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Girl I’ve been dating told me she’s still married

Black Widow Void

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@BJP1991

I'd take most of the above responses with a grain of salt. Well, unless you enjoy seeing a lot of butt-hurt projection and/or chest-thumping (which I doubt you do).

Here's a questions for you.
Did she volunteer her current situation?
or...
Did she slip up and say something that needed to be addressed?

Point is... we have *all* embellished a story at times and then... when the timing seemed right, we try to right our wrongs.
If she volunteered the info (without being busted) . give her some wiggle-room... but not too much. If you two are seeing each other more frequently, then I'd say that you are entitled to understand why she has chosen not to immediately file for divorce.
 

mrgoodstuff

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@BJP1991

I'd take most of the above responses with a grain of salt. Well, unless you enjoy seeing a lot of butt-hurt projection and/or chest-thumping (which I doubt you do).

Here's a questions for you.
Did she volunteer her current situation?
or...
Did she slip up and say something that needed to be addressed?

Point is... we have *all* embellished a story at times and then... when the timing seemed right, we try to right our wrongs.
If she volunteered the info (without being busted) . give her some wiggle-room... but not too much. If you two are seeing each other more frequently, then I'd say that you are entitled to understand why she has chosen not to immediately file for divorce.
She loves the lifestyle
 

mrgoodstuff

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Exactly... and she needs the next branch! That’s why the sex is so good... it’s pretty much her trying to break the 100meter record to secure that next resource. Rest assured girls like this are playing multiple dudes at once. If you bail she won’t be down for long.
Oh snap, my ex from 8 yrs ago was probably Usain Bolt trying to catch the next guy... LOL. It never stuck.
 

corrector

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Exactly... and she needs the next branch! That’s why the sex is so good... it’s pretty much her trying to break the 100meter record to secure that next resource. Rest assured girls like this are playing multiple dudes at once. If you bail she won’t be down for long.
Probably has a dozen thirst dudes waiting in line. Women are so messed up these days. No wonder MTGOW makes sense. Hope the OP did not meet her online otherwise he is just one out of a bunch of thirst men with no options.
 

corrector

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Its easier for a woman to put up an online profile than work on a marriage. Never trust seperated or divorced women (probably a chuck victim is involved that would bring you bad luck in your life).
 

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BJP1991

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@BJP1991

I'd take most of the above responses with a grain of salt. Well, unless you enjoy seeing a lot of butt-hurt projection and/or chest-thumping (which I doubt you do).

Here's a questions for you.
Did she volunteer her current situation?
or...
Did she slip up and say something that needed to be addressed?

Point is... we have *all* embellished a story at times and then... when the timing seemed right, we try to right our wrongs.
If she volunteered the info (without being busted) . give her some wiggle-room... but not too much. If you two are seeing each other more frequently, then I'd say that you are entitled to understand why she has chosen not to immediately file for divorce.
Thanks - I agree that I’m at least a bit entitled to know. After all, I don’t want to get invested only to get hurt because she keeps kicking the can down the road.

Any advice on how to approach or ask her if she has plans for things to be finalized without being too cold? I do want to make it clear that my side of the relationship matters and it isn’t tooooo much to ask for to date a girl who isn’t married still, even if separated and not living together for several years.

It’s apparent they’re in some form of contact as well, with the family tie and her family still treating him like they want him as part of theirs. Honestly if there’s no obvious plan or idea for a finalized divorce, then I feel like I’m kind of wasting my time, aside from having some regular physical action.

Thoughts/recommendations? Will be seeing her in a few days from now.
 

Black Widow Void

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Approach is everything. Although I feel rather confident with offering varied advice, I recognize that tactfulness is not one of my greater strengths.

Perhaps something like..."I wonder if you might be leaving the door open for your former husband." Then allow her to respond.
Sexist as it may appear, women are known for offering 'gray-area' responses, so be prepared.'

You need to be careful on how to proceed. If not cautious, you might find yourself prematurely suggesting exclusivity with this gal (if you wish to go down this path with this gal, do it under different circumstances than this).

I doubt that this would go over too well with a female, but separation/divorces are like pregnancy; there's no middle ground. You aren't "sort of"... you either are or you aren't.

Again, subtlety and tactfulness aren't my strengths. From reading of various forum members, I'm going to tag @zekko because I believe that he is most qualified in this area.
 

bcude

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She’s just Another woman thinking omission of a fact is not a lie…
This is very true, just how women generally are wired.

Since you generalized, why isn't it possible that a man and woman grow apart..? Just as they do in pre-marital relationships? People are moving targets.
It is, but I think what Desdinova is referring to is the fact that she already been through the whole process of promising love to a man like an excited child full of hopes and dreams at the altar, just to see it go to sh1t. So she knows nothing lasts forever and it's not special to her anymore so she won't truly believe in all the promises of staying together no matter what happens and companionship, loyalty and respect is not really things she'll live by. In theory you want to find a woman who has this naive disney dream intact, like us against the world baby.
Besides if she divorced once already, it will be much easier the next time. Like a cheater who continues to cheats.
 

