Girl not knowing what todo

[ApparentlyFromMars]

Ok I'd like some input on my current situation....

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=45703

Remember that one? You probably don't but I do It turned out that she was totally into me but the thing is when we met and she gave the nr was that she was on the end of an on/off relationship with her bf for 3 or so years.. (He cheated on her last year)... She ended it and she told me all this an evening I decided that fvck it and told her on MSN to get a movie and I'd come over and watch. I was there watched, I gave her a light backrub/handmassage which usually turns women crazy and she was leaning towards me and suddenly we were holding eachother and all that crap. This is when she told me all this.

So we started seeing eachother sort of almost every night just watching movies, TV doing alot of kissing and playing with eachothers body. After a week she gave me a HJ and I played with her and two days later we had sex (I'm the second one she has had sex with and this I'm also pretty sure is true because it came out in a very spontaneous shocking reply etc. Lets just say it's true it's not all that relevant). All the time she was very protective and "We are moving too fast" etc... and "I'm not sure what I want". This is all good and well.

It is pretty fast moving like that and she has been in relationships since she was 16, she has never been single so to speak... Now we talked about this friday evening that she needed some space to think etc and to find out what she wanted which is all good and well. I KNOW she likes me _alot_ and this is not some "I think this because I like her" this is something I know is true. Not only that but I can turn her on so bad so fast it's not even funny, I'll have her squeeling and having breathingproblems in 1 minute.

The thing is we have sort of moved back, she wants todo stuff instead of all that sexual things. She wants to go out to movies, walks, play pool etc. Which is okay with me but I'm not used to not getting what I want and moving backwards... She also wants to find out what she wants, she doesn't know if she wants to move full ahead with me or not because she isn't sure she is ready for a commitment. She is visiting her bestfriend in a couple of days so I guess this will give her some time to think!

Now the problem is or is not that I like this girl, I'm not falling for her or anything but I'd actually like to see her. I'm tired of ONS and barhopping like a crazy rabbit. (I do though have an amazingly bad tendency of hooking up in some form with girls that are already taken or just ended a relationship )

How would you people play this out? This girl is really strange too I'll throw some negging at her just for fun and she'll be all "aaaaaa you're so mean" which is all good and natural but whenever I say something like "You are really gorgeous" or something remotely nice about her she'll be "No please don't say that I'm only normal" etc. She hates compliments...

So I'm abit offbalance on what todo


Thanks in advance!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Hahahaha - so the girl wants to go from being your hor to back being a virgin (yes, I used the word hor - she's not innocent)._ this isn't going to work. She is trying to use her vagina powers and be the one in control of the relationship...this is bad for you because you just lost all your power, as a man, to her vagina!!! You lost and became a chump in the process. Never let a woman control you through sex - once she gives it to you, then there is no turning back - married women do this shyt al the time to their husbands - it's a mechanism of control!

Your girl don't want to feel like a hor, so she is putting up her anti-slut defense. Well tell her it's too late, once the toothpaste is out the tube, it's too difficult and messy to put it back in. You are supposed to get to know one another first then become intimate, and not the other way around!!! Half-ass backwards thinking!!

She probably has been horing since she was 16, I don't care if it's been with only one guy. She is no one special in your eyes, and you are no one special in her eyes! you both are just the next in each other's lines!!!

 

[ApparentlyFromMars]

Yes I'm not very happy about this either I think it's fvcking weird and stupid... I do understand her need not to move fast forward etc but still she's already done it so why the fvck back off now...

I don't want to be all "Oh you're not giving me sex, I'm leaving" either cause that just seems plain ehm lame and disrespectful too... I told her a couple days ago that I would not go back cause I see no point and she said that she had to find out what she wanted, blahblah. So what should I tell her/do?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Do absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing! Let her think it through and do not initiate contact. She is obviously holding back not to keep her dignity and remain a virgin, it is for another reason that she is contemplating. It'll come to light soon enough, just be patient and pursue other women in the meantime.

 

[ApparentlyFromMars]

ye but she contacts me 24-7... She msgs me on MSN and if I don't answer there she msgs me later on and sometimes she SMS and if I were to ignore her for a couple days she would come over

I NEVER initiate contact, not ONCE have I done that. She always msgs me first!

