Girl replies late, but otherwise seems interested

[Diabolito]

Hi players,

So I've been seeing this chick for about a month. She started chasing me, but the balance in contact has always been good.

Recently, she started being very late in replying though. I know for a fact that she has been super busy at work, opening a new store for her job, but in my mind, if you're interested, you should reply at some point the same day at least.

For example, I wrote her last Friday, what her plans for the weekend were followed by an internal joke. She called me up 5 hours later (when she got off work) instead of replying. We just had some banter, talked about everything and nothing. She seems to enjoy my company and I make her laugh easily.

Texted her Monday again, asking if she had done anything extraordinary during the weekend, like cure cancer or save world hunger? She replied some 15 hours later at 9 in the morning, that she had rescued whales in Greenland and flewn across the Atlantic, and how mine had been. I waited some 9 hours to reply, and continued the same style and then asked when she wanted to save the world together. Now, almost 24 hours later, still no reply.

So am I just being terrible impatient and paranoid or what else could it mean ?

Her friends tell me, that she actually is really bad at replying. She herself also says she often checks her messages and then forgets to reply later because she's busy.

I kinda like this chick, so I tend to drive myself nuts over such small issues, but I still want your guys' opinion.

Regards, Diabolito.

Edit: And should I keep myself non-reactive to her late replies or call her out on it ?

 

[adam225]

Her interest has faded by the sounds of things. What she does you should double (or even triple). E.G. if she doesn't text you in 24 hours you leave it 48 hours. Or - just ditch her and move on. Life is too short to worry about anything let alone some little skank.

 

[altec]

So, you texted her and she called you back? Sounds like interest to me. When you say "seeing" do you mean being physical with or just going on friendly outings? Also, why didn't you go out with her this weekend. Plan another date and if she keeps coming out she is interested. When she starts becoming distant in person if when you have a problem.

 

[Diabolito]

My point exactly. Why would you ever call someone, who you were trying to blow off or had lost interest for? I am taking everything non-reactive, just playing it cool and casual. Teasing her, making her laugh etc. She did the exact same thing last Monday. I texted, she called when she got off work.

I could have written three pages about this, the whole thing started off quite complicated, as she got dumped by one of my mates about half a year back.

This complicated two things:
1. I am his friend = This is wrong/weird, but there's attraction.
2. She has a shield up. It takes time to get physical and we're moving slowly, because she got dumped quite badly. I think she's worth it, so I don't mind this, as long as I know where I stand.

Point being that yeah, we have been hanging out physically for about 3-4 times. No sex, but slept together, kissed, cuddled (she even said that I would not be laying in her bed if I was just a friend - Sunday a week ago). I am not forcing her, but I am not a schoolboy either. She knows what i want .

We didn't hang this weekend, cause we were both busy. Her on friday, me on saturday.

I am trying to plan another date now. My last message from yesterday was about this. Just waiting for a reply.

I honestly think I am just over-analyzing things, but it does truly confuse me how she is so bad at texting.

To put things into perspective: Two weeks ago we had a date on saturday. Thursday I wrote to confirm it and make dinner-reservations. I didn't get a single reply. Saw her online on Facebook, send an emoticon. Saw she saw it, but nothing. She didn't reply until Saturday at 6 PM, saying she had been busy and gotten sick, but also wanted to reschedule (of course I had made other plans at this point). So I think she's just bad at replying. Just not sure about how to handle it. It drives me nuts.

 

[TheCWord]

Never react.

Stop emotionally investing so much in her... That means reduce thinking about her and stop writing such lengthy posts about her on SoSuave.

Spin plates... You're measuring reply times, etc. Is that how you want to live your life? You're only doing it because you have nobody else on the go, otherwise you might casually notice that this chick hasn't replied to you yet but it certainly wouldn't be, "It's been 24hrs, 8 min, and 13 secs..."

We can all tell just from your writing that you have the beta mentality that so many of us had when we first came here... You keep thinking that she's the prize and how you don't want to screw it up... The best way to shake that is to spin plates and focus on your hobbies, career, etc.

 

[Diabolito]

I agree that my inner game is not up to par at this point. This is not something I'm showing externally though. Either way, yes, she is my focal point and I am aware that I need to flip my state of mind. It is easier said than done.

And I actually do have other girls around. They are just less interesting

 

[TheGambino]

Don't seem needy, back off with contacting, let her do more work then you. And the next time your with her alone, action, kino follow up with kissing. go for it, the longer u wait the more friendzoned you'll get. show her your sexual before making the mistake the most guys make

 

[Diabolito]

Yeah I'm considering going cold for a bit.

Regarding the sex point. I am trying. But I can't force things. This chick takes some working.

 

[DonGorgon]

slow reply means you are low on her list of guys to F.. you have to hope that they guys ahead of you in line mess up so you can move up but if too much time passes females tend to purge the whole list and start over lol

 

[TheWolfMan]

^ Haha that is some serious wisdom right there, I feel like a lot of girls operate like this. Hope that someone higher up messes up and then you get bumped up haha.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dude, seriously... TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

The only time you should be using the phone, in any capacity, to contact her is when you're setting up for a date. That's it. Anything else is a waste of time.

