Girl I asked out acts like nothing happened..

[ikonik]

I was pretty sure this girl liked me, she asked me what I was doing one night on a call, showed up to the same party I ended up, and seemed pretty interested in getting coffee when she got back from vacation, she said to reconnect when she got back. So I did, I asked her out on a coffee date, it took her until the night before at 11:30 to come up with some excuse saying "I'm sorry but I have fly to a meeting." I didn't even respond since I took it as she wasn't interested. She didn't say no, but I'm assuming she was just being nice and it was implied.

So fast forward to last night, she was at an event I helped organize. I ended up sitting at the bar with her and another mutual friend, we chatted and it was good convo, like I didn't even ask her out. Later our mutual friend left and it was just the two of us. I didn't flirt or try to make any advances still it was kind of awkward for me, but the convo seemed like nothing happened between us so I didn't bother to make things awkward and continued on. We had some more one on one time later but it was just a bit outside that bar. Later on our group went to another bar and we were all sitting at a table were she was sitting directly across from me. Again, it was like I never even asked her out and no awkwardness. So Idk if i read the situation wrong and she now put me in the friend zone or maybe she really had a meeting (but that's highly doubtful)...

 

[jaymbrs]

I was pretty sure this girl liked me, she asked me what I was doing one night on a call, showed up to the same party I ended up, and seemed pretty interested in getting coffee when she got back from vacation, she said to reconnect when she got back. So I did, I asked her out on a coffee date, it took her until the night before at 11:30 to come up with some excuse saying "I'm sorry but I have fly to a meeting." I didn't even respond since I took it as she wasn't interested. She didn't say no, but I'm assuming she was just being nice and it was implied.

So fast forward to last night, she was at an event I helped organize. I ended up sitting at the bar with her and another mutual friend, we chatted and it was good convo, like I didn't even ask her out. Later our mutual friend left and it was just the two of us. I didn't flirt or try to make any advances still it was kind of awkward for me, but the convo seemed like nothing happened between us so I didn't bother to make things awkward and continued on. We had some more one on one time later but it was just a bit outside that bar. Later on our group went to another bar and we were all sitting at a table were she was sitting directly across from me. Again, it was like I never even asked her out and no awkwardness. So Idk if i read the situation wrong and she now put me in the friend zone or maybe she really had a meeting (but that's highly doubtful)...

I don't think she really was interested. If you guys managed to have a platonic conversation at the second event, and she didn't bring up the coffee thing or making it it up to you, there's nothing there.

 

[ikonik]

I don't think she really was interested. If you guys managed to have a platonic conversation at the second event, and she didn't bring up the coffee thing or making it it up to you, there's nothing there.

I mean there were others in our immediate circle so it would've been weird to bring it up then.

 

[jaymbrs]

I mean there were others in our immediate circle so it would've been weird to bring it up then.

You mentioned you were alone with her on 2 separate occasions.

 

[ikonik]

You mentioned you were alone with her on 2 separate occasions.

For maybe five minutes each time, and we were involved in seperate convos each time.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I would advise you to be more bold. I think she is testing you to see what you are made of. Are you shy and weak or are you bold, take chances, and go for what you want.

First off, when she said she couldn't meet the first time and had to fly, she didn't say no. Your response should have been, "No problem, when would be a better time to get together?" Yes, it isn't a good sign that she turned you down without suggesting an alternative date/time, but she didn't say no and by pressing her a bit as I just outlined, it forces her to either name a day, or again say something like, "I'm not sure yet" or "I'll let you know" etc, and then you 100% know where you stand.

When you saw her last night, she may have been waiting to see what you would do. Again, are you going to make your move or are you going to pretend like nothing happened because you are afraid of rejection? Last night, in your shoes, I would have been very direct and said, "I think you're cute/interesting/whatever - would love to have a drink one-on-one sometime soon. Are you free to get together on ________?" You risk being rejected of course, but women like that type of risk-taking and it's the only way to REALLY know if she is interested.

 

[ikonik]

I would advise you to be more bold. I think she is testing you to see what you are made of. Are you shy and weak or are you bold, take chances, and go for what you want.

First off, when she said she couldn't meet the first time and had to fly, she didn't say no. Your response should have been, "No problem, when would be a better time to get together?" Yes, it isn't a good sign that she turned you down without suggesting an alternative date/time, but she didn't say no and by pressing her a bit as I just outlined, it forces her to either name a day, or again say something like, "I'm not sure yet" or "I'll let you know" etc, and then you 100% know where you stand.

When you saw her last night, she may have been waiting to see what you would do. Again, are you going to make your move or are you going to pretend like nothing happened because you are afraid of rejection? Last night, in your shoes, I would have been very direct and said, "I think you're cute/interesting/whatever - would love to have a drink one-on-one sometime soon. Are you free to get together on ________?" You risk being rejected of course, but women like that type of risk-taking and it's the only way to REALLY know if she is interested.

