Girl i used to see gives me her number, but says "don't call anytime soon..."

[GtarPlayr73]

I dated this HB9 woman back in 2000-2001 for several months before ending things. Two years ago, i contacted her and we started seeing each other again. Things were much better than the first time around, only she had put on some weight, enough for it to be a problem for me and i made the mistake of telling her so. I dropped her for a blond i met at a party. Over the past year, i stayed in touch with the HB9 via email. She started working out and began getting back in shape. (She was originally devastatingly beautiful before she had a son at an early age). She lost a lot of weight and sent me a pic to prove it. Then we ran into each other at a local supermarket. It was like something out of the movies. She wasn't kidding - she was back to her stunning and slim HB9 potential. I emailed her (didn't have her number), expressed interest, she had compliments for my longer hair as well. She said she was engaged and couldn't see me. Later, when i nonchalantly pressed for the wedding date, she said she had called it off. (Hmmm...all a fabrication to make me regret not sticking with her?). So i gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited several months before emailing her today. I made it clear i wanted to pursue her again and conveyed sexual designs, while throwing in some push-pull. I asked her for her number and she gave it to me in her reply - it was the first thing she wrote. Then she wrote "Don't call anytime soon, but that way you have it". She then said she would be reluctant to get into a sexual relationship given that she couldn't trust my intentions. (She does have a healthy sex drive and is very open about it).

Obvious Question: Is "Don't call anytime soon" just an Anti-Slut Defense and she does want to hear from me soon or do you think she really wants me to wait? If i called her tonight or tomorrow, would she be offended or not cool with it?

 

[Obsidian]

just wait a week or two, what's the big deal

And beware of hors like this one. Why would you want to raise someone else's kid? Or are you just looking for a ONS (in which case, she is right in doubting your "intentions" ) ?

 

[Interceptor]

She's still mad at you but is still curious about you and interested.
Just be a man, and admit you're interested in her again.
Try to be a gentleman, and stay genuine.
Remember, she has a kid. This usually means she expects, well mostly, expects a Man that will be responsible, and reliable. A Man that will stick with her.
YOU obviously didn't.
But maybe you've changed, and your perspective about attraction, compatibility, complimentary relationship dynamics has you curious about her as well.
Sure, she's hot, and sexual, very sexual. That's great for you, man.
Just remember, again, she is pissed off, but wants to see what you'll do next. She didn't say NO right out, did she?

OK, then....time to step up to the plate, buddy.

Now I don't know how you feel about her romantically, and LTR commitment wise, but you need to take a step back and really reflect what you want out of this. An FB? (Assuming she WILL consent. Remember, it's NOT all about YOU and how YOU feel.) Or a serious, romantic LTR?

Who knows? Maybe she does just want some physical satisfaction and nothing else. Remember though, you bailed on her when she put on some weight. So she could be taking that into account and disqualifying you from BF/LTR material.

OR.....

She really IS curious to see if you really are interested in her ,and want to pursue a lasting , romantic relationship with her, and are serious about sticking around and supporting her this time.

I say Geronimo, dammit.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

In her email last week, she wrote:

"I am still having a hard time with the fact that you have no problem now that you think I look acceptable to you when you didn't fully accept / appreciate me when I was heavier. That wound is still a bit sore. I'm not anxious to re-open a sexual relationship (which is what I suspect you're getting at) when I don't trust your intentions. You'll forgive me for being so bold to say as much, but I feel it's necessary to communicate that sentiment."

How would you interpret this?

Is she being straight-up or just trying to manipulate me somehow by trying to whip me before we possibly start seeing each other again?

I'm always amazed when women get upset over the whole "you weren't into me when i was heavier" routine. They KNOW what turns us on. They KNOW what holds our interest. They KNOW why we weren't interested THEN. Where's the surprise? No, it's all a power trip on their part. They have new-found sexual value and they are trying to lord it over us. That's why i don't feel like indulging her guilt trip. My unspoken question to her is "Forget the past. Do you wanna hook up NOW". And i think she does...

She obviously isn't still too upset about it because she still gave me her number.

NOTE: i have apologized to her numerous times for rejecting her for being overweight.

I haven't called her yet. I'm thinking of emailing her back and basically saying "Guilty as charged, but what did you expect?". Then i would tell her that i have long waited for the moment where she got back to her full potential, she has changed herself, i'm happy and respect her for it, and now, of course, i am interested in her. There is no mystery to any part of this. She knows exactly what happened and she knows exactly why i am interested now.

