Girl flaked on date she proposed - analyzing the situation

[WorkHardPlayHard]

Met girl on dating app, engaged in banter, got first date set up on a Thursday. Meet at bar, engage in 3 hours of good conversation and light physical before the night is up. After the date, her car won't start, which I fix for her on the spot. Money. Next day she asks me when I'm free. I have plans Fri an Sat, but can meet up Sunday.

I rage all weekend, Sunday rolls around, I get a hold of her. Pick her up, go to a hip, relaxed restaurant and proceed to have drinks and food for ~5 hours (Mistake 1: DATE TOO LONG). Lots of touching, banter, interacting with server in a fun way, etc. Date goes really well, she stares at me and says she likes me, so which I say "same". (Mistake 2: ADMIT TO LIKING TOO EARLY). Then she proceeds to pay for the date when I'm away from the table. I mean, cmon man, does it better better than that.

Driving her home, she tells me she told her rents about me, she's touching me as I drive, etc. Got this one hooked. Pull up to her place, she unbuckles her seat belt and goes right for the kill. Kiss a bit and she says she wants to see me the NEXT day. I'm a little intoxicated from the kiss and agree (Mistake 3a: 2 DATES IN 2 DAYS, TOO AVAILABLE).(Mistake 3b: DIDNT TRY TO GET UP INTO HER APT FOR A REAL CLOSE)

Next day I wake up, thinking I probably outta cancel the date to re-establish my position. Unfortunately, before I even can, she texts ME to cancel. She does so in a playful, banter way, drawing from previous things we talked about, etc. Either way, she cancelled on a date she asked me on. I respond playfully that I'll have to get back on the dating app to fill the slot, but Im thinking this where my words may have got lost in translation. I think it may have come off as salty versus playful. (Mistake 4: TEXT WITHOUT CAREFUL THOUGH, SHOULDA BEEN MORE ALOOF & PLAYFUL).

Haven't talked since because I have plans with family and friends till tomorrow. I know she has plans too, so we're both busy. How would you all handle this situation? Since she technically cancelled, I'm probably going to chill on it until Monday or so. Have dates Sunday and Wednesday with diff girls already, so I'm not stressing much. What would you do?

 

[parkthebus]

Wait one week. I think she will contact you. If not, then arrange a date.

 

[WorkHardPlayHard]

Wait one week. I think she will contact you. If not, then arrange a date.

That's the plan. I have a girl friend who I talk about **** like this with. Before the date was even cancelled, she told me I ought to cancel the date so we don't burn out on each other, which was my plan. Just wasn't expecting her to do it before me, though it's congruent with her feisty confident behavior.

 

[marmel75]

Too much playing grab ass, not enough escalation. You went out with this chick twice for a total of 8 hours and all you did was kiss at the end of date 2, and she initiated it?

Epic fail. Next time escalate WHILE IN DATE on date 1 within the first 45 minutes.

C'mon bro, you got to do better than that. She probably is thinking to herself "What a nice guy...he'd probably make a great friend."

Could have also been an availability test, which you also failed, which might have been the final nail in the coffin.

"Oh, he is too afraid to make a move AND he's always available? Must be an AFC."

 

[WorkHardPlayHard]

Too much playing grab ass, not enough escalation. You went out with this chick twice for a total of 8 hours and all you did was kiss at the end of date 2, and she initiated it?

Epic fail. Next time escalate WHILE IN DATE on date 1 within the first 45 minutes.

C'mon bro, you got to do better than that. She probably is thinking to herself "What a nice guy...he'd probably make a great friend."

Could have also been an availability test, which you also failed, which might have been the final nail in the coffin.

"Oh, he is too afraid to make a move AND he's always available? Must be an AFC."

Agreed. I know where all my mistakes were, so I'll chalk this up to experience worst case scenario. I woulda said no to the next day date typically, but my wires were a little crossed from making out. Blood had vacated my brain.

That said, I'm just trying to figure out next moves, with realistic expectation. Might be **** outta luck, but if I get her out again I'll fix it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It's salvageable. Just wait a week or so and call her if she doesn't reach out (she will).

You are aware of all your mistakes, which is good. Never agree to seeing a girl that frequently that you just met. Treat them all the same. She can wait just like the rest of them. One date per week for the first month, two dates per week if she makes it to month two.

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Met girl on dating app, engaged in banter, got first date set up on a Thursday. Meet at bar, engage in 3 hours of good conversation and light physical before the night is up. After the date, her car won't start, which I fix for her on the spot. Money. Next day she asks me when I'm free. I have plans Fri an Sat, but can meet up Sunday.