I can be shy but I'm usually pretty confident. I think saying what she did in her response, was putting me down in a nice way and saying she's not interested without saying no. Which is how I took it.

She's also known to be flaky, so there's that.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I think saying what she did in her response, was putting me down in a nice way and saying she's not interested without saying no. Which is how I took it.

You are right, it could be, but it could also be a screening test. And you will never know for sure if you don't press women by putting them on the spot. There are a lot of articles and videos out there about how women will try to screen men by putting up barriers and obstacles in order to test and see what the guy is made of - mostly because women get so much attention from men. They almost have to do it. The hotter the woman and the more attention she is used to getting, usually the more barriers she will put up in order to be selective. You have nothing to lose by pressing them and you have to learn to not take rejection personally at all. A lot of women want to see you go out on a limb and face rejection in order to see if you are truly confident or not. They want to see how you respond to their sh*t tests. They want to see if you will immediately turn around at the first sign of rejection because you aren't confident enough to persist through it and go for what you want. That is what separates the real DJs from everyone else and I'd say less than 1% have the confidence and knowledge to do this.

Here is an excellent example of a guy pushing through multiple rejections:

 

[ikonik]

How do you suggest I press her? I feel like it would be weird to bring it up again since it's been a while since I asked her.

 

[IKO69]

I would disagree. I don't think she's testing to see how "resilient" he is...he already did the grown up thing in asking her out. How much more courageous does he have to be? If she didn't react and ignore it's because she is not interested. Don't waste your time.

 

[Dingo]

I would disagree. I don't think she's testing to see how "resilient" he is...he already did the grown up thing in asking her out. How much more courageous does he have to be? If she didn't react and ignore it's because she is not interested. Don't waste your time.

This...

 

[Billtx49]

If she didn't react and ignore it's because she is not interested. Don't waste your time.

Exactly, Anyone, man or woman, makes time and the necessary effort for the people they’re most interested in spending their leisure time with.…
It’s human nature to be with people we like, and it’s as simple as that…

 

[ikonik]

I mean she is known to be flaky, I'm not sure if that plays into it. For instance she took multiple days to respond to my friend who is married with kids and has no interest in her, then when she did respond she rescheduled their meeting.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I would disagree. I don't think she's testing to see how "resilient" he is...he already did the grown up thing in asking her out. How much more courageous does he have to be? If she didn't react and ignore it's because she is not interested. Don't waste your time.

He doesn't have to do anything - The point I'm trying to make is that many women, especially very attractive ones, will put up barriers to screen men and if you are interested in dating or sleeping with them, you will have more opportunities with more attractive women if you learn to recognize these fake rejections and push through them. This is very different from chasing a woman, or continuing past a very real rejection where she is telling you she isn't interested.

Watch the video I linked. The video is full of the girl giving him fake rejections. She tells him he is disgusting, but does it in a playful way. She tells him she has a boyfriend, but when he probes as to whether they are monogamous, she changes the subject. At no point does she ever truly reject him and say, "No, I'm not interested," or tells him to leave her alone. She keeps the door cracked open just enough for him to see that she's intrigued.

Ikonik, to answer your question as to how you should have pressed her more, see my first reply. You didn't even respond to her "I have to fly to a meeting" response. I would have responded to her by asking her, "no problem - so when would be a better time to get together?" If, she didn't give you a day that would work, I would have put the ball in her court by saying, "Sounds like your schedule is busy so how about you just let me know when it clears up and you have a day that would work for you." At that point, if my interest was medium to low, I would leave it at that. If my interest was high, I'd wait one to two weeks and if I hadn't heard from her, I'd reach back out one more time to attempt to set a date. If she didn't agree to a date the second time, then I'd hard-next.

Bottom line is that you asked her out just once and when she said was busy at that time, you didn't counter or respond at all. That doesn't come off as strong and there is no reason to not ask her if another day would work better - you have to lead the interaction with women. There is nothing wrong with what you did, and it's a perfectly valid and acceptable strategy to simply ask a girl out once and anything other than an immediate yes with a definitive date results in you hard-nexting them. But I feel you will have many more opportunities if you push a little harder and show more confidence and assertiveness in going for what you want (by following the examples I gave above). Again, this is not the same as chasing. It's up to you.

 

[sazc]

There is NOTHING there for you. Leave it alone.

If she was interested in getting coffee with you she would have reached out and tried to set something up.

The fact that she can exist comfortably in a room with you, and have a conversation with you, and others, after the failed coffee date event, it's nothing more than being MATURE enough to not let this stuff affect her in a social setting.

Again, there is nothing there for you. She's not interested. Move on.

 

[IKO69]

He doesn't have to do anything - The point I'm trying to make is that many women, especially very attractive ones, will put up barriers to screen men and if you are interested in dating or sleeping with them, you will have more opportunities with more attractive women if you learn to recognize these fake rejections and push through them. This is very different from chasing a woman, or continuing past a very real rejection where she is telling you she isn't interested.