You do NOT use the phone to:

*ask her about her day
*talk about what she's doing right now
*give her a survey of questions
*flirt
*joke with her
*spend hours talking/messaging her

These things are supposed to be reserved for when you're talking to her IN PERSON on a DATE. When you're NOT seeing her, you shouldn't be contacting her other than to set up the next meet-up.

Now, there are people on these boards that will disagree with me, and that's fine. I'm just going off of results, and the results I've seen, both in my own life, the lives of those around me, and the lives of those that post on these boards, is this: more often than not, the more you're texting/calling/contacting her between dates, the faster she's going to become bored of you and want to get rid of you. If you don't believe me, look back on your own dating life and think about all the relationships you've had that started off great, you started texting/calling her all the time, and then, one day, she tells you she's no longer feeling you anymore but can't figure out why. THIS IS WHY.

Give her the gift of missing you, man. If she likes you, she won't forget about you if you don't contact her for two days. Keep it simple: take her out, show her a good time, then wait at least 3 or 4 days before you hit her up again to schedule the next date. And leave all the extra text/calling convos for actual DATES.

Oh, and for the love of GOD, check out some of my FREE podcasts to get more explanations on the things you should NOT be doing to keep these girls' interests - just click the link in my signature!

 

[DonGorgon]

.....then wait at least 3 or 4 days before you hit her up again....

i call that "ho space" cause during that time you are not contacting her 50 other dudes are contacting her and Fing her..lolollop real talk.. when you are not with her other dudes are..

 

[Diabolito]

Cheers Harry, great piece of advice.

I don't know if I came off as sounding super needy in my original post, but I have never been at the stage where I was writing her every single day. It has perhaps been 3 times a week a most. And the neediness I'm letting out here, is the internal stuff. It is unknown to her, how my frustration-situation is.

But I will use what you said. She won't get any more texts from me for a while, unless she initiates contact.

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in another castle, and throwing you mixed signals from there! Do you know what this means? Let Judge nismo explain.

She's got little to no interest in you, but she loves the attention you keep giving her. Go spin some plates that are more interesting than this girl and drop her ass, I'm wagering that she already did that to you. Simple.

BTW, Women who are interested in you won't confuse you.

Case closed.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

i call that "ho space" cause during that time you are not contacting her 50 other dudes are contacting her and Fing her..lolollop real talk.. when you are not with her other dudes are..

Actually, I'm glad you brought this up, because it's simply not true. It's a belief that's touted on these boards all the time in an attempt to scare guys into contacting her non-stop, but - as you can attest to based on the various post on these boards - hitting a girl up everyday isn't keeping her around.

Have you ever SEEN the messages guys send to women on dating sites, or via text messaging? They're ATROCIOUS. A bunch of guys sending messages where they're either sucking up to her, over-complimenting her, sending lewd jokes, giving her nicknames, or talking to her about stuff she doesn't care about. And this is, like, 98% of messages most girls get sent.

The reason I'm confident about waiting 3 to 4 days to contact a woman between dates is simple: I know I'm going to show her a GREAT time and say the right things to her IN PERSON, on the date, FACE TO FACE, that's going to make her feel GREAT about herself and about being around me. Then, while I'm not talking to her for 4 days, she's going to be getting a bunch of messages from other guys talking about the things I mentioned in the previous paragraph. And reading these things is going to piss her off, and remind her of how great a time she had with ME, the only guy who's NOT currently messaging her but who she wants to hear from because I don't say the dumb stuff these other guys are saying.

That's why, when I hit her up 4 days later, she's not only happy to see me, but also willing to go on any kind of date I mention and/or do "extra" things as an incentive to hear from me more often. Meanwhile, none of those other guys she's hearing from every day are getting a date with her. Why? Because they're not INTERESTING enough.

You guys really need to stop applying the way guys look at dating to the way girls date. Guy logic says "If I had all these options hitting me up, I'd be going out with all of them!" Women don't date that way - girl "emotional" logic says: "I have all these options hitting me up, but I only want to talk to/go out with the ones I feel a connection with." Thus, they are actually pickier about the number of people they go out with than we are - which, again, is why I'm more than comfortable waiting to hit up a woman between dates; because I know that, by being patient, I'm going to look better to her than those other guys that are appearing too needy.

Hope this helps!

 

[pyros]

Dude, seriously... TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

The only time you should be using the phone, in any capacity, to contact her is when you're setting up for a date. That's it. Anything else is a waste of time.

You do NOT use the phone to:

*ask her about her day
*talk about what she's doing right now
*give her a survey of questions
*flirt
*joke with her
*spend hours talking/messaging her

These things are supposed to be reserved for when you're talking to her IN PERSON on a DATE. When you're NOT seeing her, you shouldn't be contacting her other than to set up the next meet-up.

Now, there are people on these boards that will disagree with me, and that's fine. I'm just going off of results, and the results I've seen, both in my own life, the lives of those around me, and the lives of those that post on these boards, is this: more often than not, the more you're texting/calling/contacting her between dates, the faster she's going to become bored of you and want to get rid of you. If you don't believe me, look back on your own dating life and think about all the relationships you've had that started off great, you started texting/calling her all the time, and then, one day, she tells you she's no longer feeling you anymore but can't figure out why. THIS IS WHY.

