds quickly.

When women see men as long term partners what happens sometimes is they don't have sex as often as they are thinking long term.

 

[decades]

no don't believe her. watch what she does not what she says. be very skeptical of words. her actions say she is not ready and you should begin to cultivate a life outside her immediately.

 

[pseudo_afc]

Slaog.. that seems to be right on point..

We've actually been having sex less frequently lately.. could you please elaborate on why you think this relates to her thinking 'long term'? Or does anyone else have the same thought?


Thanks,
Pseudo-Afc guy

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Girls who told me "I was the one" attached themselves to me. Not detached. Don't listen to her. Just go along with the ride and have fun.

 

[Warrior74]

Don S nailed it.

Look at what she does and heed the words of your brother here.

Do you honestly expect her to say "I don't think your the one, but I will keep you around until I find something better?" no woman is ever that honest.

Get your mind ready for the oncoming BS.

 

[ProDJ26]

A Womans Actions Will Always Tell You More Than Words!!!!

 

[SmoothTalker]

I have to agree with everyone above.

Even when a girl tells you something like this, and even when her actions say the same thing, don't believe it because they can and often will change their mind in a second.

In her case the words and actions aren't even congruent, so that makes it even less reliable.

If she likes you so much right now, great, enjoy it, but never get too comfortable. What you're doing by spending less time together is a good start.

 

[slaog]

We've actually been having sex less frequently lately.. could you please elaborate on why you think this relates to her thinking 'long term'? Or does anyone else have the same thought?


Thanks,
Pseudo-Afc guy

I have read that when a girl likes somebody and sees him a LTR potential then she'll actually have less sex. I think the reason behind it is that she wants to prove to you - deep down - that she has high standards (by not having sex as often).

This is the opposite to a girl who just wants fun with somebody and will have sex all the time because she doesn't really care what he thinks.

Just judge her by her actions is the best way to find out what sees like.

 

[KontrollerX]

I'm inclined to agree with the above posters but it would help if we could all know how young you both are to give you a better answer as well if you've ever been with anyone outside of eachother.

She may be a decent chick but the thoughts are probably going through her head of wondering if she's experienced enough of life (read: other c0cks) to make you her sole c0ck at the moment.

Though the spirit of what DonS and Persistant Exaction have said is on point.

Meaning if you had this girl ABSOLUTELY 100% head over heels insanely in love with you there'd be no iffy behavior like this.

Rather she'd be on her best behavior out of absolute fear of losing you for any bullsh!t scared talk or otherwise.

Its really hard to read at times whether certain things chicks say are cleverly generated excuses while they shop around for replacement guys behind your back or they genuinely are scared of committing to one particular person too soon.

Like others have said keep a wait and see approach but at the first mention of the words "break" or "we should take a break" or "lets just be friends" dump her.

Those words mean it is over but put in polite chick speak breakup fashion.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Judge by actions. Words are but a piece.

If you trust her, believe her. And even if you believe her, continue being the man you are.

 

[DonGorgon]

A Womans Actions Will Always Tell You More Than Words!!!!

And if she said you "may" be the one then she knows you are not the one... women know what they want...

 

[wjh]

A girl with high IL (and fear of losing you) would not say such things. Even if she was mature enough to recognize that while you are young, your relationship may not last forever, she certainly wouldn't handle it the way she is. Her behavior would not change.

Conclusion: She's setting up for a breakup or branch swing.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

women know what they want...

WHAT?

 

[pseudo_afc]

True..

Thanks for all the replies guys. I talked to her today and I think one of the main reasons for her behavior was that we were probably spending too much time together. So we're only going to be sleeping over on the weekends now and see each other weekdays but not for very long...it's basically reverting back to the beginning of the relationship and things seem to be calming down (her interest level seems to have increased). She also mentioned the fact she liked it more this way because she felt more "independent".

I think this is just a lesson that when women feel like they have you they won't want you anymore. And while I knew this from before it never actually hit me until I experienced it. I'm still mentally preparing myself for the worst though. This whole situation just reinforces the fact that women are emotional beings and not logical ones.

 

[DJDamage]

Sounds like the two of you are too young to have a serious relationships.

She also mentioned the fact she liked it more this way because she felt more "independent".

Oh boy....

You got the face the facts here that this relationship became boring and stale and like a ship that ran a ground so did this relationship. She lost interest in you because you weren't a challenge for her and you were too easily accessible. The reality of it all is that this is a way of her asking "FOR SOME SPACE" and if you been here around sosuave for sometime you would know that any time a girl overtly or covertly hints for space then its NEVER A GOOD THING.

By the looks of things it sounds more like you are thinking she is the "one" then she thinks you are the "one". Be careful of this mindset of actually believing in the "one".

 

[nismo-4]

Read the damn actions here. Or make her prove that to you.

 

[DonGorgon]

WHAT?

See below!!!!!!!

A girl with high IL (and fear of losing you) would not say such things. Even if she was mature enough to recognize that while you are young, your relationship may not last forever, she certainly wouldn't handle it the way she is. Her behavior would not change.

Conclusion: She's setting up for a breakup or branch swing.

^^^

 

[DonGorgon]

She also mentioned the fact she liked it more this way because she felt more "independent". .

She wants to be able to F other dudes and have you around also...

 

[azanon]

Girl says I may be "the one" but.. should I believe her?

I would have a hard time not laughing if a woman said that to me. At the very least, I'd think of a quick "balancing" quip to respond to that immediately. Then, I'd think about what I said or did that even gave her the "balls" to make such a power-play statement in my presence.

The real question (if at all) should be if she is the one for you. You should be the one that's choosing, ....... or not choosing.

It is so critical to the DJ mindset to start thinking in terms of wondering how lucky a woman would be for you to pick her, not vise versa. If a woman wouldn't be super lucky for you to pick her, then you still have some work to do on you.