I'm gonna keep my notinitiate thing going... I'm not gonna pursue other women though cause with this one I don't have the concious todo so.... I mean she was on the verge of crying the other night when I said I wasn't sure I felt like staying around for this bs and stuff like that... I don't have any need to see anyone else right now either, I'm tired of seeing all these different women. So I guess I'll just play it cool and keep not initiating convos... But I generally tend to ask if she wants todo something that evening when we talk and she always does which always ends up with us two sitting on either mine or her bed watching tv/movie kissing, cuddling, fondling etc. Gah.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by ApparentlyFromMars
...All the time she was very protective and "We are moving too fast" etc... and "I'm not sure what I want". This is all good and well.... Now we talked about this friday evening that she needed some space to think etc and to find out what she wanted which is all good and well.

How would you people play this out?

It doesn't sound like anything has been done to make your 'relationship' exclusive. So, this is what has worked for me...

When the girl indicates she wants to take a step back, your reaction is/should be "Cool, that's great!" (accompanied by a big smile)... not a meek "Okay, if that's what you want". You want to let her know you think this is a FANTASTIC idea and agree wholeheartedly.

Then, whenever you two are together, you make her feel like she is the only girl on the planet, treat her well (don't confuse this with pandering) and knock her socks off with a few consecutive orgasms. But then while she is figuring herself out, you make sure that you are out seeing other women. Don't flaunt this, but don't try to be sneaky and hide it (why should you?). I've seen a few girls get very jealous when they think they aren't the only ones getting your attention.

She will soon figure out what she wants and how fast she wants it.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I agree with some of Cremasta's post but I don't see the point in seeing other girls when you obviously don't want to/have no need for. You can surely make her aware that you are wanted by that you have gotten offers from others and stuff and that you are freespirited but still...

 

[DankNuggs]

Originally posted by ApparentlyFromMars

I'm gonna keep my notinitiate thing going... I'm not gonna pursue other women though cause with this one I don't have the concious todo so.... I mean she was on the verge of crying the other night when I said I wasn't sure I felt like staying around for this bs and stuff like that... I don't have any need to see anyone else right now either, I'm tired of seeing all these different women. So I guess I'll just play it cool and keep not initiating convos... But I generally tend to ask if she wants todo something that evening when we talk and she always does which always ends up with us two sitting on either mine or her bed watching tv/movie kissing, cuddling, fondling etc. Gah.

One-itus.....She has made it CLEAR, that you two are not together. You have made it clear that you are going to go about this as if you were already together. You can pretend to be busy and ignore her....Or you can pursue other women, actually be busy, and let HER decide whether or not she is going to make the committment and effort to start seeing you in good faith...I don't think you should deal with her unless she is willing to do that. She'll respect you more for it too.

The trouble with these guys doing the 'ignore' thing with one-itus is that its swiss cheese, the instant they get the attention they're craving, they cave, whether or not the attention is in 'good faith' as i call it...

 

[ApparentlyFromMars]

hmm no one-itis here because I have no feelings for her... I just don't like not having 100% control

She has sort of made a commitment in that she told me that she didn't want me to go out with other girls and she had no interest in seeing anyone else... She did give me an exit in saying that if I felt that I needed to that I could start seeing someone else instead but she would be very hurt and down if I did...

 

[ApparentlyFromMars]

Haha this is just hilarious...

She came visiting me tonight and we were laying on my bed half undressed playing with eachother etc but we didn't want to push it. Then later we started talking and she was like "Can't you just stop liking me" etc... etc etc and stuff like that and she actually said "Can't you stop liking me and be more of a challenge" which I found pretty funny so I said "Sure, I'll call one of the girls tomorrow and go to her place" (I have 3 girls that have asked me out/to them for wine/homecooked meals....) etc and everytime I said anything like that she got really sad and threw herself around my neck and held me and said I couldn't. Which lead to me saying, like you can decide that. I'll call tomorrow and she was like "Omg, you'd actually do it too" and I said "Yes of course" and started talking about how I don't feel like wasting any time and I'll see other people instead etc... She wasn't very happy about this

She's a really confused girl.. She doesn't know what she wants, she gets abit irritated because we go so far everytime and she doesn't stop herself and she is afraid of being hurt and stuff like that. I mostly just laugh at it or say whatever because I really don't care so she knows this but sometimes I reassure her that I'm not using her because she is afraid of that...