Give her the gift of missing you, man. If she likes you, she won't forget about you if you don't contact her for two days. Keep it simple: take her out, show her a good time, then wait at least 3 or 4 days before you hit her up again to schedule the next date. And leave all the extra text/calling convos for actual DATES.

Oh, and for the love of GOD, check out some of my FREE podcasts to get more explanations on the things you should NOT be doing to keep these girls' interests - just click the link in my signature!

I dont know why you're so obssesed repeating over and over that texting kills relationships. Its like a religion for you dude.

IT DOES NOT, as someone posted in this forum, BAD TEXTING kills her interest in you.
You can perfectly text her to ask how her day is going, or text her to see how her exam went etc etc
And you can text her to build rapport. Also many girls want to text you and viceversa to create some 'connection' before the first date or the following dates. Accept it.

Bad texting, ie, texting her everyday, keeping long boring conversations etc is what destroys the relationship.

 

[marmel75]

Less texting means less chance to inadvertently say something she doesn't like or misinterprets, which leads to you never meeting.

Text only to set up dates and keep banter to a minimum especially before you've met. Surprisingly you will have a much better meet up rate/flake rate with chicks the less they know about you...keeps the interest level high because they are interested in knowing more about you at that point. Make sure they find that out in person.

And nobody uses the phone anymore. I mean I maybe have talked to my wife on the phone twice in the last year. Everything is through text these days. Get out of the stone age...put the phone down. If you want to talk to her do it in person.

 

[El Payaso]

Dude, seriously... TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

The only time you should be using the phone, in any capacity, to contact her is when you're setting up for a date. That's it. Anything else is a waste of time.

You do NOT use the phone to:

*ask her about her day
*talk about what she's doing right now
*give her a survey of questions
*flirt
*joke with her
*spend hours talking/messaging her

These things are supposed to be reserved for when you're talking to her IN PERSON on a DATE. When you're NOT seeing her, you shouldn't be contacting her other than to set up the next meet-up.

Now, there are people on these boards that will disagree with me, and that's fine. I'm just going off of results, and the results I've seen, both in my own life, the lives of those around me, and the lives of those that post on these boards, is this: more often than not, the more you're texting/calling/contacting her between dates, the faster she's going to become bored of you and want to get rid of you. If you don't believe me, look back on your own dating life and think about all the relationships you've had that started off great, you started texting/calling her all the time, and then, one day, she tells you she's no longer feeling you anymore but can't figure out why. THIS IS WHY.

Give her the gift of missing you, man. If she likes you, she won't forget about you if you don't contact her for two days. Keep it simple: take her out, show her a good time, then wait at least 3 or 4 days before you hit her up again to schedule the next date. And leave all the extra text/calling convos for actual DATES.

Oh, and for the love of GOD, check out some of my FREE podcasts to get more explanations on the things you should NOT be doing to keep these girls' interests - just click the link in my signature!

It's already been explained numerous times why you're wrong about texting so I won't even bother.

 

[MadExpat]

To put things into perspective: Two weeks ago we had a date on saturday. Thursday I wrote to confirm it and make dinner-reservations. I didn't get a single reply. Saw her online on Facebook, send an emoticon. Saw she saw it, but nothing. She didn't reply until Saturday at 6 PM, saying she had been busy and gotten sick, but also wanted to reschedule (of course I had made other plans at this point). So I think she's just bad at replying. Just not sure about how to handle it. It drives me nuts.

Please don't take offense, I just think it is easier for me to say it how it is.

She's not bad at replying, she doesn't give a rat's hiney about you.

I would actually be insulted if a girl had given me that line of BS after a month of dating. Too sick to reply to a text message? Did she have open heart surgery? It takes all of 20 seconds to fire a text back.

She's just not that into you. You are chasing her and she is not even bothering to reply most of the time.

When a woman is really into you can't get them to stop contacting you. They want you on the leash ASAP.

Move on and stop wasting your time with her.

 

[Partizan]

Never react.

Stop emotionally investing so much in her... That means reduce thinking about her and stop writing such lengthy posts about her on SoSuave.

Spin plates... You're measuring reply times, etc. Is that how you want to live your life? You're only doing it because you have nobody else on the go, otherwise you might casually notice that this chick hasn't replied to you yet but it certainly wouldn't be, "It's been 24hrs, 8 min, and 13 secs..."

We can all tell just from your writing that you have the beta mentality that so many of us had when we first came here... You keep thinking that she's the prize and how you don't want to screw it up... The best way to shake that is to spin plates and focus on your hobbies, career, etc.

This is 100% absolute truth. The day I stopped giving a **** when/if a girl returns my text was probably the single biggest change I made that made me turn the corner with women. If she doesn't return your text, there are basically two reasons.

1) she's really busy
2) she's not interested

In either case, it serves no purpose for me to call her out or keep sending her texts and chasing. Stop measuring response times. Stop giving a ****. Indifference.