That's why i think she is just power-tripping, to get a little edge on me by feigning a little gameful "hesitation" with the whole here's-my-number-but-don't-call-anytime-soon. She's trying to balance my dumping her by using a little guilt trip, to even things out before we see each other again. I say not indulging her with further groveling will place me in the best position. Perhaps, i shouldn't even mention it at all going forward...

 

[LovelyLady]

She is being very brave and honest with you about the truth of where she is at. She is not messing with you, chastising you, lording her new found attractiveness over you. She took a deep breath and decided to be completely honest with you about where she is at, and decided you can either handle it or you can't.

 

[LovelyLady]

Also... "That wound is still a bit sore." is key. She is still hurting. She isn't mad.

 

[GtarPlayr73]

(LL, she's into Ayn Rand as well...)

 

[djSlvt]

Don't call her.. Get on with your life.


Wait until you see her again, then start over, and ask her number, as if you don't have it. Hey, you told me not to call you, so I didn't safe it.


If she calls, answer.


This is a test. You fail if you call her. You borderline if you wait and call her.

 

[Hitman10000]

Forget ex's. What do you think happened in that span of 6 years since you stopped dating her? She's probably banged 7-10 guys in that time! She's just lonely, don't be Forrest Chump accepting a woman disregarding the past.

 

[mrRuckus]

NOTE: i have apologized to her numerous times for rejecting her for being overweight.

For what?

She should be thanking her lucky stars that her bout of fatness hasn't completely been scarred into your mind forever. It's not your fault she let herself get ugly.

You have standards. Stick to them.

 

[Obsidian]

argg...seriously Mr. Ruckus, well said

posts like the one you quoted make me sick to my stomach

 

[GtarPlayr73]

I agree. Those apologies were pre-DJ enlightenment...

 

[MacDiddy]

IF a chick says no.... She means maybe...

IF she says " no fckuing way... I'd rather be dead"... then thats a no.

 

[oteao99]

IF a chick says no.... She means maybe...

IF she says " no fckuing way... I'd rather be dead"... then thats a no.

lol. If you want to work hard to change how she thinks about you then do that, but if you are lazy (or a dj) just move on to the next HB9 who is in shape. The time you spend fukcing around with her is time lost persuing new HB9's.

 

[Bonhomme]

That weight thing is probably bigger than you think. She might go for you if she wants a FB (which relatively few women really do), but I think an LTR is right out unless she deep down hated herself for putting on that weight and/or has low self-esteem.

I know if I made a real lot of money, got in a band that went big, or something that made gals who weren't into me all of a sudden get really into me for superficial reasons, I'd not see them as anything more than potential FBs.

 

[LovelyLady]

It isn't about the weight - it is that she is hurting, and wonders if you leave because of weight gain - what if something major happens (what if there is an acident and she ends up in wheelchair - can you stay through that?) I don't really think you can get the kind of trust back that is needed for a LTR with her, because for her it was never about the weight - that is what is was about to YOU.

 

[blackbelt2k]

she gave you the number, your foot is in the door. You know what she likes and what she doesn't, so you already have a gameplan.. take her and her son out for dinner a few times and some kiddy sport... then take her out, intoxicate her...and you'll find out the truth..whats the saying...a drunk (wo)mans words are a sober (wo)man's thoughts...

 

[LovelyLady]

take her and her son out for dinner a few times and some kiddy sport... /QUOTE]

I disagree - leave the child out of it.

 

[blackbelt2k]

i disagree... a single mother cares about her child 1st... as bad as it may sound, appealing to that notion may be his path back in...if she see's your a good "role model" type, she'll want to be around you more

 

[LovelyLady]

In my very strong opinion, a good Mother never lets her children anywhere near the men she dates unless there is already a commitment of a LTR - and even that commitment/man is easily ended if he screws up in ANY way with the child.

Are you saying this guy can't "Don Juan" her without using an innocent child as a pawn?

And surely she (and the Father if he is still active in the child's life) are role model enough for the child? If not, then why are you pursuing her? If you want to be a role model to a kid - go participate in the Big Brother program, but Good Lawd - using a child as an "in" to seduce a woman (or a man)- that gives desperate a whole new meaning.