GrowingPains

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This is very true, just how women generally are wired.



It is, but I think what Desdinova is referring to is the fact that she already been through the whole process of promising love to a man like an excited child full of hopes and dreams at the altar, just to see it go to sh1t. So she knows nothing lasts forever and it's not special to her anymore so she won't truly believe in all the promises of staying together no matter what happens and companionship, loyalty and respect is not really things she'll live by. In theory you want to find a woman who has this naive disney dream intact, like us against the world baby.
Besides if she divorced once already, it will be much easier the next time. Like a cheater who continues to cheats.
Hm... I can see where you're coming from.

Sometimes I wonder if the things on this site that are along these lines are just ways for men to protect their ego's. It doesn't come off as wanting to ensure the success of a long term relationship. But rather to be controlling of the situation and to try and avoid personal failure/hurt/ego blows.

"Pick a woman that's submissive" "Pick a woman who's never been heartbroken" "Pick a woman that isn't a single mom"

submissive - to a certain extent this can be a turn off to me. Like if she just bends to everything I want, that's not it for me. I don't want her telling me what to do in bed either. But if she says she wants something, I'll probably give it to her. Anyways, it seems like the core of this point is that you want a woman to buy into your reality. You want a woman to do what you want to do. Well... the reality is, she's an autonomous being and you should want her to be that. You should both want things for the other person but also want your own things.

never been heartbroken/divorced/no baggage - Unicorn. Statistically unlikely. Plus all this says to me is that a person isn't willing to work in the relationship and grow together. It just sounds like 'hey... look at this highly impressionable kid that I can manipulate'... not a good look.

single mom - see comments about baggage.

So many rules. Just date and if you find someone that makes you happy... see what's up with it. If it ends, it ends. Which reminds me ... another problem with all these criteria is that they seem to be trying to safeguard the success of a LTR. That's simply not possible. You can try all you want to control the situation... but there are so many factors down the road that you cannot foresee and a man is just putting a lot of pressure on themselves to keep trying to make all their relationships meet these criteria and then maintain throughout the relationship. Relationships are likely to end. Sometimes even if you both work really hard at it. That's that. If you find something special that lasts, consider yourself lucky.

I digress..
 

Baibars

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Seeing a girl for close to a month - started out once weekly, currently about twice weekly. Lots of sex, very passionate, shared interests, etc - I dig her.

Our second date she told me she was married at 20 but has been separated for a few years- not a big deal I figured. I don’t care if a girl was married, as long as she isn’t still married...

Only recently did she finally reveal she, in fact, is still married, but separated. Has been for some time now (multiple years). However the keyword there is “multiple years”. Why not split sooner? She made reasons about him being difficult, her family still wanting him as part of their family, lotta bulls***

She’s very open about the details of her past relationship and why it was bad (addictions, gambling, turned out to be someone different/lying and deceit).


I plan to just ask her if she had a plan or timeline or else I’m just have to be out probably - I don’t want to be second fiddle to a married girls man, even if they’ve been apart for a good amount time. They’re still bound together...

Can you guys let me know thoughts? I would be pretty damn happy if she wasn’t friggen married...
Of course she is very passionate like she probably was with all men she liked at the beginning and you have shared interests because she wants you to like her.
The important thing here is not to be naive and buy everything she says. But unfortanetly many guys, especially blue pilled ones tend to do that.
She didnt tell you everything about her past. You dont know anything about her, only the things she was willing to share with you.

I texted with one of the guys my ex monkey branched back then. The story she told him was made up bs. And this guy bought it.
Later i found out that she branched to another guy and then next etc.
All this guys heard a different story. But all these stories had one thing in common. She tried to let herself look like an angel. She activated the white knight side of these guys and we men all have this naturally. We want to protect.
Some of these previous guys even didnt appear in her stories.

In the end these guys who banged her and sent her to the curb after they were bored of her got away with it. But the one who really believes all her bs and starts investing in her is a loser in my eyes. But thats my point of view.

Im not saying the one youre dating is excactly like her but most of them are like that.
 

dude99

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Seeing a girl for close to a month - started out once weekly, currently about twice weekly. Lots of sex, very passionate, shared interests, etc - I dig her.

Our second date she told me she was married at 20 but has been separated for a few years- not a big deal I figured. I don’t care if a girl was married, as long as she isn’t still married...

Only recently did she finally reveal she, in fact, is still married, but separated. Has been for some time now (multiple years). However the keyword there is “multiple years”. Why not split sooner? She made reasons about him being difficult, her family still wanting him as part of their family, lotta bulls***

She’s very open about the details of her past relationship and why it was bad (addictions, gambling, turned out to be someone different/lying and deceit).


I plan to just ask her if she had a plan or timeline or else I’m just have to be out probably - I don’t want to be second fiddle to a married girls man, even if they’ve been apart for a good amount time. They’re still bound together...

