"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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girl playing hard to get with me

Ilboy

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Hi folks!

I need some help with this one.
There is this one girl, pretty hot, and she is playing hard to get with me. Every once in a while we write each other, and she keeps telling me how much she would like to do stuff with me but whenever I ask her to do something she is like "Oh I would LOVE TO but I already have plans". She is like the busiest girl ever...in fact I think she loves to be courted by guys, as she is constantly hanging out with dudes. I think she likes the attention.
So I have asked her a few times, and she keeps saying she would love to but she has other plans. This weekend I asked her if she wanted to come to my party (which was friday) and she was like "I don't know but I hope you are coming Monday to this crazy halloween party!!!" So a friend of mine and I were ready to go when a day later she was like "Oh Ilboy I am really sorry, it is supposed to be a private party, the host doesn't want anybody he doesn't know on the party!"
A few days later she told me she was invited to another private party on friday so she couldn't come to my frat party. Thursday a friend and I were going to a college party, I was pretty drunk, so five minutes before leaving for the party I messaged her if she wanted to come. No answer.
Just 5 minutes ago she writes me on facebook "Hey Ilhan how was your party without me?? :p"

I don't know how to deal with this girl, apparently. Go no contact for a while? Should I wait until she reinitiates contact, or just forget about her? Should I wait a few weeks and reinitiate contact? How do I react to that last facebook post?
Help me guys!
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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PrettyBoyAJ

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Call her a tease, charge it to the game, find more girls.
 

Mike32ct

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Ilboy said:
Hi folks!

I need some help with this one.

I'll try :) .

There is this one girl, pretty hot, and she is playing hard to get with me.

There is NO such thing as "playing hard to get." Please delete that phrase from your brain. There is "interested" and "not interested."

Every once in a while we write each other, and she keeps telling me how much she would like to do stuff with me but whenever I ask her to do something she is like "Oh I would LOVE TO but I already have plans". She is like the busiest girl ever...

Would she be too busy for the hot guy she wants? Of course not. Conveniently, an opening would appear in her tight schedule for such a hot guy.


in fact I think she loves to be courted by guys, as she is constantly hanging out with dudes. I think she likes the attention.

This is very common. With no disrespect intended, that is what we call an attention wh*re or AW.

So I have asked her a few times, and she keeps saying she would love to but she has other plans. This weekend I asked her if she wanted to come to my party (which was friday) and she was like "I don't know but I hope you are coming Monday to this crazy halloween party!!!" So a friend of mine and I were ready to go when a day later she was like "Oh Ilboy I am really sorry, it is supposed to be a private party, the host doesn't want anybody he doesn't know on the party!"

Dude she is so walking all over you.


A few days later she told me she was invited to another private party on friday so she couldn't come to my frat party. Thursday a friend and I were going to a college party, I was pretty drunk, so five minutes before leaving for the party I messaged her if she wanted to come. No answer.
Just 5 minutes ago she writes me on facebook "Hey Ilhan how was your party without me?? :p"

She blew you off, then wanted some attention later. Nice.

I don't know how to deal with this girl, apparently. Go no contact for a while? Should I wait until she reinitiates contact, or just forget about her? Should I wait a few weeks and reinitiate contact? How do I react to that last facebook post?
Help me guys!
A lost cause would be an improvement here. Absolutely forget about her. Delete her number.

Here on SS, the point we try to drive home is to judge a woman by her actions not her words. Her words may sound encouraging at times, but it's all BS. The reality is she won't lift a finger to be with you.

I'm sorry man. I wish I had better news.

So, I hope you walk away with two VERY important concepts from this post:

1. There is no playing hard to get. She's interested/attracted or she isn't.

2. Go by her actions. What she says doesn't mean jack.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Gray The Prince

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Mike32ct said:
A lost cause would be an improvement here. Absolutely forget about her. Delete her number.

Here on SS, the point we try to drive home is to judge a woman by her actions not her words. Her words may sound encouraging at times, but it's all BS. The reality is she won't lift a finger to be with you.

I'm sorry man. I wish I had better news.

So, I hope you walk away with two VERY important concepts from this post:

1. There is no playing hard to get. She's interested/attracted or she isn't.

2. Go by her actions. What she says doesn't mean jack.

This hit the hammer on the nail. Call her a tease or something witty, cut your losses and move on. You have a lot to learn.
 

Aaron B

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don't delete her number

nothing spikes her interest quite like refusing to have anything to do with her

you don't want to be caught off-guard in the future when she calls and you don't recognize her number
 

Ilboy

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This is just what I needed. Thanks everybody for the help!
 

st_99

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You put some effort in, you did your part. Now forget her and try again with another HB.
 

gaspipe

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Eventually after a couple of tries even a hard to get girl will buckle and succumb to your advances if shes interested.

Shes not playing hard to get. She just enjoys leading you on and the attention typical of an AW.

Like the others said just start ignoring her, cut off all contact, start dating other chicks and if she contacts you after your 'disappearance" act indifferent as if its no big deal.

If shes interested at all she will be the one to initiate and suggest a meeting. But by all means start spinning other plates. Nothing better gets women in line than them knowing they have competition.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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rainmandc

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She is not playing hard to get, she is playing attention *****. Actually, not playing, thats what she is.
 

Ilboy

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Zarky said:
ah, noobs, they just keep coming.. ;)


DAFS
that sentence is supposed to mean there are many, but this particular one is giving trouble ;)

Thanks for the advice everybody!
 

Ilboy

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it worked! didn't write her at all, totally ignored her and today she wrote me on facebook, kind of inviting me to a party this friday. I'll answer something funny and say no thanks I got something else to do but maybe some other day.
Then I'll keep ignoring her.
The question is, should I ask her out after a while of ignoring her or just go zero contact?
 
P

perseverance

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She sounds like a typical AW. The best solution in dealing with an AW is not to deal with them at all.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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