Watch the video I linked. The video is full of the girl giving him fake rejections. She tells him he is disgusting, but does it in a playful way. She tells him she has a boyfriend, but when he probes as to whether they are monogamous, she changes the subject. At no point does she ever truly reject him and say, "No, I'm not interested," or tells him to leave her alone. She keeps the door cracked open just enough for him to see that she's intrigued.

Ikonik, to answer your question as to how you should have pressed her more, see my first reply. You didn't even respond to her "I have to fly to a meeting" response. I would have responded to her by asking her, "no problem - so when would be a better time to get together?" If, she didn't give you a day that would work, I would have put the ball in her court by saying, "Sounds like your schedule is busy so how about you just let me know when it clears up and you have a day that would work for you." At that point, if my interest was medium to low, I would leave it at that. If my interest was high, I'd wait one to two weeks and if I hadn't heard from her, I'd reach back out one more time to attempt to set a date. If she didn't agree to a date the second time, then I'd hard-next.

Bottom line is that you asked her out just once and when she said was busy at that time, you didn't counter or respond at all. That doesn't come off as strong and there is no reason to not ask her if another day would work better - you have to lead the interaction with women. There is nothing wrong with what you did, and it's a perfectly valid and acceptable strategy to simply ask a girl out once and anything other than an immediate yes with a definitive date results in you hard-nexting them. But I feel you will have many more opportunities if you push a little harder and show more confidence and assertiveness in going for what you want (by following the examples I gave above). Again, this is not the same as chasing. It's up to you.

Yes, that does happen, you are correct. Sometimes they will "reject" you but they are laughing or do it in a funny tone - in those situations you can tell the woman isn't really rejecting the guy but trying to come across as hard to get/playful. In the OP's case it is impossible to tell as we weren't there.

One thing I do know, and we can say is true in 99% of the cases - if a woman has high enough interest in a guy and that guy asks her out, she is going to say abso****inglutely. If the proposed time can't work she will suggest a different time, but she will not delay the date or ignore the guys proposition. Women, people rather, usually only do that when they don't want to do what the person is saying but don't want to make things awkward - so they pretend it wasn't said.

 

[ikonik]

Yes, that does happen, you are correct. Sometimes they will "reject" you but they are laughing or do it in a funny tone - in those situations you can tell the woman isn't really rejecting the guy but trying to come across as hard to get/playful. In the OP's case it is impossible to tell as we weren't there.

One thing I do know, and we can say is true in 99% of the cases - if a woman has high enough interest in a guy and that guy asks her out, she is going to say abso****inglutely. If the proposed time can't work she will suggest a different time, but she will not delay the date or ignore the guys proposition. Women, people rather, usually only do that when they don't want to do what the person is saying but don't want to make things awkward - so they pretend it wasn't said.

That could come off as being desperate, even if she was interested. Perhaps she's trying to play hard to get, but I can't see that.

I think I need to provide more context of the situation. There were signs that I think showed she was interested early on. Then she went on vacation for almost a month and that could've messed things up for me, maybe she lost interest. I suggested before she leaves, that we grab coffee when she gets back and she enthusiastically said yes and to reconnect when she gets back. That night she asked me what my plans were, she ended up at the same party, but she was already with friends. I said hey, she hugged me and gave me a peck. When I was leaving the party, she stared me down and said 'heyyyy.' She's also really confident and outgoing so these signs could mean nothing at all.

 

[mr-ed209]

You're already afraid that she might say no and so it is that she will say no.

That sounds like some hippy mystique but it's actually quite logical when you break it down. You're projecting to her that it's a big deal (even remotely giving a **** about having a coffee with someone makes it a big deal). The moments likely passed now and the tensions already there on behalf of her BS excuse. You could have bantered with her to diffuse the situation when you were alone with her 'so x.. to good to get coffee with me huh ... HUH!' - Something light and funny to diffuse any awkwardness. Then you work it into something like 'it's OK, we'll just have to make up for it by having a real drink sometime'.

One thing I do know, and we can say is true in 99% of the cases - if a woman has high enough interest in a guy and that guy asks her out, she is going to say abso****inglutely. If the proposed time can't work she will suggest a different time, but she will not delay the date or ignore the guys proposition. Women, people rather, usually only do that when they don't want to do what the person is saying but don't want to make things awkward - so they pretend it wasn't said.

^^^ I disagree a lot with the whole - if she likes you enough she will do anything mentality. It's simply not true. Yeah it's a good way of telling guys not to get their hopes up over 'maybes' but it doesn't serve much basis in reality. Women have a lot of options and they can be pretty indifferent until they're not all of a sudden and vice versa. It's best just to ignore much of what women are thinking and formulate non creepy ways of pushing for definitive yes or no answers to dates.

 

[wifehunter]

OP is low man on totem pole.

 

[ikonik]

So i saw her last night, and suggested (not sure if this is considered "creepy") that we should get together, basically she said after the 13th is better for her. This time she offered another suggestion!