Can you guys let me know thoughts? I would be pretty damn happy if she wasn’t friggen married...
Ask her these questions:

"What did you do to contribute to the failure if your marriage? What could you have done better?"

Pay attention to her answers, because this will be your future with her. If she is all " it was him, he did, he done, he no good, he to blame blah blah blah." This will be your future.

Women rarely accept responsibility for the breakdown in a relationship. Society and feminism and out laws have made it way to easy to blame the man no matter what her contribution to the failure of the relationship

Do not invest.
 

Barrister

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Of course she is very passionate like she probably was with all men she liked at the beginning and you have shared interests because she wants you to like her.
The important thing here is not to be naive and buy everything she says. But unfortanetly many guys, especially blue pilled ones tend to do that.
She didnt tell you everything about her past. You dont know anything about her, only the things she was willing to share with you.

I texted with one of the guys my ex monkey branched back then. The story she told him was made up bs. And this guy bought it.
Later i found out that she branched to another guy and then next etc.
All this guys heard a different story. But all these stories had one thing in common. She tried to let herself look like an angel. She activated the white knight side of these guys and we men all have this naturally. We want to protect.
Some of these previous guys even didnt appear in her stories.

In the end these guys who banged her and sent her to the curb after they were bored of her got away with it. But the one who really believes all her bs and starts investing in her is a loser in my eyes. But thats my point of view.

Im not saying the one youre dating is excactly like her but most of them are like that.
This is classic as far as the woman always making the ex out to be some psychopath after the relationship fizzles. LTR I just got out of a few weeks ago always told me her previous two LTRs were these awful human beings with a laundry list of problems. Over the course of the LTR with her, long story short, I truly found out how selfish a person she really was and finally ended up dumping her (long overdue). I can guarantee that anyone who listens to her right now - I am being branded in the same vein as every other exes she had as some terrible person who took advantage of her. I honestly think it is some type of defense mechanism that is built into their psyche to help them process a breakup (especially if they are the ones who get dumped).
 

Lookatu

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This is classic as far as the woman always making the ex out to be some psychopath after the relationship fizzles. LTR I just got out of a few weeks ago always told me her previous two LTRs were these awful human beings with a laundry list of problems. Over the course of the LTR with her, long story short, I truly found out how selfish a person she really was and finally ended up dumping her (long overdue). I can guarantee that anyone who listens to her right now - I am being branded in the same vein as every other exes she had as some terrible person who took advantage of her. I honestly think it is some type of defense mechanism that is built into their psyche to help them process a breakup (especially if they are the ones who get dumped).
This is so true and I've had similar experiences. In fact now if a gal tells me how bad her ex's were, it brings up a red flag for me and makes me even pay attention to her behavior even more.
 

Baibars

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I want to add another thing here i learned from my mistakes.
NEVER make the mistake to overtly ask her about her past relationships or what kind of person she is. Just analyze the covert signs she gives you anyways and figure it out for yourself.
As soon as you get overt, women will change to the person she thinks you want her to be. And then you start believing she is a special person etc.
 

Roober

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Well, due to the legal system and the complications of divorce, it's not always easy to push through. It's especially difficult if one partner offers ultumatums, or just wants to make the other person's life hell... This is far more common than people think.

Then you factor in attorneys who will sometimes delay the procedures, the court system itself which resolves very little each session then schedules another appointment months later, it's a serious cluster f***. And maybe she is trying to rake him through the coals? Who knows? I've seen the sweetest women turn into absolute terrors in divorce court. It's what happens when they know they have the upper hand.

So, what I'm more concerned about is you considering escalating such a young relationship? 1 month of dating isn't even enough to consider anything serious. The first couple months are just for fun to see if you want to keep her around. Chill out, enjoy yourself, and don't get wrapped up in this mess...

A plate has to prove it can spin on its own before you even consider escalating to exclusivity
 

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mrgoodstuff

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What you don't know DOES hurt you. Having a wife that goes behind your back and shuts doors that may be opportunities for you, or makes it harder for you to move socially, you can feel that and it tears up your confidence. It hurt you, and you weren't sure why that was happening.

A wife that cvcks you, but makes up a excuse that she has severe ovary bruising and "cannot have sex", 3,6,9,12 months go by, no sex, no affection, no sexual attention. However another guy outside of the house is having her kiss his azz and make all his sexual fantacies come true. You don't know why but you feel "diminished" from before when you guys had sex, your dyck doesn't get all the way hard, maybe 80%, and it takes an effort for that to happen. You are not sure why, and you blame it on aging or stress. When the problem is very simple.

The poker table that your wife represents has another guy setting at it. Your wife is the house. She's taking your money and making you lose artificially EACH and every time,, and she's giving all the "stuff" to the other guy. Your "stuff" decreases, his "stuff" is supercharged. And you don't know exactly why but you can feel it. What you don't know DID hurt you.
Yes
 
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