So this will be interesting... I gave her a couple days to figure things out, no biggy. I just got an SMS earlier this evening from a hot blonde 9-9.5 that I saw several weeks ago and she really wanted me to come over for some wine so if this girl doesn't figure out soon I'm saying byebye and going for the hot blonde again.

 

[DJnomore]

I tell all my female friends...

I tell all my female friends if they want to know if a guy likes them get very physical and then back off. The players totally can't handle it, the guys that are genuine can. Guys can wait 2 weeks no problem but if they got in the first day and then have to wait 2 weeks most guys can't handle it.

If she said can you like me less in the context of less sexual that is one thing. If she meant can you like her less romantically that doesn't sound too good.

My take on this whole DJ mindset is that it should give you the best chance at the girl you want right now. It seems to me you want this girl right now. So don't worry about waiting a week or a month its all good. If she is into you and taking care of you short of all out sex that is ok. But its only ok if its ok for you. The other girls aren't going anywhere they will be there in a month or week or tomorrow if she really wants you less romantically interested in her.

A lot of women will fight with guys they really really really like if they think the guy only wants sex.

 

[ApparentlyFromMars]

Re: I tell all my female friends...

Originally posted by DJnomore
I tell all my female friends if they want to know if a guy likes them get very physical and then back off. The players totally can't handle it, the guys that are genuine can. Guys can wait 2 weeks no problem but if they got in the first day and then have to wait 2 weeks most guys can't handle it.

That is actually very true to a certain extent. I can handle it when I'm not binding myself but I promissed myself this one time that I would NOT touch anyone else at this particular moment just to see if I could do it....

If she said can you like me less in the context of less sexual that is one thing. If she meant can you like her less romantically that doesn't sound too good.

I think she ment overall But it sounded like a joke etc everything she does points towards she wanting me bad so.

My take on this whole DJ mindset is that it should give you the best chance at the girl you want right now. It seems to me you want this girl right now. So don't worry about waiting a week or a month its all good. If she is into you and taking care of you short of all out sex that is ok. But its only ok if its ok for you. The other girls aren't going anywhere they will be there in a month or week or tomorrow if she really wants you less romantically interested in her.

Right and this is where I'm very strange. I want what I want when I want it! It's not because it's THIS or THIS girl it's ANY girl I find attractive and I'm dealing with some way or the other.

A lot of women will fight with guys they really really really like if they think the guy only wants sex.

Yes and I think I'm a very good target for this... Alot of girls have tried using me or have used me sexually because I'm a player and look good... They say I really look like an ******* and a player etc but she does say she trusts me (and it was said very sincerely..)

Hrmf this is strange and irritating. This is one girl I can't read 100% and have 100% control over and that irritates the "#_%&K"O% out of me.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

The advice on this thread is crap.

PRL, you have to get over your dislike of sex. There are certainly sluts out there but just because a girl has sex a few times in her life and has sex with you doesn't make her a slut.

At 41, you're looking for a virgin?

You are leading a lot of these guys astray by labeling every chick a slut. I happen to like it when a girl has sex with me. Its a good thing.

And then this other bs about girls don't like guys who are only out for sex. Man! These are the guys that chicks are the most attracted to. They lose all interest in a guy who puts sex on a back-burner so that he can show her he's interested in a really meaningful relationship with her more than he is interested in sex.

ApparentlyFromMars, you are doing a good job here. The resistance she is giving you is just her anti-slut-defence kicking in. Review the rules on overcoming resistance and ASD. Clearly, she is really into you.

I like how you are laughing off the "Can't you just stop liking me ..."-type comments. This is the way to do it. Her attraction to you increases exponentially every time you handle these kind of comments like this.

She did say "Can't you be more of a challenge?" which you should take to heart and listen to literally. That doesn't mean back-off and quit calling her for a week. It just means be a man and don't be an AFC.

What she really said is "Don't send flowers. Bring that funny, laid-back, good-looking dude that gets me so hot over tonight instead."