I rage all weekend, Sunday rolls around, I get a hold of her. Pick her up, go to a hip, relaxed restaurant and proceed to have drinks and food for ~5 hours (Mistake 1: DATE TOO LONG). Lots of touching, banter, interacting with server in a fun way, etc. Date goes really well, she stares at me and says she likes me, so which I say "same". (Mistake 2: ADMIT TO LIKING TOO EARLY). Then she proceeds to pay for the date when I'm away from the table. I mean, cmon man, does it better better than that.

Driving her home, she tells me she told her rents about me, she's touching me as I drive, etc. Got this one hooked. Pull up to her place, she unbuckles her seat belt and goes right for the kill. Kiss a bit and she says she wants to see me the NEXT day. I'm a little intoxicated from the kiss and agree (Mistake 3a: 2 DATES IN 2 DAYS, TOO AVAILABLE).(Mistake 3b: DIDNT TRY TO GET UP INTO HER APT FOR A REAL CLOSE)

Next day I wake up, thinking I probably outta cancel the date to re-establish my position. Unfortunately, before I even can, she texts ME to cancel. She does so in a playful, banter way, drawing from previous things we talked about, etc. Either way, she cancelled on a date she asked me on. I respond playfully that I'll have to get back on the dating app to fill the slot, but Im thinking this where my words may have got lost in translation. I think it may have come off as salty versus playful. (Mistake 4: TEXT WITHOUT CAREFUL THOUGH, SHOULDA BEEN MORE ALOOF & PLAYFUL).

Haven't talked since because I have plans with family and friends till tomorrow. I know she has plans too, so we're both busy. How would you all handle this situation? Since she technically cancelled, I'm probably going to chill on it until Monday or so. Have dates Sunday and Wednesday with diff girls already, so I'm not stressing much. What would you do?

You are over analyzing way too much. Which means you do not have power in your own head and you're too desperate. You can try to game yourself out of this situation but in the end she will see the real insecure you and drop you, and there is nothing that can be done about that on short notice. You've got a lot to learn.

 

[WorkHardPlayHard]

You are over analyzing way too much. Which means you do not have power in your own head and you're too desperate. You can try to game yourself out of this situation but in the end she will see the real insecure you and drop you, and there is nothing that can be done about that on short notice. You've got a lot to learn.

Overanalyzing? That's what this whole site is about. Lost frame with one girl. Not that big a deal

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Overanalyzing? That's what this whole site is about

No it is not, that is what guys like you and OP do. Because you're too desperate and don't get it. The more you know the less there is to over analyze.

 

[parkthebus]

Nothing wrong with over analyzing. But yes, it is an indicator of your knowledge of the scenario you find yourself in. I find when you're doing this, the best thing is to go into method actor mode. Try to imagine you have the mindset of a Don Juan (because if you're over analyzing, at this point in time you don't but not too say you wouldn't with another bird) and think how would the Don Juan approach the girl.

 

[grayclif]

That's the plan. I have a girl friend who I talk about **** like this with. Before the date was even cancelled, she told me I ought to cancel the date so we don't burn out on each other, which was my plan. Just wasn't expecting her to do it before me, though it's congruent with her feisty confident behavior.

Who is this girlfriend that you talk about this stuff with? What is her purpose in your life?

I think you're OK just wait a week. Always be spinning plates. DO your venting and analysis on this site not with your BFF above.

 

[WorkHardPlayHard]

Who is this girlfriend that you talk about this stuff with? What is her purpose in your life?

I think you're OK just wait a week. Always be spinning plates. DO your venting and analysis on this site not with your BFF above.

Platonic female friend who plays wing woman. Has Hooked me up with a few of her friends too. Cool girl just not my type.

I've got other plates, this one was just the most interesting. Gonna chill and try later. Was just curious what like minded fellas thought

 

[marmel75]

Platonic female friend who plays wing woman. Has Hooked me up with a few of her friends too. Cool girl just not my type.

I've got other plates, this one was just the most interesting. Gonna chill and try later. Was just curious what like minded fellas thought

I think you need to escalate faster on dates. You should never spend two dates of that length and not kiss the girl at some point.

It makes you look weak, unconfident and afraid of making a move...none of which are positive traits.

 

[WorkHardPlayHard]

I think you need to escalate faster on dates. You should never spend two dates of that length and not kiss the girl at some point.

It makes you look weak, unconfident and afraid of making a move...none of which are positive traits.

Agreed. Having a date in the early afternoon creates unnecessary obstacles too

 

[EyeBRollin]

Agreed. Having a date in the early afternoon creates unnecessary obstacles too

This.

Your life will be much easier if you plan dates for the evening. It is a lot more difficult to seduce a woman in broad daylight.